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Kyuzo Akechi U/C

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Sasori00923

Ruthless Lunatic

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2012 1:44 pm


─Basic Character Information─

Username:Sasori00923
Character's Full Name: Kyuzo Akechi
Alias:
Nickname(s): Tell me funny ones
Age: 409
Birthday: October 31st
Zodiac: Scorpio
Gender: Male
Blood Type: AB-
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Disabilities/Phobias:Athazagoraphobia (Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting), Atychiphobia (Fear of failure)

─Appearance─
User Image

Appearance:
Kyuzo is of medium height, a tan skin tone and Light Green eyes, he is bulky and very fit something that can be noted just by looking at him, beneath the surface lies a mess. Due to a battle injury his right arm, left leg and his left eye are mechanic. He normally wears heavy clothing to cover his body and an EYE PATCH to conceal his left eye due to it freaking some people out.

His normal clothing consists of an elaborate white shirt and coat with gold accents and black borders with the sleeves becoming black on the end and sporting two black lines, On his lower portion he wears a white hakama, he also wears black combat style leather gloves and black boots with gold accents and a black and red arm band on left sleeve with his squad insignia. His katana worn on his back with a leather strap across his chest keeping it in place.( Ignore the Scarf )

His combat attire is underneath the clothing and consists of a sleeveless Kosode open till waist level with the squad insignia on the back while still sporting the leather gloves, this clothing allows him to move more efficiently.

Equipment and Mod Features:
Mechanical Arm: Due to a massive battle injury Kyuzo's right arm had to be replaced with a mechanical arm, this arm is made of a light yet extremely durable metallic alloy material capable of sustaining large damage. The weight is the same as a normal human arm, this was done to make Kyuzo more accustomed to it, and because it would make it impossible for an enemy to notice the difference. It's durability is enough to sustain a direct blow from a zanpakuto in it's shikai state though only for a few times, any further would break the arm, this is done only as a ditch effort. A useful feature of the arm is that the knuckles can be turned into spikes via a spring loaded mechanism activated by pressing a small button on the forearm of said arm, the spikes are about 2 inches long and 2/3 centimeters in diameter. ARM SIDE VIEW ; ARM FRONTAL VIEW


Mechanical Leg:Kyuzo's left leg was also replaced with a mechanical one after his injury, the leg is made just like the arm, extremely durable yet lightweight with the same weight as a human leg.LEG SIDE VIEW ; LEG FRONTAL VIEW

Mechanical Eye: His left eye was also replaced, it consists of mechanical alloys and internal wiring to link it to the optical region of the brain, even though it has a semi human appearance people were bugged by it so now Kyuzo normally covers it with an eye patch. By removing his eyepatch he may use his eye. The eye grants him a slightly less than normal vision, his long range vision is hampered as to where he can only distinguish colors and silhouettes. EYE

Height:6'0

Weight: 185 lbs

Eye Color: Green

Hair Color: Blond

Tattoos/Markings/Scars: User Image
He has several scars all over his body due to a catastrophic injury he sustained and the subsequent medical procedures, he sports sears and cuts all over his torso. he also has a slash and sear beneath his eye patch on the left side of his face. ( I know the arm is on the wrong side, also he doesn't have the scar on his face. Ignore the metal over his chest wound and the straps protruding from his right rib cage )

Unusual Features: Mechanical limbs and Eye Patch


─Personal Information─

Personality: Kyuzo is a pretty laid back guy although highly ambitious, he is mostly a comical nut job. His fears push him to excel at everything he does or at least attempts to excel, he despises failure in others and fears it from himself which motivates him to complete his goals even if it would cost him his life. This fear of failure allows him to push through the normal levels of endurance to see his objectives through to the end while his fear of being forgotten pushes him to try and make grand acts that would be remembered through history.

He saw his accident as something to learn from, if he had followed the orders given to him, this would not have happened, and as such after the incident he became increasingly attentive to the orders given to him by higher ranking officials or other people. He holds no ill will towards the Head Captain and still holds him in high regards. He tries to live his life to the fullest and urges others to do the same, you never know when life's curtains will come down on you.

Hobbies: Training, Reading and Mechanics

Favorite Color(s): White, Black, Gold, Red and Purple

Favorite Activities: Tinkering with electronic and mechanical things (Including his body parts)

Favorite Foods and Drinks: BBQ Pork Ramen and Mountain Dew

Other Personal Likes: Cars, motorcycles, pretty much anything mechanic.

