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 Posted: Wed May 28, 2014 11:11 am
Quick overview before I get to the main problem!
- I've had problems with my mother for as long as I can remember. The last time I remember her and I getting along is when I was six years old. Since then it's been all fighting and blaming me for things I did and didn't do.
- She constantly makes me feel like I'm worth little to nothing, like I don't do enough to impress her or make her proud even though I've made it through my associates degree in college while dealing with many hardships along the way. She constantly compares me to my younger sister who she deems an angel while I'm the devil (yeah she's literally said that).
- When I try to talk to her about these things she screams in my face and tells me I'm an ungrateful b***h.
So after all this and much more that I haven't discussed- at 21 years old I've decided it's time I need to get the f**k out of this house.
I get along with my father just fine but now that my sister is home from college my mother has become even worse and I cannot handle it.
I have a friend in another state that has offered a spare room in their house and I'm planning to go through with it.
The person is meeting my parents officially at the end of June and if things go well I should be figuring out my plans to move and get out by August or by latest- September.
The thing is that only my father knows about this plan because if I told my mother lord knows what she would do.
I understand the whole "you're 21 she can't legally make you do anything" shizz but it's different when I'm still living in the house with her. She would make my life even more miserable than it is now and I cannot handle that.
So I guess what I'm trying to figure out is how to break it to her that I am leaving and I am going to live with this person who is very many states away.
My father and I have already decided that we aren't going to mention it until he meets this person who I would be living with and makes sure everything would go okay...
So for telling my mother... any suggestions?
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Posted: Sun Jun 15, 2014 12:28 pm
PunkyHeart_Vampire Quick overview before I get to the main problem!
- I've had problems with my mother for as long as I can remember. The last time I remember her and I getting along is when I was six years old. Since then it's been all fighting and blaming me for things I did and didn't do.
- She constantly makes me feel like I'm worth little to nothing, like I don't do enough to impress her or make her proud even though I've made it through my associates degree in college while dealing with many hardships along the way. She constantly compares me to my younger sister who she deems an angel while I'm the devil (yeah she's literally said that).
- When I try to talk to her about these things she screams in my face and tells me I'm an ungrateful b***h.
So after all this and much more that I haven't discussed- at 21 years old I've decided it's time I need to get the f**k out of this house.
I get along with my father just fine but now that my sister is home from college my mother has become even worse and I cannot handle it.
I have a friend in another state that has offered a spare room in their house and I'm planning to go through with it.
The person is meeting my parents officially at the end of June and if things go well I should be figuring out my plans to move and get out by August or by latest- September.
The thing is that only my father knows about this plan because if I told my mother lord knows what she would do.
I understand the whole "you're 21 she can't legally make you do anything" shizz but it's different when I'm still living in the house with her. She would make my life even more miserable than it is now and I cannot handle that.
So I guess what I'm trying to figure out is how to break it to her that I am leaving and I am going to live with this person who is very many states away.
My father and I have already decided that we aren't going to mention it until he meets this person who I would be living with and makes sure everything would go okay...
So for telling my mother... any suggestions?
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 11:11 am
I'm so sorry that this thread got lost in here. I would have responded much sooner.
I agree, you should be blunt. You're an adult and you can do whatever you want. I 100% understand what you are going through, and when I was in a similar situation I did not say anything until the day I left.
For your own physical, emotional and mental safety, do not do it any sooner. If your mother is anything like the person that was once in my life, they will stop at nothing to ******** you up mentally if you announce that you plan on leaving the nest. Because she will need to find a new punching bag once you leave. Like you said, she will make your life hell, so do this quietly, quickly, and boldly. Just leave.
Stand up for yourself, keep your chin up, and do not back down. Do not let anyone ******** with you, and do not let anyone tell you how to live your life. You know what's best for yourself, and you need to do it in order to escape the toxicity of your current living situation.
Good luck. Keep us posted.
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 3:18 pm
colon bracket I'm so sorry that this thread got lost in here. I would have responded much sooner. I agree, you should be blunt. You're an adult and you can do whatever you want. I 100% understand what you are going through, and when I was in a similar situation I did not say anything until the day I left. For your own physical, emotional and mental safety, do not do it any sooner. If your mother is anything like the person that was once in my life, they will stop at nothing to ******** you up mentally if you announce that you plan on leaving the nest. Because she will need to find a new punching bag once you leave. Like you said, she will make your life hell, so do this quietly, quickly, and boldly. Just leave. Stand up for yourself, keep your chin up, and do not back down. Do not let anyone ******** with you, and do not let anyone tell you how to live your life. You know what's best for yourself, and you need to do it in order to escape the toxicity of your current living situation. Good luck. Keep us posted. Thankyou for your support. <3
Things just got a tad more complicated for me unfortunately... About to update on that now.
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 3:20 pm
First off: The meeting with le person went really well. He was super duper nice just like I thought he was if not a bit awkward (but i love me some fuzzy awkwards).
I had a really good time hanging out with him and doing photography so I'm really deadset on moving at some point.
But then s**t hit le fan...
...So..
I was going to move in August...
And then my parents met the person I was going to move in with and my second friend decided it was a fantastic time to confess his feelings for me.
Even though he said he wouldn't say anything until the Sunday after I met with the first friend.
And in the end I ended up telling the second friend that I couldn't return his feelings because-
Freedom > potential happiness- especially since le freedom could give me the happiness I seek.
&& the second guy is really mad at me and himself for even trying and I get that. He said things like "I'm going to give you space for a while, come back when you're ready" when I think it's him who needed the space.
&& so now he's completely ignoring me.
I honestly think the way he's behaving about it is immature..
Especially since I think I'm "okay enough" to talk to him again but I don't know- should I just leave?
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Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 3:24 pm
PunkyHeart_Vampire
First off: The meeting with le person went really well. He was super duper nice just like I thought he was if not a bit awkward (but i love me some fuzzy awkwards).
I had a really good time hanging out with him and doing photography so I'm really deadset on moving at some point.
But then s**t hit le fan...
...So..
I was going to move in August...
And then my parents met the person I was going to move in with and my second friend decided it was a fantastic time to confess his feelings for me.
Even though he said he wouldn't say anything until the Sunday after I met with the first friend.
And in the end I ended up telling the second friend that I couldn't return his feelings because-
Freedom > potential happiness- especially since le freedom could give me the happiness I seek.
&& the second guy is really mad at me and himself for even trying and I get that. He said things like "I'm going to give you space for a while, come back when you're ready" when I think it's him who needed the space.
&& so now he's completely ignoring me.
I honestly think the way he's behaving about it is immature..
Especially since I think I'm "okay enough" to talk to him again but I don't know- should I just leave?
still wish i could help you girlie...
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Posted: Fri Jul 04, 2014 8:46 pm
Update of an update of an update or whatever.
Not moving.
Turns out he wasn't really the person I thought he was due to some situations I found out about...
So now I'm thinking about becoming a firefighter.
And I'm thinking about not worrying about moving out for a while.
And I'm thinking about not dating for a very long while.
So there that is.
Take care.
heart
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Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2014 12:33 pm
Do what you gotta do. You know what's best for yourself.
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