Welcome to Gaia! ::

Name: Lance Grayson

Nickname:
00 Lace - If you think your' being funny.
00 Ace - Jaysen

Age: 17

Birthday: August 13th

Sign: Leo

Gemstone: Onyx

Blood Type: O

Fav. Food: Fruit. Anything. With. Fruit.

Hated Food: Falafel and Waffle cone anything.

School: Azure Valley - On a Music/Piano Scholarship

Hobbies:

Piano - Lance loves playing the piano. He is inspired by artist like Yiruma, Hans Zimmer, Giovanni Mirabassi and Ludovico Einaudi. Lance originally picked up the piano to please his little sister, but he soon grew to love it and finds it very relaxing. t's kind of more of a personal hobby. He tends to play by himself when no ones around, though he would probably play for one or two people, as long as it was a small group.

Self-Defense - When not with his friends or playing the piano, Lance can often be found at the local Mixed Martial Arts/Karate Studio. He has been taking it ever since he was a little kid. Karate means Empty or Open Hand, So Lance uses his hands. Only his hands. No bo staffs, no nunchucks. This stems from a non-lethal/bare minimum route. There won't always be some sort of weapon lying around if your in a fight. So you should make do with what you have.

Collecting - Lance has a habit of collecting glass roses. Yes, he's aware its insanely girly but hey, he enjoys it. He's always found roses enjoyable, but his thumbs are by no means green. So this is as close as he can get to having a "garden" of roses. He even has a few of those roses that are dipped in gold. He doesn't get crazy about collecting them, so he'd never do something 'drastic' just to have one. Its more of if it catches his eye type thing. Lance got started on this when an Aunt his gave him a glass rose for his birthday.

Animals - Even at a young age Lance has always had an interest in animals. From the smallest ant to the largest whale, they all fasinate Lance. He is the type of guy who would bring in a stray kitten if he found it alone in the street. Lance even volunteers at the animal shelter. He will do it all, from walking dogs and cleaning cages to showing off the various animals. And if your curious. If you ask him if he's a cat or dog person, he's likely to say both. He has no 'favorites' when it comes to animals.

Virtues:
Loyal - Lance would do just about anything for his friends. He is fiercely loyal to those who manage to get pass his rough exterior and get to know the real him. While he will remain faithful to his friends, Lance draws the line when it comes to unjustly wronging people. He will not tolerate unnecessary violence at all. Lance is also someone people can rely on. If someone needs an ear so they can rant and vent or even just talk, he will gladly sit there and listen. He holds anything he's told in confidence and wont tell anyone else.

Diligent - Once Lance starts something he makes sure he finishes it. This maybe how his stubborn side started. He puts his whole heart into doing things, and will go as far as he can on his own before accepting help, should he need it. No, he's not OCD or a perfectionist. He's just a hard worker who wants to get things done. He won't work on things to the point where he gets sick, cause lets face it. How can you work if your sick?

Team-Player - Despite his stubborn streak, Lance is a full out team-player. He can be counted on to have his team mates backs at the drop of a hat, no matter what the connection is between him and his team. The team is only as strong as its weakest player and he will do everything in his power to keep the team strong. He tries to not to let his stubbornness get in the way. There is no I in TEAM. And getting stubborn can only lead to more trouble later.

Flaws:

Obstinate - The second you try to talk to him about a different way of doing things, you might as well be talking to a brick wall. He would rather stick with what he knows and trusts, then to be stuck with something foreign. On that note... He really doesn't care how you do things. He just wants to do things his way. Lance is so set in his ways that he can become argumentative with people when they confront him about how he does things, even if they have valid criticism.

Emotionally Challenged - Lance has a ridiculously hard time expressing his inner emotions to people. Especially when it involves love or sadness. This is due to a family issue that happened in his past. He gets flustered easily when he tries, and fails to express them the way he wants. This can often lead him to having a bad temper and yelling. As is often the case, may people will think Lance comes off rude or arrogant if no reaction is given or they don't get the desired reaction out of him, causing people to turn around and ignore him. Which also gets him easily flustered, which has led to Lance fleeing and closing himself of in an empty room till he can calm down. It is sometimes easier for him to express things if its a one on one confrontation.

