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If you read this I will love you long time.


I've been in denial for the last 3 years. I'm not an A student. I'm actually a B/B+ student. Sometimes I get C's on tests, yeah, occasionally, but for the most part my GPA is always B/B+. But that's when Junior year came in. As always, History and English come naturally to me. Those are my 2 AP's this year. Math sucks, and for the second year in a row I actually find Science challenging. First quarter I did really well in everything minus Math and Science so I thought, "Hey! Why don't I try to pick those grades up Second Quarter? Then I'll be really well rounded!"


What. A ********. Mistake.


I began to do a ton of work for math and science. Extra work. Neither of those teachers accept extra credit so this was all for me. I was teaching myself all the subjects before the teachers would even walk in the room. I'm talking about 3PM-12AM study sessions for myself. At least 3 nights a week. Problem was that about 3 weeks before the end of the quarter, I realized I had totally dropped the ball on my 2 APs and my extra English elective. So I said to myself, "No problem. I'll just turn in the extra work"...Let me tell you, attempting to do a full quarter's worth of work for 2 AP classes alone in 2 weeks is just NOT doable. It is just next to impossible. Every single night for those next 2 weeks was hell. From 3pm (when i get home) to 4am I would be doing work. I wake up every morning at 6am. I only got in about 80% of the work overall. You might be thinking to yourself at this point, "Wow Scarlet, you really ******** up there but at least you caught up!"

NO. NO because apparently I still suck at math and science. There is no hope in me anymore. I'm borderline depressed about it. I used to think I was really good at school but now I just feel like a giant piece of s**t. It doesn't help that I always pressured myself to be good at school since my brother did terribly in high school and was amazing at everything else. Now I feel like I have absolutely nothing. To make things worse, this girl in my class always rubs it in my face when I do poorly. I'm strong enough to blow that bullshit off but she's just such an a*****e about it. It's persistent. She always does better than me and treats me as though I am subhuman.

I have not officially gotten my grades back yet, but I'm 95% sure of them since I checked all of them before grades became inaccessible to students.

I am satisfied with AP English, in which I got a B.
Despite getting an A on my APUSH midterm, I'm fairly sure I got a D for this quarter if not an F (not due to bad test grades but simply because of the lack of turned in work)
For my English Elective I got a B.
For AP French I have an A.
For Science I have a D.
And finally, I failed Math.


What is the point? What was the point of all my suffering and pain if I am none the wiser? My grade in Math went from a C to a D when I spent far more time and energy into the topics. This quarter I'm hiring a tutor at my own expense just for this class. The only bright light in this entire situation is that my teachers like me and my parents are extremely sympathetic to my situation. Every night I feel like crying because I regret signing up for 2 classes that have nothing at all to do with what I actually want to major in, simply because my guidance counselor said that colleges like to see them. But I never cry because I realize it won't help.

Now I'm asking myself what will help.

I just needed to shout this out there. To any of you who actually took the time to read this obnoxious block, thank you. It means everything.

[TL;DR]: I used to be a B/B+ student and now I feel like a D student because I'm fairly certain I failed 2 classes this quarter and I'm being bullied by a complete a*****e and I'm just very sad and insecure right now. In short, I feel actually retarded.

If any of you have any stories about high school or simply reassuring words, I would love to hear them. I feel so isolated amongst my friends, since they all have 4.0 GPAs. They cry when they get a 98 on a test. I want to cry because I failed a class this quarter. They cannot relate to me. I'm worried I won't get into college at this rate.

Lmaao This made me feel so good. However I know for a fact that I can achieve an 85+ in both of those AP classes and maintain my 95 in AP French (It's not AP but a very specific college-level class so I'm just going to call it AP). It's just physics and trigonometry (dropped trig last year, but I was always in advanced math) that keep ******** me over. And they're just regents level. I feel like such an idiot because everyone else in physics wants to be an engineer and I don't even know why I'm there. The class average is like 80 and I have a D. Trig is even worse. I mean at least the class isn't doing well either but UGH I HATE THIS STUPID s**t. I got 90's in all my previous sciences minus chemistry which I got a C in (although I blame that on the teacher), and now I just cannot grasp, for the life of me, physics. I hate it. I just hate it. Everyday I sit in that class and ponder over how my life would be if I had just taken human anatomy. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time.

BTW did you go to college? And if so, which one?

Which one what? Which college?

If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree...


I don't mesh with formal education very well, it's too structured. If I'm going to learn I must learn by being given the materials and being left the ******** ALONE with it. Grade my work when I finish on something, if I do it wrong then you sit me down and teach me, usually I get it right though. Don't coop me up, narrate the theory to me and then test me a goddamn week later.

UTA. And yesss, they are! xD
They really aren't lying when they say college isn't like highschool :>

Yaaay, anatomyyyy~ 4laugh