Least Favorite Color(s): Pink and Orange

Least Favorite Activities: Recalibration and refitting of his mechanical parts

Least Favorite Foods and Drinks: N/A

Other Personal Dislikes: Insects, other annoying things of the same nature.

Personal Possession(s): N/A

Personal Secret(s):N/A

History:
Kyuzo was just another shinigami when he joined the Academy, he was just slightly above average by normal standards but he had something others did not, his fears making him an extremely motivated person he quickly grew stronger and became well known. He graduated the academy with top grades and went on to join squad 1, he quickly gained notoriety within the squad even gaining notice from Head Captain Shingaara, they quickly became friends and subsequently Gatomaru saw promise in the boy and began training him, under Gato's tutelage Kyuzo became strong and in tune with his zanpakuto achieving shikai and training it under Gato's supervision, Kyuzo looked up to Gato and did as he was told without second guessing him.

A few years after passed and an urgent mission came from Central 46, they were several large disturbances in the world of the living, where large amounts of hollows were leaking through, Gato knew this was unusual and put together a unit of skilled fighters and set out with him in command, once they arrived the place was swarming with Gillian and Adjuchas level hollow. Kyuzo and the other members of the unit started eliminating the hollows while Gatomaru supervised, he had a bad feeling; then it happened, a rogue Espada and 2 Vasto Lorde level hollow came out of the large tear like garganta. Gatomaru quickly went into action and the rest of the small squad left, their instructions were to leave if Gato had to enter the battlefield, and they did, Kyuzo was the only stubborn fool that defied Gato's orders and remained there watching the battle, he had sustained a large injury to his left eye and could no longer see through it as well as having some broken ribs but he remained there to watch the fabled Kibayoshi Kamikaze in action. Gato quickly proved to be to much for the hollows, just as the battle had whined down to an end by the hollow realizing they were no match for the head captain the unthinkable happened, the Espada level hollow fired a wave towards Gato, or so it was thought, the wave zoomed past Gato and struck Kyuzo's blind side! Kyuzo was sent flying in a glorious explosion, only being able to survive by raising his reiatsu at the last second and balling up his body to try and protect his internal organs, his body skidded across the floor until crashing with a nearby building and stopping. Gato the quickly killed the Espada and rushed Kyuzo to Soul Society.

Kyuzo arrived to the squad 4 barracks knocking on death's door, his ribs, his eye one arm, one leg and some other internal organs were either damage to the point of no return or in need of serious reconstruction, Captain Jisaku Morimoto doubted his survival, but then Kyuzo did something thought impossible in his state, he opened his eyes, even more he spoke. He told Jisaku " I don't care what you do, just keep me alive". then he fell unconscious once more, Jisaku did keep him alive, and shortly after he woke up he told Jisaku to modify his body to be able to once again be part of a squad, Jisaku put all of his effort into this request by working closely with Squad 12 he was successful in granting him his request. He began his rehabilitation in the squad 4 medical bay and remained there for the whole process, training and adding little details to his mod parts such as the knuckles on his arm and the semi-human appearance on his eye. With no squad and no certainty of whether he would ever be accepted back he kept pushing himself, mentally and physically. Now he is intent on rejoining his squad or to be part of another


─Zanpakuto Information {Sealed}─

Zanpakuto Name:Eien no ōkami no seishin 永 遠 の オ オ カ ミ の 精 神 (Undying Wolf Spirit)

Zanpakuto Appearance: A standard katana having a white handle with black accents. the Katana is worn on the back Katana ;
.
Zanpakuto Spirit: A Large and stoic wolf with chains on its paws, seeming frigid at all times, he remains a powerful force kept shackled within Kyuzo until he can learn to unleash it's full potential. Awaiting for the day that Kyuzo will set him free to wreak havoc upon the battlefield, it's name is a testament to it's personality. Wolf

Inner World: The inner world is a vast empty mountain and a rugged mountain terrain surrounding, the wolf being chained to on it's base unable to see the full moon from it's peak which over looks the whole mountain with it's silver light.
Basic Zanpakuto Attacks/Powers: N/A


─Zanpakuto Information {Shikai}─

Shikai Incantation: Abare Kuruu 暴 れ 狂 う (Run Amuck)
Shikai Appearance: The blade doesn't change much, the color of the blade handle is now black with a brown rope circling the handle and a blue tassel now hanging form the handle, the cross guard is also changed into 2 circling wolves. Shkai Blade

Shikai Abilities: 50% Increase in physical and spiritual attributes

Shikai Techniques:
Mikadzuki 三 日 月 (Crescent Moon) - This attack fires a crescent shaped wave of silver energy from the blade, the attack has enough power to blow some cars away and cause moderate bodily damage. (I.e. open bleeding gash, severed limb?)

