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 Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 9:45 pm
 Name: Jessica Haze Nickname: Jessie, Jess, Nerd, Bookworm Age: 25 Birthday: May 20 Sign: Tarus Gemstone: Emerald Blood Type: A + Fav. Food: Ramin noddles, chicken or beef flavored and Klondike bars, mint chocolate chip flavor. Hated Food: Fish... any kind School: Graduated from Destiny City University with a BA in English Hobbies:Reading - It is no surprise that Jessie loves to read. She reads just about everything that she can get her hands on and has a 'to read' list that is scary long... not that she follows it. The kid's reading corner has a monthly story time where Jessie reads to the kids. She also has a informal book club that meets at the store every week on Monday's after the store closes early, around 6. She welcomes anybody but it is primary her friends that attend. It also give her a chance to share her recent culinary concoctions. Writing - Every so often she gets the urge to write her own things and jots down the ideas, even full pages/chapters within marble notebooks. Few stories ever get past five chapters but that doesn't mean she has forgotten about them. While she has never published a book she does have a secret wish to one day be able to sell a book she wrote in her bookstore. To this end she does occasionally wright fan-fiction and post it to the web under the pen name Diana Moon. Crafts - Jessie likes doing small hands on crafts such as knitting, beading/making, painting, origami, ect. Many of her crafts end up as presents for her friends or scattered around her shop and home. She has a stash of craft books that she has no issues lending out, even giving pointers on, with those that ask. She has heard of 'knitting circles' and 'quilting bees' but hasn't been able to gather the courage to find a local one...maybe one of theses days she might actually run one of her own but a push from a friend would likely be required. Cooking - Even though she is a horrible, and I do mean horrible, cook Jessie still likes to try every so often. She likes the homey feel it gives her even if her kitchen ends up smelling of smoke and the biscuits end up burnt to a crisp. Even though she knows she can't cook Jessie still tries to make things and frequently shows up on Monday nights with a 'treat' not that it really gets eaten. She loves to have on cooking shows like Good Eats or Ace of Cakes while she is working around her house or the store after hours. Iron Chef and Chopped are 'not to be disturbed' times and she is likely to tell you to go away if she is watch it, or offer you a seat and popcorn.... don't eat the popcorn it would likely be burn or taste funny, hot sauce and cheddar cheese is not a good combo for popcorn. Virtues: I Know! I Know! - She does not have a photographic memory but Jessie does have a surprising head for the books she has read. She retains a lot of the information she takes in as she reads various books. It might take her a bit to remember or she might have to look it back up just to be sure but if she has read about it she probably knows it. She rather enjoys sharing her eclectic knowledge and literary opinion with others when asked. One of her favorite things to do is to help the local kids with their projects, reports, and the like. She loves researching books and topics and proof reading papers and projects. One has only to ask. Generous - Jessie will randomly give little things out to people like cross-stitched bookmarks, knitted hats and gloves, dream catchers, ect. She is known to donate quite a many handmade gift to the children's ward at the hospital and she gives any extra books from her store to the local shelters and libraries, which ever is more appropriate for the type of books. Her parents always taught her that the best things in life are not bought but made and as a child she took that literally. That philosophy has stayed with Jessie her whole life. Compassionate - She is a great listener and shoulder to cry on. What is told to her in confidence remains in confidence but she still does her best to help. She is the kind of person who will loan you money, pick you up in the middle of the night, provides a couch to sleep on, and has even stepped into the middle of a fight in a few memorable occasions. She is not a door mat however and does know how to use the word 'no'. Flaws:Oh Look A Squirrel - Jessie is almost constantly in motion. She jumps from project to project and she is easily distracted, so many of the projects can be found lying around half complete. She does eventually complete the projects but something that should take a few days can and will take a month to be done. About the only thing she completes in a timely fashion is the books she is currently reading or books she has ordered. This makes it difficult when it comes to things requested from friends or appointments she needs to keep. Christmas presents end up being done in time for Valentines Day, her car is in serious need of a oil change, and she has no idea when the last time she saw the dentist was. Social Odd Ball - She understands the idea of jokes, sarcasm, flirting, ect but she misses them half the time. Rhetorical questions will more often times then not be replayed to while non rhetorical questions might not. Many jokes end with her asking 'what?' or 'hun?'. She has no clue about things like the newest Hollywood stars/occurrences or current fashion and to be honest she doesn't care. Her personal jokes are lame and somewhat childish, the longer the joke is the more likely she is to mess it up, and when it comes to 'racist' jokes she either doesn't realize it is racist or she apologizes for it but still tells it, for example: 'no offence to any blonds but, what does the blond say when she walks into a bar.... oww'. Jessie isn't much of a conversationalist unless you are ok talking about books and even then she might monopolize the conversation with books and authors she enjoys or she doesn't talk much in general allowing the conversation to trickle off into an awkward silence. Mirror, mirror - Jessie has this big issue where she feels required to return favors in kind regardless of faction, you have not given her a gift you have given her an obligation. If you hold open a door for her she feels obligated to hold the door for you, or something equal in value, and if she is unable to return it right away she will fixate on it until she is able to even to the point of driving herself to distraction trying to mentally work out the 'favor to favor' conversion rate: a bottle of water is worth a homemade sandwich or an ice cream cone while four hours in her store is worth six hours in a karaoke bar or she helps someone move. Don't try to talk her out of it, she can and will talk you down in great detail for hours. If you can convince her that no reciprocation is necessary she will bow out but the conversation could last a week or more. It is simpler to just give in. HOWEVER she will not intentionally do anything that will severely harm herself or another in the course of reciprocating the favor. This favor for favor does go both ways in the sense that she ALSO feels obligated to return pain for pain, in generally greater amounts. If you punch her she will punch you twice as hard, a kick for a kick, basically a eye for a eye.
