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 Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2021 8:28 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 17, 2021 7:44 pm
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Axinite was by his side before he realized, gently guiding him to the couch. Which was probably a good thing, because Kamacite wasn't sure how much longer he could remain standing.
He wasn't sure how well he could follow Axinite's suggestion to breathe, because the moment he sat down, the moment the whole interaction between himself and that Knight seemed to flood over him.
Kamacite knew he was panicking. It was embarrassing and there was no way he could stop it. Not easily. Not when he'd been threatened. But it was more than just the threat from the Knight that filled him with dread, he knew. The suggestion that he would go back with information, that he would willingly give that up. Even though he didn't know how he felt about Faustite's project to keep an Eternal Senshi for himself-- one that also had dark hair --it wasn't as though Kamacite was going to do anything to put his friends in danger.
His attempt at breathing was just to gasp desperately for air. His hands clutched tightly to his robes over his chest, holding the fabric closed over the hole there. Not that hiding the hole would do anything when there was one on his forehead as well. A permanent mark of what he was.
And what he suspected others thought of him.
"I'm not a traitor," he sobbed, sucking in heavy, uneven breaths that did nothing to calm him down. Instead, it only seemed to fuel his panic. "I swear. I would never--"
Ah, but he was sure others had said that too. He was certain that there were others in the Negaverse that paraded their loyalty, only to shove it all back in the faces of those they decided to betray.
It was a thought that had Kamacite practically wailing in misery as he curled in on himself-- Well, he would have been wailing if he could actually get air in his lungs. But maybe panicking to the point of passing out would be more merciful for both of them.
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Posted: Wed Dec 22, 2021 7:55 pm
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Axinite’s hands rested over Kamacite’s and he brushed his thumbs over the back of his hands in whatever shapes he could imagine.
“Yuuri,” he said, and his voice was steady and calm. “I know that. You’re having a panic attack, aren’t you? Let’s play a game. But you have to focus for it. I know you’re not a traitor. So it’s okay, we can take a break. You’ve been working so hard. And I need a break. Right now, I’m writing something on the back of your hand. Tell me if you can figure out what it is.”
The shapes turned into something a bit slower, a bit more detailed. He was making sure Kamacite could feel the ‘P’ he was tracing, but until he knew he had his attention he just kept tracing the shape.
“Tell me what you feel,” he insisted.
He wanted to give Kamacite something to focus on. Whatever thoughts were eating away at him were devouring him, swallowing him up faster than Axinite could imagine being able to draw him back up. So, he did for Kamacite what worked for him; he needed something to focus on, something foolish and mundane and easy.
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Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2021 10:08 am
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He was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to breathe, even with Axinite's help and calming voice. He should have just teleported correctly and he could have stayed in his own office away from anyone else, and not have to bother Axinite with this. He knew he was being overdramatic and making a big deal over what was probably nothing.
It was probably nothing.
At first he couldn't focus on anything Axinite was saying, but he could feel the way his fingers moved against his hand. He was still trying to suck in any air he could manage, but the tears made it difficult. Not just from the fear of so many things, but the pain of the scratches along his neck just reminded him of the other scars that marred it.
But this was Axinite, so he tried. He shook his head, not sure how he was going to speak if he couldn't breathe, but eventually mumbled, "A letter…? B or-- P?" It sounded stupid. Maybe it was something else. Maybe he was just wrong about everything. He was just wasting Axinite's time with something so stupid as a stupid run in with a stupid Knight.
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Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2022 4:50 pm
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Somehow, he could feel himself calming. Not as quickly as he would have liked, but it was getting easier to focus on what Axinite was saying, what he was doing.
Another letter. Yuuri wasn't sure. It wouldn't make sense if it was an 'L' so maybe--
"I…?" he asked, his brows furrowing slightly as he glanced around his hands to look up at Axinite. "Are you spelling 'pie'?" he asked almost incredulously though still large gasps for air. But it was better than before. He had been distracted enough to remember that he could breathe, it was just a matter of patience and gentle coaxing that Axinite offered.
