Quote:
It was getting pretty late when the event at the museum ended, but Ptolemaeus still wasn’t quite ready to call it a night at 10pm. He felt like getting some air and there was someone he had intended to see on this particular day, but he wasn’t sure if said person would still be out and about. It couldn’t have hurt to try looking, though.
Before transforming, he’d bought a small, heart-shaped, ribbon-tied box at his local convenience store and taken it along when he went out to patrol the city just in case he happened to run into a certain sailor scout. Of course, Chara could have very well been busy with his own business. Who knew what the senshi of chocolate liked to do on Valentine’s Day?
Before transforming, he’d bought a small, heart-shaped, ribbon-tied box at his local convenience store and taken it along when he went out to patrol the city just in case he happened to run into a certain sailor scout. Of course, Chara could have very well been busy with his own business. Who knew what the senshi of chocolate liked to do on Valentine’s Day?
Quote:
For the most part, Chara didn't really like Valentine's day. It seemed like such a waste of time and effort, people scrambling around, trying to make sure they don't disappoint their significant others. He, himself, rather enjoyed the day after when all the candy went on sale, and he could spoil his family with sugar they really didn't need. Still, he felt a little obligated to be out and about patrolling this evening, what with being the Senshi of chocolate and what not. He wasn't about to play some ******** cupid, but with so many people out and about with their smiles and laughter and stupid love sick grins, he just needed to be out there.
Besides, keeping their dumb asses safe helped to distract from his own longing heart.
He knew his pining was stupid, and his hopeful little thoughts of seeing that man again was a terrible thing to want in the first place, but he couldn't help it. Try as he might, he couldn't find a touch like that man's, nor did he ever manage to find a person with whom he could relax with like he did with him. And even now he found a hole burning on the tip of his tongue, aching with the need to tell Ptolemaeus of what he's seen, of whom he had met since they last ran into one another…
Chara let out a sound of displeasure towards himself as he caught another couple walking arm and arm down the darkened park pathway. Geh… A pang of jealousy filled his chest for the briefest of moments. He hardly thought he was anyone to woo or whatever. ********, the only time he ever got so much as a paper card was the mandatory ones in elementary school. Who the ******** could love a brat like himself anyway? Turning back from them, he ventured back towards the city feeling the familiar signature of that annoying man, of Ptolemaeus… Not wanting to seem too eager to see the other, he slowly approaches him, hiding his jealousy behind a small smirk as he spotted the chocolates in the others hand. He hated the thought of Ptolemaeus getting attention from anyone else on the Civ side of things… It somehow made the awkward thing between them feel less real.
“Looks like you had some luck in the romance department, huh, Ptolemy? And here I thought you hated Chocolate.”
Besides, keeping their dumb asses safe helped to distract from his own longing heart.
He knew his pining was stupid, and his hopeful little thoughts of seeing that man again was a terrible thing to want in the first place, but he couldn't help it. Try as he might, he couldn't find a touch like that man's, nor did he ever manage to find a person with whom he could relax with like he did with him. And even now he found a hole burning on the tip of his tongue, aching with the need to tell Ptolemaeus of what he's seen, of whom he had met since they last ran into one another…
Chara let out a sound of displeasure towards himself as he caught another couple walking arm and arm down the darkened park pathway. Geh… A pang of jealousy filled his chest for the briefest of moments. He hardly thought he was anyone to woo or whatever. ********, the only time he ever got so much as a paper card was the mandatory ones in elementary school. Who the ******** could love a brat like himself anyway? Turning back from them, he ventured back towards the city feeling the familiar signature of that annoying man, of Ptolemaeus… Not wanting to seem too eager to see the other, he slowly approaches him, hiding his jealousy behind a small smirk as he spotted the chocolates in the others hand. He hated the thought of Ptolemaeus getting attention from anyone else on the Civ side of things… It somehow made the awkward thing between them feel less real.
“Looks like you had some luck in the romance department, huh, Ptolemy? And here I thought you hated Chocolate.”
Quote:
“Hm?” As the Dark Mirror senshi bounded toward the familiar figure he was certain was just the person he was looking for, Chara’s words made him pause and look down at the box in his hand. “Oh, these? Hahaha, they’re white chocolate, actually. Which, from what I hear, isn’t really chocolate. Maybe I should have saved it for White Day, but…” He shrugged. “I wanted to get you something, and I figured you were probably sick of just plain old chocolates. Maybe I should have gotten something else, like those gummy hearts or the little Sweetheart candies that say stuff on them.”
Leaping down from a low roof to a window sill and then the alleyway floor, he stood back up and presented the box to the White Moon senshi with a grin. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Kisses. I’m not much of a romantic, but I was curious as to what the Senshi of Chocolate would be doing this evening.”
Leaping down from a low roof to a window sill and then the alleyway floor, he stood back up and presented the box to the White Moon senshi with a grin. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Kisses. I’m not much of a romantic, but I was curious as to what the Senshi of Chocolate would be doing this evening.”
Quote:
“No, white chocolate isn’t chocolate, I’ll give you that. It’s like.. A byproduct or something. Alot sweeter.” His eyes still curiously watched the box in his arm, then they widened, a faint blush coming over his cheeks as the older man stated they were for him, rather than a present received. Words were lost on his tongue as Ptolemaeus came closer, bounding down before landing before him and offering the box to Chara with that ever remaining grin on his face. Did he ever NOT grin? It was that grin that caused Chara’s boyish blush to turn into more of an angry heat in his face.
“What the ******** are you doing, a*****e? Teasing me like this? I bet they really were just some gift from some sorry sap who might have thought you were worth pining over, and since you don’t like chocolate, you were just going to shove them off on me, huh?” Chara WANTED to just shut his mouth and accept them like a proper young man would. Maybe it really did mean something, but of course his stubborn nature and surprisingly low self-esteem wouldn’t allow even the entertaining of such a thought.
The box was glared at for a few more moments, then a hand came out to push it away. Not forcefully, but enough to push Ptolemy’s hand back down to his side.
“I thought we were beyond teasing. But if you have to know, I’m out patrolling, as I ALWAYS do. I have to keep these sorry assholes safe while they throw their hearts every which way this evening. Stumbling home drunk is the perfect way to make yourself a target.”
“What the ******** are you doing, a*****e? Teasing me like this? I bet they really were just some gift from some sorry sap who might have thought you were worth pining over, and since you don’t like chocolate, you were just going to shove them off on me, huh?” Chara WANTED to just shut his mouth and accept them like a proper young man would. Maybe it really did mean something, but of course his stubborn nature and surprisingly low self-esteem wouldn’t allow even the entertaining of such a thought.
The box was glared at for a few more moments, then a hand came out to push it away. Not forcefully, but enough to push Ptolemy’s hand back down to his side.
“I thought we were beyond teasing. But if you have to know, I’m out patrolling, as I ALWAYS do. I have to keep these sorry assholes safe while they throw their hearts every which way this evening. Stumbling home drunk is the perfect way to make yourself a target.”