Shy - Yep. Lance is notoriously shy. It takes a while for him to over come this and be his natural self around people especially if its in a group. He can never get comfortable in large groups of people, even if people he knows are in the group. He just prefers smaller groups (2-4 people, including himself.) He will literally sit there, blink at you and not say a word at first. Though he tries his best to over come this and work hard for the team, he still has issues with speaking up in front of crowds. This is another reason why Lance has trouble expressing emotions, in this case though it would be love instead of sadness.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: A shimmering silvery gray.

Hair: Waist length Platinum Blonde Hair with long bangs that hang in his face. Similar to this. If he's powered up though, Lance has some strands of his hair pulled back behind his head like this. His bangs still hang in his face though.
** Picture courtesy of Songstress Kitsune**

Face: No smiles.

Clothes: Open concept, though he has several silver piercings in both of his ears.

Family

Victor "Vice" Grayson - Father, 40
00 Status: Alive, Estranged.

Nicole Grayson - Mother, 38
00 Status: Alive, Estranged

Mason "Mace" Grayson - Identical Twin Brother, 14
00 Status: 'Deceased'

Jaysen "Jay" Nora Grayson - Sister, 14
00 Status: Alive

Hiya, Morbid!

This is a very interesting profile and I'm really eager to see him in roleplay! I'll try not to give you a huge wall of text (but I am horrible at keeping things succinct!) so if you are reading this thinking "OH JEEZ WHAT DID I DO WRONG," don't! I tend to make a lot of commentary and ask a lot of questions to try and help flesh out a profile, but sometimes that leads to me getting really wordly!

So! That being said, let me get started! <3

For Hobbies:

The first thing I notice is that these are kind of short! It's not that they don't give me a whole lot of info, but when I'm trying to think of an idea for a roleplay with aonther character, the first thing I look at in a profile is the hobbies—to see if I can get inspired to come up with an idea for a roleplay. The more information you have for the hobbies, the better people can get an idea of your character, so it always helps to go into a little extra detail!

Piano - Yessss, to all of these artists. I can already tell that Lance has good taste! You say that he originally learned to play the piano for his little sister and also that he finds it relaxing, so just poking and prodding to get a little more info about this hobby and how it could be used in a roleplay, is he the sort to play for others (ie, play the keyboards in a store/borrow a piano in an empty auditorium) or is it a more personal hobby? I know you say that he goes to Azure with a music scholarship, but I actually wanted to ask about this—are you sure you want to stick him there? On the front page, it says that "Unless you’re looking for eccentric beats and catchy electronica, the musicians of Azure Valley are generally outperformed by those of other schools," so I'm not sure that traditional music/piano would be super popular there since it doesn't quite it into the electronica theme (unless, does he play like, the electric keyboard?).

Self-Defense - A very good hobby to have! I would, however, like a little clarification on just what sort of martial arts he's interested in, please! There are many different forms of martial arts, and while some seem similar, a lot are very, very different! I think 'Martial Arts' is a little vague, so I would love to know which style he practices and why he has picked that one.

Collecting - This is such a neat thing to collect! If you'd like to flesh this one out a little more, maybe go into why he collects glass roses—or how far he is willing to go to collect them? Are there certain types of glass roses he likes or is any glass rose 'just what he needs'? I actually don't know a whole lot about glass roses, so if I sound dorky asking these questions, sorry! On a somewhat related side-note—is there a reason he likes the roses so much?

Animals - This kind of reads as just a 'like' right now, and not really a hobby. I think that could be easily resolved if you just tacked on some activities he did that were related to animals? Like, volunteering at animal shelters, helping raise funds for local shelters, pet sitting/dog walking, volunteering at veterinary clinics—something that would give him something to do while expression his passion for animals.

For Virtues:

Loyalty - I just have a few questions to maybe beef up this virtue and help expose more about Lance! Starting with 'He is fiercely loyal to those who manage to get pass high rough exterior and get to know the real him.' —How would one manage to do this? How long does it take for Lance to develop some loyalty and really consider someone a friend? You also say that he would do anything for his friends—are there any limitations to this? And you also go on to say that "Because of his own issues expressing emotions, Lance hates seeing his friends sad or upset and will do his best to try and cheer them up in his own little way," but this doesn't actually read as a trait of loyalty to me. Loyalty is "firm or constant support or allegiance" and means, "faithful, staunch, true, devoted, trust and constant"—so I would really like to hear more about his loyalty! What happens when someone betrays him, is he still loyal?

