Welcome to Gaia! ::

I have these occasional bursts of optimism, and wouldn't you know it, I get on Gaia for the first time in a couple of days, I'm feeling good about the world for the first time in a couple of days, and I have an invitation to this here guild. I'd just been thinking I could use some writing support, too. Still does't make me a transcendentalist, even if I do think it's a hell of a coincidence.

Last time I had such a burst of optimism, I went about the Writer's Forum trying to convince everyone that just because not everyone will be able to become a master of the English language long-remembered in the ephemeral cannon of English Literature does not mean that they should settle for narrative mediocrity. And then, having set the bar infinitely high, I went about trying to reach that improbable goal, which is kind of the opposite of what you'd expect to see happen. And thus we get to the title of this thread.

I'm currently working on The Black Circus which now comes with 100% more actual words! Yay! Since this journal is not entirely for my own consumption:

The Black Circus is the story of Elvira, a teenaged urchin on the streets of Victorian London who is lead by an inexplicable dream, and her quest to join the Black Circus, a prestigious and exclusive establishment shrouded in mystery. Having taught herself tightrope walking, she joins [circus name], where the Black Circus takes place, hones her skills, ascends through the ranks, and deals with the relationship drama and massive doses of foreshadowing that complicate her journey. She meets a colorful cast of characters (often quite literally colorful, as they have a habit of walking around in-costume) who will come to represent various sides of the story's central issues and goes on zany adventures that include making tea and watching Tricia, her feral genius of a mentor, bludgeon a drunk guy to death.

She attains her goal and, upon doing so, finds that the truths of the Black Circus are manifold: that at its core, it is a performance meant to cater to wealthy patrons where the performers must risk their lives, going through their acts without the benefit of safety equipment; that those that perform in the Black Circus are the actual legal owners of [circus name]; and that it is they who create and enforce the particular white-masked justice of [circus name]. Having discovered this, Elvira must decide whether she wishes to continue to pursue the very literal dream that gave her the strength of purpose to endure as an urchin on the streets of Victorian London or whether the risk to her life is too great a price to pay. Exploring themes of art, identity, and the value of life, Elvira ultimately remains with the Black Circus, and wouldn't you know it, the world confirms her choice by allowing her actions inadvertently result in her being crowned as the figurehead leader of the circus and enact the events of her never-to-be-explained dream.

So far, it's happening in fits and starts, but I've stuck with it, and it's longer than anything I've written since that abortion of a pretentious mess I did in high school. So I'm still throwing a party in my brain when the rest of my life doesn't get me too down. I'm towards the end of Chapter 3 (I don't have a title for it and I don't have any ideas for a title. One will probably come up.) the latter half of which consists almost entirely of Aeru, the King of the Circus, showing Elvira how to make tea and the two of them talking about Chris, with whom Elvira has just had a rather unpleasant dance lesson.

The whole chapter is basically a set-up for the most crack-tastic love triangle I think I've ever seen: Chris and Elvira have a Budding Romance laced with a mild dose of Belligerent Romantic Tension, Aeru is non consensually dating Chris with the aid of his power within the circus, and Elvira is something of a favorite with Aeru. Elvira and Aeru have tea and talk about what it takes to forge an iron will, Chris gives Elvira dancing lessons which lead to them taking long walks at late hours (gasp) and Aeru is envious enough of Elvira to have Chris break up with her. End result: Aeru is banished from the circus, (twice) ending up dead at Tricia's hands, and Elvira refuses to be more than friends with Chris when he asks her to take him back after Aeru is banished the first time.

But that hasn't happened yet. I'm still on the EPIC TEA which is probably going to end up as one of those jokes that I have with myself, since I see tea as being rather central to Aeru and Elvira's relationship. For example, it's kind of a big deal that Aeru realizes that Elvira probably doesn't know how to make tea when she comes to [circus name] since he can tell she's probably a street urchin, which... isn't actually something the readers are really told until much later. The readers just know that Elvira having a delicate figure is probably a threat to her safety and that she needs a shower when we first see her.

I like this story. I like talking about it. I like writing it. I makes research fun, and I suck at research. I read the driest, most boring account of English history that could possibly be written because I wanted to know more about the Victorian mores that I was trying to write about. And I enjoyed it.

That said, research is probably still my weak point right now. I can't seem to find anything on the Victorian circus, though I've found things on the Victorian era and things on the circus right before the Victorian era. There's some pretty basic dates I need to look up. (When was the gramophone invented? When did Freud write 'On Dreams'?) I'm okay with intentional anachronisms: one character does Aerial Silks, but I'm not sure if that would even be possible with Victorian technology, and I'm fairly certain the act wasn't invented then, but her character is a little out of her time, so I'm totally okay with that.

My most recent accomplishments are:

1. Transcribing the first two and a half chapters into the journal that I'm currently using, but... holy crap, I'm gonna fill it, and it's not even gonna take that long. So excited! That took for-freakin'-ever, and it makes me apprehensive about typing the whole mess up when I'm done, but hey, it's valuable editing time, and I can only compose non-digitally.