Quote:
“It’s sweeter? And a byproduct?” the older senshi repeated. “Huh. I don’t remember reading or hearing about that.” Noticing Chara’s blush as he approached, his default grin broadened into something more sly as he endured the other’s berating. “Oh no, I’m not teasing. This is just payback for the chocolates you were kind enough to give me in the past. Think I might still have burn marks from some of ‘em. Would be rude not to return the favor, right?”
When the box was pushed back at him, Ptolemaeus shrugged and leaned back against one wall of the cramped alley, opening the box himself so he could pop one of the bite-size white confections into his mouth. “Y’know, some people call each other ‘honey’ or ‘sweetheart’, but your pet names are the best, I think,” he snickered as he ate. “First of all, Kisses, since these aren’t really chocolate, why the hell would I need to shove them off on you? Secondly,” he continued, carefully selecting another piece, “I’m pretty sure most people who know me - whether as a civilian or a senshi - are very well aware I’m not worth pining over. And finally,” the senshi stated more seriously, lifting the white chocolate to Chara’s lips, “If I knew they were pining over me, I wouldn’t just accept chocolates or anything else from them. Not before we discussed the matter. That wouldn’t be fair.”
Then his playful smile returned. “I don’t know what you mean by being ‘beyond’ teasing. As far as I’m concerned, no one is beyond teasing. But that was clever, pushing these things back at me so I’d have to hand-feed you.”
Gazing out at the dark street with the couples still lingering about, he considered Chara’s words. “Kisses...why do you do this, again? Is it for yourself? Or those ‘sorry assholes’?”
When the box was pushed back at him, Ptolemaeus shrugged and leaned back against one wall of the cramped alley, opening the box himself so he could pop one of the bite-size white confections into his mouth. “Y’know, some people call each other ‘honey’ or ‘sweetheart’, but your pet names are the best, I think,” he snickered as he ate. “First of all, Kisses, since these aren’t really chocolate, why the hell would I need to shove them off on you? Secondly,” he continued, carefully selecting another piece, “I’m pretty sure most people who know me - whether as a civilian or a senshi - are very well aware I’m not worth pining over. And finally,” the senshi stated more seriously, lifting the white chocolate to Chara’s lips, “If I knew they were pining over me, I wouldn’t just accept chocolates or anything else from them. Not before we discussed the matter. That wouldn’t be fair.”
Then his playful smile returned. “I don’t know what you mean by being ‘beyond’ teasing. As far as I’m concerned, no one is beyond teasing. But that was clever, pushing these things back at me so I’d have to hand-feed you.”
Gazing out at the dark street with the couples still lingering about, he considered Chara’s words. “Kisses...why do you do this, again? Is it for yourself? Or those ‘sorry assholes’?”
Quote:
“I’m sure you would just love to taste my chocolates on your skin again after you used your magic, wouldn’t you?” Chara could just feel his face burning up hotter and hotter as Ptolemaeus continued to tease him, talking of his nicknames and of his reasoning behind things. His mouth didn’t want to open in response though. He was right, he WASN’T worth pining over, but it didn’t stop him from pining after him. It was stupid, so very stupid… But that didn’t stop his chest from pounding as the far taller man came close to him and press the fake-chocolate to his lips, nor did it stop him from taking it slowly with his teeth and drawing it into his mouth, chew it It wasn’t the best, yet the eroticness of it all certainly didn’t let him down.
For a moment, his eyes could no longer meet the other’s, and he watched the shadows on the ground. “What can I say… I like it when you give me attention…” His voice was soft and barely above a mutter as his anger just kinda ebbed away. The Dark Mirror Senshi did seem to have an odd calming effect on him; as quickly as he was riled up, he was brought back down. An emotional rollercoaster if there ever was one.
“I do it to help others. I told you that time and time again a*****e. My answer isn’t going to change, you know. Plus, there’s creepers like you lurking in the shadows. Someone’s gotta keep these people safe. What’s your excuse?”
For a moment, his eyes could no longer meet the other’s, and he watched the shadows on the ground. “What can I say… I like it when you give me attention…” His voice was soft and barely above a mutter as his anger just kinda ebbed away. The Dark Mirror Senshi did seem to have an odd calming effect on him; as quickly as he was riled up, he was brought back down. An emotional rollercoaster if there ever was one.
“I do it to help others. I told you that time and time again a*****e. My answer isn’t going to change, you know. Plus, there’s creepers like you lurking in the shadows. Someone’s gotta keep these people safe. What’s your excuse?”
Quote:
The Dark Mirror senshi’s grin actually faltered and he looked at Chara before forcing a laugh. “Ha...actually, if you did that to me again, I think I’d prefer to just get burned rather than use my magic. I may usually give in to my body’s urges and instincts, but if it’s without my consent or control, I generally don’t appreciate it.”
He smiled in satisfaction as the other accepted the sweet, even if he didn’t quite meet his gaze. “Don’t you have other people who give you attention?” Ptolemaeus closed the box again and set it down on a small crate before moving over to wrap his arms loosely about Chara, guiding him to lean against his chest. “I figured today would have been especially lonely for you if you had no one to spend it with. Not sure about your civilian life, but I thought I could at least make sure you had company on your patrol.”
“If you do it to help them, why do you sound so resentful about it all the time? Calling them assholes and sounding so unhappy about needing to protect them. Or is ‘a*****e’ really just your general term of affection and is insulting them your backwards way of showing you care? Because those would explain a lot.” He craned his neck slightly to rest his chin on the top of Chara’s head.
He smiled in satisfaction as the other accepted the sweet, even if he didn’t quite meet his gaze. “Don’t you have other people who give you attention?” Ptolemaeus closed the box again and set it down on a small crate before moving over to wrap his arms loosely about Chara, guiding him to lean against his chest. “I figured today would have been especially lonely for you if you had no one to spend it with. Not sure about your civilian life, but I thought I could at least make sure you had company on your patrol.”
“If you do it to help them, why do you sound so resentful about it all the time? Calling them assholes and sounding so unhappy about needing to protect them. Or is ‘a*****e’ really just your general term of affection and is insulting them your backwards way of showing you care? Because those would explain a lot.” He craned his neck slightly to rest his chin on the top of Chara’s head.
Quote:
The faltered smile didn’t go unnoticed, and immediately he regretted it.
“I didn’t mean it like that… I won’t do it, I swear... “ Though the thought of Ptolemy being rough with him again excited him just a bit, he would rather anything they did be spurred on by sweet and true feelings than accidental druggings. It was an interesting thought of having the chocolates used on himself, though…
“Yeah, but… It’s not the same as yours… Geesh, stop making this so mushy and gross…” The other didn’t need to know how much use his mouth got from others in alleys like the one they were in now, nor how willing and ready he had become to get that ‘attention’ he craved. But it was true, nothing felt as good as it did with Ptolemy. As he said this, he readily leaned against the other, feeling relaxed and safe in his arms. His own came up to loosely rest on the slope of Ptolemaeus’ hips, enjoying his warmth. As comfortable as it was, the other really, truly, did not know how to shut his mouth. Chara couldn’t stop his gloved fingers from digging into the other’s hips through his clothing.
