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 Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2012 6:13 pm
Most Random Post of the month wins some gold! Just keep....clean...
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 12:21 pm
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Leonidas Pelagios Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 2:58 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 7:00 pm
Wheel chairs flying through the air, little orphans exploding on impact!!!!!!
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 8:16 pm
Once upon a time, in the magical land of Pocus, near a sleepy little town known as Abrakadabraville, there lived a magical wizard named Wibbowack. Wibbowack was the greatest wizard in the land, and he had the biggest, longest beard ever seen in Pocus. His beard was so long, it tickled his toes when he walked, and tickled his nose when he talked! Wibbowack lived all alone with his beard on a hill just outside Abrakadabraville. He’d look down on the village and smile- it was his favorite place. Nobody there had a beard like him, and always there were little children wishing to play with it or villagers asking him for something magical or another, a potion brewed or a spell cast. And always, they admired his beard. Today, though, he’d gotten up early and was walking into the town. Today was special- the Beard Festival was taking place in the middle of the village, and Wibbowack was sure he would win. He had the most fabulous beard of all- it was almost a hundred feet long! He’d been growing it for six hundred and thirty two and a half years now, after all. All the other beards would be so jealous! He could already smell the trophy.
The Festival itself was huge- every beard in the land of Pocus was there. Stubble, Mutton-chop & Lumberjack combo, the Wolfman, the Santa, twin-braided Dwarven style, even a few Wizard’s Beards like Wibbowack’s. His was still the best- it trailed behind him as he walked onto the stage. Once up, the judges began inspecting.
“It’s dirty,” the first observed, picking a twig from the tangled mass of dirt-clogged hair.
“It’s scraggly and poorly groomed,” the second muttered, trying to run a brush through the beard. It was caught, then immediately lost.
“It’s entirely too long,” the third insisted.
Heavily insulted, the mass of gray-sliver hair reared back and gasped. The crowd gasped with it. What form of sorcery was this, that a massive beard moved of its own accord? The offended hair looked at the three judges and pointed.
“Wibbowack,” the beard said, and magic sparkles flew and struck the judge in the chest. After a colorful puff of smoke enveloped him, a pig wandered out. Wibbowack’s beard was a wizard too!
“Wibbowack,” it said again, pointing at the second judge. Another puff of colorful smoke, and a cow mooed from within. He’d been changed!
The last judge was the target now. “Wibbowack, Wibbowack, Wibbowack.” Poof, sofa. Poof, beach ball. Poof, bathtub.
“Beard!” Wibbowack shouted, grabbing hold of his silvery scruff. “You must stop, what are you doing?”
“Wibbowack,” the beard replied, pointing to the audience. One of the members suddenly poofed into a chicken, feathers drifting to the ground around him.
“No, beard! You must change them back, now!”
“Wibbowack.” The local innkeeper, the one with the gigantic knockers, was now herself a gigantic doorknocker.
The knights of the village all drew their swords against this vile beast. Charging in to slay the beard, they were met with a rain of magical sparkles.
“Wibbowack,” it said, and their swords vanished, replaced by different things- a bouquet of flowers, a lobster, a dragon’s tail… Still attached to a dragon.
“Wibbowack.” The sky was suddenly an absurd shade of lavender with bright lime green polka dots.
The old wizard couldn’t take it anymore. The villagers were getting mad. His beard was embarrassing him, turning everyone into random things. It couldn’t go on like this. Wibbowack reached into the judge-turned-pig’s grooming kit, retrieving the town’s last hope- a magical pair of golden scissors! With a completely necessary and perfectly overdramatic flourish, he impaled the writhing mass of fur with the shiny golden blades.
“Wibbowack!” The beard screamed, and the sky was blue again. “Wibbowack!” The doorknocker was the innkeeper. “Wibbowack!” Everything began poofing back to normal… Except the three judges. They remained a pig, a cow, and a bathtub. Wibbowack’s limp mane lay defeated in the dirt, and he finally saw it for what it was; a dirty, scraggly lump of hair that was entirely too long. The judges had been right. They were still a pig, cow, and bathtub, of course, but Wibbowack apologized to them each nonetheless.
And everyone lived happily ever after. Even the pig, cow, and bathtub.
The End.
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Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 10:42 pm
^ You... You took my idea! Here I am, typing away when I decide to refresh the page... and then I see that YOU posted a story on here, beating me to the punch! Oooohh, you're gonna get it now!!
Edit: EAT THIS, TRACE!
---
One day a lion approached a genie. "Genie, I want my three wishes," said the lion. The genie responded, "What is a lion doing all the way out here?" The lion snorted and replied, "Does that really matter? I have come to collect, so if you would be so kind as to listen..." The genie sighed. "Very well then. What do you wish for?" The lion remained silent in thought for several moments. "My first wish is for a magic carpet. My second wish is for a magic wand. My third wish is for a melon." The genie stared at the lion, perplexed. "What do you want a magic carpet for?"
"For quick travel, of course."
"What about the wand?"
"So that I may continue to have magic at my disposal once I am done with you."
"And the melon?"
"It is a snack for the journey when I leave."