Mangetsu no Seishin 満 月 の 精 神 (Spirit of the Full Moon) - A wolf of energy is created from the user's reiatsu and sent forth against opponents, they may pass through solid objects i.e. walls, floors, etc. and will explode on command or by coming in contact with any spiritual structure or substance. Only 1 wolf may be used at a time and this technique has a 5 post cool down and a 10 per battle limit. The explosion is as powerful as a hand grenade.

Hoeru 吠 え る (Howl) - This technique may only be used if Mangetsu no Seishin has 5 or more uses left, by sacrificing his remaining attacks he may summon the remaining wolves and take them into his own body, thus augmenting his physical speed and power. If the wolves are struck in the time before they enter his body they vanish and Kyuzo looses the ability to create anymore wolves for the remainder of the fight. His attributes are doubled during this time meaning he gains a 100% boost of speed and power for the duration of the technique. I.e. 5 wolves= 5 posts 6=6 etc. After using this technique the user reverts back a sealed state and can not use shikai or bankai for the remainder of the fight.



─Zanpakuto Information {Bankai}─

NOT YET ACHIEVED

[strike
Bankai Name: Ōkami Oni no Fumetsu no Seishin 狼 鬼 の 不 滅 の 精 神 (Undying Spirit of the Wolf Demon)

Bankai Incantation: Tsuki Eien to Hauru o Musabori Kuu, Ōkami Oni no Fumetsu no Seishin 月 永 遠 と ハ ウ ル を む さ ぼ り 食 う 狼 鬼 の 不 滅 の 精 神 (Devour the Moon forever and Howl, Undying Spirit of the Wolf Demon)

Zanpakuto Spirit Appearance {While Bankai is Active}: The wolf grows in size as well as changing color while some runes becoming a visible glowing red on it's body. The chain's on it's paws now breaking, he grants Kyuzo access to his full power.Bankai Wolf

Bankai Appearance: User Image
Kyuzo's appearance changes drastically the moment his bankai is activated, his upper portion is turned into a sleeveless vest with a high neck, the whole design is jagged and torn and it also sports chains on the shoulder area, a black color with a deep purple on the inside. It is open on the chest revealing a crescent moon tattoo now on Kyuzo's chest. His leather gloves now extend all the way up to his elbow joint and have wolf like fur on the upper portion. His lower portion is now consists of leather pants with tribal designs down the front of both thighs and the high boots which are now covered with fur on the upper portion. His blade has now taken the form of a greatsword, it is white, silver and gray ornately decorated. The most notable change is that of Kyuzo himself, his hair turns a silverish- gray whilst his demeanor changes into a cold and straightforward one. The spirit of the wolf now visibly behind.

Bankai Attacks/Abilities:Kyuzo's bankai grants him access to 2 weapon modes, Greatsword and Tonfa Blades, the greatsword is default weapon for the bankai meaning that each time he activates it the Greatsword will automatically be summoned. This bankai due to it being in-complete and unperfected only lasts for 30 posts and afterwhich it can not be used for 2 days. It grants a 100% Increase in Physical attributes. Kyuzo can switch freely between the two weapon modes, but it costs him 1 bankai post for each switch, also there is a 5 post cool down between posts and furthermore when 10 or less posts remain he can not switch.

Greatsword Mode:(LOOK TO PIC) The greatsword is about 5 feet in length and 1 foot wide but Kyuzo somehow manages to handle it like a lighter than air weapon. In this mode Kyuzo can attack in tandem with his wolf spirit by sending it forth to fight by mimicking his moves (Like Komamura's Shikai), only the claws may be sent forth. The wolf may only attack by slashing with it's claws and has a range of ten feet, also while using the wolf to attack the sword disappears. The claws are like blades themselves so they can withstand a sword strike. and the claws are proportionate to the size shown in the picture for optimum performance.