“No, a*****e is the same as the word people. Everyone is assholes. It’s more polite than calling them ********. And I never came up with a good nickname for you, so you kinda defaulted to a*****e too. I don’t really… I am not resentful, just tired and stressed all the ******** time.” He paused and debated a thought for just a moment. “I like having you around though… Even if you make me angry as all hell sometimes. Tonight is just… Touchy. Love and mushy s**t and all that is really weird and foreign to me.”
With a deep breath, he closed his eyes, pushing his face closer to Ptolemy’s chest.
“I don’t know anything about it… But with you, I feel better… And that means something, right?”
“I didn’t mean it like that… I won’t do it, I swear... “ Though the thought of Ptolemy being rough with him again excited him just a bit, he would rather anything they did be spurred on by sweet and true feelings than accidental druggings. It was an interesting thought of having the chocolates used on himself, though…
“Yeah, but… It’s not the same as yours… Geesh, stop making this so mushy and gross…” The other didn’t need to know how much use his mouth got from others in alleys like the one they were in now, nor how willing and ready he had become to get that ‘attention’ he craved. But it was true, nothing felt as good as it did with Ptolemy. As he said this, he readily leaned against the other, feeling relaxed and safe in his arms. His own came up to loosely rest on the slope of Ptolemaeus’ hips, enjoying his warmth. As comfortable as it was, the other really, truly, did not know how to shut his mouth. Chara couldn’t stop his gloved fingers from digging into the other’s hips through his clothing.
“No, a*****e is the same as the word people. Everyone is assholes. It’s more polite than calling them ********. And I never came up with a good nickname for you, so you kinda defaulted to a*****e too. I don’t really… I am not resentful, just tired and stressed all the ******** time.” He paused and debated a thought for just a moment. “I like having you around though… Even if you make me angry as all hell sometimes. Tonight is just… Touchy. Love and mushy s**t and all that is really weird and foreign to me.”
With a deep breath, he closed his eyes, pushing his face closer to Ptolemy’s chest.
“I don’t know anything about it… But with you, I feel better… And that means something, right?”
Quote:
The black-haired young man’s brows rose. “You didn’t mean what? That you’d use your chocolate?” he asked, astonished. “It’s alright, Chara; I’m not worried about that. Even if you did that, I’d still have to use my magic to change it for it to have the same effect, so it’s not likely to happen again. And it wasn’t your fault in the first place.”
Laughing aloud, Ptolemaeus inquired, “What’s mushy and gross about it? Not affection, right? Or you wouldn’t crave it. You mean you don’t like admitting that mine is different?” A low, deep rumble not unlike a purr seemed to escape the back of his throat at Chara’s touch and he closed his eyes as he concentrated on entirety of their contact and shared warmth.
“To each their own,” he crooned softly upon hearing Chara’s synonym for ‘people’. “Heheh...weird to me that you don’t just call them ‘people’ if you’re trying to be polite, since ‘assholes’ isn’t exactly the nicest term to refer to them, either.” Eyes still closed, he questioned, “Why don’t you take a break for a little while, then? No one’s constantly making you go out and look for trouble, are they? Take some time off playing superhero for a while. The world won’t fall apart if you decide to take a short vacation.”
Ptolemy snorted in amusement. “That’s part of my charm; couldn’t you tell? I piss off people pretty easily, seems like. But I get it, about being extra lonely on Valentine’s Day. Must be hard being single when you don’t want to be, I suppose.” He opened his dark eyes to look down at Chara when the shorter senshi pressed his face further against his chest. “You go to school, right? There’s no one you have a crush on in your class or daily life?”
His smile became fonder at the question posed him. “Of course it does. And I’m glad I can be here for you.” The Dark Mirror scout ruffled the White Moon’s hair. “It’d be a shame if I was your only refuge from loneliness, though, especially because we don’t see each other that often. Don’t you have other people in your life that can provide you with support? Or do you just push them all away?”
Laughing aloud, Ptolemaeus inquired, “What’s mushy and gross about it? Not affection, right? Or you wouldn’t crave it. You mean you don’t like admitting that mine is different?” A low, deep rumble not unlike a purr seemed to escape the back of his throat at Chara’s touch and he closed his eyes as he concentrated on entirety of their contact and shared warmth.
“To each their own,” he crooned softly upon hearing Chara’s synonym for ‘people’. “Heheh...weird to me that you don’t just call them ‘people’ if you’re trying to be polite, since ‘assholes’ isn’t exactly the nicest term to refer to them, either.” Eyes still closed, he questioned, “Why don’t you take a break for a little while, then? No one’s constantly making you go out and look for trouble, are they? Take some time off playing superhero for a while. The world won’t fall apart if you decide to take a short vacation.”
Ptolemy snorted in amusement. “That’s part of my charm; couldn’t you tell? I piss off people pretty easily, seems like. But I get it, about being extra lonely on Valentine’s Day. Must be hard being single when you don’t want to be, I suppose.” He opened his dark eyes to look down at Chara when the shorter senshi pressed his face further against his chest. “You go to school, right? There’s no one you have a crush on in your class or daily life?”
His smile became fonder at the question posed him. “Of course it does. And I’m glad I can be here for you.” The Dark Mirror scout ruffled the White Moon’s hair. “It’d be a shame if I was your only refuge from loneliness, though, especially because we don’t see each other that often. Don’t you have other people in your life that can provide you with support? Or do you just push them all away?”
Quote:
“A break? What good would a break do? I feel fine, and I’m sure I’m better off than some of the others I’ve met. And I have some senshi friends these days, some mentors and some I instruct a bit. But it’s nothing stressful.” His mind briefly went to the Dark Mirror Senshi Juliett he had fought recently. Old habits die hard, and he had attacked her first, but… He did find himself stopping when she had no fight whatsoever. Chara didn’t want to think about her, not when he had a pair of warm arms about him.
He pressed closer in towards the other, wanting more and more of his touch. ******** being ashamed of it, he didn’t care, he just really wanted Ptolemaeus touch.
“I do go to school, but I’m graduating soon. I never think much about the people there. They are all cookie-cutter geniuses. Hell, I’m probably one too, but I don’t really think about anyone romantically… Well, no one except you.” Towards the end of speaking, Chara’s voice dropped to a whisper, and his hands came up to wrap around the other’s neck, drawing him closer.
“Don’t say anything about me being foolish for feeling this way, or that you’re not someone worth ‘pining’ after. Sure, I said it, but I didn’t mean it...I pine and want and dream and I hate and love it at the same time. And I don’t think of anyone else, I don’t want to.”
He pressed closer in towards the other, wanting more and more of his touch. ******** being ashamed of it, he didn’t care, he just really wanted Ptolemaeus touch.
“I do go to school, but I’m graduating soon. I never think much about the people there. They are all cookie-cutter geniuses. Hell, I’m probably one too, but I don’t really think about anyone romantically… Well, no one except you.” Towards the end of speaking, Chara’s voice dropped to a whisper, and his hands came up to wrap around the other’s neck, drawing him closer.
“Don’t say anything about me being foolish for feeling this way, or that you’re not someone worth ‘pining’ after. Sure, I said it, but I didn’t mean it...I pine and want and dream and I hate and love it at the same time. And I don’t think of anyone else, I don’t want to.”
