Aida is gone

[Gabrielle_AnimalLuver]

Monday night...I let Aida walk around. Not that I don't normally, but it had been a few days. What with the chronic diarrhea and all. Anyway, she was really good, played in her tunnels, then slept on me for several hours. Around 1am, I'm pretty sure she had a seizure, actually, I believe she had two. It's hard to say for sure or really describe it because it was dark and she was on my shoulder sort of out of sight, but I felt it. I ended up staying up till 3am with her. When she wasn't having any more seizures, I allowed myself 3hrs of sleep. Although I did wake up around 5am and checked on her. In the morning, I let her have ice cream for breakfast. I brought her to my mom who petted her and wished her good luck, and then we went to the vet.

I told my vet about the seizure, he had to switch the drug protocol but still suggested surgery as her best option. Her lungs were not sounding quite right either. Which they had every other time we'd been. Still he said, surgery was the best option. Her chances are still good, we'll deal with the lungs and the diarrhea later. The seizure may have been hypoglycemia or a magnesium deficiency, after all she'd lost so much weight. I knew that at this point, it was surgery or I'd be euthanizing her within a day or two. So we proceeded with the surgery. I stayed well after the sedation. But she wasn't asleep yet when I had to leave. I kissed her like 20 times, and told her I'd be back to pick her up. And then I left.

I stayed close by the clinic, until I got the call about an hour and a half later. She was okay. The surgery was a success, she was awake and walking around. I started to cry I was so happy. I had prepared myself for the worst but it had worked! They said I could pick her up in the evening. I went to go write my exam.

When I got out of my exam, I had a text from my friend, it just said that when she left work, Aida wasn't doing so great, but hopefully she's better now. I also had a missed call from the clinic. My heart just stopped. I knew it was bad. I called the clinic and asked how she was doing, the vet said, it's bad news. He waited, as I cried silently on the other end "Aida passed away" he said. And I slid down to the ground and started to cry. He said that around 12:30, she started to look groggy again. Not long after she went into cardiac arrest. They tried to resusitate her but she was gone. He told me he was sorry, that he knew I loved her and this wasn't what I had anticipated but that now I needed to decide what I wanted to do with her remains. I told him I would be picking her up and bringing her home as I promised her. And that she'd be buried beside her sister. He tried to tell me I wouldn't be able to dig through the frozen ground but I assured him I would. I called my dad, when he answered I could barely stop crying long enough to explain what happened. But he knew just from me crying that something had gone wrong. I asked if we could dig and he said it wouldn't be a problem. I didn't think to call my mom but, apparently my dad got home not realizing she didn't know, and when he told her she screamed so loud my brother came running thinking she'd hurt herself. I called my friend to tell her I couldn't go with her to meet our friend at the airport. Later that night they showed up at my door and hugged me.

When I got to the clinic, I was sort of out of it. But when I heard the receptionist call the tech to say I was there to pick up Aida's body. I dunno, the word body made it real, made me realize it really happened. It wasn't a dream. I couldn't stop crying, she ran to get me klennex. I could tell the tech was sad too, when she brought me the box with Aida in it. She asked if I was okay to drive and I said yes and she told me how sorry she was. I probably wasn't okay to drive, I could barely see from the tears in my eyes. And when I got to my car and opened the box to see her. That's when I screamed. I told her how sorry I was. I picked her up and kissed her. When I got home I made a pawprint, like I do at work for client pets. I let Blaze inspect the body. I figured it'd be harder if her sister disappeared without a trace. She looked really confused, and sad. Then I switched her to a nicer box and wrapped her in her blankie. It was pitch black so I had to put the box in the fridge and bury her the next morning.

When I got to work ( a different clinic but my friend works part time at both) those who knew told me how sorry they were, and wanted to hug me and I just had to stop them, and tell them I needed to pretend nothing happened for the next 5hrs or I would not survive the day. My boss asked me what happened, and, my eyes swelled up and I couldn't even make a sentence. "I can't" was all I managed to say. "I need to make it through the day without breaking down"

I know that Aida lived a long life. She had a big cage, a sister, tunnels and a whole room to walk around. Lots of snuggle time and treats. I do wonder if things would have gone differently if I hadn't waited so long. But the part that really upsets me was that I wasn't THERE. I left her there, she was either masked or chambered under isoflurane, which is a scary experience. She woke up in a strange place, without me or her sisters. Her last 2hrs was spent in a strange cage alone, and then she died. Of the 4 pets that passed away before Aida, all 4 died in my arms. Be it euthanasia or accident, I was there holding them. This...was basically my worst nightmare.

A week shy of christmass, a month shy of her 3rd Birthday. Aida died alone while I was writting an exam.  

[Akari_32]

I'm sorry, Gabby sad Lots of hugs to you and Blaze. You are a good mommy, and always do the best by your ratties.  

[Kithy Kitty]

Words can't express how much sadness I feel. When the dog I grew up with had to be put down I was 7 hours away and wasn't there. He was put down in a room with people he didn't know with no one who loved him there and it breaks my heart every day. I know how you feel.

Nothing I can say will ease your pain but she knows how loved she is.

You're a wonderful person and you did so much more than anyone else would have dreamed of doing. Don't hold your tears in, cry if you need to cry.  

[Animelover955]

I'm so sorry Gabby. I know she meant a lot to you. R.I.P Aida and I'm sure your sister hope(I believe that was her name?) is waiting for you  

[Celestial Fireflies]

I'm so sorry. sad Aida did live a long and happy life, although that never makes it any easier to say goodbye.  

[Shearaha]

*HUGS*  

[Gabrielle_AnimalLuver]

@Lagomorph

No, it is comforting to check back and see people who actually understand. Only one of my friends had rats and she's in BC and I don't think anyone understands how attached you can get to something so little.

My parents both cried when they found out but, she was MY baby girl. My first ever rat. And then yesterday, my dad said something that really upset me.

See I had posted ONE picture of him on my Facebook, I couldn't help it, he's snuggling with Aida and she just looks SO happy and loving. And he was a lil peeved I'd posted it cause he's in it. And then he's like, oh, well at least I'm not KISSING a rat on facebook. I dunno why that upset me so much. Like, you were sad to lose her, when did she become just a rat again. Why aren't you proud to have been loved by her. Shame on ANYONE who thinks it gross to kiss a pet rat. Aida gave the best kisses. Right on the lips, you'd think she was trained to do it. And I miss her kisses every day.