Unofficial Character Image ((This is art I commissioned of my OC Viel who I am questing for here with an adjusted profile >u<))
Name: Elysha Cruz
Nickname: none
Age: 20
Birthday: September 23
Sign: Libra
Gemstone: Green Aventurine
Blood Type: A
Fav. Food: non-spicy sushi
Hated Food: spicy sushi
School: n/a; adult employed as a medical clinic receptionist
Hobbies:
Reading - Books of autobiographies, books of fiction, books with pictures, books without pictures, tell Elysha about them, and she might end up adding them to the list of books she has read over the years. In addition to having watched Anastasia and Cinderella as animated movies, Elysha has also read the book releases of them as a child after seeing them. Elysha is inclined to turn to books as both a means of entertainment and stress relief. Her favorite part of reading books is the experiences of adventure she seeks out inside the pages in different shapes and forms. But of course, having grown up with tales that include a fair share along similar types as those about Disney princesses, journeys of good versus evil, discoveries of magical worlds, Winnie the Pooh and his friends, Sojourner Truth's bravery, and romantic comedies, she'd be willing to admit that this ratio depicting the trend of her story choices continues on. At present, she is following the Farm Fresh Series and other works of Valerie Comer and Nakamura Yoshiki-sensei's manga Skip Beat! while also taking to reading any more titles that also catch her interest. From time to time she also rereads feel good storylines when seeking a cheerful lift in her mood or a relaxing reenergizer.
Dancing - Elysha loves to dance ballet as well as dabble in other dance types that inspire her to attempt them. She grew up taking ballet lessons at a studio that also offered classes in jazz, tap, hiphop, and tumbling. Being that the owners of the studio were also ballet instructors there, she occasionally tried out other forms of dance though only enrolled in ballet since from time to time there would be some incorporations into dance pieces to mix different types, for instance a concert piece including elements of ballet and jazz. From beginning to intermediate then to advanced level ballet, dancing since she was three years old is a huge part of the reason for her graceful bearing on and off the dance floor. Ask her what her favorite pair of high heels are and she'll happily answer pointe shoes without a moment's hesitation. Though she has been decidedly drawn to pursue her career in health care rather than in dance since she was a teen, throughout the years she consistently kept taking her dance lessons and danced in a notable number of studio performances as well as danced for school and church events and occasions. Also, but not as frequently, she has experienced dancing competitively with instances as examples that include participating in a school talent show and accepting the offered chance to audition for a specific position in a particular dance. She is still fairly new in Destiny City, but among the places she has come to frequent fortunately almost from the start is an affiliate studio of the one she grew up attending and started by friends and senior dancers she learned dancing with.
Virtues:
[+] Courteous: Elysha is of the mind that she is able to communicate best by being alert of staying calm and also endeavoring to relay her thoughts politely. By reminding herself to gather her thoughts while continuing to speak respectfully, she better prevents jumbling delivery of her thoughts and words despite any insecure feelings. Also in line with this trait of hers is that she is one to try hard for anything bothering her not to show in her bearing to inappropriate or excessive extents and affect her tasks and interactions so as to try to avoid giving unnecessary awkwardness and discomfort to others. Furthermore, she is careful with her words and actions with the purpose of aiming to shield herself as well as others from the worst that she might prompt if careless. She has come to realize that striving to stay civil is what she finds best for her in conscience and effectiveness even in confrontations after trials and errors that included feeling she expressed thoughts poorly in the end while also lashing out with all the cruelty she could muster. Thus, it seldom escapes her consideration that past experience has enlightened her to how she prefers staying away from deliberately throwing destructive insults when arguing. [+] Fair: Fairness is certainly a virtue Elysha strives to stay true to. She believes the less confusion that comes from proceeding fairly, the better. It sits well with her when she is proceeding intently with making decisions and opinions that are considerate and take into account different angles of any circumstance. She not only examines matters where others are concerned but also matters where she is concerned. Her mindset with regards to this comprises of how she reminds herself to not forget possible differences and to be open to compromises that may be reached, viewpoints presented, constructive criticisms dealt, as well as comfort levels maintained by all parties so as she may not lose focus on her wishes to be reasonable and informed in the manner of her choices reflected in her thoughts, words, and actions.