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 9:47 pm
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION Eyes: Jessie has hazel eyes, they look primarily brown but they do have hints of green. They are average size but are hidden behind a pair of silver rimed glasses. Hair: Deep rich brown, nearly black, hair that is either up in a ponytail or is tucked in a messy bun. When its let down, which is sadly not that often, it flows down Jessie's back until it brushes right above the small of her back. She uses no accessories unless it is for a special occasion, a pencil might be shoved behind the ear or into her pony tail occasionally is much more likely. Face: Jessie has a oval face that tappers a bit to a point at her chin. Her complexion is clear with just a bit of color from the sun. Her ears are small and dainty with one piercing in each ear. It has no real markings such as freckles but one might find a smudge mark on her forehead from newsprint or pencil dust. Clothes: Jessie dresses simply and quietly. Jeans and a nice blouse is common, if it is hot out shorts and a nice t-shirt. If she feels a bit more feminine a summer dress of a pale color is possible although this is not likely. Think along these lines but not necessarily these clothes.
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 9:53 pm
Jessie is an adult, at least that is what her drivers license says, and owns her own business The Job Current Occupation: Bookstore owner Business Description: Jessie owns a small bookstore called "The Bookwyrm". Its an eclectic little shop that has a large range of books based in a smallish victorian home. If Bookwyrm doesn't have it give Jessie a few days to get it for you, she hasn't yet been unable to find what a customer was looking for. A interesting feature about the bookstore is the courtyard out the side of the building that Jessie has turned into a reading nook/garden where monthly story times are held for the young of Destiny City. To add whimsy to the courtyard there are small stone, ceramic, glass, metal, ect., faeries, dragons, and gnomes peeking out of the plants and flowers. There is even the odd squirrel hiding in the one of two maple trees at the edge of the courtyard. The squirrels will move occasionally when Jessie feels bored and wants to see if anyone notices the moved statues, it has become something of a game with the regulars. The store tends to close at 9pm most days but does close early on Mondays at 6pm for general restocking and a unofficial book club. The book club is open to the public but so far it has been primary friends or locals who have attended. The building is three floors and Jessie has converted the second floor into her apartment. This too is full of books, although unlike the books on the first floor none of these books are for sale. The third floor is the attic and is used mostly for storage but could be converted to a spare room if the need ever arises.
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 9:55 pm
Knight Title: Pompeii, Page of Saturn Challenge: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust Uniform: Follow the concept art please generaly ^^' Saturn's Swatch - colors will be slightly cc depending on colorist suggestions. Concept sketch courtesy of Kaori_luv Top -- A rich purple, the darker of the purples in the color swatch, corset like top with elbow length sleeves and a skirt like bottom, the 'skirt' is about mid thigh in the back and more of a few finger lengths in the front. Like this but not as much lace and frill. The corset part of the top has the lighter purple or gray 'lacy' pattern on it. Any frill on the top would be of the lighter purple or gray of the lacy pattern. Bottoms -- Long gray pants that are 'laced' and end at the knee in a ruffle. The leggins are ribbed like Paris LaFey'sGloves -- no gloves Belt -- A black belt with a simple silver buckle that peaks out from beneath the top Shoes -- Ankle high purple healed boots with gray 'lacy' markings. Like this but different colors, height, and the buttons are silver Shoulders -- No thank you Accessories -- The Saturn symbol would be worked into the lacy pattern on the corset and boots. She also has a simple necklace, a bracelet or two, and a hair clips like this, but with the Saturn symbol where the silhouette is. Weapon -- Page - A light/ash gray ball of yarn - no power ~ She can throw it at some one or try to tie them up with it but its yarn.... it doesn't do much nor is it terribly strong except in multiple strands. If you are willing to stand still and not move she can tie you up pretty securely. Squire - A light/ash gray simple shawl - slight power ~ When she concentrates and throws the shawl at someone, and it comes in contact with them, the shawl wraps around the body part it touches and binds it to the nearest item. For instance if it catches a leg it will likely bind the leg to the other leg, an arm to the body, or to a object near by such as a light pole or another person, but leaving the rest of the body free. The shawl becomes nearly impossible to remove while the shawl is in use but this only lasts for a total of 30 seconds and leaves no lasting affects regardless of what it binds/catches. After the full time has been used the shawl becomes inert and nothing more then a mundane yarn distraction. She MUST be in contact of the shawl in some way in order for it to work which will likely place her