Dedicated - I'm hesitant to call this virtue 'dedicated' since it can also read as an addition of loyal—maybe a term like 'diligent' would work better? That aside, I just had a few questions! How far is he willing to go to finish something? Will he sacrifice his health to get the job done? Is he the sort to sloppily finish something just to get it done, or does he really put his whole heart into it?

Team-Player - I think this ties in well with his loyalty! The one thing I'd like to know is, how does he determine what team he's on? (this is kind of hard for me to word, actually; I'm trying to ask, when/what determines when he's 'on a team'?) And you mention his stubborn streak—what separates him from his stubbornness when it comes to a team effort? He might have the team's best intentions in mind, but what really forces him to focus on the team and get over his stubbornness? How well can he work together with someone who does things a completely different way than Lance wants?

For Flaws:

Stubborn- All right—the bad news is, 'stubborn' isn't quite considered a flaw, according to the character form. The good news is, you can still incorporate everything you've written here and just shift it into something that is counted as a flaw! For example, he could be 'obstinate' or 'pigheaded'. Both of these consist of being stubborn, however typically have a negative connotation [making them a flaw]. That in mind, a little expansion on the flaw would be needed, particularly because it doesn't quite read as stubborn to me at present. You focus mostly on how he doesn't like change, but stubbornness extends to a lot of other fields, too! Like, personal beliefs, preferred methods of doing something, his stance on certain topics. I want to hear about how his stubbornness affects him negatively. How difficult is it to convince him that he's wrong? Has he lost friends due to his inability to be persuaded? Generally, in what ways has his stubbornness negatively affected his life?

Gdi Emotions - While you've started with a good introduction to this, it's important to focus on the fact that this is supposed to be a flaw—and something that people would look down on him for. The name of the flaw leaves it very open to interpretation, so I am wondering, would something like 'aloof' better describe what you are trying to say? Or 'Socially awkward' or 'emotionally detached'? Or maybe 'emotionally compromised?' The description gives me a vague idea of how he is emotionally challenged, but I would like to hear more about how this negatively impacts his life other than just a bad behavior. Does this prevent him from getting close to others? Does it make it difficult for others to approach him? Does he come across as an a** or a robot or something when inner emotions are brushed on?

Shy - I think this ties in well with the loyalty virtue/getting into his 'inner group'! There are a few little things I'd like to know—how long does it take for Lance to warm up to someone/how difficult is it for him to feel comfortable around them? Remember—the thing about virtues and flaws is that they have to be applicable in a wide variety of situations, and being shy around strangers only lasts for so long. To see this as a good flaw, Lance has to be able to be consistently shy in a wide variety of scenes. This in mind, is he shy when it comes to expressing emotions? (I think this would tie into the 'Gdi Emotions' you've got going on) Is he shy with expressing new ideas? What does it take for him to feel sheepish? Is there anything that would make him timid even in the presence of friends?

And that ties it up for the civilian side! All in all, I think you have a really great profile in place here, and most of what I've had to say is just about fleshing it out a little more. No traits conflict with each other, and I like how they all tie in well together! Very nice! He seems like he'll be a lot of fun to have in roleplays—once he gets past the shyness!

For Damocles:

Sailor Scout Attack: Damocles Devoted Defense - Defensive
This looks good! I'm going to ask a few questions to get a better idea of the attack—like, how long, specifically, does this attack last? [You say a short time, but knowing how many seconds is really helpful!]

And for the barrier—is it just a barrier in front of him, or does it go all around him, like a shield? Can he move while it is up or does he have to keep his hands in front of him to hold the shape of the barrier? And what happens if an opponent touches the barrier? Does it just keep them out/seem like an impenetrable wall?

Super Sailor Scout Attack: Damocles Devoted Protection - Defensive
Same questions about clarification on the shield! I think it is a neat idea that his relationship with someone else is what determines how strong the shield for them is, however I think this might get to be a little complicated. What does having a stronger shield mean? What can a normal shield protect from, versus a shield for someone devoted? Physical attacks, Magic attacks, order members, chaos members, sticks and stones? I think being able to craft a shield for himself and one other person is good for this stage, though—it seems like a nifty idea, so the only thing I have left to ask about is the duration!