2. EPIC TEA. I'm happy with how the scene is turning out, and it's not even finished yet.

3. Moving my computer off my writing desk. It doesn't belong there, and it was getting in the way.

I haven't written in about a week, but life got in the way. Things are not going all that well outside of writing. They're looking up, but still not going well.

I'm pretty sure that thing about table legs is a myth. I think I remember it was something like the English Victorians being all like "Oh, look at those American Victorians. They're so terribly prudish, they feel they must cover the legs of even their tables!" and then they'd all titter behind their fans. The Victorian mindset is really fascinating with the whole focus on death and dichotomies. Their science fiction is strange and awesome and HOLY CRAP SO MANY DICHOTOMIES. There's Jekyll and Hyde, and the Morlocs and the Eloi, and man and nature, and why do I remember these things?

That's really why The Black Circus is set in the time period at all-- the contrast between the popular circus (color) and the Black Circus; (white costumes in a pitch black tent) and day and night; and dreams and reality; and falling and flying. Also, it really sucked to be a street urchin, so Elvira has a stronger motivation, and she's already been vetted for badassitude. Also,the amazingly indirect Victorian grammar. Otherwise I would make it modern-day.

Now I just feel bad for making you do my really easy research for me. It's probably set around the turn of the century, so the phonograph is go, but Elvira talking about people going to see some doctor on the mainland who tells them what their dreams mean is probably a little inaccurate. I might leave it anyways, since Freud's division of the psyche is so Victorian.

I'm looking for this to be a publishing debut-- it's aimed at a particular audience, it's at a level of maturity that I wouldn't be ashamed of, it's the right length and stands alone, so it would make a good debut novel-- so I'm not going to be posting it online. I could probably use any edit-y help I can get once it's finished, which... that'll take a while. But I could definitely use someone who could tell me when someone says/does something ridiculously un-English.

So apparently just saying that I wanted to finish Chapter 3 was all it took to make it happen. Granted, I was probably less than 100 words from the end, but that's been enough to stop me before. Next up, Chapter 4, which could easily be nicknamed "Ethnic Minorities in Fictional Victorian London". Why. Why do I do these things to myself. It's going to require research, probably, and it's not even going to be particularly pleasant research. I've almost been trying to get away with not researching too much, but that's not really legit.

Anyways: Challenges I Face-

-Doing things sporadically. I do everything sporadically. It's... hrm. Not good. Probably a large contributor to my current profession of Habitual ******** pretty sure convincing my mom that I should writing is working and not screwing around is going to be a considerable hurdle. The closest I've gotten was to ask for the writing desk that was my Christmas present, but then she gave me a Christian journal writing workshop (AWKWARD IN SO MANY WAYS) to go with it. Mom, little hint: I'm not writing a journal.

-I have the work ethic of a wet noodle. I need to face up to this. While the above is kind of part of it (if I can't say "I'm going to go write for a couple hours" then there's no way I'm going to get used to writing for a couple hours) I've really never been all that productive. NaNoWriMo always has been and maybe always will be a bit beyond me, and now it's not even what I want to do with my writing.

-Researching. I suck at it. Like, a lot. I currently have a running page of notes on all the things I have to look up. Guess what doesn't get done?

Erm. That seems to sum it up. I'm pretty confident about my narrating voice, even if I do seem to pick a new one each time I come up with a new project. I'm crap at action scenes, but hey! Black Circus only has, like one and... it's not very conventional. Wait, no, I misspoke: Tricia beats up a drunk guy, not-Vierad gets lynched, and Tricia beats the s**t out of Aeru. Wait, I just defined "action" as "fight". If I include non-fight action scenes, there's tons. Circus scenes! By the dozen!

...

Why do I do these things to myself?

I love playlists. heart

[I can stop harassing your thread if you want. whee ]

Mmkay, more intoxicated than I've been in a while, (don't worry, it's legal, just alcohol and I'm of age, and this isn't anything that's a problem for me) er, ever, so forgive me if I screw up typing and the phrasing is s**t. I'm going to go to bed like, now-ish, but I wanted to check in.

Didn't get a whole lot written today, no actual concrete time spent writing, just squeezing it in the times when I'd be doing nothing otherwise. The cracks of the day. Got writing feedback from a friend, which is nice. She came over and we drank champagne and ate good cheese and talked for ages and dyed eggs. Which is apparently kind of a tradition in my family. Huh. She's keeping up with Black Circus as it's written, which is... a great service. IRL, so I don't have to post it online.

Feedback: Aeru is interesting, Elvira is a shonen hero, and the plot has more direction than other things I've written. Black Circus in current day: I've considered it. It would probably happen in the music industry, and some people's sexuality would shift due to the way they define themselves and the things they seek are defined in different social contexts. Gabriella most of all. I ship it, but not explicitly and not as cannon.

Probably won't get anything done tomorrow either, since tomorrow is Easter and we're having people over for dinner and it is a BIG DEAL which means it takes up all day.

Apparently the market is booming for pieces set in real life that inexplicitly don't belong there. When living at home I usually substituted watching family films for my writing, something I half-regret but half-not. It's only because I only see them a handful of times during the year but it's improved my writing so much. It is something you love, and should be respected by your loved ones smile