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 Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 6:40 pm
i haven't heard any new jokes or riddles for a wile now so perhaps you guys can help me out (i couldn't find the other joke forum thingy >_< )
joke: what's the difference between a pregnant lady and a light bulb?
answer: a light bulb can be unscrewed.
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 9:47 pm
Nice.
I support this thread... Hard.
How much cocaine has Charlie Sheen done?
Answer: Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
More to come.
And it will only get worse.
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 3:19 pm
lol i've heard that one before xd
riddle: a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water. the bartender looks at the man, takes out his shotgun, shoots at him and narrowly misses. the man thanks the bartender, gives him a tip, and leaves. why is this?
answer: the man had hiccups
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 12:19 pm
Ok...
You want riddles?
I'll give you riddles! twisted
1. What do you find in seconds, minutes and centuries, but not in days, years or decades?
2. Which is correct: ‘Seven eights are 54’ or ‘Seven eights is 54’?
3. A clock strikes 6 in five seconds. How long does it take to strike 12?
4. What was the U.S. president’s name in 1984?
5. If two men can dig two holes in two days, how long does it take a man to dig half a hole?
6. If the post office clerk refused to stick a $4 stamp on your package, would you stick it on yourself and why?
7. What gets longer when it’s cut at both ends?
8. What is the only thing that goes faster uphill than downhill?
9. What was the first name of King George VI of England?
10. How many squares are there on a standard chessboard?
11. How many seconds are there in a year?
12. A man throws a ball three feet, it stops, and then returns to his hand without touching anything. How come?
13. What was the smallest continent before Australia was discovered?
14. Why can a police officer never open a door in his pajamas?
15. If 5 dogs kill 5 rats in 5 minutes, how long does it take 15 dogs to kill 15 rats?
My little homemade quiz. See if you can best it.
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 8:00 pm
oh god, let's see....
1) an 'n'?
2)seven eights is 54?
3)6 hours and 5 seconds?
4)Theodore Roosevelt (i have no clue he's just my favorite one)?
5)half a day?
6)no, sticking it to yourself would wast it?
7)a worm?
cool a bear?
9)George?
10)64?
11)more than i can fathom?
12)there's a string attached to it?
13)Europe?
14)it would be unprofessional?
15)15 minutes?
some of these i had no clue on O_0
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 8:03 pm
riddle: when is a door not a door?
answer: when it's ajar.
riddle: what's the part of a bird that's not in the sky, can swim in the ocean and always stay dry?
answer: its shadow.
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 8:43 am
Blech! Work...
Okay so these next few are offensive... And that's putting it lightly. I'm going to try to hit all around the board so no one feels alienated.
What's white on top and black on bottom?
Answer:Society
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike, then I realized the lord didn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian promptly tells him off saying he wouldn't bring it back.
I was reading in the paper today that a dwarf got pick-pocketed. I could only think to myself, "how can someone stoop so low?"
What has eight balls and rapes the lower class?
Answer:The Lottery
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Answer:Christopher Walken
Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's piano? Neither has he.
Don't get too offended yet... More to come.
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 9:28 am
How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Answer: Who knows? Punks have yet to do ANYTHING.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
Answer: The NBA.
What do you call a white cop?
Answer: Police brutality.
How does every black joke start?
Answer: With you looking over your shoulder.
What is both loud and obnoxious, gets the attention of crowds, but is not a megaphone?
Answer: Furries.
A trespasser is someone who enters private property uninvited. A rapist is someone who forces sex on someone without their consent. A murderer is someone who kills without remorse, and a thief is someone who takes property that is not their own. So what do you call all of the above?
Answer: Colonists.
Now then... Did I miss anyone? Speak up now, I'm sure I can find something.
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Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 11:01 am
This is awesome.
I'm not very good at jokes or riddles, but it's entertaining to read at least..
@Khleo: I actually have a friend named Christopher Reeves.
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Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 5:34 pm
lol whee these next two go out to Khleo
joke: what's the difference between a park bench and a Mexican?
answer: a bench can support a family
joke: what's the difference between a pizza and a Mexican?
answer: a pizza can feed a family
i got these from a guy at my school who is Mexican and loves Mexican jokes
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Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 6:37 pm
Was at a mini sci-fi thing last month and their local ghostbusters (these guys http://www.ontarioghostbusters.ca ) were walking around and a furry followed them. A vendor saw this, got mine and two other people's attention and said "hey guys.....three ghostbusters and a furry walk into a bar." Everyone lol's. No punch line was given, none was asked, but still I wonder what the ending to that would be. Therefore, your mission is to finish the joke.
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 1:19 pm
lol those are good.
Why do latino's have tamales during Christmas?
Answer: So they have something to unwrap.
The furry orders a scotch, single malt with no ice. Soon after he's passed out on the bar floor. Doing their civic duties the trio of ghostbusters call a cab to take him home. As they're leaving the bar the head buster turns to his friends and says, "He came, he saw, but it kicked his a**."
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Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2011 3:15 pm
lol XD
and then there are those awful dead baby jokes crying
joke: what's the difference between a porsche and a pile of dead babies?
answer: i don't have a porsche in my garage.
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2011 10:22 am
Yo' mama so fat...
Yo' mama so old...
Yo' mama so ugly...
Your mother's breast sag with such severity that the late, great surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook them for clocks.
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