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"Ann! Anchester! It's time to wake up!" Ann's mother, Karen's voice echoed around her mind, disrupting the dream and causing her to jolt awake.
The phrasing is awkward in the highlighted area. You could probably get away with not mentioning her mother's name for a while, which would fix it.

Ann groaned, "Five more minutes pleeease, Mom!" She covers her head with a pillow and tries to recall her dream. Aaron Kraimer was just leaning toward her...
You changed tenses - the previous sentence is in past tense (echoed), and this one is in present (covers, tries). It's generally a better idea to pick one and be consistent.

"NOW, Ann. Any later and you'll be running late," Mom's voice interrupted again.
"Mom" being capitalized is grammatically incorrect, unless it's 'Karen Mom lastname.' Also, since the story is in first person, this phrasing doesn't read correctly; it should be "her mother" or "her mom," otherwise, it implies that it's your mother.
Also, you're back in past tense.

Anchester huffed loudly. "But, Mom, it's my birthday! Can't I skip just this once?" she said, putting an extra whine in her voice. A few moments later, she heard her mom's footsteps coming down the hall. Her mother opened the door with a soft smile on her face.
Something that bugs me is when authors give their characters a long name, and then arbitrarily shorten it and use that form at random. Sorry, but you've done that (first paragraph, following her mother's words, and then the start of the next paragraph). I suggest picking one and sticking with that one, leaving the other to show characterizations (how she prefers to be addressed by certain individuals, how you know she's in trouble, etc).
There's a comma error that I've fixed in the highlighted area.

"Do you want to maintain a 3.5 average?" she asked, arching an eyebrow. Anchester simply nodded. "Then you need to go to school. Don't worry, sweetie," her mom said, going to her closet and picking out a set of clothes for Anchester to wear. "The day will go by fast. I promise." And with that, she left the room, leaving Ann to get ready for school.
I've highlighted a few areas that don't flow well. The first one could use a better adverb than "simply," maybe "groggily," or something to indicate she's still trying to deny herself the waking life. The second was a comma splice, and the third was a capitalization error. The next one is excess words that should probably be replaced with "then," and the last one is another comma splice.

She sighed and sat up, rubbing away the sleep from her eyes. She eyed the clothes her mom had laid out before standing to change into them. She was actually surprised that Karen hadn't set out something dorky for her to wear.
Using "eyes" then "eyed" right next to each other could be done better. Change the second one.
Why do you use the mother's name here? Does Anchester think of her mother by her first name?
You may want to consider merging to the two sentences like, "She eyed the clothes her mom had laid out before standing to change into them, surprised that she hadn't set out something dorky for her to wear." It reads better, but I've deliberately left room for that sentence to be improved.

After brushing her teeth and fixing her hair, she went down stairs. "Bye Mom, bye Dad!" she called as she slipped on her shoes.
Is this Japan? Maybe my family and the family I married into are the odd ones, but we keep our shoes in our room, unless it rained and we're letting them dry by the door. Which means, hint hint, tell us something about the weather or the family and why this is the way it is.

"See you after school, sweetie!" her mother replied. "Have a good day!" said her dad a moment later. They were sitting at the kitchen table; her father, Paul, was reading the news paper while Karen was sipping on a cup of coffee. Anchester shot them a smile before hurrying out the door.
The introduction of her father's name here is much better than the introduction of her mother's name. However, again, why now?
"Newspaper" is one word.

Just as she stepped out, her best friend Chelsea pulled into her driveway, driving her '97 Ford Escort. "I thought you'd like a ride today!" her friend called out. This was the frist time her parents had let her drive the car. Ann smiled and hopped in the passenger seat just as the school bus turned around the corner.
Do you like the phrase "just as?" You've used it twice in this paragraph.
Highlighted is an area that could be simplified to the word "she." Following that is a tidbit of information, that, while acceptable to put here, reads out of place. Can you segue into it and out of it better? Or, possibly move it to the next paragraph, after the question is asked (I've marked it with an * ).