within striking distance of her opponent. General Shawl Size and Image - A right isosceles triangle with the base/top being finger tip to finger tip wide. Like this but not beaded and maybe a simpler pattern like this.Knight - A light/ash gray afghan - more powerful ~When she concentrates and throws the afghan at someone, and it comes in contact with them, the shawl wraps around the body part it touches and binds it to the nearest object, like the shawl, but it also causes a sensation of great weight such as chains around the captive appendage and becomes difficult to move, think Jacob Marley (A Christmas Carol), this does still leave the rest of the body free. Due to the weight, secondary sensations might occur such as shortness of breath, muscle strain, body fatigue, headache or the like. These secondary sensations are, well, quite literally all in the opponent's head. This attack can last for a total of 40 seconds and once the time is up the afghan becomes inert and any direct affect caused by the afghan stops, disorientation or confusion can remain depending on the opponent. The full attack severely drains the Knight and still leaves her within striking distance of her opponent. General Afghan Size and Image - approximately 48 x 60", a standard "couch" afghan size in a lacy pattern similar to this or this.
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Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2012 11:35 pm
Short Life History: (because I can)
Jessie was found on the steps of a orphanage when she was just a few months old. She was quickly adopted by a couple who had no children of their own.
When Jessie finished high school her parents decided to move to Destiny City since her father's job had a position open in the city's branch office and Jessie had been accepted into DCU. Her mother retired from her library job and opened Bookwyrm which she passed down to Jessie once Jessie graduated from DCU.
Her parents retired a few years after she graduated and has since taken to driving across the country.Jessie has no clue who her biological parents are and does not really care.
Her family is neither rich nor poor.... money isn't a big issue for her but she also cant go out and buy a car with pocket change
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Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 10:21 pm
QUESTIONS! The Form PICK A COLOUR FOR YOUR UNIFORM THAT IS RELATED TO YOUR PLANET. IT WOULD BE SIMILAR TO THAT OF YOUR THEME/CANON SENSHI/OC SENSHI. YOUR SECONDARY COLOR IS WHITE LIKE SENSHI. Most Saturn knights, those that I can find, do not have white as a secondary color. Do I have to have white as a secondary color? Random Question Can a mod delete an old quest, please?
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Posted: Sat Nov 03, 2012 11:43 pm
I know i still need a third flaw... any suggestions would be much appreciated. this being said... I call upon the power of help from LP Oh great and powerful Oz.... wait wrong movie. LP darling since you really helped with the first stages I could really use your help now. A final flaw is needed and I would love to know what you think of the rest of it ^^ as well as kaori_luv Im tired of yelling down the stairs to get you to check. Since you got me this far lets make it official and let you post to ^^
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Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 5:13 am
Possible third flaw ideas:
-Ignorant to failure: If you want to play on the trend that modern brick-and-mortar bookstores are floundering in the face of internet commerce, you could have Jessie failing in her business and just refusing to admit it. (Or you could not. This is fiction. Her business could be going swimmingly). To be a true flaw, this would have to carry over to other things too.
-Keeping a list: Perhaps Jessie keeps a mental record of the nice things she's done for others and expects nice gestures in return, getting irritable or outright vindictive when others don't fulfill their "obligations" to this unspoken arrangement. In addition, she might recognize nice gestures from others unless she is actually calling in a favor.
-Cluttered: Jessie doesn't sound like a tidy person. Perhaps true organization methods just don't click for her. She may be losing things constantly (my high school art teacher would always say, "It's not lost, just misplaced!"), giving her a stash of borrowed items she never returned because she just doesn't know where they are.
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Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 7:39 am
There's swatches under the knight's forum actually you can use those for the colors. =3 As is recommended, I believe as long as they aren't mistaken for a negaverse agent, they're fine. I believe most knights have some white somewhere though. They're not completely two colors.
------
What you have for the profile sounds fine but you may would like to expound a little on generous. Does being generous ever turn around to help her?
Also I'm not sure ADDish is quite the right word for what you're describing for that particular flaw.
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Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 12:02 pm
Fiction1119 QUESTIONS! Most Saturn knights, those that I can find, do not have white as a secondary color. Do I have to have white as a secondary color?
