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 Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 11:41 am
Claire and the Shooting Star
Claire shouldn't have been up so late, but she had drunk some of Dad's coffee while he wasn't looking and now her eyes refused to close. That was why she saw the shooting star. She saw it light up the horizon when it landed, like lightning on a clear night sky.
She got dressed in the dark - the power had gone out two months ago and this time, it seemed it was gone for good. Claire missed being able to watch cartoons on the TV, but her mom said that there wouldn't be anything to see even if the TV did work, because all the broadcast stations had been abandoned.
The night was warm, one of the warmest that summer, and there was even a pleasant wind that blew in her face and played with her hair. She was afraid a little, of the way the world got so quiet in the nighttime (and it had never been that quiet as it was that summer), of the way it seemed like your every footstep echoed for miles, but she ran on anyway. She could already see where the star had fallen. The yellow glow rose on the horizon like an early dawn. Claire wanted to see it - more than anything, she wanted to see what a shooting star really looked like, up close.
When she reached it, it was smoke and fire. It made her eyes tear up, gagged her. Through the flames, she could see the name written on the wreckage and on the glittery white corpses strewn across the ruined clearing. It was NASA.
----
The purpose of this story was to see how short I could make a story while still making sure it was a finished whole.
Tell me if it worked.
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Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 4:04 pm
...Woah. That's oddly deep and thought-provoking for such a simple ans short piece.
You could definitely do more with this, had you any wish to do so. But it stands beautifully as it is, as well.
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Jasper Riddle Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Apr 02, 2006 11:58 am
Oh jeeze... this reminds me of the space shuttle crash in... what was it, 2005, 2004, '03? I have memories attatched to that incident. I remember my mom sitting in her bedroom transfixed on the television, hypnotized by it. And I remember when I walked in the first thing I saw was a streak of light traveling across the screen. Even though I never knew anybody on that flight or any of the people really affected by it it sticks with me because of the way my mom looked at the tv that day.
Anyway very interesting story. I'm wondering if someone Claire knew was on the shuttle, a family member, or if the simple loss of life was what prompted her to cry. I'm also curious about the power failures, but that evoked some memories for me too.
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Posted: Mon Apr 03, 2006 2:59 pm
Thank you, both of you. heart
Sarge, I can say that at least conciously, I was not thinking of that event when I wrote this. And at least part of a reason for Claire's tears is simply the smoke.
However, the other part isn't really the loss of life as such, but...well, stuff being ruined, things falling apart, the center does not hold and so on. Claire lives in a world that is deconstructing itself (loss of power, broadcasting stations being abandoned, the world getting quiet), and the shooting star is the point when she can no longer ignore it.
But it always feels so great when you find you've touched someone with your story.
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