"So, your parent's finally trust you with your licence?" Ann asked, giving Chelsea a mischievous grin.* Chelsea's parents were exceptionally strict on her, rarely allowing her to do anything. They had been lenient on her elder sister, who had ended up as a not-so-descent person. Ann and Chelsea both speculated that by being strict with her, her parents were trying to make up for their mistake.
I think this paragraph is telling of you, not the characters. Let me see what I can pull from it.
You're young, probably under 16, not often involved in relationships. You probably live in an area that is more rural than urban, the outer suburbs being the closest you've probably lived in a city. Your family is "traditional," which is to say, your father earns most of the money, your mother does most of the housework (including cooking), and your mother is likely the one to spend the most time raising you (by a significant margin). Your family is also probably Christian, of the Baptist sect, and from the sounds of it, a Southern Baptist sect (though, really, the Southern and the rural Baptist sects are pretty similar). You're also not an only child; I'd say you have at least one older sibling, whom you perceive as a parental favorite, and you resent that at least a tiny bit.
I say this because you assert a certain cause and effect to child rearing that simply isn't there. There is no evidence that is scientifically sound (or even feasible) that supports that assertion. Most of the support for those thought lines comes from religion, and since I'm guessing you were raised in the States, that means Christianity is the most likely.
If you want to retain this idea, that's fine. You just need to change it so it's less accusatory.

Chelsea snorted. "Just for today," she said with an eye roll. "I convinced John that it would be my present to you, so you don't have to ride the bus on your birthday. Luckily, Sarah played along." She gave an exasperated sigh. Chelsea usually called her parents by their names, she felt "mom" and "dad" was just weird. Oddly enough, her parents were okay with this, they felt it showed how mature Chelsea was.
Wait...so Chelsea's mature, but they're strict on her? That's backwards. Maturity tends to grant leniency, not encourage strictness.

Anchester shared a knowing look with her friend, having lived through all of her frustration with her. She sighed and decided to change the subject to a happier topic. "So, did you watch the newest episode of Game of Thrones?" she asked, knowing that it was Chelsea's current favorite TV show.
And now we're back to "Anchester." Grammar errors highlighted. Extra word marked.

"Oh my gosh, yes!" she gushed, telling Ann all the details of the episode. Ann hadn't watched it yet, but she nodded at all the right points and made comments about it here inand there. She put it on her mental to-do list, telling herself she'd watch it as soon as she got home.
Here's a second error following punctuation. Did you type this on a phone or tablet? They like to capitalize letters after ! and ?, regardless of accuracy. However, when they're a part of something being said, they don't indicate that the word following it should be capitalized.

Chelsea continued to talk about Game of Thrones and what she expected of episodes to come as they pulled into they school parking lot. She circled around the lot, looking for a spot she liked. Just as she was going to pull into one, a yellow VW Bug zipped in front of us and stole it. Chelsea threw her hands up and said "What the hell?
Extra letter marked, look out for those.
Hey, look, "just as" again.
You also have a perspective shift, which is probably an editing error. Was this story originally in first person? Otherwise, the "us" makes no sense, and should be "them."
You seem to have lost a quotation mark at the end of the paragraph.

A few moments later, a familiar bleach-blonde head appeared over the hood of the car. Megan Smith. She had a skinny, tooth-pick body and sported a spray-on tan. She gave us a sarcastic smile. You snooze, you loose, she mouthed at us before turning around and laughing with her posse.
"Toothpick" is one word, no hypen. "You snooze, you loose" needs to be in quotation marks.
It's time for another one of my gripes.
We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he wears black, has a deep voice, and threatens to choke people for defying him. We know Megan Smith is the bad guy because she goes too far in her quest for beauty and fits right in with Hollywood's "tries-to-hard-and-is-somehow-popular" cliche.
Everything about her is yellow or orange. "Don't worry, I'm the bad guy, but I'm friggin' cheerful!"
Really? You can't do better than that?
Make us care. Now. Not later, when you're about to kill her. Now.
Also, her posse came from nowhere. If they were riding in the car with her, they will get out first, because they don't have to park the car before getting their bags and purses. At which point, Anchester and Chelsea will already know who's about to step out (as if they wouldn't from the car alone).