Flaws:
[-] Scattered: Elysha is able to do fairly well at keeping track of herself, and this includes where her thoughts and belongings are concerned. However, her orderliness is not her strong point. For example, she much more often than not, knows where she put something and where she usually puts that something for that matter, she even knows where she moved it to and when she makes a location the new spot for it, but people don't live in her head. Thus, despite being rather methodical at arranging herself and her things, her methods may very well confuse others to various degrees. Some may recognize her as neat enough while at another place of the spectrum, others may think of her as messy. Therefore, her track record of baffling and perhaps amusing a marked share of observers of how she is inclined to arranging anything at the opportunity to go by her own accord can make her a challenge to share a space with as a roommate or a colleague. Moreover, a portion of experiences in this trait being one she has in common with her mother and in years of their sharing a room serve as examples of this exasperation being two sided. [-] Insecure: Having a constant recollection of criticisms she has received growing up, Elysha feels she often comes up short of either the expectations of others or her own. By the time she transitioned from her adolescent years to the beginning of adulthood, the expectations she has for herself were solidly meant to be tough on her. And though, she maintains awareness of the need not to be too hard on herself, it is quite a challenge for her not to pinpoint in her spoken and thought evaluations of herself how worried she is about her lack in her capabilities and whether or not she can improve. When she feels swamped by her insecurities, her tasks become harder for her to execute normally and well. Her insecure nature also takes part in accounting for her having the likelihood in situations to not fully express herself, such as her happiness and preferences, and as well as her being distant at times, keeping a great deal to herself.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
Eyes: She has expressive, big, orangy-brown eyes.
Hair: Her hair is straight and black, kept trimmed to be seven inches to a foot past her shoulders but often done up in side braids leading to a bun behind her that is her favorite style [references: one | two | three | four ].
Face: Her face is heart-shaped with small ears and no freckles.
Clothes: Her work clothes are as seen in this [reference] while the only difference is in terms of the color of her buttoned shirt actually being white in contrast to in the image.
Also notable is that the image reference for her clothes can also serve as an added reference with regards to her skin tone and figure being that her skin tone is a light cream and at 110 pounds, her small frame at 5' carries weight in a delicate hourglass figure.
Fuku Colour: Main Color: silver Secondary Color: dark red
Fuku:
Collar a plain sailor collar in her main color with a stripe at the end in her secondary color Bow classic bows in her main color Bodice a swimsuit-type bodice Sleeves none Brooch a round brooch largely in her secondary color with a star in the middle of it in her main color Bottoms a miniskirt in her main color with a stripe at the end in her secondary color Tiara a beaded tiara in her secondary color with a central star design in her main color over the point where her side braids meet that holds her gemstone at the center; the beads are woven with her side braids and three strands dangle from the bottom center and tips of the star with the center strand being the longest for a V effect over her forehead Choker a classic choker serving as a singly colored band in her secondary color Shoes gladiator sandals nearly knee high and in her main color like in this [reference] with lacing and soles in her secondary color Gloves a pair of fingerless gloves in her main color with each piece having a fold that circles around her wrist for a singly colored band around it in her secondary color Accessories none
Attacks:
Sailor Scout Attack: Scapel Shot
The gist of this attack of hers is that from her index finger aimed in a gesture as though holding a gun with one hand at her target, she fires a shot akin to the sudden stab of a group of scapels all at once. These scapels' blades are single-edged. Both her index fingers are pointed in like fashion and start out being brought up in an X shape in front of her chest, but while firing her non-firing hand draws sideways in a further bend with the elbow on the same surface level as both her shoulders somewhat giving the illusion of an archer's form. In terms of visual flare, two circular formations of scapels on both sides of her meet behind her forming a V, and while holding their presence as threatening projectiles move in the same angle with her aim despite the attack being launched only from a formation launched in front of her aimed fingertip.