Attacks:
Mūndasuto ム ー ン ダ ス ト (Moon Dust) - By grasping his blade by the cross guard Kyuzo spins the large blade until an outline of a circle is formed by the rotation, he then shifts its center towards his opponent and a small orb of crackling energy is formed at the center and fired at high speed, the orb is fired and turned into a beam with power equal to that of a cero of a Menos Grande. this technique has a 5 post cool down.

Runashīrudo ル ナ シ ー ル ド (Lunar Shield) - By placing the blade at waist level with the tip pointed up a wall of reiatsu is erected to act as a barrier, it is a silver and gray color and glows faintly, it can withstand force equal to an Adjucha's cero. 3 post cool down.

Burakkumūn ブ ラ ッ ク ム ー ン (Black Moon) - This technique may only be used with 20 or more posts remaining and when it is used the user reverts back to his sealed state and can not use shikai or bankai for 1 day. The user focuses all his reiatsu and physical power into his blade, this makes the blade emit a bright silver light and increases it's cutting power greatly, when something is struck a large explosion of energy is released the explosion deals moderate burn damage. The real danger is the strike itself, or it may be fired as a crescent black and silver wave of explosive power, it does not cut or pass through objects, it simply explodes on contact with power equal to the cero of an unreleased espada.

Tonfa Mode: The tonfa are fashioned just like the greatsword, same color and shape, when switching they are summoned by pulling on the two ends of the greatsword's cross guard, the length is shortened to allow for comfortable and swift movement, it is kept at 24' in. and when held in reverse it ends right where the knuckles are to allow Kyuzo to punch while wielding them.n Kyuzo may use slashes, stabs, or punching strikes by turning the tips of the blades away from the opponent. TONFA BLADES (Imagine them like the sword in the bankai pic)

Attacks:
Mangetsu 満 月 (Full Moon) - By stabbing a tonfa into the ground an outline of circle of energy is made beneath the feet of the opponent 2 seconds later a large silver and circular blast is fired upwards making something like a pure pillar energy for a second (Like rukia's ice attack, but it not permanent, it just stays for a second then disappears). This technique has a 5 post cool down.

Ōkami no Sakebi 狼 の 叫 び (Cry of the Wolf) - A Wave of energy fired from the blade, the wave rips through forward at incredibly high speeds making the wind sound like a howling wolf. Power Equal to a Gillian Class Hollow's cero. 3 post cool down.

Gesshoku 月 食 (Lunar Eclipse) - This technique may only be used with 20 or more posts remaining and when it is used the user reverts back to his sealed state and can not use shikai or bankai for 1 day. The user focuses all his reiatsu and physical power into his blade, this makes the blade emit a bright silver light and increases it's cutting power greatly, when striking an opponent the energy stored within the blade burst out creating an explosion in front of the user that propels opponents and projectiles away while possibly dealing low damage to the surrounding people because of debris sent flying from the technique, the power lies in the fact that the opponent may be struck twice, however, the technique does not cut or pass through objects, it simply explodes on contact with power equal to the cero of an unreleased espada.





─Kidō Information─


Bakudō Level: Expertly capable of sucking at it ( No skill)

Hadō Level: No Skill



─Physical Information─


Hohō Level: below average, unseated member

Hakuda Level: slightly above average

Zanjutsu Level: High


─Relatives─

Mother:
Father:
Siblings:
Aunts:
Uncles:
Grandparents:

─Relationships─

Love Interest:
Friends: Gatomaru Ieyasu Shingaara, Jisaku Morimoto, (Other just ask)
Enemies: Anyone who threatens the Soul Society
Other Relations:


─Professional Status─

Affiliation: Soul Society
Previous Affiliation: Kusajishi Civilian
Occupation: NONE FOR NOW
Previous Occupation: Squad 1 Member
Team: OPEN
Partner: OPEN


─Skills Information─

Intelligence: Average, he was never the brightest lightbulb around, he got through most things in like thanks to hard work and dedication, and also some dumb luck. The only thing he has taken an interest in is mechanics due to his particular situation.