The genie scratched his head then shrugged and commenced in granting what the lion asked for. First, he clapped his hands together. As he pulled them apart, a rolled up carpet was revealed. He set the carpet down before the lion. Next, he spun a finger around, aiming at the sky. It wasn't long before a wand suddenly dropped from the blue. He set the wand on top of the curled up carpet. Lastly, he conjured a sack from the air, then stuck and arm in and began rummaging through the empty-appearing bag. "I know it's in here somewhere..." On and on he dug through the bag until he finally decided to stick his head in and have a look. "Aha! Here it is-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Seizing the opportunity, the lion shoved the genie into the sack. Wand in jaws, he unrolled the carpet and said, "I shall be taking you back to my people now, where you shall be put to work granting wishes for all the land!"
The lion's clawed paw took hold of the sack then he hopped onto the carpet which promptly took flight. On and on the carpet flew, and within a few hours, they had arrived at the lion's home. "Brothers, sisters-- every lion in the land! I have brought to you the grandest gift! A gift so grand, that you must declare me king of all lions!" The lion hopped down from the carpet and opened the bag, just enough space for the genie's head to pop through. "Behold! This is a magical being known as a genie, and he shall grant your wishes!" The lions gave a roaring cheer as the bag was tossed to them. The genie exited the bag, but before he could escape, lions were jumping onto his tail, pinning him to the ground. He looked absolutely miserable as they began shouting their wishes at him.
The King of Lions roared before turning away to stare at the carpet. The wand lay peacefully on top of it. "Hmm... what next, what next..." As he turned his head to look back at the mass of lions gathered, he spotted a lizard. "Well now! Let's see how fun we can have with you!" Picking the wand up in his jaws, he waved it, wandpoint at the lizard. The lizard shrieked, suddenly and rapidly growing much, much larger. The King of Lions roared with laughter as he sat upon the head of a t-rex, looking down at the shocked mob below. "Behold my power, brethren! I shall now move on to conquer the neighboring territories, expanding until I have taken the whole continent, then the world!" His evil laughter rang in the sky as the t-rex trudged off, making its way south. The lions here had not yet been made a part of his kingdom, and he was ready to let them know who their new king was. "Lions of South Africa, heed my call! I am now your king!"
Lions gathered about, walking toward him from every direction, shocked as they looked upon him. They each fell into a bow, and the King of Lions roared. "ONTO THE NEXT LAND!" The t-rex once again trudged off, making its way back to the king's first claimed territory. When he arrived, he was surprised to see sullen faces and the genie missing. "What has happened, dear children?" A cub looked up at him and replied, "We made so many wishes at the same time that the genie exploded into a cloud of smoke." The king sighed and shook his head. "Fear not! I shall bring you another genie once I have claimed the world!"
The lions cheered as they watched their king stomp off into the distance.
---
"And that is the story of your great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather's uncle's cousin twice removed," said the lioness to the wide-eyed cub sitting before her. "Woooow... That was amazing!" The lioness smiled. "Yes, and soon, you shall be the new king." The cub's eyes widened further. "Really?!" The lioness nodded at the energetic cub, currently running in circles around her. "When I'm king, I'm going to summon an army of winged-lizards so that all my people will have a fast method of travel! They shall be known as "winged-lizard buses"! And they'll also work like guardians; they will stop anyone who tries to invade, even the men that come from the sky every now and then! And then I'll also summon a bunch of rainbows! I hear that little men live at the ends of them with a bunch of shiny rocks. I wonder if either of them are tasty... Oh oh oh! Then I'll call up an army of magic zebras who will make giant beanstalks that grow caribou grow wherever they walk! I'll make sure some of the winged-lizard buses protect them... But then again, I might have to have fish-people to protect the zebras and the beanstalks from the winged-lizard buses, because they get hungry too, but I'll make sure they take care of the beanstalks anyway. And then..."
The lioness watched with amusement as the cub continued to rattle off ideas. Excellent... the plan is working. The lioness grinned maliciously. Soon, the aliens would descend upon the world, ending the reign of the current king and make the cub king. The cub, being so young, would need someone to help him... And here she was to step into the position of assistant, and be queen of the world through him! Now I have only to wait... Her evil laughter echoed to the sky, and the cub looked at her, a little scared and confused. "Are... are you alright?" The lioness gently put a paw on his back. "Yes, my dear... and soon, very soon, we shall rule the world!" The cub looked on at her in fear as she unleashed her maniacal laughter, shaking the very heavens.
THE END.
---
[Not totally satisfied with the ending. Part 2 upon request.]
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lD r e a m s h i f t e rl Crew
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Commander_Corvus Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 5:55 pm
Have some pudding! yum_puddi
And while you're at it, throw some potatoes for the magical ATP faeries to fuel cell respiration! 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 5:56 pm
Arnold says no to cookies! blaugh (That movie was awful, btw... Although it got us that rap, so it's all good.)
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Commander_Corvus Vice Captain
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Leonidas Pelagios Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 6:05 pm
Gimble_ofthe_Wabe Arnold says no to cookies! blaugh (That movie was awful, btw... Although it got us that rap, so it's all good.) Well, Arnold says, "GET TO DA CHOPPA! AND LEAVE THE WEAPONS, HE DIDN'T KILL YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE UNARMED!" scream xd
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Posted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 5:25 am
And he also said "Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!"
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Commander_Corvus Vice Captain
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