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Yukari Clepsydra

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 2:50 pm


Got a promo you want critic-ed? Allow me, (arguably) one of the best promo-ers of all time to critic your promo and give you 'my' thoughts on it.

Simply post said promo, and a link to it
I'll get back to it with my thoughts.
PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 3:09 pm


Before I do any 'criticing' I do want to give out what I'll be using

Who - Who you are, or who the promo is addressed to
What - What it is you're trying to achieve
When - Is whatever you're doing going to happen now? Or later, explain
Where - Basically address what company you're in, arena, ppv, etc
Why - You are doing what you're doing
How - Are you going to accomplish such a goal

Each one is going to get a grade of 1-10, a perfect score is 70 in this part

The next is the personal touch, giving out a maximum grade of 30
Each one is going to get a personal touch, so 'that' aspect will always be different.

Yukari Clepsydra

Swashbuckling Sentai

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The Mad Land Monarch

Interesting Lunatic

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 5:07 pm


Hey, Chrono. This is a promo I did a while ago in WWF:G. Its titled Our Brutal Planet.
PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 5:30 pm


Cr0wned

Thoughts?

HiroShinMozas

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Yukari Clepsydra

Swashbuckling Sentai

15,250 Points
  • Hotblooded Hero 50
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PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 6:33 pm


Kodoku 1
Hey, Chrono. This is a promo I did a while ago in WWF:G. Its titled Our Brutal Planet.


Well, let me cut to my notes first as I noticed this a while ago..
You're basically doing what Boxer does in WWE:E, so any originality and momentum it would cause is heavily, heavily brought down..
So lost some points there in my mind

While it's well written, short and sweet. I think you could've done more to describe where you were, and other things I've listed below.



Who: You didn't really cover who you are, and who the people are
2/10 -because you said who you were at least in the actions, and at least acknowledged a group of people.

What: You have no really explanation of what it is you're trying to do, what their 'sins' are. I think you could've added more, or maybe express that in another part. 5/10

When: You did acknowledge that it was 'next' week's show. 7/10. I just think you can add more of an emphasis, or try to mention it a bit more..

Where: You barely touched on where you were, a 'barely' lit room, but where was said room? In the locker room? In an office? In a bathroom?
What company was it in? 1/10

Why: No explanation as to why you're doing what you're doing what you're doing. Make sure to give some sort of reason or hint, as to why.
No explanation as to 'how' it's a 'brutal planet' 1/10

How: Again, you never explained how. Are you going to slit their throats? Beat them in a match? I think if you're talking about a brutal planet you need to do something with that as a means to 'how' 1/10

17/70 in the W,W,W,W,W, H
Probably give 13 in my other aspects
So...

30/100
While a low grade, I think you can do a little bit more to highlight 'just' what you're doing.
So don't feel discouraged, work on it a bit more.
PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 6:35 pm


Cphiro
Cr0wned

Thoughts?

So am I going by what you're saying or the whole thing in general?

Yukari Clepsydra

Swashbuckling Sentai

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HiroShinMozas

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 6:36 pm


Yukari Clepsydra
Cphiro
Cr0wned

Thoughts?

So am I going by what you're saying or the whole thing in general?


The whole thing in general.
PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 6:36 pm


Reign of Destruction has Begun

Curious about your thoughts.

Master_Terranort

Dapper Dabbler


Harli_Nightmare

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 12:48 am


PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:21 am


Should this not be "Promo Critique Thread"? It was misleading to me, I was intrigued that someone was actually going to critique the profiles of characters.

-Nuclear Fusion-
Crew

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Harli_Nightmare

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:48 am


-Nuclear Fusion-
Should this not be "Promo Critique Thread"? It was misleading to me, I was intrigued that someone was actually going to critique the profiles of characters.
I thought it was a little interesting myself to be honest. I suppose Chrono might change it later.
PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:35 am


Cphiro
Cr0wned

Thoughts?


Well, I'm going to critique 'your' stuff because, I'm pretty sure that's what you wanted anyways..

Firstly, that horrible font color is extremely hard to read so change that, seriously ******** change that.

The Most hated moniker, change that too. Because you're not the most hated and you never were. You also use the same moniker in WWFG, and you're a face there..

Also, King isn't the 'greatest bad guy'

"He let the cigar, and stuck the lighter into his tights as he climbed the steel steps and joined the King in the ring."

He let the cigar do what? Exactly?

I dunno, I don't think I can really get through the segment, the font is just hard to read for one
for two, a lot of things like you BOTH getting the name of the championship wrong...

Certain things like you guys getting history and things like that wrong, and the hard to read fonts irk me.

Yukari Clepsydra

Swashbuckling Sentai

15,250 Points
  • Hotblooded Hero 50
  • Hero 100
  • Battle: KO 200

Yukari Clepsydra

Swashbuckling Sentai

15,250 Points
  • Hotblooded Hero 50
  • Hero 100
  • Battle: KO 200
PostPosted: Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:52 am


Master_Terranort
Reign of Destruction has Begun

Curious about your thoughts.


It's good but I think you're missing somethings in the WWWWWH factor

Elise never introduced Thangor, she just called him the 'Monster', she did say Thangor, but she never actually acknowledged it was him.

Where are they? What's the arena, the company?
When, what show are you doing it, when are you doing what you're doing?

The thing about Dark gimmicks is that they usually try and incorporate death, or engulf the world into darkness or some s**t like that

Like we've seen recently with Boxer, Cyrus Darke and now you.
I think you need to do something to separate yourself from them

Work on that aspect a bit..
PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:12 pm


If I May Be So Bold...

Any opinion would be appreciated. I'll come out and say that it end's kind of abruptly, but anything else I typed up sounded goofy.

TechnicalPacifist

Friendly Regular

5,950 Points
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Yukari Clepsydra

Swashbuckling Sentai

15,250 Points
  • Hotblooded Hero 50
  • Hero 100
  • Battle: KO 200
PostPosted: Tue Apr 30, 2013 9:13 pm


TechnicalPacifist
If I May Be So Bold...

Any opinion would be appreciated. I'll come out and say that it end's kind of abruptly, but anything else I typed up sounded goofy.


I gotta say, I liked this. I was a fan of the Brody character for awhile but I was waiting for you to break out of your shell
This is something I was waiting for..

The expressions that you gave, the hint at old places, and the overall storytelling of your visual frustrations.
That is a long overdue, welcome change that you needed.

I hope you bring this new 'attitude' to places you go, while I don't think a heel turn is needed as far as the character goes
This is certainly better than the quiet guy that gets around based on luck more so than getting noticed.

I think several points you threw out there like 'hindenburg-sized egos' and 'bombastic personalities' and you being lost in them
hit the nail on the head.

The promo was short and sweet to the point, you're frustrated that you're not getting noticed, and you want to change that.
Yet it still conveyed a story which is great.

I'm probably giving this an overall grade of 95/100

The 'only' thing that prevents this from a perfect grade in my opinion is that I think conveying a little bit more of 'how' you're going to win King of the Canvas, and probably mention a few people that are into it.
You mentioned Nuke, that's one.
Put perhaps talk about the next opponent in line, whether it's person a, or person b. Concentrate on 'them' before you go further

Something like
'So and So, it's nothing personal but you're the first person that'll experience the new Brody Robinson, I hope you prepare yourself, etc'


Focusing on the overall goal is good, but you have to remember the present as well, and what comes in your path to reaching your goal.
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The Reborn Wrestling RP Social Guild

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