Athletic Skill: Avergae

Strength:Monster, this was the one thing he possessed that was his from the very beginning, This is further increased in his shikai and bankai.

Speed:Slightly Above Average, due to training.

Agility:Slightly Above Average. due to training

Stamina:Very High, his phobias keep him motivated to accomplish his goals and his training has also helped with this aspect.

Durability: Average

Endurance: Above Average, his training and accident have proven to be helpful in this, he refuses to fail due to his phobias and as such will endure things past the normal threshold of pain to see his goals through.

Flexibility: Look to athletic skill.

Any Special Skills:


─Other Information─

Character Theme: Bloodsimple - Deadman Walking
Other:

PostPosted: Thu Nov 01, 2012 3:31 am


I'll be reviewing this profile.

Before I get into a more technical aspect, I will say that, due to your four preexisting RPCs, all of whom are accomplished and on the upper end of the power spectrum, and because I know this is your attempt to entertain yourself while waiting for others to post, from here on out things are going to drastically change.
There is not a "cap" on the number of characters you may have, however, there is a cap on the positions and abilities you can give them. That said, both this RPC and those which follow will all be weaker and lower-ranked. They will be the equivalent of an unseated or lower-seated officer. The reason this is is due primarily to the fact that all four of your other RPCs are either ridiculously strong, or ridiculously skilled. All four have at least one aspect, such as a release state or skill set which is typically reserved for those with the overall greatest skill and control and which takes a great deal of time and effort to obtain. For example, Lestat has a Secui Solvo, Iori has a bankai, Dotenmaru has a bankai, vizard mask, and true calling, and Chris is also arguable one of the most accomplished quincies in this roleplay.
You have a tendency to go for overpowered characters and then to fight as if they are still stronger than they might be.

Background Information

Appearance, Wardrobe, Possessions, and Cosmetic Details:
  • Because this RPC is not going to be a high-profile combatant or officer, at least not initially, you are allowed and encouraged to make it younger.

  • The prosthetics all seem really random and I don't see a real connection which might make them appropriate to the character's design. In fact, they seem a bit like sheer liabilities.
    • The arm and it's spikes are allowable, but make the spikes so that they have a spring-released mechanism, and aren't just magically molded. It makes more sense for his energy to set off the spring than to suddenly reshape the metal. Please also describe the properties of the spikes, and how they are used in combat. I'm guessing such a flimsy arm will make actual combat with them tricky and fraught with the potential to utterly destroy the limb.
    • The leg is fine, but the gun's rounds need changing. .50 caliber bullets are all relatively impressive(I would know, I've shot several weapons of that caliber) but they are not that massive. Incendiary and gas charges are both comparatively larger. A barrel designed for a .50 caliber round will not be able to accommodate the other two rounds. You're expected to drop them.
      Also, because of the location and mechanics of the weapon, I posit aiming will be difficult. The rounds have the potential to be damaging enough not to be exceedingly concerned with his aim, but all the same this RPC is by no means a sharpshooter. Understandably you're expected to give him realistic accuracy.
      I would also like you give a more specific explanation of this limb. How does it fair in close-quarters combat as a melee weapon(kicking)? How does it shoot?
    • The eye also needs to undergo changes. The special sight features aren't permitted as it's nothing short of a miracle that he can even see out of the thing. You would also give wind to realism by making his vision poor, at least out of that particular eye. That said, nothing in excess of normal human vision is allowed.


  • Explain the properties of the internal cybernetics, i.e. the ribs and "chestplate"(please note that this doesn't actually exist except as armor so I am very confused) and what they do or are.

History and Psychology:
  • Your character's Biography will need to undergo appropriate changes.

  • His secret needs to change, for obvious reasons.

  • You may want to tweak his personality to reflect these limitations I am placing. I would also like greater detail regarding his opinions of things, such as how he feels about the accident.

  • You're welcome to keep the record of the accident mostly the same except for the bankai.

Zanpakutou Information
Sealed:
  • I would suggest changing the sealed form to only one physical body. It isn't a dual-personality weapon and as far as I can tell, there is absolutely zero reason for it to be split into two parts like that. In fact, it gives the impression of a very solitary being, which is very much together.
    Another thing to be noted is that that blade presented for the nodachi is actually a kodachi. A nodachi is a very large weapon, and a kodachi is an extremely small blade. For perspective, kodachi are all under 60 cm while a nodachi's handle along is 30-33 cm. You should deal with this error.