Color scheme must be primarily drawn from the specific color pallette of your planet. Use of other colors for light accents and accessories is permissible.
Black or near-black colors CANNOT dominate the uniform even if they're on the swatch! Only up to about a third of the uniform can have extreme dark colors, and should be offset by lighter ones.
Because Saturn has some pretty dark colors on the swatch, be careful not to make it too dark or Pompeii's design might be too close to a Negaverser. She can still have any of the colors on the swatch, just as long as the darker colors don't dominate her uniform! Also, white CAN be used as as a secondary color, but it isn't necessary. You could use any color for light accents, just as long as her design color is predominantly based off of the Saturn swatch.
We don't typically erase quest threads since they aren't cluttering up any space by existing. If you don't want the information to be up, the easiest thing to do is just edit your post and take out the info in the body (and you can rename the quest something like 'ignore' and most people will leave it alone).
If you still have questions, let me know! If you'd like, I can try to answer them and be back to drop off some real crit soon (if another mod doesn't get to you before I'm back!)
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Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 9:03 pm
heart Verithe I loved all three flaws but gravitated to the cluttered one but i tweaked it more for Jessie's personality as I see her. I'm not sure how clear I made it or if its 'flawish' enough but thank you for the great ideas ^^ LP Hows the name changes on the flaws and virtues? do they read as accurateish now? I'm not really sure how to expand on the generous virtue mainly because other then building friends and goodwill what else can being generous garner you with... Ive never really thought. I mean I guess that it is more likely for you to receive help when you have helped others but does that belong under virtues since it relies on others to be accurate? Kyuseisha no Hikari Thats what I thought on both questions but it never hurts to ask. And I would love it if you could crit me but school comes first.... regardless if you really want to do it >.> I know I never did ^^ And I wanted to thank all three of you all for your help in this ^^ To me Jessie really is a person but sometimes you need a outside look to understand your creation better. The more questions you bring up the better I can understand and create Jessie heart
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Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2012 8:33 pm
Hey, Fiction! Thanks for the wait and I'm thrilled to be able to come back and give this profile a look over! This is going to turn into a wall of text, fast, because I am incapable of being brief—so please don't fear the wall of text! I think Jessie is a neat character and I love the idea of Pompeii being used for a wonder! Also, I really like the Bookwyrm—that seems like such a cool place to get books! I definitely love the fantasy theme, and I need to get a character that loves books so I have an excuse to go visit there!
Hobbies:
These look like pretty good hobbies and are definitely believable. The only thing I can note is that most of her hobbies seem fairly solitary, and that can sometimes make it hard to roleplay. When I look through a character's profile, the first thing I read is the hobbies so I can try and figure out a logical way for my character to meet this character—and to find something they have in common so that we can work around that in a roleplay. While it's not necessary, I've found that the more information you are willing to provide about a hobby, the more appealing it can make your character, and when you flesh out your hobbies, you can open the door for more roleplay. All of Jessie's hobbies are things she could do on her own, but if you wanted to flesh them out a little more, maybe you could explore how her hobbies could be a bit more social? I have a few questions that I'd like to ask for each of her hobbies that might help if that would be something you were interested in!
Reading - Since Jessica works at the Bookwyrm, this is a fabulous hobby for her; does she run any book clubs out of the store? If she is eager to talk about books she's read or wants to read with others (and if so, I think that is definitely worth mentioning!)
Writing - Is Jessie the sort to ever publish anything she wrote online, or maybe to a journal or something? Is she the sort to share what she's written, or is it all private? Since she has a BA in English, is she the sort to maybe tutor others, or help with school work/proof reading others' work?
Crafts - I think this is a cute hobby! Would she attend any classes to learn extra crafts —or maybe even run any classes like that?
Cooking - What a terrible curse! I have a character who cannot cook, so I would love for these two to meet up some time xD Would Jessie be the sort to watching cooking shows/read cook books? Or attend cooking classes?
Traits
Most of these traits look really good and work together well!
Virtues:
I Know! I Know! - I might add a little more onto this about how knowledgeable she is; retaining information can definitely be helpful, but I would be most interested in learning how people might admire her for this? Other than just for having a good memory, how can she use this skill? Is she good with dates [never forgets birthdays/special events?]? Does her good memory apply to things in real life or just things she's read? Does her good memory allow her to observe a situation/someone and recall distinctive details about them at a later date?
Presents For All - Instead of presents for all, I think this might be better labeled as 'generous', since I think that's the general trait you are going for? I think that calling his trait generous makes it sound more like a virtue rather than Jessie just liking to give stuff away. A sentence or so about why she is so generous would be awesome if you could, though other than that, this trait looks good to me!