"Anorexic b***h," Chelsea mumbled, then turned the steering wheel and picked a different spot. Anchester sympathized with her. Megan was a renowned school bully who always gets what she wants. Of course the teachers knew of her actions, but any punishment she received just built on to her bullying and rarely helped at all.
Comma splice caught again.
Also, good bullies don't receive punishment. If you want a queen bee type character, she's the school's darling, not a troublemaker whom the teachers regularly catch in a bad act.
Plus, she's not really built to be a bully. Bullies need strength, be it from numbers, size, or a power that backs them (like in manga, where there's the school headmaster's daughter/son or whatever). A "magical" posse doesn't count; she had to have power before that.

After going their separate ways, it seemed to Ann that her first two classes whizzed by. Apart from the incident with Megan that morning, the day was going fairly well. Before she knew it, she was sitting her tray down at her lunch table. She smiled at her other two friends as she lowered herself into her seat. Katie and Michael Brewer were twins, both had bright, red hair and they usually wore matching colored shirts.
Umm...time skip? You clearly didn't want to break for a chapter, but you also aren't willing to take the time to go into any details. Coming from a highly detailed pre-school morning, this is jarring to the reader.
The word is "setting." "Sitting" is something a person or animal does. "Set" is used for objects.
Do you know any twins, particularly fraternal ones? The (admittedly few) ones I know of run in different social circles, look different, and don't behave as a unit.
Moving on. Their description is done with improper grammar. Here's one fix:
"Katie and Michael Brewer were twins, with bright red hair, and usually matched their shirt colors."
There are many other potential fixes, but as it stands, it reads like two sentences.

And here's where Wattpad and my broswer decide to not cooperate, so bleh. If I typo'd something, my apologies.

"Hey, Michael, how are you?" Ann asked him with a bright smile. He looked over at Katie*, who had her iPhone out, tapping away ??? some urgent message.
Extra word, odd characterization that isn't explained (marked with * ), and a missing word are all here. You can "tap out" an urgent message, you can "reply to" an urgent message, but "tapping away" gives the impression that tapping somehow makes the message, well, go away. Pretty sure most cell phone users know that doesn't happen.

"I'm fine," Michael answered with an unseen sneer at his sister. "How are you, Ann? Having a good birthday so far?" he winked as he asked the question.
There aren't any actual problems with this paragraph. However, the last part - the winking - reads a tiny bit awkwardly. Grammatically, it can be correct, but it would probably be better to capitalize "he," or to drop "as he asked the question" entirely.

Anchester mentally rolled her eyes, thinking back to the events of this morning. "It's just great," she replied with a touch of sarcasm. "School is the best place to be on your birthday."
Another paragraph with no actual problems.
I do, however, find mentally rolling one's eyes to be an odd act. Most people don't bother to restrict it to their brain.

Michael's green eyes shined with symphony. "I know the feeling," he chuckled, "But, just imagine if you had to share your birthday with someone..." He shot Katie another sneer, but she still payed him no attention.
And we're back in business. "Shined" is the wrong word - it's "shone." Also, "symphony" is very much the wrong word - a "symphony" is another term for an orchestra. "Sympathy" is probably the word you're looking for, as it means "expressing pity, condolences, or similar towards someone else's state of being."
You have a capitalization error followed by a comma splice, marked as usual. This is because it is the most natural way of speaking the sentences. "I know the feeling. But, just imagine if you had to share ...." Also, an elipsis is three periods, and if it ends a sentence, you add an additional period. That's a weird aspect of English.

