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Hello! There are several Bible translations that could offer you a better understanding of the content. Translations such as the NIV, WEB, NASB, ESV and so on. If you stay away from the cult translations such as the New World Translation and the apocrypha you should be fine. smile

On the subject of coming back to God:

Luke 15:11-32

The Parable of the Lost Son
Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

God does in no way turn people who come to Him away. Not only that. Any inclination to come back to Him is from Him pulling on you.

Romans 8:28-30
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

Hello, there!

It's difficult dealing with loss in life. Many of us have been there. Those are always trying times in life.

Growing up, even going to church, I never fully understood the Bible or how to research answers for myself. It disinterested me greatly and my Holy Bible at home collected dust on a shelf. I gained more interest when I met someone that went to a prestigious Bible school that taught me how to always be able to look up the answer to a question or to look something up for myself if it didn't sound quite right and not to just take someone's word for it. It happens, it's all right - many of us get stuck there without knowing how to grow more.

Might I suggest different versions to look into for Holy Bible reading? There are many popular translations today that are easier reads like the NIV, NLT, ESV, etc. Keep your KJV for sure as it can be used to look up original meanings of words on blueletterbible.org or to compare texts from one version to the Bible to another to confirm meanings.

A website that is wonderful and I'd love to recommend to you is livingwaters.com - they have so many amazing resources that are easy to understand and interactive.

Living Waters has some amazing (FREE) videos that you may want to check out here:

https://www.livingwaters.com/movies/

They also have a lot of good questions answered here:

https://www.livingwaters.com/watch/

Other good reading resources (this will probably answer a lot of your questions):

https://www.livingwaters.com/save-yourself-some-pain/

I am just now becoming a Christian again after 6 and a half years! Be well.