Eternal Sailor Attack: Damocles Devoted Armor. - Defensive/Slightly Offesnsive? : Just a few questions! How do you determine how many shields he can cast? You say 1-5, but that's four extra (or three?) than his second attack, and he is getting the bonus of pushing an opponent away. I'd love to see you settle on a concrete number of how many shields he can produce, as well as determining duration, and then I can be back to offer more commentary on this!

In the meantime, sorry for such a huge wall of words! I really didn't mean to, sorry ;;

But! If you have any questions, want to make commentary on something, or just want me to come back and take a double check on something after you've made some changes, you can quote me and I'll be back to help as soon as possible! I'm really excited about Lance, so I hope we can get him closer to be stamped soon!

Well, I'm glad I could help! And you did an awesome job on elaborating for me! You definitely beefed up his profile to the point where I have a much better idea of what sort of character he is, and so I've only got a few little questions left! [And maybe more suggestions to beef things up if you still feel like they're looking small!]

For Self-Defense - Just out of curiosity, is there a reason Lance only uses his hands and not any of the other weapons that could also be used in defense? Or does he want to go the most non-lethal route/just be sufficient with the bare minimum of fighting utensils? [aka does he just use his hands so that he always has a utensil to defend himself with?]

For Loyalty- focusing on, "He will not tolerate this at all," I was just curious—at this point in time, when stealing or hurting someone, I wondered how this would affect him in the DMC? They steal energy and do hurt people, so maybe a little tweaking might be in order here? Just to make sure that he isn't put in a tight spot when he gets into the court! Like, maybe specify 'stealing/breaking the law or hurting innocent people' or something [like, do people lose loyalty if they lie to him/betray his trust, too?]? And then—going off of not tolerating when they do these things, does he sever ties completely or just never lowers his guard around them again?

For Diligent- I have a note on minor phrasing here! "No, he's not OCD or a perfectionist, he just doesn't like leaving things half finished," feels like it kind of detracts from this being a virtue, but I think this could be easily remedied with a little notation or something like 'he's not OCD or a perfectionist, but he is a hard worker and doesn't like leaving things half finished'—that way you know that he's not just doing it to have closure, but because he wants it to be finished and wants to get the job done in a way that is at least satisfactory.

For Team-Player - I've tried to think of things to add to beef this one up, but you cover it pretty well! I definitely get the impression he's a team player from the description!

For Obstinate - You say " He would rather stick with what he knows and trusts, then to be stuck somewhere forgein and be on edge all day" and I realized I'd just like a little clarification on this! This particularly still reads as more like 'dislikes change'—which isn't bad! It's just that out of all the things to be stubborn/obstinate about, though I feel like a whole sentence seems devoted to location strictly. If you'd like to clarify or expand on other things that he is stubborn about, it would seem totally in place, but I think it might be best to stick with general examples of obstinacy [ie; instead of that, something like " He would rather stick with what he knows and trusts, then to be stuck with something foreign" so that it is applicable to a wider variety of situations]

This sentence sticks out as a little iffy to me " However there have been one or two people that have gotten a begrudging Lance to try it a different way, though that usually comes after an insane amount of pestering and pleading" if only because it negates the negative aspect of this trait to me. I feel like he should only cave under extreme circumstances. I would still like to see some mention of how his stubbornness affects him negatively. Mainly focusing on, in what ways has his stubbornness negatively affected his life? Does he frustrate his friends with his obstinacy/lost friends/missed out on really great experiences?

For Emotionally Challenged - I think this reads much nicer and is kind of adorable! [I so want to see him with a love interest one day xD] It seems logical to me that someone who has a difficult time expressing deep inner emotions would avoid responding to situations that would trigger such, or respond with stereotypically inaccurate emotions. Due to the bad temper/yelling, I can definitely see where this could be a flaw! If you wanted to expand it/beef it up a little, the only thing I can think to suggest is, how does he respond to himself being emotionally challenged? Does he get frustrated/act out because he can't properly express himself? Lock himself in a room/avoid people until he calms down?

For Shy - Only a quick question! How does the "He can never get comfortable in large groups of people, even if people he knows are in the group" tie in with his team player virtue? Or is this a situation where he would just work his hardest for the team but still be relatively uncomfortable/shy with working with them? Aaaaand, maybe if you wanted to expand some more, give a little more information about his shyness/remind us why it is a negative feature of his personality? You mentioned that he could get flustered, does he ever get a bad temper/defensive when he is shy or does he just miss out on a lot of opportunities? Is he never much help in group conversations because he is too afraid to speak in front of others/be judged for his suggestions or opinions?

