musicbabegirl
Haven't written in forever smile Threw this together suggestion and stuff wbg.
She wakes up to the creaking again. She hears it all the way up the stairs ad into her mom’s room. Then, it comes and stands outside her room. Waiting...listening… She slows her breath like she always does but she’s afraid of the noise that walks threw her home.
Her room is dark, but she sees the faint light outside her door. So faint she doesn’t notice it at first. The creaking continues long and slow. Like the …thing…outside is shifting its weight on one creaky board.
All she thinks about is her breathing. Keep it long. Like you’re sleeping. Yeah, just like you’re sleeping. In. ..out…. She rolls out of bed and onto the floor. Quietly, she scoots away from the bed and towards the door. Soon regretting leaving her bed she sits by the door debating how seriously she wants to know what’s outside the safety of her room.
She wakes up to the creaking again. She hears it all the way up the stairs ad into her mom’s room. Then, it comes and stands outside her room. Waiting...listening… She slows her breath like she always does but she’s afraid of the noise that walks threw her home.
Her room is dark, but she sees the faint light outside her door. So faint she doesn’t notice it at first. The creaking continues long and slow. Like the …thing…outside is shifting its weight on one creaky board.
All she thinks about is her breathing. Keep it long. Like you’re sleeping. Yeah, just like you’re sleeping. In. ..out…. She rolls out of bed and onto the floor. Quietly, she scoots away from the bed and towards the door. Soon regretting leaving her bed she sits by the door debating how seriously she wants to know what’s outside the safety of her room.
Crap, I somehow missed this.
Anyways, grammar corrections first. You have a typo at "ad," and sentences that end with ellipses have 4 periods (like you did in the last paragraph). "Threw" is the past of "throw." The word you're looking for is "through."
Okay, that's out of the way. On to the serious stuff.
It's a little odd to me that she's slowing her breathing down, but not concerned about the noise hitting the floor or scooting to the door would make. There's also the question of why she'd approach something she's afraid of, especially if she's unarmed.
It's a little too short to know anything about this, or where it was going, so I'm not sure if I should critique it as a character development, a story intro, or a midstory section.