As for pie, he couldn't help but assume it was something baking related, but was curious what he would be spelling if he hadn't intended that word.
"I'm sorry," he said after a few moments, leaning back so he could slump against the couch, his still bloody hands falling into his lap as he focused on breathing. "I meant to go to my office… I didn't mean to bother you…" Even still, he couldn't stop the tears as they welled in his eyes. Not so much from the pain, but because he knew how pathetic he must seem.
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Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2022 6:27 am
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“You are never a bother, Yuuri. Here,” he said, and passed him a handkerchief from the pocket of his uniform. It was bright orange, not unlike his uniform, so he must have chosen it to match. Or, Metallia realized he might have needed one, himself and just made sure he always had one on hand.
“I was spelling pie, that’s very clever of you. And I just so happen to have some apple pie, too, so you’re more than welcome to it if your stomach can handle it. And I’ve just made some tea, I can get you a cup.”
The offer was there, but he didn’t move from Kamacite’s side or drop his hand. He wanted to make sure he was still breathing and had the opportunity to calm down and know he was safe.
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Posted: Wed Jan 19, 2022 12:16 pm
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Axinite didn’t want to get up. He had offered the tea, but hearing Kamacite speak made him want to sit there and make sure he knew he was there. That he wasn’t leaving. That he was safe.
He was too emotional now. He used to be practical. He used to be able to sort through things and not worry. His stomach felt like it was in knots; the tea could wait a few seconds more.
“You made it back,” he reassured, but he followed Kamacite’s hand to the bruises on his neck. “You’re safe here. How did you make it back, did you escape, or…?”
He didn’t want Kamacite to think that anything he’d done was wrong; he didn’t ask if he’d killed him, if he’d injured him. That part wasn’t important, not right now. Kamacite, being here, was the important part.
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Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2022 9:46 am
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Kamacite tried to swallow back the emotions that were building. That Axinite was there beside him was a comfort, but he wasn't stupid. He knew it wasn't for long. They would both have their duties to see to. And Axinite did so much more than Kamacite did.
"He let me go," he mumbled, his voice weak. "I don't know her name, but I saw her… um… sorry," he paused, because his breathing was starting to get a little labored again, and he was jumping around in his story.
"He was a Saturn Kight. He was fighting Faustite near the generator just before it--"
No, he didn't want to say it, so he forced himself to breathe out, and turned to look at Axinite and squeezed his hand, this time making sure his words hadn't affected him too much. "The Eternal Senshi that Faustite brought back with him… the one with black hair and wearing purple. The Knight wanted her back. Said I had one chance to bring her to him or he'll make my life hell-- but I won't! I'm not a traitor, Justice. I would never--"
He had to believe him. He didn't want to end up like the other known traitors.
"I don't know if I should tell Faustite… I don't want him to worry. It was… it was probably just…" Kamacite's voice trailed off as he lowered his head again in shame. He had no idea what to do, and he knew he was probably making Axinite's life more difficult by telling him all this. He would only worry more. He was kind like that.
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2022 8:45 pm
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Axinite was quiet for a few seconds, not a particularly frustratingly long time but long enough that it was clear he was thinking deeply on the topic. Only, Kamacite had said more than one thing and he couldn't get tangled up on just one part of it. He didn’t want him to assume that he was thinking poorly of Kamacite.
“It’s okay,” he reassured, because that was probably the most important part of all of it. His heart had skipped a few beats when Kamacite mentioned Faustite, but that was to be expected. He was anxious about that whole thing, for a number of reasons.
He didn’t drop Kamacite’s hand, didn’t move away. There was a comfort in this closeness, a realness to it.
The Saturn Knight let Kamacite go. Presumably with a purpose in mind.
Axinite was naturally suspicious, but Kamacite was so worried about being perceived as a would=be traitor that he really couldn’t imagine it. He didn’t lie when he said, “I know you’re not a traitor. I know that if you were unhappy or struggling, you would talk to me. We would work it out.”
He thought he remembered a Saturn Knight, but Axinite was smart enough to know that it was unwise to dig around in memories that still burned. Maybe later, when he was alone, he could push himself to see if he could recall anything else that happened, just before–
One steady breath in, one steady breath out. He wasn’t going to do anything to make Kamacite worry.