Yikes, I know I gave you a lot more words, but I'm almost done! To tie up a few things: your reasoning behind Azure Valley looks good to me! Funny awkward school moments are lots of fun! And I think it's really neat that you are basing his hobbies off of things you have done/are doing since that means you have personal experience and don't have to rely on Google [like some people /cough 8D;;;]

And your attack actually sounded pretty good! Especially for such a hard sphere to relate them to! And, speaking of attacks:

Sailor Scout Attack: Damocles Devoted Defense - Defensive
In reading this, one of the first things I look for is 'how is this related to the sphere of devotion'—and I realize that is something that is really hard to do when it's just one person. It would probably be better if, in his devotion, he could cast a shield of protection around an ally—but then this is totally useless for Damocles! Which can be really tough when you are just starting out! So, I'd like to propose an alternative to him casting a shield just around himself so that this can stick more with the devotion theme. Instead of making a shield that just coats him, why not make a shield with a radius around him? You could say that 'He is capable of creating a shield with a 3 foot radius around him and, using the logic of his second attack when casting a shield for someone else ["That shield can be slightly stronger then the one produced for himself, depending on his connection with that person."] you can say that the shield will be stronger if people he is devoted to are within the radius. Obviously it is a small radius so that his first attack wouldn't be too strong and still only mostly protects him—but you do still tie into the devotion in that manner. It also might be a good idea to clarify how strong his shield is (if his devotion can make it stronger)…like, does that make it more durable? But you don't mention breaking the shield, so I was thinking it was more than likely just going to extend the duration of the attack? Like, if he is the only one there, the attack lasts for 20 seconds, but if he's got someone he's totally devoted to, it lasts for 30 seconds? [so the attack could last for 20-30 seconds]

Super Sailor Scout Attack: Damocles Devoted Protection - Defensive
Because this needs to be an upgrade of the first attack, if you wanted to go with the suggestion of a radius, this could work one of two ways! A—you just increase the radius/time length that the shield can go, or B—stick more with your idea and just have it split into two shields [I feel like it might be best if you specified a radius]. For this one, I think would work best if it kept the 20/30 seconds] and I would then wonder, if he is stuck holding the symbol, other people can run with their shield or does the shield stay in the same place and they can run out of it?

Eternal Sailor Attack: Damocles Devoted Armor. - Defensive/Slightly Offesnsive?
My feedback on this attack is going to be different based on what you choose to do with his second attack [and for the record, if you don't like any of the suggestions I have for attack, I can try to come up with something else to help keep with the devotion theme! I don't want you to feel obligated to go with something you don't like just because I suggested it!].

If you liked option A for super attack [larger radius/casting time for just his shield that can protect others] then I think this attack is pretty solid and needs only a little clarification and maybe a drop down to three people! And, how large would these individual shields be? [maybe their radius would be like 3 feet per person?]

If you liked option B for super attack [2 shields for roughly the same time as the first attack] then four shields also makes sense, but I would be wary to give too much of a time boost. Maybe 30 seconds minimum, 40 max, based on devotion?

OKAY—Now, if I missed anything, got confusing, or am just outright not getting what you are trying to say, feel free to point this out! Sorry to overwhelm you with words again, and if it's too much at once or you'd rather talk about one thing at a time, we can either keep working here or you can shoot me a PM or AIM [my user name is Splisosphere] so that I'm not dropping a wall of text on you!

83 Hello Iris! <3 Then you for critting! I really appreciate it. I'm just sorry I took so long in replying!

Kyu pretty much owns my soul. She really helped me out getting everything down. I feel like I have a waaaaaaaaaay better understanding on how to make character concepts like these now. XD

O: I really like'd your third option of the attacks... So I kinda ran with that. >>;; I know theirs not much too em when you look at the description, But I wanna think I've got the point across. o vo Lemme know if you think something needs to be added to it!

((Also... I kiiiiiinda had a question about a character backstory. Not this character. But I wasn't sure about it. o vo Would it be okay if I PMed you on it??))

Alrighty, you're ACCEPTED!

Best of luck getting him. heart