Quote:
“You feel fine? You just said you feel tired and stressed ‘all the ******** time’. How is that fine? I bet a break would do you wonders.” He shook his head. “I thought if you took a little off your plate, it might be easier to manage, but I guess if it’s your real life that’s causing you the stress, then you wouldn’t really want to take time off from being a senshi. What is it to you, then? A job? A stress-reliever? What is it that’s making you tired, exactly?”
Ptolemaeus tightened the grip of his arms about the younger male protectively. He was studying Chara’s fluffy, two-toned hair when the shorter soldier’s words regarding thinking about anyone romantically sunk in. His brows rose once again and his lips parted slightly in surprise. Ptolemy didn’t speak as Chara continued and was silent for a minute or two even after he finished. Then he closed his eyes, sighed heavily, and hugged the one-eyed youth closer.
“You’re not foolish,” he murmured at last into his hair. “But it’s true I’m not someone worth pining after. You may not have meant it, but I did. You just don’t know me well enough to understand why. And I know we can’t help who we fall for, but...I get the feeling you might only like me that way because you don’t feel like you have anyone else there for you, as a friend or otherwise.”
Ptolemaeus tightened the grip of his arms about the younger male protectively. He was studying Chara’s fluffy, two-toned hair when the shorter soldier’s words regarding thinking about anyone romantically sunk in. His brows rose once again and his lips parted slightly in surprise. Ptolemy didn’t speak as Chara continued and was silent for a minute or two even after he finished. Then he closed his eyes, sighed heavily, and hugged the one-eyed youth closer.
“You’re not foolish,” he murmured at last into his hair. “But it’s true I’m not someone worth pining after. You may not have meant it, but I did. You just don’t know me well enough to understand why. And I know we can’t help who we fall for, but...I get the feeling you might only like me that way because you don’t feel like you have anyone else there for you, as a friend or otherwise.”
Quote:
“Ehh… It wouldn’t be any harm, but then I just worry about these people getting hurt and then I can’t relax. I’m fine where I am. I’m fine. I am. Life is tiring so I’m used to being tired. I’m okay.” He didn’t want to think about it… He truly didn’t want to and just wanted to enjoy this gentle embrace that only tightened around him.
Yet the words that came about him sent his warm and loving feelings to ice in his veins. His arms loosened and moved to pushed Ptolemy away.
“Do you think I’m that stupid? To just like you as I do because I’m ‘alone’? Maybe in the beginning I was like that, but not now, not after all these different encounters we’ve had. But obviously, you aren’t convinced. I don’t want to keep pretending that this is something more than it is if you don’t feel the same way. I already feel stupid for confessing my feelings for you in the first place, and here you go, not even taking me seriously. Fine. Just fuucking fine.” His gentle pushings became a bit rougher, wanting to put distance between the man he once longed so deeply and himself. ******** he was so stupid!
He could feel his chest tightening more and more. It was so SO ******** stupid. There was no doubting how odd he was acting, how his words seemed to contradict themselves over and over again, but Chara had no idea how to control it. He had never felt something like this before, something as stupid and unhelpful as love tended to be. And with Ptolemaeus being how he was, there was no way he’d let himself feel this way ever again.
Was he being dramatic? Certainly, but weren’t all teens that way?
“Leave me be, Ptolemaeus. What a fine ******** Valentine’s Day this was, thanks.”
Yet the words that came about him sent his warm and loving feelings to ice in his veins. His arms loosened and moved to pushed Ptolemy away.
“Do you think I’m that stupid? To just like you as I do because I’m ‘alone’? Maybe in the beginning I was like that, but not now, not after all these different encounters we’ve had. But obviously, you aren’t convinced. I don’t want to keep pretending that this is something more than it is if you don’t feel the same way. I already feel stupid for confessing my feelings for you in the first place, and here you go, not even taking me seriously. Fine. Just fuucking fine.” His gentle pushings became a bit rougher, wanting to put distance between the man he once longed so deeply and himself. ******** he was so stupid!
He could feel his chest tightening more and more. It was so SO ******** stupid. There was no doubting how odd he was acting, how his words seemed to contradict themselves over and over again, but Chara had no idea how to control it. He had never felt something like this before, something as stupid and unhelpful as love tended to be. And with Ptolemaeus being how he was, there was no way he’d let himself feel this way ever again.
Was he being dramatic? Certainly, but weren’t all teens that way?
“Leave me be, Ptolemaeus. What a fine ******** Valentine’s Day this was, thanks.”
Quote:
“Heh...you act like you don’t care about these ‘assholes’, but when it comes to their safety, you worry about them more than most. Most people are selfish and don’t care about the well-being of strangers, but you take too much on by considering yourself responsible for the entirety of Destiny City. No wonder you’re exhausted. You can’t use the excuse that you’re used to it so that makes it okay, because it doesn’t. It’s wearing you down little by little.” His voice became more firm, but remained gentle.
“Human beings - especially those who inhabit Destiny City - are stronger than you give them credit for. They face trials and get hurt all the time like with the events in winter regarding the monster poinsettias and biting rabbits or the Fall Festival with those bats. But you know what? What doesn’t destroy this place makes it stronger. That’s why so many people fight back even without any special powers. That’s why they can survive. If you’re there to baby them all the time, there’s no way they’ll have as much an awareness of what’s going on, let alone be able to build up a resistance to it. It’s like how a parent doesn’t want their child to get hurt, but if they never let them fall, the kid will never learn what it means to endure the pain of an injury, heal, and find the will to get back up again. That’s why it’s good for both you and them for you to take a break every now and then You can’t properly protect them from the Negaverse if you’re too tired to fight, after all.”
Ptolemaeus was expecting Chara’s withdrawal and did his best to keep him in his arms, tightening his hold even further. “Stupidity has nothing to do with it,” he told him, all trace of his former smile gone as he kept his countenance impassive. “It’s natural to be drawn to someone you wouldn’t ordinarily be drawn to when you’re desperate, and loneliness often makes people desperate. I know what that’s like, Chara. And I appreciate you could tell me honestly what you think, so please don’t feel stupid. It takes a lot of courage; a hell of a lot more than I have. It’s not that I’m not taking you seriously. It’s that I don’t think you know enough about me to fully make the decision of whether or not you actually feel that way. I’m not even sure you know enough about yourself.”
With each push he received, the Dark Mirror senshi gripped harder, determined not to let the other get away. “I don’t think so,” he said in a soft warning. “You’re not going anywhere until we’re done here. I said we would discuss this and we’re going to until I’m certain you understand.”
“Human beings - especially those who inhabit Destiny City - are stronger than you give them credit for. They face trials and get hurt all the time like with the events in winter regarding the monster poinsettias and biting rabbits or the Fall Festival with those bats. But you know what? What doesn’t destroy this place makes it stronger. That’s why so many people fight back even without any special powers. That’s why they can survive. If you’re there to baby them all the time, there’s no way they’ll have as much an awareness of what’s going on, let alone be able to build up a resistance to it. It’s like how a parent doesn’t want their child to get hurt, but if they never let them fall, the kid will never learn what it means to endure the pain of an injury, heal, and find the will to get back up again. That’s why it’s good for both you and them for you to take a break every now and then You can’t properly protect them from the Negaverse if you’re too tired to fight, after all.”