Come Talk To Your Auntie Jessie - This virtue reads well to me, so the only thing I could recommend would be to change the 'Come Talk to Your Auntie Jessie' part to compassionate? Because she seems to really care about people [beyond just listening to their troubles/being understanding] since she is willing to go out of her way to loan money or come pick you up in the middle of the night.
Flaws:
Oh Look A Squirrel - This looks good to me! I can definitely see how her ability to be distracted could be frowned upon—especially if people are relying on her to be prompt!
Social Odd Ball - While I can see how this might make Jessie a more awkward character, I'm not really confident that it stands out as a flaw. Is this a trait you could get mad at someone for having? Or something you might stop being friends with someone for? If this is something you'd be willing to argue, I might be able to be convinced, though at present I think this one could use some tweaking. I think you could stick with the social odd ball if you might be willing to tack on something else, like maybe she makes people uncomfortable with her jokes? Or she tends to take their jokes seriously, which can result in a lot of misunderstandings? Maybe she can kill any party with her social weirdness?
Mirror, mirror - This one, I am also hesitant to say is really a flaw. Reading this, I can see how it could get her in trouble, but I also see how this is really a virtue. The fact that she will never do anything that will harm herself or another limits this as a flaw, I think, and to me I feel like an eye for an eye is pretty standard practice that isn't innately negative. I feel like this trait could be tweaked to be a flaw—perhaps she overworks herself trying to pay every act of kindness back? Maybe she is determined to take on both her own work load, but others [and while she means this to be helpful, she might end up making herself sick, or being so tired that she rushes through things or does a shoddy job?]. These are just suggestions for maybe things to add, but don't have to feel pressured to take them on if you don't want to give her such a trait All I can say is that as it reads now, I don't think this traits really seems like a flaw to me.
I know it's been a lot of words so far, but I think you've done a really good job with this profile! I feel like with a few tweaks and maybe a few more sentences, her civilian could be really close to being stamped—and the same for her powered!
For Pompeii
Uniform:
I think this works well with the Saturn theme! The only issue is that, because Saturn has some dark colors, there is the possibility of the uniform to come across as something that might look a little too negaverse-y, in which case you might need to swap a few darker colors for lighter colors on the swatch—however, provided that you have enough lighter colors from the swatch to balance it out [I think you do, but your artist or a GM might say otherwise!] it should work just fine!
Weapon:
I think the weapons are definitely acceptable*, so the only thing I have to comment on is the magical aspect of them. For her magic, the first thing I wanted to check for her squire and knight stage is, when the shawl is wrapping around a body part, I'm kind of confused. You say that it "becomes hard to remove, like cutting off offending body part hard", though it sounds like the shawl attaches to one limb and squeezes tightly? I feel like you might be able to get more use out of it if the shawl instead had the ability to maybe wrap around the target and bind either their arms to their sides or their legs together? This way it stays with the knight's theme of having non offensive attacks as well as Saturn's binding theme. On a side note, I think that she must be holding her weapon to be able to channel the magic, so for this affect she would still have to be holding onto at least one part of the shawl to bind it on someone. For her magic, because knights have a pool of magic that they can access, I don't think her attack duration would need to be divided into 5 second intervals, but instead she could use this as often as she wanted for as long as she wanted provided she didn't exceed 30 seconds total.
For her knight stage, this magic reads more like it might be a senshi attack [since senshi can use attacks multiple times during battle where as knights just have a magic pool to work with], so a quick remedy to this is to just rewrite how long her attacks last [instead of saying twice for fifteen seconds, she could have a magic pool of 30 seconds to divide up as she sees fit, like in her squire stage]. I have the same concern for the afghan wrapping around the body part as earlier mentioned with the scarf; at this stage, I think the afghan could instead wrap around someone and bind them, maybe binding both their arms and legs? I think the sensation of smothering or suffocation might be a little more negaverse-y than knight-y. If you were interested in doing something like that, for her knight stage, she could wrap them in the afghan [as long as she was holding it to channel the energy], maybe for as long as 45 seconds?
*While I feel as though these weapons are totally acceptable, I realize that they might be a little difficult to work with to give the desired affects since she would have to hold onto the shawl and afghan. If you are all right with this, then I think it would be fine to keep things as is, though if you are open to suggestions, maybe instead of yarn->shawl->afghan, she could have knitting needles? For her first stage, maybe basic wooden ones, for her second stage, metal ones, and her third stage either ornate metal or ivory ones? These are very Victorian, non lethal, and for her magic she could summon some sort of magical wool/yarn thread that would wrap around the opponent in a similar manner while still keeping her at a distance and without her having to go through any awkward motions to ensure that she was channeling her magic.
Whew! Sorry for this wall of text, Fiction! I really like Jessie and think you have some really neat concepts to play with! I know I'm leaving a lot to work with or think about, but if you have any questions, commentary or want me to pop back in for another look over, please give me a quote and I'll be back as soon as possible!
