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-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Captain
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 Posted: Thu Jan 05, 2012 11:36 pm
author's note: I don't expect this to be good, or even that factual. I just... needed to get it out of me.
I am broken…
A rag doll chewed up by a moth,
A puppet with all my strings cut off.
My glass eyes look out at nothing,
Invisible tears staining my pale face.
I lay here wounded and lost,
My insides slowly unraveling onto the pavement.
But it’s my fault.
I presented myself for destruction,
The scissors were in my hand
When they cut the cord of my existence.
I held my heart so tight trying to keep it safe,
Squeezing until it started to bleed.
Now there’s nothing left of it.
I killed my chance at happiness.
Pushing you so far away,
While my heart was begging you to stay.
A beautiful and horrid contradiction.
I told myself I could move on,
But you’re like a cut on the roof of my mouth.
It would heal if only I could leave it alone….
But it’s not so easy.
I keep coming back to you.
Each time making the hurt that much worse.
Not just for me but for you as well.
I know I should stop this,
But I don’t want to let you go.
I can’t keep myself quiet and watch you fade away.
I whisper “goodbye” as my tears beg “don’t leave me”.
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Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2012 10:13 am
I am in no way a poet, so I can't formally critique your work, but I can say that this is a very melancholic poem. Personally, I found it to be well written and you definitely succeeded in touching me. I especially liked the lines, “But you're like a cut on the roof of my mouth. It would heal if only I could leave you alone.” That really is a great analogy for missing somebody dearly. All in all, I liked it.
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Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2012 10:38 am
I can tell your hurt...bad...our hearts may pain after things have happened to us hard to move on that's why people write to get their emotions out. I won't crictize your poem just say nice job and feel better
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Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:43 am
Definitely a great poem my friend. Very touching and well written.
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Posted: Sat Jan 07, 2012 7:59 am
I'm enjoying the form more than the content. I'm interested in that "1 line, 6 line, 1 line" format you've got going on there, and just have to ask if there is anything behind you using that. other than that, I'm glad you didn't make it entirely corny. not that such heartbreak poems are realy bad, just that it's easy to tell the difference between a teenage angst poem and an adult version of the same thing. xd
I suppose it's like comparing Taylor Swift to Evanescence (note: I actually love both artists; I just think it was premature to lable that girl the "queen of country" over her highschool diary).
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