Her attack is aimed at a target then immediately fired but certainly also can miss by being wrongly aimed or dodged. She prefers to attack as close to her target as she can manage but her shot can reach a target up to 5 feet away. Scapel Shot does not summon real scapels but rather the visual illusion of them that includes a cluster of 7 hurtling straight toward the target. But what is real is the stabbing pain felt when the ghostly blades hit, piercing up to 1/8th of an inch deep and possibly causing the injury to bleed though far more rarely in comparison to the pain caused. She can use this attack 3 times per day.
Super Sailor Scout Attack: Scapel Shot II
For this upgrade of her first attack, she gestures by having the pad of the index finger of her hand touch the pad of her other hand's index finger as though holding a gun with two hands aimed at her target and fires a scattershot series of scapel stabs. Scapels are fired from the circular formations in addition to from a formation near her aimed fingertips.
As it is for the most part similar to Scapel Shot, the difference in impact is that Scapel Shot II as its upgrade fires 11 scapels that rush at the target possibly up to 7 feet away. She can use this attack 3 times total in a day.
Eternal Sailor Attack: Furious Whirlwind of Scapels
She performs a ballet combination of two moves to call forth having swirling scapels circle around her and spiral upwards to form a whirlwind she unleashes at her target. The visual flare of her ballet moves entail keeping her focus at her target as she rolls her forearms up in graceful spins on a first turn then transitions into a prolonged whipping passe turn before finishing in a stylized forth position.
While performing the ballet sequence is when casting takes place. She can aim at a target with this attack while in the process of casting it and casting time takes 7 seconds. The resulting illusion of a whirlwind of wildly flying scapels formed then rushes at and affects only the selected target. It can descend within a range that reaches 8 feet away from her and is 6 feet in diameter. Even if the whirlwind misses upon descent, so long as the target is within the 8 foot range of reach of the attack, the target may be hit by the scapels speeding in haphazard directions within the area the attack effects. The whirlwind lasts 7 seconds after being casted. Scapels of this attack can pierce up to 1/4th of an inch deep, causing very real pain as well as perhaps bleeding. Bleeding, however, is extremely rare as in her other two attacks and also because though not all, but more of the 20 scapels in this whirlwind are blunt, specifically 5 of them have a single-edged blade. It is possible to interrupt this attack, such as by knocking her off her feet, and is all-or-nothing in terms of having to cast it from start to finish for it to be successfully executed. And for a bit of further explanation, this attack can be likened to an on-the-spot custom creation in that it is designed to affect just the target it has been cast for, so if a non-target endeavors to enter and pull the target out of range, the magical scapels pass through and do not effect the non-target, which also means that blocking to intercept and prevent any scapels from reaching the target will not work using normal physical strength so pulling the target from reach is the effective form of using that type of assistance for the target. She can use Furious Whirlwind of Scapels a total of 3 times per day.
Just a heads up, the maximum age that senshi can be at awakening is 20, so your profile will require some adjustments if you want Ehlysa as a senshi. You could quest her as a knight and keep her the age she is now, though.
Hello and thank you! >u< <3
Lol in my excitement I forgot to split my quest into the first two posts and it's such a pleasant surprise though that she has quickly received her first posted reply *u*
Okay, I shall read about the difference between a senshi and knight right now eeeeeee ouo
Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 7:33 am
Silverah
I really appreciate that you have given me a heads up about my quest character's age! whee
With a run through again if changing how old she is would affect any part of the content aside from her more detailed history in my imagination, I decided to make her 5 years younger ahaha and hopefully this works. If I catch any needed adjustments to cross my mind when I go over her info, I shall apply more changes accordingly. c:
Please feel free to post about anything more you would like to about my concept of Ehlysa anytime ^u^
I really appreciate that you have given me a heads up about my quest character's age! whee
With a run through again if changing how old she is would affect any part of the content aside from her more detailed history in my imagination, I decided to make her 5 years younger ahaha and hopefully this works. If I catch any needed adjustments to cross my mind when I go over her info, I shall apply more changes accordingly. c:
Please feel free to post about anything more you would like to about my concept of Ehlysa anytime ^u^
No problem. <3 If you would like, I can give you a full crit later this week when I have some free time. (And I deleted my previous post, so you can have a neat quest thread with no interruptions.)
Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 7:45 am
Silverah
No problem. <3 If you would like, I can give you a full crit later this week when I have some free time. (And I deleted my previous post, so you can have a neat quest thread with no interruptions.)
That sounds fabulous, yes please if it is alright for you later this week ouo <3 Thank you ^u^ And I hope you have a smooth week! 8 D I have a busy week ahead, too, and had better get a head start on it after I quickly make the format adjustment you have so thoughtfully offered me >u<
No problem. <3 If you would like, I can give you a full crit later this week when I have some free time. (And I deleted my previous post, so you can have a neat quest thread with no interruptions.)
That sounds fabulous, yes please if it is alright for you later this week ouo <3 Thank you ^u^ And I hope you have a smooth week! 8 D I have a busy week ahead, too, and had better get a head start on it after I quickly make the format adjustment you have so thoughtfully offered me >u<
Okay!
I will say right off the top of my head that I can't find any record of "Perplexity" as the name of a space object, and you need to choose a real asteroid, planet, comet, star, or constellation that is not currently in use. (Check the master list to see what's already in play.) I also don't understand the connection between her sphere (Bewilderment) and her attacks, which seem to suggest her sphere is "Bamboo" (already in play). You may want to adjust her attacks to have more to do with feeling bewildered, causing her opponents to become bewildered, etc., or else choose a different sphere.
Posted: Mon Apr 06, 2015 8:26 am
Silverah
Okay!
I will say right off the top of my head that I can't find any record of "Perplexity" as the name of a space object, and you need to choose a real asteroid, planet, comet, star, or constellation that is not currently in use. (Check the master list to see what's already in play.) I also don't understand the connection between her sphere (Bewilderment) and her attacks, which seem to suggest her sphere is "Bamboo" (already in play). You may want to adjust her attacks to have more to do with feeling bewildered, causing her opponents to become bewildered, etc., or else choose a different sphere.
<3!
You really are beyond fantastic! Thank you so very much! -saves master list link!-
I shall research all the points you have shed light on to me and make modification to my character's concept with all this gathered information in mind! ;u;
cx I have changed my character's senshi concept to Sailor Altair, senshi of Needles, and her main color to silver (like your name and I am using a silver and red pen with a black rubber stylus to navigate my tablet). Plus, in addition to sharing my character's name for a seeing-my-doppleganger sort of RP adventure kekeke, I recalled my mom say a part of my full first name is inspired by a star and when I looked it up it was free on the master list as well. These connections wow me to no end @u@ <3
Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2015 12:14 am
Okay, so, as promised, I've got time now, so here's your crit! I'm not shop staff and this is nothing official, and if anything here goes against what you want with this character, please feel free to tell me that I'm full of s**t. It's just suggestions and you don't have to take any of it.
Basic info: All this looks fine!
Hobbies:
Reading - Ehlysa's taste in books seems to skew very, very young for a woman her age, and you may want to either account for this in the description of the hobby or else reconsider what literary genres she's interested in at her current age. Your opening sentence makes her interests seem very broad, but when you actually get down to it, the only things you're actually citing by name are books for very young children. Does Ehlysa purposefully seek out children's stories as a mode of escapism and because she likes how innocent they are, or would it be more accurate to talk more about what she's reading now and not what she was reading ten to fifteen years ago?