Ann opened her mouth to reply, but at that exact moment, Chelsea came to the table and whispered, "Hottie alert, one o'clock." She grinned mischievously, then left to get her tray of food. Anchester gazed after her with a questioning look1, then turned around to scan the area. It didn't take her long to find him. Ann's eyes locked with Aaron's, and he gave her a slow, sexy smile2. Ann tried to give him a smooth smile back, but she was sure it came out like a pained expression. Luckily, he looked away before she could further embarrass herself. 3Michael looked over at Aaron and grunted before turning back to his tray and eating the remainder of his food4. However, Anchester payed him no attention, her mind was elsewhere. She thought of Aaron, his dirty blonde hair and dark brown eyes5. He would make the perfect gift, she thought, as she remembered her dream from last night.
More time words. See my final comments on this.
There's a few grammar errors, which I've marked in red. Of greater importance are the numbers in red.
1. The phrasing of the preceeding phrase is awkward. "Gazed" is simply the wrong word. Try to find a better one.
2. Personal grip - I'm sorry, a "sexy" smile? In high school? That's like using the word "cute" to describe anything appealing. Pick a better word. For a harsher critique, highlight: This sentence alone almost made me stop reviewing this piece. Locking eyes, sexy smile...that's level 1 romance right there, and while I understand that every single paranomal teen book has to have romance because it's the unwritten law of teen books, this is beyond corny into atrocious. Honestly, I'd drop it entirely, or, if you must keep it, at least describe it better than with words from middle school.
3. This should be the start of a new paragraph.
4. Wow, he's a fast eater. Maybe he should resume eating his food. Also, you've already dropped Katie into non-existence.
5. At least he's not dark and mysterious.


After lunch and her third block class, Anchester went to her fourth and final class, P.E. Though she hated athleticism, she enjoyed the class. It helped her stay fit, and she enjoyed the exercise.... But mainly she enjoyed it because it was the only class she had with Aaron. During warm-up stretches, he came over and talked to her.
The section in red makes no sense. She hates exercise, but enjoys it? Clear it up.
The section in red is where you didn't have an extra period after the elipsis. Same as before, don't worry about it.
However, the word "But" is a grammar mistake. You're not supposed to start sentences with the words "and" or "but," despite it happening in speech constantly. Some authors also use it for emphasis at the end of a chapter/section, but they have to be careful with it, and most of the time, a stronger sentence can be made without it.
As if that wasn't enough, the last sentence in this paragraph should probably be moved to the start of the next.

"So, I hear today is your birthday?" he asked as he stretched his torso over his leg.
Umm...I have no idea what stretch he's doing. It sounds really awkward.

"Yeah, that's right," she answered, trying to sound as cool as him while mimicking his movement.
Nothing here.

"Alright, cool. How about we go do something after school?" he smiled at her, the same charming smile he gave her earlier.
Sexy = charming? Um, okay, if you say so.
No comments of substance here.

"Uh... I'll have to ask my mom," Anchester replied, feeling a slight burn in her cheeks. "But I'm sure it'll be okay with her."
Nothing here.

He chuckled, looking at her with amused eyes. "Meet me at my car after class," he said, still chuckling. After that, he stood up, "See you there." He winked and walked away. Anchester watched him leave, inwardly celebrating1. She wished that Chelsea were in her class, too, so they could celebrate together. But in the midst of her joy, a worry filled her heart. She just knew that Karen2 wouldn't agree to this.
"Looking at her with amused eyes" is repetitive. What else are you going to do with your eyes? Eat?
Another comma splice.
Actually, you should probably drop that sentence.
And more stuff in red.
1. This should start a new paragraph. Also, it makes it sound like him leaving is the cause of her celebrating, which I know is not your intent.
2. Again with the arbitrary parent names/titles. For a second, I had her mother mixed up with the girl villian, and was confused as to why Anchester would care what said girl villain would do.


After class, Ann snuck into the girls bathroom and called her mom. She answered on the third ring. "Ann? Why are you calling from school?" a hint of worry is in her voice.
The last sentence has a multiple issues. There's no indicator of what her mother speaking (which could be solved by keeping the removed sentence in and replacing the period with a comma), and it switches back to present tense ("is").

"It's nothing, really, Mom," Ann replied nonchalantly. "I was just wondering if I could hang out with my friend after school?"
Comma splice. Also a word choice question to be answered below.

"Which friend? You know we have a party for you tonight. Just invite her over then." Karen's tone suggested that it was the end of the conversation.
You have two separate ideas - the speech and the tone comment. They should be separated by a period, not a comma. Yutora has a lovely explanation of how to properly tag things, you should ask her for a copy of it.