Ptolemaeus was expecting Chara’s withdrawal and did his best to keep him in his arms, tightening his hold even further. “Stupidity has nothing to do with it,” he told him, all trace of his former smile gone as he kept his countenance impassive. “It’s natural to be drawn to someone you wouldn’t ordinarily be drawn to when you’re desperate, and loneliness often makes people desperate. I know what that’s like, Chara. And I appreciate you could tell me honestly what you think, so please don’t feel stupid. It takes a lot of courage; a hell of a lot more than I have. It’s not that I’m not taking you seriously. It’s that I don’t think you know enough about me to fully make the decision of whether or not you actually feel that way. I’m not even sure you know enough about yourself.”
With each push he received, the Dark Mirror senshi gripped harder, determined not to let the other get away. “I don’t think so,” he said in a soft warning. “You’re not going anywhere until we’re done here. I said we would discuss this and we’re going to until I’m certain you understand.”
Quote:
“Let me go, Ptolemaeus.” Chara’s voice was icy and low. And the tighter the other held him the angrier he became, and the stupider he felt. Here he was, trapped in the embrace of someone he thought he loved, being told he didn't actually know the other enough to feel that way and by the gods it HURT.
“Just ******** let me go, because I'm never GOING to get to know you enough, am I? It's so ******** STUPID that I even feel this way and don't you ******** dare tell me it's not, because it ******** is! I feel like this dumb little lovesick idiot who took months and months to finally say how he felt and how badly he wished to just be with you, and it ******** SUCKS!”
His pushing weakened, and his words because laced with an angry crying sound as he struggled to stifle his heaving sobs.
“Just let me go… This is so ******** stupid… I don't want to see your ******** face again! I don't want… I don't want to feel so miserable…”
“Just ******** let me go, because I'm never GOING to get to know you enough, am I? It's so ******** STUPID that I even feel this way and don't you ******** dare tell me it's not, because it ******** is! I feel like this dumb little lovesick idiot who took months and months to finally say how he felt and how badly he wished to just be with you, and it ******** SUCKS!”
His pushing weakened, and his words because laced with an angry crying sound as he struggled to stifle his heaving sobs.
“Just let me go… This is so ******** stupid… I don't want to see your ******** face again! I don't want… I don't want to feel so miserable…”
Quote:
“Yes, you’re right, love is stupid and it sucks,” Ptolemy answered loudly, almost yelling to match Chara’s volume. “You don’t get to pick who you like or how much. And you only end up knowing you really love them when you’re sure you hate them with all your heart and yet you somehow still care about them. I know that. And I’m sorry. But there’s no reason to act this way.”
As the senshi of chocolate began to break down, his strength to resist diminishing, Ptolemaeus moved to scoop him up in his arms and carry him further into the alleyway where they would have more privacy away from the entrance to the street. He set the other down behind a dumpster and cornered him, standing over him to block his path of escape and then crouching to meet his level.
“Chara...what do you mean you’re never going to get to know me enough?”
As the senshi of chocolate began to break down, his strength to resist diminishing, Ptolemaeus moved to scoop him up in his arms and carry him further into the alleyway where they would have more privacy away from the entrance to the street. He set the other down behind a dumpster and cornered him, standing over him to block his path of escape and then crouching to meet his level.
“Chara...what do you mean you’re never going to get to know me enough?”
Quote:
The sudden raising of the other Senshi’s voice surprised Chara enough that his own ranting and sobbing quieted down, just enough to where he managed to cover his face in shame. If he felt this way about the senshi of change as was stated, hating him as much as he thought he loved him, was it really love? The very thought left Chara dazed and confused as he tried to figure out what exactly the other meant without asking. There was no way his mouth would work properly, not just yet.
It always seemed to end this way, didn't it? Chara finding himself helpless in Ptolemaeus’ arms, hating how he felt but not wanting to be let go. So many conflicting thoughts raced through his mind; A desire to run and flee from this place, and the desire to stay here with Ptolemaeus just a bit longer fought in his mind, but luckily the decision was made for him as he was sat down behind garbage. With how low he was feeling right now, the other probably would have been better off dumping him right in.
Trapped and forced to take a moment to calm his sobbing self down, Chara tried to choose his next words carefully, wanting them to be laced with only truths and not influenced at all by the emotions flooding over him.
“How can I…? You're not on the same side, so we just… We can only know so much. I'll never get to know the civilian side of you because that is out of the question. What we even have now would be cause enough for others to question what we really want… It's never going to happen… Never. So isn't it pointless to even keep what we had before? Meeting in filthy alleyways and finding moments of pleasure every now and then if we happen to not be hurting or wrecked by whatever battles we may have been in? It’s not enough for me anymore… But it's impossible to fix it, so why bother trying…? Chara’s voice was soft and sad, so unlike anything both of them had heard from the boy before. Chara certainly hadn't felt like this before. And how he hated it.
It always seemed to end this way, didn't it? Chara finding himself helpless in Ptolemaeus’ arms, hating how he felt but not wanting to be let go. So many conflicting thoughts raced through his mind; A desire to run and flee from this place, and the desire to stay here with Ptolemaeus just a bit longer fought in his mind, but luckily the decision was made for him as he was sat down behind garbage. With how low he was feeling right now, the other probably would have been better off dumping him right in.
Trapped and forced to take a moment to calm his sobbing self down, Chara tried to choose his next words carefully, wanting them to be laced with only truths and not influenced at all by the emotions flooding over him.
“How can I…? You're not on the same side, so we just… We can only know so much. I'll never get to know the civilian side of you because that is out of the question. What we even have now would be cause enough for others to question what we really want… It's never going to happen… Never. So isn't it pointless to even keep what we had before? Meeting in filthy alleyways and finding moments of pleasure every now and then if we happen to not be hurting or wrecked by whatever battles we may have been in? It’s not enough for me anymore… But it's impossible to fix it, so why bother trying…? Chara’s voice was soft and sad, so unlike anything both of them had heard from the boy before. Chara certainly hadn't felt like this before. And how he hated it.
Quote:
It wasn’t long before Ptolemy felt compelled to take the suffering young man in his arms once more, maneuvering so he could sit him in his lap with his own back against the wall. He held him tight and ran one hand through his curly hair, kissing the top of his head softly.
The older male took a deep breath and exhaled gradually before attempting to respond. “...Why are you a White Moon senshi?” he finally asked. “And why do you think I’m a Dark Moon senshi?”
The older male took a deep breath and exhaled gradually before attempting to respond. “...Why are you a White Moon senshi?” he finally asked. “And why do you think I’m a Dark Moon senshi?”
Quote:
All in all, the change in their position was welcomed, and he leaned his head against the other’s shoulder, his right side pressed against Ptolemaeus’ chest. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried, but he certainly remembered the headache that came with it. Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to ponder the questions for just a few moments before speaking once more.
