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King Zeus Kami

King Gekko

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Posted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 12:19 pm

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Posted: Sat Jan 11, 2014 9:27 pm

Hello, I'm Disturbed Masterpiece, and I'll be taking a look-see of your profile today.
xxxxxxPERSONAL INFORMATION
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Captains, in a formal setting, are required to wear the standard shihakusho along with the classic white Haori; while you can have your additional haori as well, uniforms are mandatory thing.
Please add a little more flesh to his physical description. How muscled is he, tattoos, where the scars are most plentiful, etc.
Also, please add an aspiration or two; if your character didn't want to do anything, then he probably wouldn't be a Captain.
If you're going to revisit your bio later, that's fine, otherwise I want some information on his pre-Captain days, life within Rukongai; was he a criminal or some prodigy? Also, please elaborate on your love-interest with this Egyptian woman.
Also, the Captain Commander is a female, not a male.

xxxxxxZANPAKUTO DETAILS
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**I'll be reviewing the Shikai and Bankai separately

SHIKAI

Ability One: A black hole is condensed dark matter that has a weight so powerful that it has a large field of gravity; and even with this large field of gravity, black holes only suck things in when they reach the black holes event horizon, which is where light begins to begins to be absorbed, otherwise the "edge" of the black hole. So if you have varying distances from this black hole with different powers of gravity, and anything that comes into contact with it's event horizon is sucked up, I believe that would work. Having it active for two posts is acceptable, though I will have to ask you to put a reasonable cool-down time on it.
Ability Two: I'm fine with this ability, other than the fact that if still in zero gravity, blood-pressure decreases rapidly, making bleeding slow down instead of quicken. But for what reason do people who get cut gain extra speed? Why do they bleed out more? Also, please decrease active-time to less than 5-posts, and also add a cool-down time.
Ability Three: I think this ability is fine, though you're going to have to add that he cannot stay in this space-dimension other than to travel, meaning he can't seek shelter just by using this ability. Other than zanpakuto, I'm going to have to deny bringing other objects with you, due to you entering a space-dimension created by your zanpakuto.

BANKAI

In your description, once again please lower the effectiveness below five posts. Also, please note my comments on abilities one and two for your bankai as well, seeing as it uses both zero-gravity and black holes.
Ability One: Denied. A black hole is mass that has enough gravity to bend in light, in it's true form, meaning if you hit a black hole with anti-gravity it would be null-and-void. My apologies, but please replace with a different ability.
Ability Two: How much further would this knock someone back opposed to normal? Giving a rough estimate is fine, just by multiples or whatever you feel more comfortable with. But is this dome of energy effective against attacks or just organic beings? And if it is effective against attacks, what strength of attack can it withstand before breaking? Also, seeing as this could be used extensively in close-quarter combat, please put a small cool-down on here.
Ability Three: Explain how one would escape this dome, seeing as there has to be a way to get out of this dome. Is just the target effected by zero-gravity, or are you as well? Also, please remove the safety zone section, due to the near-impossibility that you'll ever willingly kill off your own character.
Ability Four: This looks like it was based off of Ability One, which has been denied; regardless, there's a three ability limit Bankai without having talked to Onin about it previously, meaning that this slot shouldn't be updated.

xxxxxxSHINIGAMI ABILITIES
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