"But it's not a girl, Mom, he's a boy... He wants me to hang out with him after school since it's my birthday," she explained, slightly panicked.
Comma splice.
Can you give us a nervous tick she has here? Like, oh, what's she doing with her free hadn as she's panicked?

Karen remained silent for a moment. "Sweetie, you know what I've told you about boys... You can't-"
The sentence ending is off, check Yutora's guide.
I'm not too thrilled with the starting sentence here. If a mother is silent after a teen asks for something, the teen usually blathers on, trying to convince the parent with more words.

"-be alone with a boy until you and Dad have met him, yes I know," Ann interrupted, reciting the rule with an exasperated tone. "But Mom, I'm seventeen now! I think that's old enough to be alone with a boy. Besides, he'll probably just give me a ride home."
Comma splice!

"Anchester, rules are there for a reason," he mother replied firmly. "I expect to see you home within thirty minutes," she says before hanging up.
"Says" is present tense. You should know by now what to do with it.

Ann looked at her phone for a moment, a hurt expression wilting her face. Mom's just trying to protect me, but I don't need protection!1 She thought, snapping her phone shut and wiping tears from her eyes. He's a boy, not a monster.2 Feeling confident with herself3, she walked from the restroom past the school doors and into the student parking lot. She scanned4 the lot and smiled when she seen Aaron waving at her. He was standing besides a black Mitsubishi Eclipse5. The car suits him well, she thought as she made her way over to him.
I haven't seen a wilted face before. Interesting choice. Not bad, just interesting.
Unfortunately, the rest of the paragraph I do have a few issues with.
1. This should be shortened. It's obvious to the reader that her mother's trying to protect her; you don't need to expicitly say so. Also, the "she" following it shouldn't be capitalized.
2. If you didn't have lovely little tags indicating that the story was a monster story in the first place, this would have been my confirmation. I had suspicions from the title alone. This needs to be fixed, and I'm not really sure how because I don't know what you're trying to do with it other than lie.
3. That's an odd turn around, given that she just got berated by her mother, and is normally quite nervous around this Aaron monster.
4. "Scanned" again? Please pick a different word. It stands out too much.
5. Dammit, you just wanted someone like me to praise you for him not being dark and mysterious right before making him dark and mysterious, didn't you? Ugh. Must his car be black? You know, the key indicator of either a hero or villian, depending on the series? Following that, you don't need to tell the reader the car suits him well. If you bother to give the car's make and model as well as color, then it can be assumed that it suits him unless there's some textual indicator otherwise.

"Ready to go?" he asked, opening the door for her.


Ann smiled at him, saying "Yep, sure am." But beneath her smile hid a pit of worry and doubt1. How much trouble will I get in for this? she thought before sitting down. Aaron shuts the door behind her and walks smoothly around the card to get inside2. "So, where are we going?" Ann asked as he sat down.
1. Where'd this come from? Wasn't she confident and calm just a moment ago?
2. Back to present tense.
Also, your italics ran one letter too long.

He winks at her and simply says, "It's a surprise." He smiles and starts the car, shifting it into drive and pulling away from the school.
Present tense.

Ann tried to smile at him, but a bad feeling rolled around in her stomach. Before they left the lot, they passed Chelsea who was standing beside her car. Ann smiled at her and waved but the movement seemed too robotic. She looked back at Aaron and the feeling in her stomach worsened. Her gut was trying to tell her something, but it was too late now to listen. She looked out of her window and noticed that the city was zipping by. Soon they were out of the town altogether and nothing but trees and shrubbery surrounded the road.
This entire paragraph sounds mechanical, and also contributes to the feeling of Anchester having no agency. See below for more of what I mean by that.
Here, though, there's plenty of opportunity to escape, and she passes all of them up.

"Aaron, where are we going?" She asked, a serious tone lining her voice.
No capital after the question mark.

"It's a surprise," he repeats.
Present tense.
Other than that, it's a good place to end the chapter.