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Shun Kuroda // Hardass Detective // APPROVED

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Blade Kuroda

Militant Raider

PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2016 4:47 pm
Shun Kuroda
Hardass Detective

Shun is not the most pleasant person to be around, as he seems to be in a constantly grumpy state of being. He's not really one to socialize. Generally speaking, he's more than happy to just be working off on his own, getting things done. That said, he is somewhat of a workaholic and he takes his job as a detective very seriously. "Fun" is not really a word in his vocabulary, and that tends to show. He usually works as a homicide detective, though can easily branch out to other areas that need investigation, especially if there isn't much going on in his field of specialty. In New York, his rank had been a Sergeant.

At any cost

Shun may be on the "right" side of the law, but the same can't be said for family, which ultimately pushed him down his path. He tried hard to bust his own family. A little too hard. He's a Detective, but the way he carries himself is more along the lines of a vigilante. This isn't the case with petty issues; he actually really dislikes having to deal with those and would prefer if someone else were to handle it. He will put up with it begrudgingly until the meatier things come along. He will do what he feels it will take to get to the bottom of things, and will focus most of his energy in doing so. He has few friends as a result, being one to avoid making personal relationships. Shun is trying to play by the rules, having almost lost his badge once for it. He doesn't want to land himself in jail either, but some rules seem more of a hindrance than anything else. If something is going on without results for too long, he probably won't be able to resist. Or in the very least, it'll be harder and harder for him to not try and take matters into his own hands.

Sneaky b*****d

When sneaking around, there's always something around to help him out. A convenient distraction, constant cover, and the like.

ANYTHING ELSE?

-Is 5'8" and is currently 28 years old. (or will be on May 17th)
-Is a character that was played over at This is Halloween for several years.
-Dyslexic. He tries to not let it impede him much in his work. It can get tough, though. Thankfully, text to speech is a thing.
-Has a scar running over his left eye from a close call with a suspect in the past
-If he isn't working, he's probably working out or training or whatever. Whether it's hand-to-hand practice, parkour, or more traditional methods of exercise
-Plays an acoustic guitar. Self taught. Mostly something to relieve stress now and then.
-Has a dagger collection.
-Generally is always wearing body armor under his clothes while working, and is rarely ever unarmed
-Bilingual. Though he probably won't have much of a reason to speak Japanese.
-If given a D&D alignment, he's somewhere in the neutral range.
-Name is pronounced with a long 'u'. Sort of rhymes with spoon. Rather than like the verb 'to shun'. Doesn't stop people from saying it wrong, though.
-While he calls it a transfer, Shun technically left the NYPD before eventually finding a position at APD. He's already gone through the retraining process at this point.  
PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2016 5:30 pm
Hey Blade, just a couple of things for you here! Also, welcome to Ashdown!

First off- love the hardass detective high concept. Really fun to work off a grump/unfriendly concept, really excited to see where that goes! I'd like to know though, where he fits into the Ashdown PD when he gets here- that way, we can add him into the Ashdown PD info post!

Secondly, while I like his trouble, I don't know how it would specifically contribute to his time and growth in Ashdown. Is his family going to show up? Or is he going to screw up his job in Ashdown based on his frustration? I'd like to see a little more development on how this trouble might grow here in Ashdown. As of now, it seems more of a history piece than an actual trouble.

Finally, his power isn't quite a dreamer power- at least in the phrasing. Rather than "naturally stealthy", drop that for just clothes don't make noise or shoes don't squeak, and I think we have a go!  

So Long Gay Bowser

Blessing Devotee


Blade Kuroda

Militant Raider

PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2016 5:47 pm
Thanks for the welcome! I went ahead and made a few edits as suggested. Hopefully those answer your questions/concerns?

Moonstone Dazzle
 
PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2016 5:55 pm
Of course! And just to get back on a few things-

I don't think the sentence on exercising for fun is necessary in his high concept. That's more hobby than core character, but everything else about that seems to work! It'll be a perfect seven-sentence High concept!

Doing just a little reading here, I think under Trouble, you could cut out the "worry that he might try to help out his father", maybe even condense that down a little bit to say family in crime has pushed him to justice?

I'm not seeing the edits to his power. The phrasing lends to suggest that HE'S actively sneaking less, rather than the environment shifting to accommodate him.  

So Long Gay Bowser

Blessing Devotee


Blade Kuroda

Militant Raider

PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2016 6:07 pm
Moonstone Dazzle

Alright, third times the charm!  
PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2016 6:12 pm
Thanks for working so quick with me! I think this all looks good, and I'll call in the big guns!

shibrogane
 

So Long Gay Bowser

Blessing Devotee


shibrogane
Vice Captain

Stellar Lightbringer

PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2016 11:24 am
Hey Blade! Sorry for the wait on this, I was having a hard time articulating this crit. I think I've got it now, so thanks for your patience!

First off, I think Shun's gonna be a great addition to the Ashdown PD! Tiny nitpick though: Shun wouldn't have been forcibly transferred from NY to MA since the NY and MA police dept requirements are quite different! so maybe consider having him originate in Boston instead. If you choose not to mess with this, that's fine, I just wanted to point it out.

Now, the main thing I need fixed is his trouble. I think it's too hypothetical right now, so while it clearly communicates he has trouble with authority and Follows His Own Rules, there's not enough focus on how this affects or will affect his relationships with others or how this frustrates or troubles him. I'd really like to see how his bad cop attitude matches up with his good cop aspirations and a little more exploration of his problem with authority!

As a side note: should you wish to bring Shun's family into the game, please reach out to the mule first :3 Criminal syndicates are something we gotta keep an eye on and an awareness of as game running ppl!

There's something a little off with his power as written. It reads as if it's something he's doing to his clothes? Perhaps instead consider: "If Shun needs to sneak up on somebody, there's always something to help him out: a convenient distraction, continuous cover, or flat-out serendipity."

Quote me back in when you've made your edits!

Blade Kuroda
 
PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2016 1:45 pm
Going to leave his state of origin where it is but... I've gone ahead and edited the trouble and power. Hopefully this works out now.

Also regarding his family, yep! I have mentioned things briefly with Em the other day. I will definitely notify you guys if/when they become a factor in Ashdown. For now... they're staying in NY.

Edit - and added an additional note after speaking with Em about some background stuff.

shibrogane
 

Blade Kuroda

Militant Raider


shibrogane
Vice Captain

Stellar Lightbringer

PostPosted: Mon May 16, 2016 9:35 pm
APPROVED  
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