Help with Figuring My Religion/Spirituality Out

[NightsShades]

Recent events in my life has lead me to doing quite a bit of soul searching and reading 'Life of Pi' lead me to thinking about my religion, or lack of one.

I love learning about different religions and mythologies but whenever it comes time for me to sit down and pray I can't do it. I like learning about religions in an academic sense but for the life of me whenever I tried to sincerely believe in one religion I eventually go back to the odd in between place I've been in since I was 8.

I want to believe in God, some kind of higher power or just some underlying spiritual thing to everything. The problem is I've always felt a little silly doing the typical religious and spiritual things (praying, any religious ceremony, mediating, etc). I can't view god as a benevolent being because there's plenty of evidence to the contrary but on the other I can't believe it's evil for the same reason. I don't believe that its all powerful and all knowing because I can't stand the thought that I'm not in control of my own destiny.

I know I can't force myself to believe, as I've learned from too many years of PSR, but at the same time I hate this place of wanting to believe in things I can't see but being unable to. I'm not really expecting any miracle answers and I know I have to figure things out for myself but I was wondering if anyone has found themselves in a similar situation and could offer some advice.  

[User 27225319]

not that this helps much but i was in the EXACT same spot as you a few months ago. It didn't take me long to realize you can't force something like that on yourself and still feel true to yourself. So I just accepted that I'll be an atheist till someone proves me otherwise.

As for me being in this guild, well i think if i ever do chose a path it will be along the lines of Paganism so im here to learn and check out what its like.  

[Sanguina Cruenta]

NightsShades

I can't view god as a benevolent being because there's plenty of evidence to the contrary but on the other I can't believe it's evil for the same reason. I don't believe that its all powerful and all knowing because I can't stand the thought that I'm not in control of my own destiny.

The vast majority of Pagan gods are not all powerful, all knowing, solely benevolent or solely evil. Does that help some? smile

Quote:

I know I can't force myself to believe, as I've learned from too many years of PSR, but at the same time I hate this place of wanting to believe in things I can't see but being unable to. I'm not really expecting any miracle answers and I know I have to figure things out for myself but I was wondering if anyone has found themselves in a similar situation and could offer some advice.

I think it's mostly up to you to keep searching and to look at the world around you and pay attention to whatever might be there. It doesn't have to be gods. It could be spirits. There are a lot of us, though, that occasionally feel a bit silly for believing what we do, because of the weight we might put on science or the levels to which we are sceptical and so on. It's just something you have to balance, I think.  

[kyndryana3]

Many years ago, before I found my path, I was in that searching place. I hadn't even heard of Paganism or witchcraft or anything yet, but I kind of knew that Christianity wasn't for me. I was reading everything I got my hands on until I found that one thing that just clicked for me. I am still reading and learning and sorting out the details of what I believe, and I still have those AHA! moments where another piece falls into place, and there are still places where my thoughts on what I believe are a bit muddy.

Best advice I can give (since you say you don't feel comfortable meditating) is to journal. Grab a blank book and jot some topics at the top of pages (leaving a good amount of space for writing in between).

Topics could include things like:
*Things I don't believe in (sometimes getting down on paper what you don't believe and why helps you sort out what you do believe)
*Things I've read or heard about that I really like
*Thoughts on God/divinity/higher power
*How I feel when I think about religion (even just writing down words or jumbled images that pop into your mind is useful)

Spend a bit of time thinking about each one (I'd do them on different days so you don't get overwhelmed) and just write whatever comes to your mind, don't think too much about what you are writing, just write. I never read these types of things immediately. If it were me, I'd do each topic on a different day until I had spent some time with all of them (and any more topics that I thought of and wanted to add). Then go through one at a time and read them, adding more to each if you have more to add. You can highlight or mark things you feel are really important.  

[Rebel_Dynasty]

I'm not in the same situation as you, but something similar. In my case, I've been very back and forth about how I view deity, and I want to decide on one, not be torn down the middle between four or five different possibilities.

I'm in no position to really tell you how to deal with your situation, but I can give you suggestions. smile Try not to force yourself; take some time to think about all the different religions/spiritualities you have studied academically. From there, try to narrow it down to the ones that interest you the most. (This is something I'm trying to do, myself). Really take some time from here to ascertain which one of them feels right, or if some of them can be put together without there being any contradictions or offense to those specific faiths.

As Sanguina said, every now and then, a lot (if not all) of us feels silly in our practices. It's healthy to question ones' own faith now and again. it helps us grow. If we stick by our spirituality despite these questions, kudos. If we don't, it just means it's time to move on.

I wish you the best in finding the spiritual path that works for you.