Dancing - I think that you might benefit from establishing Ehlysa's skill level when it comes to dancing. She's been dancing for a very long time, but has she pushed herself to an elite level or is she more casual about her training and content to learn and progress slowly? Is she naturally graceful, or does she make up for clumsiness with enthusiasm? Has she ever danced competitively? Since she's danced ballet for so long, can she dance en pointe?
Virtues Courteous - This is a good start, but I would really love to see more about what things Ehlysa does in order to keep a cool head and how she handles stressful situations and keeps from snapping. Fair - Again, this is a good base, but I would like to know about what moral grounds Ehlysa bases her judgments on. What is her definition of "fair"? Is she the kind of person who believes that things must be equal at every step of the way, or that as long as things turn out even eventually, things are okay? Is she absolutely unbiased in her dealings with people, even when that might hurt her relationships, and in that case, how does she balance this with being polite and being mindful of other people's feelings?
Flaws Scattered - I think that this flaw is worded very oddly. Right now, it feels more like you're trying to say that Ehlysa is organized and then trying at the last minute to turn it into a flaw, but at the same time, simply saying she is "inconsiderate" would go against both of her virtues, since Ehlysa cares a lot about other people's thoughts and feelings. Furthermore, making her "messy" would contradict with Obsessive-compulsive, so I'm not going to suggest you do that, either.... I think that the best way to handle this would be to make this flaw broader, something along the lines of Ehlysa doing things to beat of her own drummer. She does things in a way that makes sense to her and according to what seems fair and balanced to her, but she doesn't always take into account what other people are thinking, and is caught off-guard when something she has done leaves other people less than pleased - is that along the lines of what you were aiming for? Insecure - This looks good to me. smile
Neutral attributes:
Since it's always best to stick to the form instead of adding extra sections, I think you could turn Obsessive-compulsive into a positive trait ("Organized"), with the caveat of of her organization system being self-determined, and then incorporate the negative sides of this trait into whatever you do with "Scattered."
I think that "Reserved" would also be much better off accounted for as positive and negative traits. I believe that the positive aspects could be incorporated into fair (she doesn't let her personal feelings influence her decisions) or courteous (she does her very best to never complain or inconvenience others), while "Reserved" itself could become a flaw - she doesn't express her needs and wants or advocate to herself, leading people to take advantage of her and etc.? Does that sound about right?
Physical description
-What's her skin tone? (Yes, I know you have art up top, but humor me.) -What's her body type like? Is she tall, short, curvy, skinny, toned? Does she carry weight more in her hips or chest or thighs or stomach or not at all?
Powered stuff
Your description for Needle Shot is incredibly complicated but it doesn't actually describe what the attack does. How intense is the pain and how long does it last for? Does it cause physical damage like bleeding or bruising, or just pain? Does she fire an actual, physical needle, or just cause the sensation of being stabbed? How long after she fires does the attack hit, and can the attack be dodged? Can the attack miss if Altair aims it at one place and the target moves before she finishes casting the attack? (The same questions apply to Needle Shot II and Needle Whirlwind of Slashes, but also "how many needles does each of these attacks fire?")
Anyway, you have a really nice start here, but there's also room for revision! Please feel free to contact me with any questions and good luck questing!
Okay, so, as promised, I've got time now, so here's your crit! I'm not shop staff and this is nothing official, and if anything here goes against what you want with this character, please feel free to tell me that I'm full of s**t. It's just suggestions and you don't have to take any of it.
Basic info: All this looks fine!
Hobbies:
Reading - Ehlysa's taste in books seems to skew very, very young for a woman her age, and you may want to either account for this in the description of the hobby or else reconsider what literary genres she's interested in at her current age. Your opening sentence makes her interests seem very broad, but when you actually get down to it, the only things you're actually citing by name are books for very young children. Does Ehlysa purposefully seek out children's stories as a mode of escapism and because she likes how innocent they are, or would it be more accurate to talk more about what she's reading now and not what she was reading ten to fifteen years ago?