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Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 10:32 am
Thanks for the critique Kyu ^^ I know school can be a real pain and time suck so I really appreciate the wall of text... and yes it did scare me for a bit. I believe I tweaked everything that you pointed out but just in case I shall spray paint your wall of text and add my own graffiti to it XD Hey, Fiction! Thanks for the wait and I'm thrilled to be able to come back and give this profile a look over! This is going to turn into a wall of text, fast, because I am incapable of being brief—so please don't fear the wall of text! I think Jessie is a neat character and I love the idea of Pompeii being used for a wonder! Also, I really like the Bookwyrm—that seems like such a cool place to get books! I definitely love the fantasy theme, and I need to get a character that loves books so I have an excuse to go visit there! Hobbies:These look like pretty good hobbies and are definitely believable. The only thing I can note is that most of her hobbies seem fairly solitary, and that can sometimes make it hard to roleplay. When I look through a character's profile, the first thing I read is the hobbies so I can try and figure out a logical way for my character to meet this character—and to find something they have in common so that we can work around that in a roleplay. While it's not necessary, I've found that the more information you are willing to provide about a hobby, the more appealing it can make your character, and when you flesh out your hobbies, you can open the door for more roleplay. All of Jessie's hobbies are things she could do on her own, but if you wanted to flesh them out a little more, maybe you could explore how her hobbies could be a bit more social? I have a few questions that I'd like to ask for each of her hobbies that might help if that would be something you were interested in!
Reading - Since Jessica works at the Bookwyrm, this is a fabulous hobby for her; does she run any book clubs out of the store? If she is eager to talk about books she's read or wants to read with others (and if so, I think that is definitely worth mentioning!)
Writing - Is Jessie the sort to ever publish anything she wrote online, or maybe to a journal or something? Is she the sort to share what she's written, or is it all private? Since she has a BA in English, is she the sort to maybe tutor others, or help with school work/proof reading others' work?
Crafts - I think this is a cute hobby! Would she attend any classes to learn extra crafts —or maybe even run any classes like that?
Cooking - What a terrible curse! I have a character who cannot cook, so I would love for these two to meet up some time xD Would Jessie be the sort to watching cooking shows/read cook books? Or attend cooking classes? - Story corner and informal book club - Fan-fic writer under pen name - Has no issues helping others with crafts but would only go to club or meeting if dragged, she is not really a social butterfly sweatdrop - Mentioned cooking shows and that she would be willing to welcome others and she brings food for book club, not that I would recommend eating it rofl and I'm not sure how to incorporate cooking classes into that since it would be around the same reaction of the craft classes.... she would need a helping push to do so Traits Most of these traits look really good and work together well! Virtues: I Know! I Know! - I might add a little more onto this about how knowledgeable she is; retaining information can definitely be helpful, but I would be most interested in learning how people might admire her for this? Other than just for having a good memory, how can she use this skill? Is she good with dates [never forgets birthdays/special events?]? Does her good memory apply to things in real life or just things she's read? Does her good memory allow her to observe a situation/someone and recall distinctive details about them at a later date?
Presents For All - Instead of presents for all, I think this might be better labeled as 'generous', since I think that's the general trait you are going for? I think that calling his trait generous makes it sound more like a virtue rather than Jessie just liking to give stuff away. A sentence or so about why she is so generous would be awesome if you could, though other than that, this trait looks good to me!
Come Talk To Your Auntie Jessie - This virtue reads well to me, so the only thing I could recommend would be to change the 'Come Talk to Your Auntie Jessie' part to compassionate? Because she seems to really care about people [beyond just listening to their troubles/being understanding] since she is willing to go out of her way to loan money or come pick you up in the middle of the night. - Added the tutoring to this because it made more sense ^^, I can see her working on a diorama of native american village XD - I wish I could come up with a smarty title for it but I get your point. I love the reasoning behind this trait and it could open up in the sense of other little sayings she picks up from her parents. heart - Again I just wish I could come up with a smarty title for it ^^' Flaws: Oh Look A Squirrel - This looks good to me! I can definitely see how her ability to be distracted could be frowned upon—especially if people are relying on her to be prompt!
Social Odd Ball - While I can see how this might make Jessie a more awkward character, I'm not really confident that it stands out as a flaw. Is this a trait you could get mad at someone for having? Or something you might stop being friends with someone for? If this is something you'd be willing to argue, I might be able to be convinced, though at present I think this one could use some tweaking. I think you could stick with the social odd ball if you might be willing to tack on something else, like maybe she makes people uncomfortable with her jokes? Or she tends to take their jokes seriously, which can result in a lot of misunderstandings? Maybe she can kill any party with her social weirdness?
