---
It came for her like a knife.
Text from Jarias
I can't see you anymore.
A knife with a serrated blade. Sharper at some points than at others, perfect for cutting through soft things. A blade that tore more than it sliced. She swallowed. Blinked at the screen of her phone. Waited for the follow up text. The one that would say something like "...in Japan..." to make the first message a joke. Even though it was a bad joke and it didn't really make sense.
Vanessa told herself that she would laugh. That it would be funny.
Only.
The second text message never came.
She stood alone in her kitchen, wearing a pair of rainbow slippers next to a sink full of dishes and soapy water. Jack and the boys left them for her always. Sometimes she would remind them that she wasn't their mother, and usually BJ was kind enough to do the dishes for a couple of days so that she didn't have to. But it never lasted long. Jack had told her once, joking, that he'd wash the dishes if she could convince Jarias to agree to a little game of bacon and eggs.
Vanessa never brought it up. She hadn't wanted to.
Her fingers were raw and wet where they wrapped around her cellphone. She waited.
Stared.
Unbidden, a memory from the recent past returned to assault her. It came back to her in scattered pieces, the way that memories do, and took hold of the serrated blade that was Jarias's text message -so impersonal, so cold. Shoved it deeper. Ripped her more. Vanessa saw Blake in his bedroom. Half-naked, sitting next to a half-naked woman. He was smoking. She was flushed from the exertion of their sex, appraising the dress that Vanessa had worn to surprise him in. He'd boughten it for her as a birthday gift.
"It looked better on me. In the store when I tried it on. Her chest is too small."
This wasn't like that. Vanessa knew it wasn't like that. Blake had meant to punish her for caring about another man. For being busy.
Jarias had been distant for a couple of days. Distracted, when they did see each other. There had been fewer kisses. Jarias had not really wanted to touch her.
Vanessa examined her reflection in the black shine of the refrigerator. With the phone still in her hands, she took in the curve of her buttocks. The muscle of her thighs. The flyaway curl of her hair. It was tied up inside a bandana for chores tonight.
I am beautiful. She thought, desperately. Her vision blurred.
And then, with shaking fingers, Vanessa responded to Jarias's text message:
Text to Jarias
OK
---
Pixie Nyxie
/CRIES