“I’ll see if I can find any information on her, on him. I want you to be safe, Kamacite. Faustite should probably know,” he said, overcautious about everything. “I don’t want him to worry either, but I don’t want anything to happen to you. Would I be inconveniencing you if I asked you to take some time off of patrols? I have paperwork–I always have paperwork, you could help me.”
It was an easy way to stay productive without rushing into harm’s way. He threw himself into paperwork simply because he didn’t trust himself out on the field anymore.
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Posted: Thu Jan 27, 2022 7:49 pm
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He tried to keep himself calm about it, and he knew Axinite meant it when he said he didn’t think he was a traitor, but even the suggestion that he would need to work things out made Kamacite’s breath hitch a little in his panic.
“I’m not unhappy or struggling,” he insisted, squeezing Axinite’s hand tighter. “I’m not like… like Cybele or Ochre or any of the others. I want to be here with you.”
Kamacite paused, his mouth opening and closing to try and find the words. Instead, he rubbed at his neck with the hand not holding onto Axinite’s. He could feel the scrapes on his skin and they hurt to touch. But they were also fresh.
The offer of letting him help with paperwork was something of a relief, because he didn’t want to go out and patrol if that Knight was out there somewhere, expecting him to deliver an Eternal Senshi to him, as if he was some errand boy.
He nodded after a moment, silent tears pooling and falling from his eyes again as he tried to keep himself from panicking. The offer was kind. And more than he could have expected. The only inconvenience he could imagine was inconveniencing Axinite by being there.
“Thank you,” he mumbled as he quietly sobbed, knowing that Axinite was probably worrying. He squeezed his hand again, hoping it would be enough to settle him. “I would like to help if I can.”
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Posted: Sun Jan 30, 2022 11:07 am
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Axinite looked briefly alarmed; he hadn’t meant to upset Kamacite, so turned is hand so he could hold Kamacite’s a bit better. He seemed ready to trace shapes on it again, but he didn’t think he needed to.
With his free hand, he pulled a bright orange handkerchief from one of the pockets in his jacket. He passed it over without any fanfare. “I know,” he reassured. “I know you aren’t like them. In a hypothetical worst case scenario, the idea of you betraying the Negaverse would still not cross my mind. I think that you would come talk to me. Like you’re doing now. I’m very proud of you for that, by the way. Thank you for trusting me, Kamacite. I’d be fortunate to have you helping me.”
Another truth, because he didn’t have to lie about it. Kamacite had many strengths, and Axinite would rather keep him here, safe, for the time being.
Until they knew what was going on. Until he could guarantee that he wasn’t sending him out with a target on his back.
“You can stay here as long as you like. I don’t want you to be alone right now. We can get something to eat when you’re feeling better, or I can get you some blankets if you just want to rest. It’s no trouble,” he said, because he thought Kamacite might find a way to convince himself he was a burden, “I insist. Anything you need to feel better. I’ll worry if I don’t know you’re doing okay, so you’ll have to help me figure out what you need to get there.”
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Posted: Fri Feb 04, 2022 6:39 am
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Oh, yes, it was probably much more reasonable to wipe his damp face on the handkerchief that Axinite had been trying to give him instead of using his silk robes. They were magically like new every time he powered up, but depending on how long he would be there, it was probably pretty gross.
He dabbed at his eyes first, before rubbing at his nose. Kamacite felt pathetic, even as Axinite sat patiently with him and held his hand.
"I do trust you," he agreed, because it was easy to trust Axinite. Easy to know that his intentions were always for the best. Easy to know that he meant it when he said he would do anything to help him feel better.
He needed to contact Cymophane, too. He didn't want his friend to worry about him if he stayed in Negaspace too late.
So after a few moments, he nodded again. "Maybe some tea, please…? And pie." Because how could he say no to that? Besides, whatever that Knight was going on about, Kamacite doubted he would ever be able to make good on his threats. Not as long as Kamacite remained cautious.
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