Dancing - I think that you might benefit from establishing Ehlysa's skill level when it comes to dancing. She's been dancing for a very long time, but has she pushed herself to an elite level or is she more casual about her training and content to learn and progress slowly? Is she naturally graceful, or does she make up for clumsiness with enthusiasm? Has she ever danced competitively? Since she's danced ballet for so long, can she dance en pointe?
Virtues Courteous - This is a good start, but I would really love to see more about what things Ehlysa does in order to keep a cool head and how she handles stressful situations and keeps from snapping. Fair - Again, this is a good base, but I would like to know about what moral grounds Ehlysa bases her judgments on. What is her definition of "fair"? Is she the kind of person who believes that things must be equal at every step of the way, or that as long as things turn out even eventually, things are okay? Is she absolutely unbiased in her dealings with people, even when that might hurt her relationships, and in that case, how does she balance this with being polite and being mindful of other people's feelings?
Flaws Scattered - I think that this flaw is worded very oddly. Right now, it feels more like you're trying to say that Ehlysa is organized and then trying at the last minute to turn it into a flaw, but at the same time, simply saying she is "inconsiderate" would go against both of her virtues, since Ehlysa cares a lot about other people's thoughts and feelings. Furthermore, making her "messy" would contradict with Obsessive-compulsive, so I'm not going to suggest you do that, either.... I think that the best way to handle this would be to make this flaw broader, something along the lines of Ehlysa doing things to beat of her own drummer. She does things in a way that makes sense to her and according to what seems fair and balanced to her, but she doesn't always take into account what other people are thinking, and is caught off-guard when something she has done leaves other people less than pleased - is that along the lines of what you were aiming for? Insecure - This looks good to me. smile
Neutral attributes:
Since it's always best to stick to the form instead of adding extra sections, I think you could turn Obsessive-compulsive into a positive trait ("Organized"), with the caveat of of her organization system being self-determined, and then incorporate the negative sides of this trait into whatever you do with "Scattered."
I think that "Reserved" would also be much better off accounted for as positive and negative traits. I believe that the positive aspects could be incorporated into fair (she doesn't let her personal feelings influence her decisions) or courteous (she does her very best to never complain or inconvenience others), while "Reserved" itself could become a flaw - she doesn't express her needs and wants or advocate to herself, leading people to take advantage of her and etc.? Does that sound about right?
Physical description
-What's her skin tone? (Yes, I know you have art up top, but humor me.) -What's her body type like? Is she tall, short, curvy, skinny, toned? Does she carry weight more in her hips or chest or thighs or stomach or not at all?
Powered stuff
Your description for Needle Shot is incredibly complicated but it doesn't actually describe what the attack does. How intense is the pain and how long does it last for? Does it cause physical damage like bleeding or bruising, or just pain? Does she fire an actual, physical needle, or just cause the sensation of being stabbed? How long after she fires does the attack hit, and can the attack be dodged? Can the attack miss if Altair aims it at one place and the target moves before she finishes casting the attack? (The same questions apply to Needle Shot II and Needle Whirlwind of Slashes, but also "how many needles does each of these attacks fire?")
Anyway, you have a really nice start here, but there's also room for revision! Please feel free to contact me with any questions and good luck questing!
TTUTT <3 I'm really, really so thankful to you! RL has my hands tangled again as usual but I shall definitely go over my quest again alongside your crit asap and surely as soon as I can! *U* <3
Posted: Mon Apr 13, 2015 9:28 am
Hey, Shy! Welcome to Moonshop!
I'm here to help you get rolling on her stamp!
her profile looks great to me, however the 'Neutral Attributes' will need to be distributed between flaws and virtues.
However, This does not mean you require one or the ther. Provided you can provide the positives of each as a virtue and the negatives as flaws, you can get them straightened no problem.
