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[Q] Sailor Clara, Senshi of Embarrassment

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Kitomyx

Questionable Loiterer

PostPosted: Sat Apr 09, 2016 10:26 pm


User Image[Approved Civilian Quest Thread]

Senshi: Sailor Clara, Senshi of Embarrassment

Challenge: "Prepare to be humiliated."

Fuku Colour:
Main Color: #ff2f2c ██████ (or could be secondary)
Secondary Color: ???

Fuku:
Collar -- Traditional sailor collar with a white stripe
Bow -- Traditional senshi bow
Bodice -- CC
Sleeves -- CC
Brooch -- CC
Bottoms -- Traditional sailor miniskirt
Tiara -- Traditional senshi tiara
Choker -- Traditional choker
Shoes -- High heels
Gloves -- CC
Accessories -- CC

(Base preference is M10)
PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2016 1:56 pm


Attacks:

Sailor Scout Attack: You're an Embarrassment!

Clara shoots a blast of magic from his palm at his opponent. If it hits, the magic will blast the opponent away from him and create an illusion that said opponent is in their underwear (or other embarrassing clothing of the defending player's choice).

The player of the defending character may also decide the severity of the injuries inflicted on their character from the blast and whether or not there is any lasting damage after the magic fades.

• Type: Offensive Projectile
• Target: 1 person Clara aims for
• Use: 3x per battle
• Range: 10 feet
• Duration: 25 seconds



Super Sailor Attack: This is Embarrassing!

Clara produces an outward 'wave' or 'pulse' of magic that blasts any surrounding opponents backward outside of a 10-foot radius. If they come within 10 feet of Clara once the attack is performed, the magic will invoke a strong feeling of embarrassment in the victim regarding themselves.

This feeling can be caused by whatever reasons the player of the defending character chooses (such as summoned memories, something about their current situation, etc.). The closer they come to Clara, the stronger the feeling of embarrassment.

The player of the defending character may also decide the severity of the injuries inflicted on their character from the blast and whether or not there is any lasting damage after the magic fades.

• Type: Offensive AoE
• Target: Anyone within 10 feet of Clara
• Use: 3x per battle
• Range: 10 feet
• Duration: 30 seconds



Eternal Sailor Attack: Die of Embarrassment!

Clara summons his magic in the form of a flickering, fire-like sphere of light in his palms. If he launches this at an opponent, the sphere of light will home in on the target within a range of 30 feet. If the target is hit, they will start to feel as though they're 'burning' with embarrassment, combining the sensation of literally burning from the inside with the compulsion to do something they find extremely embarrassing. Clara's magic gives the victim the notion that the burning sensation will only lessen or cease if they humiliate themselves. The greater the humiliation, the easier the pain is to bear.

The compulsion to do something embarrassing can be overcome by those with very strong willpower, but they will continue to suffer the burning sensation. The choice to commit an embarrassing act, as well as the nature of the act, may be decided by the victim's player. However, it can't be rated higher than pg-13 and cannot reveal a character's civilian identity.

The player of the defending character may also decide to what extent the embarrassing act alleviates the pain from the burning sensation. They may also decide whether or not there is any lasting damage after the magic fades.

• Type: Offensive Homing Projectile
• Target: 1 person Clara aims for
• Use: 1x per battle
• Range: 25 feet
• Duration: 40 seconds

Kitomyx

Questionable Loiterer


Kitomyx

Questionable Loiterer

PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2016 11:19 am


Extra post just in case~
PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2018 3:58 pm


Good afternoon, Kitomyx!

Overall, the descriptions of your attacks work really well for the sphere you've chosen. I can already see the attacks in action, and imagine the reactions and effects that can be interpreted, and it's really good! I have only a couple things to address before I can give a trial stamp.

For the look of the senshi, this is going to be all CC correct? Or do you have the references? While you don't have to fill it out in it's entirety for approval, I am curious to know if you had any more ideas to share.

The overall range and duration of your attacks are on a bit on the large side. Specifically, for your Eternal attack, it makes a jump in range to 30 feet away from Clara, when typically a total of 20ft in diameter is the standard. I'd suggest to change the range for your Eternal attack to be up to 25ft in order to fit the shop standards.

As for the duration of the attacks, going towards 50 seconds starts to push into the pooling time for a night, rather than a Senshi, It's a bit large, as are the other times, so I'd recommend lowering the times to be 25 for basic, 30 for Super, and 40 for Eternal, since your Super is just a slight boost up, compared to hitting max power at Eternal.

Finally, for his eternal attack, while I understand what you were going for, you may want to change the phrasing from 'white fireball' to 'ethereal light', or a similar phrasing. We would like to keep it clear that no one identifies it as actual fire, as that would point towards a different sphere. Perhaps you can describe it as a burning fiery light, with fiery describing the color rather than it's form.

Once these are addressed, I'm happy to drop a trial stamp! Just quote me when you're ready.

Thank you!

Kitomyx

Kapoodles

Battle-ready Waffles


Kitomyx

Questionable Loiterer

PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2018 12:25 am


Kapoodles


Hey there, Kapoodles. Thank you so much for taking the time and trouble to read and review everything.

Heh, I never know what numbers to put for things like distance and time in regards to attacks, so thanks for the recommendations! I've changed those accordingly.

I also changed the phrasing from 'white fireball' to 'a flickering, fire-like sphere of light'. If that's still too close for someone to be able to differentiate it from actual fire, just let me know and I can change it some more.

In regards to the look of this senshi, there were a few things I asked the artist to keep in mind - the color listed, a few features of the traditional senshi outfits like the mini skirt and high heels, etc. - but otherwise, yes, it's mostly CC. Edited the first post to reflect that so there isn't as much confusion.

While Pach was originally going to take him on, I talked to her and she seemed to be swamped with work, so both she and Lucyal agreed that Lucyal would do him instead.

If there's anything else I need to change, feel free to tell me and I will do so!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2018 5:20 am


Sure thing!

It looks great, thank you. A GM will stop by shortly for final approval.

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Kapoodles

Battle-ready Waffles



Kyuseisha no Hikari

Crew

Dragonslaying Dragon

PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2018 6:39 pm


Kitomyx


Hey, Kit! This profile seems to check out, but I do notice one small issue for the eternal magic! This is a small change that can be corrected when you set up the journal, but the second sentence of his eternal magic says the range is 30 feet, but in the bulleted list, it mentions that the range is 25 feet. These just need to be tweaked to be consistent, but you can go with either 25 or 30 feet.

Have fun!

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