  • For the spirit you wrote "...seeming frigid at all times yet always managing to break free and wreak havoc on the battle field..." I would like to know exactly what that means. Is it a manifested spirit? Can he not control it?

  • In the inner world you've described three individual inner worlds. Choose one and expand on it.

Shikai:
  • You say the two blades grow, but a wakizashi is considerably shorter than a nodachi, if that is truly what you intended to use. An uchigatana is also regularly shorter than a katana, and has been consistently so as the style for forging them has changed.

  • Mikadzuki needs to go through an appropriate lowering of power. It's a shikai attack, so it should be able to damage walls and mess a lot of people up. It should not be able to cut through entire buildings.

  • The post and use limits of Mangetsu no Seishin are awkwardly worded so that they are highly confusing. Please explain in further detail and provide a reply to this review with a revised version of the ability explaining it. I'd like to work with you to make the uses and limitations if this ability unquestionably clear.

  • I don't understand why a howling noise will make him stronger or faster. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me that they would be connected like that. Perhaps you should revise it. In addition, how exactly does it make him stronger and faster? How much faster? How much stronger? Give examples, please.

Bankai:
  • You are not going to be allowed a bankai with this RPC. You may leave it, however you must strike it and leave it as unaccomplished. You may have him learn it later from an appropriately skilled RPC, and after you've killed off one of your other, previous RPCs.

  • Like I said before, I cannot for the life of me see why this RPC has dual weapons. There is usually a reason, like psychological instability, or the weapon actually needing two bodies to function as it is intended. And this duality is usually more deeply expressed. I further urge you to make it a single weapon, because this really doesn't make sense. It seems generally pointless.

  • Greatsword mode: How does he hold it normally? Like an actual sword or like a tonfa?
    • I assume the wolf does not fight with it's fangs, only it's claws. So tell me their properties. What is the point of having it fight for him? Is it impervious to damage? Are it's attacks desirable, compared to the slashes he can produce with the greatsword? Does that blade disappear once the wolf is summoned?
    • When you say Mūndasuto is as strong as a menos grande's cero, what class do you mean? Gillian?
    • "...it can withstand and unreleased cero blast from a low ranking espada or a Vasto Lorde." Arrancar tend to have their power relate to what class of menos they were prior to removing their mask. Most lower-rung Espada are comparable to Captain-class adjuchas in power, and it seems to actually be impossible for a gillian to become an arrancar, due to lack of individuality. vasto lorde, however are usually superior to most Espada in power, and the only recorded vasto lorde among the Espada was the tercera, Tia Harribel, whom later assumed control of Hueco Mundo. Understandably, a low-rung Espada will not be comparable to a vasto lorde. This needs changed.
    • Burakkumūn seems like underkill for a game-changer that renders him incapable of fighting. Refer to the last point for more information. (I also have no idea what sort of damage it does. And it doesn't seem too difficult to just avoid.)

  • Tonfa mode: Tonfa do not have blades, so slashing attacks will not work. The picture for the tonfa is also not going through. Furthermore, because this is the first time it appears in his repertoire, I expect he won't be that skilled with their use.
    • What does the cool-down period for Mangetsu translate into, post-wise?
    • What are the destructive qualities of Ōkami no Sakebi? What class of menos? And, as I said, tonfa do not have blades.
    • For Gesshoku, refer to Burakkumūn.

Combat Information
Zankensoki:
  • You are also expected to lower all of your zankensoki skill levels to average or lower so that they are comparable not to a Lieutenant, but to a fourth or fifth seat. You will have to choose (between hohou, kidou, zanjutsu, and hakuda) which of these four your character will excel in. Afterwards, choose your RPC's least impressive skill and make the remaining two intermediary points. The reason I ask you to do so is because this is something a number of roleplayers do, especially as they mature and come to appreciate the tactical aspects of a fight, of a character. Normally everyone has preferences or areas where they are naturally quite capable.

Unique Skills:
  • You're welcome to keep his physical strength.

  • Durability and endurance are not the same thing. Durability is the amount of damage/how many blows you can take while not showing a reaction or adverse effect. This is how tough your skin is, how big of an object can land on your head before you start bleeding. Endurance is how long you can last, especially when you're weakened or hurt. Please separate and describe them accordingly.