“I didn’t really know at first. A cat gave me power, then found my personality ‘uncomfortable’ and left me on my own. When I met that cat again, she told me she wish she had never awakened me. So I said screw her and screw the other senshi, and I did what I thought was right. I saved people,and that was that. Then, the Negaverse had their attacks on the trains, and then there was the attack on the Rift where I made my first Allies, and KNEW I could never be anything else…” There was nothing else he could say about that. It wasn’t specifically the White Moon he was attached to, but those he had saved AS a White Moon Senshi, and the bitterness that came against anything Chaos related. Except for Ptolemaeus’ court.
“I’m sure you just… Happened to awaken into that court and got attached to it, right? What reason do you have to stay with them…?” He paused again, thinking, then reached down to take the older man’s hand into his own, fiddling absently with the tips. “I met another one from your court recently…. A girl who was far more listless than I am. She had no will to fight, no reason to protect anyone… She only wanted to be a stepping stone for someone more important, but didn’t want to die… And when I asked if she knew you, she said no, she hardly knew anyone… I know about being alone, but that seemed… So much worse. To not have any will of your own. Are you like that too? Do you know of our court, of any purpose…?”
His words were still soft, but he had calmed down considerably. If he hadn’t just cried his heart out, maybe he would have been rather happy to just sit like this. No, not anymore…
“I didn’t really know at first. A cat gave me power, then found my personality ‘uncomfortable’ and left me on my own. When I met that cat again, she told me she wish she had never awakened me. So I said screw her and screw the other senshi, and I did what I thought was right. I saved people,and that was that. Then, the Negaverse had their attacks on the trains, and then there was the attack on the Rift where I made my first Allies, and KNEW I could never be anything else…” There was nothing else he could say about that. It wasn’t specifically the White Moon he was attached to, but those he had saved AS a White Moon Senshi, and the bitterness that came against anything Chaos related. Except for Ptolemaeus’ court.
“I’m sure you just… Happened to awaken into that court and got attached to it, right? What reason do you have to stay with them…?” He paused again, thinking, then reached down to take the older man’s hand into his own, fiddling absently with the tips. “I met another one from your court recently…. A girl who was far more listless than I am. She had no will to fight, no reason to protect anyone… She only wanted to be a stepping stone for someone more important, but didn’t want to die… And when I asked if she knew you, she said no, she hardly knew anyone… I know about being alone, but that seemed… So much worse. To not have any will of your own. Are you like that too? Do you know of our court, of any purpose…?”
His words were still soft, but he had calmed down considerably. If he hadn’t just cried his heart out, maybe he would have been rather happy to just sit like this. No, not anymore…
Quote:
“She said she’d wished she’d never awakened you?” His brow furrowed deeply. “But how come?” No wonder Chara seemed so bitter and conflicted if even the one who had brought him into their side of the war regretted it. “So you knew you couldn’t be anything else because of your allies? Or because you felt so strongly against the only other side you knew of?”
His lips finally bowed into a faint, sardonic smile at the guess to the answer of his second question. “You’re sure, huh? Well you probably don’t remember the first time we met since you were still so convinced I was with the Negaverse, but I more or less indirectly explained my reasons then,” he said. “Only...they’ve changed a little and become more solidified over time.”
Ptolemaeus watched as he allowed Chara to play with his fingertips. “We’re scattered, it’s true. Many of us work alone or just haven’t met many others of our court at all. But that doesn’t mean we’re aimless or without purpose. We may be more ambiguous in our intentions and some may have more than others, but the Dark Mirror Court holds a lot more meaning to me than simply being the court I was awoken into. Perhaps that meaning is nothing more than what I’ve derived from it for myself and might not hold true for others of our court, but it holds meaning to me all the same.” He leaned his head back to gaze unseeingly ahead. “I’m not like that girl you met. I’m sure there are others like her in the White Moon Court and the Negaverse as well, even if you haven’t met them.”
He took more deep breaths, as if to sigh, but didn’t. The senshi of change simply sat there with his eyes half-lidded and distant like he was about to fall asleep. “You told me once to pick a side; the right side, you said. Do you still truly believe there is only one right side?”
His lips finally bowed into a faint, sardonic smile at the guess to the answer of his second question. “You’re sure, huh? Well you probably don’t remember the first time we met since you were still so convinced I was with the Negaverse, but I more or less indirectly explained my reasons then,” he said. “Only...they’ve changed a little and become more solidified over time.”
Ptolemaeus watched as he allowed Chara to play with his fingertips. “We’re scattered, it’s true. Many of us work alone or just haven’t met many others of our court at all. But that doesn’t mean we’re aimless or without purpose. We may be more ambiguous in our intentions and some may have more than others, but the Dark Mirror Court holds a lot more meaning to me than simply being the court I was awoken into. Perhaps that meaning is nothing more than what I’ve derived from it for myself and might not hold true for others of our court, but it holds meaning to me all the same.” He leaned his head back to gaze unseeingly ahead. “I’m not like that girl you met. I’m sure there are others like her in the White Moon Court and the Negaverse as well, even if you haven’t met them.”
He took more deep breaths, as if to sigh, but didn’t. The senshi of change simply sat there with his eyes half-lidded and distant like he was about to fall asleep. “You told me once to pick a side; the right side, you said. Do you still truly believe there is only one right side?”
Quote:
”Well, why do you think?” He responded, as if the question might have been the stupidest thing he had heard all day. Well, after his own blubberings. “I was angry. Angry at her for not telling me what was going on. Angry at being attacked by that youma on the first night, and straight up ******** pissed at the frilly getup and heels that was my ‘uniform’. She called me unpleasant and left me alone that first meeting, then when I met her next, she wished she had never awakened me, that I was a horrible person and wouldn't do well because of it, all because I cussed her out for having left me alone that night.”
There were times in the beginning of his senshi adventures that he hated and cursed that cat, but it didn't happen all too often anymore. In his mind, Chara had proven that damned cat Yumi wrong, what with the small amount of distant Senshi allies he had made and how he wasn't exactly alone, atleast not at this very moment.
“As fragmented as the White Moon court is, there are just some people I can't leave behind… When I met you, yeah, I felt so alone that I thought I was suffocating in silence and emptiness, only carrying on because someone had to protect these Dumbasses who wandered around at night like there wasn't something severely ******** up with this city. But I realized… I had to change myself a bit to get that loneliness to go away, and I did, and so it went, at least for a little while, anyway.” Sailor Vulcan answer Syrtis came to mind, as did Subamara and a few others he met. He wasn't close to them, not in the least, but they were allies, just as he was, trying to protect people as best they could.
“What's right and what's wrong got alot more complicated, especially after you grinned your way into my life… But only when it comes to the Dark Mirror Court. I don't see them going around and straight up murdering civs, or forcing them to join their ranks like the Negaverse does. That being said, I refuse to accept the idea that they aren't guilty of something. Even if that something is turning a blind eye on whatever ******** up s**t the Negaverse is planning next.” Finally turning his gaze up to meet Ptolemaeus’, Chara narrowed his eyes, not scowling but seeming to challenge the one questioning him.
“I do. The only side that is right is the one that protects and defends the people are here now. If you're working in a way that hurts them, or standing idling by, then you are wrong.”
There were times in the beginning of his senshi adventures that he hated and cursed that cat, but it didn't happen all too often anymore. In his mind, Chara had proven that damned cat Yumi wrong, what with the small amount of distant Senshi allies he had made and how he wasn't exactly alone, atleast not at this very moment.