Mirror, mirror - This one, I am also hesitant to say is really a flaw. Reading this, I can see how it could get her in trouble, but I also see how this is really a virtue. The fact that she will never do anything that will harm herself or another limits this as a flaw, I think, and to me I feel like an eye for an eye is pretty standard practice that isn't innately negative. I feel like this trait could be tweaked to be a flaw—perhaps she overworks herself trying to pay every act of kindness back? Maybe she is determined to take on both her own work load, but others [and while she means this to be helpful, she might end up making herself sick, or being so tired that she rushes through things or does a shoddy job?]. These are just suggestions for maybe things to add, but don't have to feel pressured to take them on if you don't want to give her such a trait All I can say is that as it reads now, I don't think this traits really seems like a flaw to me.- No response just mrgreen and twisted - This is one I'm not really sure if the tweaking helps any. I really want to do a flaw that mentions her rather anti social oddness, any suggestions would be helpful if the tweaking didn't work ^^' - I tried to portray how neurotic Jessie would go to settle any debts but she isn't crazy and wont risk her life or someone else life in the process. Again any suggestions on an alternate flaw would be welcome sweatdrop I know it's been a lot of words so far, but I think you've done a really good job with this profile! I feel like with a few tweaks and maybe a few more sentences, her civilian could be really close to being stamped—and the same for her powered! heart For PompeiiUniform:I think this works well with the Saturn theme! The only issue is that, because Saturn has some dark colors, there is the possibility of the uniform to come across as something that might look a little too negaverse-y, in which case you might need to swap a few darker colors for lighter colors on the swatch—however, provided that you have enough lighter colors from the swatch to balance it out [I think you do, but your artist or a GM might say otherwise!] it should work just fine!- I'm hoping to get Kao to do a concept sketch and she said she is going to tweak the coloring a bit ^^ I only ever added the color for a general guide line so its all good XD Weapon:I think the weapons are definitely acceptable*, so the only thing I have to comment on is the magical aspect of them. For her magic, the first thing I wanted to check for her squire and knight stage is, when the shawl is wrapping around a body part, I'm kind of confused. You say that it "becomes hard to remove, like cutting off offending body part hard", though it sounds like the shawl attaches to one limb and squeezes tightly? I feel like you might be able to get more use out of it if the shawl instead had the ability to maybe wrap around the target and bind either their arms to their sides or their legs together? This way it stays with the knight's theme of having non offensive attacks as well as Saturn's binding theme. On a side note, I think that she must be holding her weapon to be able to channel the magic, so for this affect she would still have to be holding onto at least one part of the shawl to bind it on someone. For her magic, because knights have a pool of magic that they can access, I don't think her attack duration would need to be divided into 5 second intervals, but instead she could use this as often as she wanted for as long as she wanted provided she didn't exceed 30 seconds total.
For her knight stage, this magic reads more like it might be a senshi attack [since senshi can use attacks multiple times during battle where as knights just have a magic pool to work with], so a quick remedy to this is to just rewrite how long her attacks last [instead of saying twice for fifteen seconds, she could have a magic pool of 30 seconds to divide up as she sees fit, like in her squire stage]. I have the same concern for the afghan wrapping around the body part as earlier mentioned with the scarf; at this stage, I think the afghan could instead wrap around someone and bind them, maybe binding both their arms and legs? I think the sensation of smothering or suffocation might be a little more negaverse-y than knight-y. If you were interested in doing something like that, for her knight stage, she could wrap them in the afghan [as long as she was holding it to channel the energy], maybe for as long as 45 seconds?
*While I feel as though these weapons are totally acceptable, I realize that they might be a little difficult to work with to give the desired affects since she would have to hold onto the shawl and afghan. If you are all right with this, then I think it would be fine to keep things as is, though if you are open to suggestions, maybe instead of yarn->shawl->afghan, she could have knitting needles? For her first stage, maybe basic wooden ones, for her second stage, metal ones, and her third stage either ornate metal or ivory ones? These are very Victorian, non lethal, and for her magic she could summon some sort of magical wool/yarn thread that would wrap around the opponent in a similar manner while still keeping her at a distance and without her having to go through any awkward motions to ensure that she was channeling her magic.- That is what I meant but didn't realize it didn't come across, I hope it does now sweatdrop sorry. I also added dimensions and general shawl info for anyone who is curious. - I thought that Knight powers still couldn't exceed 30 seconds but were stronger. And I added the suffocation affect to tie in with Saturn's affiliation with death and Pompeii's whole ash smothering. I'm not sure if the whole 'it is just a mental affliction and does no true harm' came across but if it really doesn't work as a knight attack I can pull it completely. --- My biggest question is can and does the attacks read as the shawl and afghan 'grow' which allows the binding without Jessie getting any closer?? - Fair warning I might steal the whole knitting needles idea for a different character ^^ but for Jessie I like the whole idea that she will have to place herself in reach in order for her item to really work. Whew! Sorry for this wall of text, Fiction! I really like Jessie and think you have some really neat concepts to play with! I know I'm leaving a lot to work with or think about, but if you have any questions, commentary or want me to pop back in for another look over, please give me a quote and I'll be back as soon as possible!- I think I covered everything ^^ and I hope you had a great holiday
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Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 4:50 pm
The changes to her hobbies and virtues look fabulous to me! Thank you so much for answering my questions and adding in that extra info!