  • Agility and stamina also need to be described. They don't compare to strength or speed so the descriptions of the latter two don't apply to the former.

  • His speed needs to be lowered. Without focusing on it, it is unlikely he would be a top practitioner, which is what you imply with that description. See zankensoki.

  • You say he is not very smart, but also imply he is tech-savvy which is a form of intelligence. So, which is it?


Please quote me and post below with all relevant responses.

Alannaa
Crew

Dapper Genius


Sasori00923

Ruthless Lunatic

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 1:11 pm


Alannaa


Ok, I fixed some of it already, most of the mistakes were largely thanks to sitting in front of the computer for 12 straight hours so thank you for pointing out the obvious flaws which i overlooked.

The arm was fixed, spring loaded activation button on forearm
The leg barrel was scrapped
The eye adjusted accordingly, almost no long range sight
The ribs, chest were also scraped, I was thinking of something entirely different when I added it (More like I Robot style kinda thing so no)

Bio modified, added opinion on accident and outlook afterwards, secret scrapped.

Blade changed, images replaced please excuse this error.

Spirit was an under worded mistake due to exhaustion. modified, it now reads: "A Large and stoic wolf with chains on its paws, seeming frigid at all times, he remains a powerful force kept shackled within Kyuzo until he can learn to unleash it's full potential. Awaiting for the day that Kyuzo will set him free to wreak havoc upon the battlefield, it's name is a testament to it's personality. By frigid I meant cold, a cold being.

Inner world modified, what the heck was i thinking?

Shikai form was modified and dual blades scrapped altogether
Mikadzuki was powered down appropriately
Mangetsu no Seishin has been clarified just 1 at a time, 5 post cool down between uses and max 10 uses, power of a hand grenade
Hoeru was modified no longer a meaningless howl, lol. the boost is a double on his abilities, his speed is about the same as an unseated member with the boost it would be around a Lt. level, the strength would be the same boost as the speed for the duration of the technique.

Bankai has been striked for the time-being

the greatsword is held normally at all times. only for attack 1 would it be held like a tonfa. The wolf may only slash with it's claws and has a range of ten feet, also while using the wolf to attack the sword disappears. The claws are like blades themselves so they can withstand a sword strike. and the claws are proportionate to the size shown in the picture for optimum performance.

Mundasuto was clarified, yes I meant a Gillian.
Runashirudo was also clarified. it can withstand an Adjuchas cero and has a 3 post cool down. sorry but the c=seconds are force of habit so I accidently put that instead of posts.

Burakkumun was modified and clarified.

Tonfa mode: I specified that the tonfa were created by basically pulling the sword apart which would give it the properties of a blade making slash and stabs possible. He won't be to skill with them which is why i intended him being somewhat skilled in hakuda since the Tonfa allow for bladed and physical strikes. the picture not going through? the link doesn't work or you don't get how it would look or function?

Mangetsu was clarified again the second thing sorry.
Okami was was clarified, as i said, the tonfa are made by splitting the greatsword so yes, they have blades.
Geshoku was modified as well.

No kido or bakudo, low Hoho, slightly above average hakuda, high zan.

Durability was fixed.
Endurance was fixed
Speed was modified, though by speed I meant physical speed not Hoho type skills, I.e. striking speed, reaction speed, etc.
Agility and stamina were fixed
Intelligence was explained, he isn't very smart but dedicated time to understanding mechanics due to his situation. it's like being good at only one subject in school.

Anyway, if anything else needs to be modified, changed or replaced let me know, sorry if I seem like making OP characters every time, I need to stop making all my character in one day and take time properly adjust their skills to an acceptable level before putting them up for approval. but anyway thanks for pointing the flaws, much appreciated.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 6:08 pm


Sasori00923


I approve of all this. Quote me when you're done editing it all in. I'll then reread your profile and let you know of any other issues. When I'm satisfied, I'll approve this character for action. In the meantime, some of the edits are missing from the main profile so I suggest making a list and reading through the whole profile while using said list as a checklist. That way you can ensure they all occur.

Alannaa
Crew

Dapper Genius


Sasori00923

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 9:39 am


Alannaa
Sasori00923



K, Done. Re-read and tell me if anything else needs to be fixed and i'll get on it
Reply
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