“As fragmented as the White Moon court is, there are just some people I can't leave behind… When I met you, yeah, I felt so alone that I thought I was suffocating in silence and emptiness, only carrying on because someone had to protect these Dumbasses who wandered around at night like there wasn't something severely ******** up with this city. But I realized… I had to change myself a bit to get that loneliness to go away, and I did, and so it went, at least for a little while, anyway.” Sailor Vulcan answer Syrtis came to mind, as did Subamara and a few others he met. He wasn't close to them, not in the least, but they were allies, just as he was, trying to protect people as best they could.
“What's right and what's wrong got alot more complicated, especially after you grinned your way into my life… But only when it comes to the Dark Mirror Court. I don't see them going around and straight up murdering civs, or forcing them to join their ranks like the Negaverse does. That being said, I refuse to accept the idea that they aren't guilty of something. Even if that something is turning a blind eye on whatever ******** up s**t the Negaverse is planning next.” Finally turning his gaze up to meet Ptolemaeus’, Chara narrowed his eyes, not scowling but seeming to challenge the one questioning him.
“I do. The only side that is right is the one that protects and defends the people are here now. If you're working in a way that hurts them, or standing idling by, then you are wrong.”
Quote:
Ptolemy shook his head. “Sounds like you had every right to be angry. And it sounds like she hardly even knew you, so what right did she have to call you horrible? What’s worse though, I think, is that you let the opinion of someone who hardly knew you had such a negative impact on you. You know what she said wasn’t true, so why let it bother you? It just means she had bad judgement.” True, it was surprising to the Dark Mirror Senshi that a cat that was supposed to be considered a knowledgeable guardian would judge someone so superficially, but he supposed that just because they were guardians and knew more about some things than others didn’t mean they were perfect.
And then Chara mentioned people he couldn’t leave behind. At first Ptolemaeus wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but then he recalled the rumor that if someone changed sides somehow - corrupted or purified their starseeds - they would forget everything and everyone relevant to their former faction. By ‘leave behind’, he probably meant he didn’t want to forget them. That was something the DMS could understand. His own memories were very precious to him.
“I don’t understand…” he said softly. “If you have people you care about so much that you’re determined not to leave them behind, why do you feel so lonely? Aren’t they enough for you, learning from you and teaching you and fighting by your side?”
Leaning back, he closed his eyes and chuckled wearily. “This reminds me of a story...this whole war. It’s like the one about the angels who fought in the heavens and how the losers fell and became demons in hell. But then there were also the angels who had stood by and decided to do nothing so they could side with the victors in the end. They were cast out of the heavens, too, but supposedly they didn’t fall as far as the demons because they weren’t weighed down by as much sin. Instead, they fell to Earth and became fairies; selfish, amoral creatures who couldn’t tell the difference between right and wrong, so they did both.”
He opened his eyes again and interwove the fingers of one of his hand’s with Chara’s. “To me, the White Moon senshi are the angels in heaven. They’re self-righteous and moral and boring in their single-minded sense of order. They think their way of existence is the one true path to happiness and perfection. The demons are the Negaverse. They immorally want to drag others down with them because misery loves company, or perhaps they really are just happier where they are, because when you’re that low, the only place left to go is up. And the Dark Moon Court to me are the fairies. We live in between, just like the majority of the world which exists between extremes. To me, there is no right and wrong. Anything can be justified or villianified if shown in the right light.”
“You say that protecting and defending people is right, but what if those people you’re defending are murderers and criminals themselves? You say that working in a way that hurts people is wrong, but what if someone needs to get hurt in order to understand the value of the pain they cause others? And like I said before, I know you feel you need to take care of the whole city, but if the city doesn’t learn to fend for itself because you’re babying it, are you really doing it a service by sacrificing your happiness?” He sighed deeply. “Anything can be alternately perceived, reasoned out, and twisted to suit any other logic, purpose, or meaning, so why bother trying to make sense of any of it? There’s no real truth except what you yourself make of it.”
And then Chara mentioned people he couldn’t leave behind. At first Ptolemaeus wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but then he recalled the rumor that if someone changed sides somehow - corrupted or purified their starseeds - they would forget everything and everyone relevant to their former faction. By ‘leave behind’, he probably meant he didn’t want to forget them. That was something the DMS could understand. His own memories were very precious to him.
“I don’t understand…” he said softly. “If you have people you care about so much that you’re determined not to leave them behind, why do you feel so lonely? Aren’t they enough for you, learning from you and teaching you and fighting by your side?”
Leaning back, he closed his eyes and chuckled wearily. “This reminds me of a story...this whole war. It’s like the one about the angels who fought in the heavens and how the losers fell and became demons in hell. But then there were also the angels who had stood by and decided to do nothing so they could side with the victors in the end. They were cast out of the heavens, too, but supposedly they didn’t fall as far as the demons because they weren’t weighed down by as much sin. Instead, they fell to Earth and became fairies; selfish, amoral creatures who couldn’t tell the difference between right and wrong, so they did both.”
He opened his eyes again and interwove the fingers of one of his hand’s with Chara’s. “To me, the White Moon senshi are the angels in heaven. They’re self-righteous and moral and boring in their single-minded sense of order. They think their way of existence is the one true path to happiness and perfection. The demons are the Negaverse. They immorally want to drag others down with them because misery loves company, or perhaps they really are just happier where they are, because when you’re that low, the only place left to go is up. And the Dark Moon Court to me are the fairies. We live in between, just like the majority of the world which exists between extremes. To me, there is no right and wrong. Anything can be justified or villianified if shown in the right light.”
“You say that protecting and defending people is right, but what if those people you’re defending are murderers and criminals themselves? You say that working in a way that hurts people is wrong, but what if someone needs to get hurt in order to understand the value of the pain they cause others? And like I said before, I know you feel you need to take care of the whole city, but if the city doesn’t learn to fend for itself because you’re babying it, are you really doing it a service by sacrificing your happiness?” He sighed deeply. “Anything can be alternately perceived, reasoned out, and twisted to suit any other logic, purpose, or meaning, so why bother trying to make sense of any of it? There’s no real truth except what you yourself make of it.”
Quote:
“Maybe it was because I was younger then that it bothered me so much. I was new and scared but I don’t just get ‘scared’, I get angry-scared. It was like… Two years ago? It’s kinda faded away so it doesn’t hurt anymore. I probably was a nightmare. Still am, I ain’t even gonna lie.” Honestly, he hoped that cat had become roadkill at this point. She certainly wasn’t qualified to catch a ******** mouse, much less teach children and teens how to fight. Which she obviously didn’t. He pushed the thought of that fleabag out of his mind and contemplated loneliness, then shrugged again. It was the easiest way to get a quick thought across.