For the flaws, these are looking much better! There are still a few things that have my eye, but for the most part, her civilian is looking really close to earning a trial stamp from me!
Social Odd Ball - The tweaking definitely helps! I can see this as much more of a flaw now and definitely can see why it would make someone look down on her or not want to be around her!
Mirror, mirror - With that info in mind, I feel like this is very close to being a flaw! Maybe just a few more minor tweaks! For example, as it reads now, it seems like Jessie is a person who doesn't ever take advantage of any sort of kindness done for her, which comes across as more of a virtue. You don't have to edit out any of the information in this trait, however to make it a flaw, I would like to hear a little more about how this might be perceived as something negative! Like, due to this neuroticism of hers, what is the likelihood that she will get aggressive when it comes to returning favors? [Ie, "No, it's all right, you don't have to do anything for me, Jess", would she argue that she has to? To the point where it can be frustrating to those around her?] And based on her conversion rate, could it be said that [since she seems to give more than she receives], when it comes to pain to pain, is there a possibility that she might go overboard? [or is this strictly an eye for an eye?]
Also, the sentence, " she will not do anything that will severely harm herself or another" kind of puts an additional hamper on this since the point of a flaw is to be something negative. For this, I would recommend a very slight switch, such as 'she will not intentionally do anything that will severely harm herself or another'—that way there is still the possibility, however it is understood that Jessie wouldn't intentionally hurt someone [unless they hurt her first].
Pompeii:
Knight powers can exceed thirty seconds, though it does depend on their effect for just how long is an appropriate time for them. For example, a buffer could last longer than an immobilizing attack. [Like, if you wanted to go with the 'watcher' theme of Saturn, maybe you would have said that she throws the shawl around her shoulders and wears it and while activating her magic, she becomes more aware of what is going on around her, where she could have a magic pool of maybe forty or fifty seconds].
Also, I like the idea of knitting needles, so I'd love to see them used [even if they don't work for Jessie, feel free to apply them to another character if you have inspiration for one!]. I like the idea of her putting herself in harm's way to get the desired affect because I feel like this makes the attack more evened out; I didn't get the impression that the shawl or afghan would grow, so I think for this I think she would have to get within range to actually wrap them around someone for her magic to work.
The suffocation sensation I am still hesitant with because it does come across as nega-like, however since you like it, maybe we can try to come to some similar alternative? After some consideration, while I like the idea of the shawl/afghan being used to bind someone, I think it could be tweaked to have additional effects? For example, if you really want binding, I would say that she has to manually throw the shawl/afghan around the person, and whatever it 'lassoes' would become tightly bound. During this time, whatever wasn't bound, the opponent could attack with [so if she throws it around someone's torso, maybe it would bind the person's upper arms together tightly, though they could still kick or try to grab her with their hands. You could argue that she could be using the shawl to bind people already, so as long as she had a good grip, maybe she wouldn't even need to channel magic to keep them bound? Which, in this instance, may put her at a disadvantage. Maybe, instead of binding, it could feel like they have a great pressure around the area that is bound—as though they were bound by heavy chains, instead of wool? [And for a knight, maybe the chains would be so heavy that they had the ability to create the sensation that it was hard to breath, thereby tying in with the suffocation/smothering sensation you wanted? Though, I would say that 'this effect only occurs when wrapped around the chest area'—because, if it was wrapped around their feet it wouldn't have that effect on their breathing]. For this effect, though, it would only be the sensation of heavy chains, and wouldn't have the magical binding effect—she would manually have to keep them bound with the shawl. Alternatives might be, as long as she has the shawl touching them/wrapped around them somehow, they feel like they are shrouded in darkness? [to play off of the 'watchers' magic]. Or maybe if they are touching the shawl while she is channeling the magic, they are suddenly consumed/distracted by thoughts of death? [or maybe her magic forces them to see everything around them rapidly decaying?]
There are a lot of neat things that can be done with Saturn, so if any of those options appeal to you as alternatives, I would love to help you work out anything else! Otherwise, if you are set on binding, you can stick with that and maybe we can work something else out so that it still within Saturn's aspect, not nega-y, and will be useful for her in battle!
Now, you have a lot of improvements, so I think she's coming along really well! I had a fabulous holiday, and I hope you did, too!
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Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:58 pm
loved all the suggestions but so squeeed over the chains idea.... I think I tweaked it properly to read right now ^^' I hope
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