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[Q] Takama-Ga-Hara, Page of Cosmos

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radish


Scamp

PostPosted: Mon Mar 28, 2016 3:14 pm


This is an upgrade of Minoru Sasagawa.

Knight Title: Takama-Ga-Hara, Page of Cosmos.

Challenge: "Where there's smoke, there's fire."

Uniform: Reference. Literally everything of his uniform can be gleaned from the reference provided save for the color scheme I'd like to leave up to the artist to make accurate. The pattern on his kimono is open to artistic interpretation and should include Cosmos's symbol somehow.

Top A loose kimono that openly shows off his torso. The right sleeve is slightly longer than the left.
Bottoms Threaded shorts.
Gloves N/A.
Belt An obi of multiple layers.
Shoes Geta.
Shoulders A threaded bolero.
Accessories A single earring on his left ear of a dangling red tassel.
Weapon

Page: A plain kiseru (the base should be white, not black). No magic, though Takama can commonly be seen smoking out of it. It's about the size of his forearm.

Squire: A more ornate kiseru (the base is white, not black, and the stripe is gold) with a red tassel hanging from it. It's the length of his arm now. Takama takes two puffs from it and then dispels a cloud of smoke akin to stardust tinted blue-violet and dotted with tiny sparkles. Those who inhale the smoke would find their senses warped with dizziness and vertigo. The smoke covers a radius of eight feet and can be channeled for up to forty seconds. The attack can easily be countered with any wind-based attacks or a large enough fan-like instrument.

Knight: A solid gold kiseru with a red tassel hanging from it. It's still the length of his arm. Takama takes two puffs from it and then dispels a cloud of smoke akin to stardust tinted blue-violet and dotted with tiny sparkles. Those who inhale the smoke would find their senses warped with dizziness and vertigo. The smoke covers a radius of ten feet and can be channeled for up to sixty seconds. The attack can easily be countered with any wind-based attacks or a large enough fan-like instrument.
PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2016 8:07 pm


Hey Uno!

Congrats on your upgrade for Minoru~!

Before I can stamp Takama-Ga-Hara though the magical aspect needs a little tweaking.

Knight magic is actually different than senshi magic in the fact that while it might can last x amount of seconds - the magic is a pool and you can take as little or as much as you want from the pool at a time.

So he could effectively cut off the attack at the ten second mark and use it a handful of times before his pool is used up. The way you have his magic written it sounds very much like the way a senshi's attack would work.

Also the attack Radius' are actually a bit on the large side. If you could please nudge those down to being 8 foot radius for squire and 10 foot radius for Knights that should fix him all up!

Once you're ready for me to come back or have any questions feel free to quote me!

Unoderi

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radish


Scamp

PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2016 8:11 pm


LP

Thanks for the crit! How does this sound for squire/knight?

Squire: The smoke covers a radius of eight feet and can be channeled for forty seconds.

Knight: The smoke covers a radius of ten feet and can be channeled for sixty seconds.
PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2016 8:42 pm


Unoderi
Thanks for the crit! How does this sound for squire/knight?

Squire: The smoke covers a radius of eight feet and can be channeled for forty seconds.

Knight: The smoke covers a radius of ten feet and can be channeled for sixty seconds.


I would say add the words up to, because he can cancel it and recast it if he doesn't use his whole pool. So if he wanted to cast it for 10 seconds, technically he could. Another reason why it'd probably be best to say up to, is because at knight stage; their summons also shares the magic pool with their attack. Both can be canceled and brought back out or used later on.

Otherwise the rest of it looks great!

LP

Kawaii Bear

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radish


Scamp

PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2016 8:44 pm


LP

All righty, just tweaked the first post accordingly. Thanks for the help~
PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2016 8:54 pm


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No thank you~ a mod'll be by shortly!

LP

Kawaii Bear

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Kyuseisha no Hikari

Crew

Dragonslaying Dragon

PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2016 10:32 am


Unoderi


Looks good to me!

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