“There are different kinds of loneliness. Just because you have allies, students, and teachers doesn’t mean you have friends. Sure, I can call on someone in the midst of battle and help them, and the same can call on me. But I can’t just call them up all willy nilly and be like ‘hey, wanna grab a burger?’. It’s not the same. And it’s not like I didn’t try, you know? It’s always ‘not a good time’ ‘I’m busy’, or some lame excuse like that, so after a while what’s the point in still trying. I got my mom and dad too, but.. It’s not the same. Nothing is. I’ve found a few ways to sort of ‘combat’ that creeping feeling but it never lasts more than a few minutes, then again, I’m alone.” Embarrassment was quick to return to him, so to combat it, Chara pressed his cheek closer to Ptolemy’s chest, forcing himself to remember that right now, he wasn’t alone. He never felt alone in this jerk’s arms.
In silence he listened to Ptolemy’s story, finding it familiar and not entirely wrong in its analogy. Along with the story, Chara took everything else in. The tiredness behind Ptolemaeus’ voice, the gentle rise and fall of his breaths, and the fingers that laced with his own. Why did he have to keep talking? Why did this Senshi of Change always had to make things complicated and difficult when they sat together? Did he really think he could change Chara’s mind?
“You do know we’ve talked about this before, right? Nothing is perfect, nothing is…” He paused, thinking about what he said earlier and frowned. He was contradicting himself again. “Fine. Nothing is black and white. But again, the world has ******** itself over and over and over again all through history, and there is always someone fighting against oppression and another fighting to force their ideals on others. Are the White Moon Senshi fighting for a particular Ideal? Sure. That’s the ideal that you don’t go around and ******** MURDER PEOPLE. And I said it before and I’ll say it again, those who sit by and do nothing because it’s not fun are just as wrong as the murderers and liars and cheats themselves.”
Instead of remaining in Ptolemaeus arms, he pulled away enough to shift in his arms and looked hard into his would-be lover’s eyes, hoping hard to find an answer that was worth his time. It felt cheesy to say, but… No line he could think of would work better.
“If you stand for nothing, Ptolemaeus, then what would you fall for?”
“There are different kinds of loneliness. Just because you have allies, students, and teachers doesn’t mean you have friends. Sure, I can call on someone in the midst of battle and help them, and the same can call on me. But I can’t just call them up all willy nilly and be like ‘hey, wanna grab a burger?’. It’s not the same. And it’s not like I didn’t try, you know? It’s always ‘not a good time’ ‘I’m busy’, or some lame excuse like that, so after a while what’s the point in still trying. I got my mom and dad too, but.. It’s not the same. Nothing is. I’ve found a few ways to sort of ‘combat’ that creeping feeling but it never lasts more than a few minutes, then again, I’m alone.” Embarrassment was quick to return to him, so to combat it, Chara pressed his cheek closer to Ptolemy’s chest, forcing himself to remember that right now, he wasn’t alone. He never felt alone in this jerk’s arms.
In silence he listened to Ptolemy’s story, finding it familiar and not entirely wrong in its analogy. Along with the story, Chara took everything else in. The tiredness behind Ptolemaeus’ voice, the gentle rise and fall of his breaths, and the fingers that laced with his own. Why did he have to keep talking? Why did this Senshi of Change always had to make things complicated and difficult when they sat together? Did he really think he could change Chara’s mind?
“You do know we’ve talked about this before, right? Nothing is perfect, nothing is…” He paused, thinking about what he said earlier and frowned. He was contradicting himself again. “Fine. Nothing is black and white. But again, the world has ******** itself over and over and over again all through history, and there is always someone fighting against oppression and another fighting to force their ideals on others. Are the White Moon Senshi fighting for a particular Ideal? Sure. That’s the ideal that you don’t go around and ******** MURDER PEOPLE. And I said it before and I’ll say it again, those who sit by and do nothing because it’s not fun are just as wrong as the murderers and liars and cheats themselves.”
Instead of remaining in Ptolemaeus arms, he pulled away enough to shift in his arms and looked hard into his would-be lover’s eyes, hoping hard to find an answer that was worth his time. It felt cheesy to say, but… No line he could think of would work better.
“If you stand for nothing, Ptolemaeus, then what would you fall for?”
Quote:
“You’re not a nightmare,” the Dark Mirror reassured him. “I understand that there are different kinds of loneliness and relationships with others. But what I have trouble believing is that you can’t turn any of the other connections you have with people into friendships. There are too many other lonely people out there in the world for everyone to turn you away.” He tilted his head to rest his cheek against the top of Chara’s. “You sure you haven’t been the one keeping them at bay? I mean, you weren’t exactly friendly when we met, even after you learned how to tolerate my presence and accept I wasn’t from the Negaverse. Wouldn’t most people be intimidated by that hostility?” One of the things that made him different from other people was that Ptolemaeus welcomed confrontation and wasn’t dissuaded by the threat of pain, but if that was how Chara reacted to most, it seemed pretty obvious to the Dark Mirror senshi why the other was having trouble making friends.
“Yeah, I know we’ve talked about this before,” Ptolemy answered. “But I still don’t think you get what I mean if you think I have no reason for staying in my court other than chance. We - or at least I - don’t do ‘nothing’. I do what I think is right, too.” He hesitated, doubting that Chara would take his next words very well. Still, he had to try to get him to understand. “...I’m not saying I would actively attempt it myself, but...because there are so many people killing off this dying planet and consuming its resources, aren’t there advantages to humans murdering each other? Since we have such few threats, we kind of have to rely on ourselves and our blood-thirsty natures to thin out our own numbers. That’s why I don’t fight as hard against or think as badly of the Negaverse as you do. Because their actions aren’t considered evil or wrong to me; just different.”
He let Chara pull away a little to meet his eyes. “I don’t stand for nothing. That’s why you and I are different enough to be on different sides. That’s also why I don’t think you know me well enough to truly know if you would like me in the way you seem to think you do.” He looked away. “I’m fine with still meeting like this and gradually getting to know each other this way. I don’t know why it’s not enough for you. I could give you a phone number you could call any time you feel lonely if you don’t think we meet often enough. But even if I’m the senshi of change and I believe all things are changeable, I don’t change my mind for no reason. I wouldn’t expect you to, either.”
“Yeah, I know we’ve talked about this before,” Ptolemy answered. “But I still don’t think you get what I mean if you think I have no reason for staying in my court other than chance. We - or at least I - don’t do ‘nothing’. I do what I think is right, too.” He hesitated, doubting that Chara would take his next words very well. Still, he had to try to get him to understand. “...I’m not saying I would actively attempt it myself, but...because there are so many people killing off this dying planet and consuming its resources, aren’t there advantages to humans murdering each other? Since we have such few threats, we kind of have to rely on ourselves and our blood-thirsty natures to thin out our own numbers. That’s why I don’t fight as hard against or think as badly of the Negaverse as you do. Because their actions aren’t considered evil or wrong to me; just different.”
He let Chara pull away a little to meet his eyes. “I don’t stand for nothing. That’s why you and I are different enough to be on different sides. That’s also why I don’t think you know me well enough to truly know if you would like me in the way you seem to think you do.” He looked away. “I’m fine with still meeting like this and gradually getting to know each other this way. I don’t know why it’s not enough for you. I could give you a phone number you could call any time you feel lonely if you don’t think we meet often enough. But even if I’m the senshi of change and I believe all things are changeable, I don’t change my mind for no reason. I wouldn’t expect you to, either.”