Her Scattered faw may seem a bit conflict-y with the Orderliness, however the ase for her looks like it ight be more of someone with a specific way of doing things that they dislike having disupted - she might know her system, but others don't, so retitling it to reflect that such as with 'Has own system for things' or similar might work.
Moving into the powered side, her attack.
How long do the needles last? Is it just a pain or do the needles do visible damage? How deep do they go? In interest of keeping them non-lethal less than an inch is reccomended; otherwise the attacks risk being too powerful, too early. How often can she use her attacks? The reccomended number is three, maximum, on average.
The aesthetics look good to me, but a duration, damage information, and times of use (2-3) will be needed for stamping.
Her eternal also needs these, especially since she's an active participanty. How long do the moves last and what do the needles do during the whirlwind? Is it a bunch of needles flying wildly? Are they aiming ins a controlled spin? A little more information will help on what the needles are doing.
Let me know when you address these changes and I'll be happy to look again!
her profile looks great to me, however the 'Neutral Attributes' will need to be distributed between flaws and virtues.
However, This does not mean you require one or the ther. Provided you can provide the positives of each as a virtue and the negatives as flaws, you can get them straightened no problem.
Her Scattered faw may seem a bit conflict-y with the Orderliness, however the ase for her looks like it ight be more of someone with a specific way of doing things that they dislike having disupted - she might know her system, but others don't, so retitling it to reflect that such as with 'Has own system for things' or similar might work.
Moving into the powered side, her attack.
How long do the needles last? Is it just a pain or do the needles do visible damage? How deep do they go? In interest of keeping them non-lethal less than an inch is reccomended; otherwise the attacks risk being too powerful, too early. How often can she use her attacks? The reccomended number is three, maximum, on average.
The aesthetics look good to me, but a duration, damage information, and times of use (2-3) will be needed for stamping.
Her eternal also needs these, especially since she's an active participanty. How long do the moves last and what do the needles do during the whirlwind? Is it a bunch of needles flying wildly? Are they aiming ins a controlled spin? A little more information will help on what the needles are doing.
Let me know when you address these changes and I'll be happy to look again!
Silverah
Thank you both so much for your superb crits about my concept of Sailor Altair! I also am gladdened by how the two of you have read her along lines as I have imagined her >u< <3
Within the addressed categories, I elaborated on the points specified as well as modified approaches to presenting descriptions of her. Hopefully I have given improved clarity and please feel free to let me know more thoughts you'd like to regarding her profile. heartwhee
Posted: Wed Apr 22, 2015 4:14 pm
shyanimegrl
Hey Shy! Her civilian looks good and well balanced - at this time though we still have some work to do to get her attacks matched up to shop guidelines!
At basic a ranged attack usually can not extend past 5 feet on aerage for ranged magic - also at this phase you will want to up to 2 needles for the bursts. Two or Three bursts are fine - though you will want them to have a delay of about 5-10 seconds. We'd also like to see how many times a day she can use it! 2 is fine, 3 is the common rule of thumb.
Super would be 2-3 needles per burst, with a matching delay between. You can add a burst as well, though ideally no more than one for balance! Usually uses are the same quantity as basic. Range may also increase 1-2 feet.
At eternal we ask Eternal attacks lean away from lethal - an inch in is too deep as if the attack hits right it may possibly kill a person. A good depth would be 1/4 of an inch, for safety's sake, as Senshi can not usually kill. Range would ideally be 8 feet away, with a 6 foot diameter for the whirlwind. For an Eternal it's alright to use a different, strong attack. If you use the whirlwind alone, a needle count is not necessary, if alternatively you upgrade the basic and Super, 5-6 needles is fine. I'm also wondering if there's any interrupt conditions for the spell. What happens if she's knocked off her feet during her ballet sequence? How about the Whirlwind; what happens when a target steps out of it? What is a non-target enters it?
Once you've modified her attacks, drop me a quote and we'll keep working together towards that stamp! If you need help at any time, don't be afraid to let me know and I'm happy to help solve any hurdles!
Name: Elysha Cruz
