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 Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 12:26 pm
So one of my good friends has been getting on my nerves a lot lately, and it all centers around my sexuality. Firstly, she seems to think all gay men must act the stereotypical way. So she's always making jokes about how I should shop with her, have a ton of rainbow stuff, etc., and will occasionally point out some "effeminate" thing I might do. Secondly, just because I don't flaunt my sexuality and I'm typically introverted, she's been bugging me recently to go to this gay bar to "fix that". I've already told her multiple times that I'm not comfortable going to any sort of club/bar (gay or not), yet she persists.
What should I do or say to make her understand that she's irritating me? I've already brought it up multiple times, but obviously I'm not doing something right since she continues with the same behavior.
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Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 12:34 pm
Be direct.
"It's awesome that you've taken such an interest in my life, but these things don't interest me. I'd appreciate it if you stopped bringing it up because it feels like you're trying to shape me into someone I'm not."
If you're already past that point, then perhaps, "I don't feel like you're listening to me, as I've said before that these things don't interest me. Please, stop bringing it up. It's irritating."
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Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 3:02 pm
Eugh. Tell her to just stop all that. Tell her that she is being patronizing and offensive, intentionally or not. She shouldn't expect you to act like her pet homosexual just because you like the idea of making out with men folk in your spare time.
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Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 5:07 pm
I say that you need to have a long talk with her and be honest. Tell her if she really cared about you as a friend, to not to try and force you to do anything you are uncomfortable with and that some of the stuff she says is offensive. Also tell her not to make such a big deal about your sexuality or tell you that you shouldn't have to act a certain way.
If she is truly your friend, she would listen what you have to say and stop (maybe she just doesn't realize what she says is offensive or stereotypical and getting on your nerves. Sometimes you have to be more direct).
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Posted: Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:47 pm
I thank you all for the advice, and I'm definitely going to use it tonight (since I'm going to be around her anyways). I really should be more direct, and hopefully this will do the trick.
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Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2012 1:05 pm
Veneficus Monstrum I thank you all for the advice, and I'm definitely going to use it tonight (since I'm going to be around her anyways). I really should be more direct, and hopefully this will do the trick.
How did it go?
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Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2012 2:11 pm
She actually listened, shockingly enough. Unfortunately, I have a feeling it won't last long.
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Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2012 10:02 pm
Veneficus Monstrum She actually listened, shockingly enough. Unfortunately, I have a feeling it won't last long. I am glad that she listened. Maybe you just have to remind her from time to time, as bad habits take time to break. It's a start.
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Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2012 10:25 pm
Hmm, even though you've already talked to her I'm curious are you her only gay friend? Sometimes people joke to make light of situations they have trouble coping with. She may simply sincerly trying to deal and joking is her way ( without intentionally being offensive). I've had people do that before, and it got better over time. Course your situation might be completely different.
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