Welcome to Gaia! ::

Lilium ★ Hallow

Back to Guilds

Of Witches and Wishes. 

Tags: Witches, Humanoid, Majin, Makai, Fantasy 

Reply ★ Character Quests
[Open] Dimitri Kuznetsov

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

elufae
Crew

Adventuring Hunter

PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 11:51 pm



▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

Open for Critiques
Last Edit- June 28th


▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂
PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 3:31 pm


Dimitri Kuznetsov
▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

Name MeaningDimitri - Earth mother/follower of Demeter
Kuznetsov - Smith's son

RaceHuman
StageWitchling
GenderMale

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂


Biography/Story Dimitri clutched his sword in hand, electric sparks dancing up and down the blade. The enhancement wouldn't last long, but it would help enough. He stared down his opponent: another of those bloody majin. As he focused on that one being, all the world faded around him. And in a single moment of closing his eyes for a brief reprieve, it came back to him...

Dimitri woke in the middle of the night. He swore he heard something downstairs. Maybe his mother was getting a midnight snack, as she often did lately. Pushing that thought aside, he focused on the current situation. Although he only heard it in his sleep, it seemed louder than just a cupboard closing. A prickling sensation crept along his spine and he felt something ominous. But as brave as a boy not even fully in his teens could be, he tip-toed from his bed to the door.

Thud..thud...gasp! Were the muffled sounds he heard, though clearly not from his two feet, not from his shaking breath. They came from downstairs, and his fears started to grow.

Cautiously, he turned the knob, and with an eerie
creaaaaaaak, it opened. With a hand on the wall beside him, he snuck down the hall. After all, mother would surely scold him if he was up this late. He just wanted to make sure it was her down there.

Continuing on, he reached the end of the hallway when he heard softened voices.
"Don't do.......a son, my precious boy.....all I have......" he heard, it was clearly his mother's voice, but the shaking of her voice stopped him in his tracks. Something was wrong. His mother was a strong woman, and he had never seen her cry. She was there for him through thick and thin, she was the strength he needed when he couldn't find his own.

Another voice.
"...heart...power...thirst...need" the words broken apart, but the man's hungry voice told him everything. Dimitri ran to the edge of the stairs, stumbling down a few steps before coming to an abrupt halt. A scream. He was too late.

He watched in horror as his mother's soul was ripped right out of her and devoured voraciously by the strange man. He heard himself scream, tears plummeting from his eyes like rain.
"MOTHER" he squealed, his young voice just beginning to change. He clutched the railing of the stairs, the cold man's eyes turning to face the boy as he dropped Dimitri's mother's body to the ground. Dimitri shook visibly, feeling like his legs could give out right from underneath him. The man approached him until he and the boy were face to face. Even while the boy stood on the stairs, the man still reached his height. Leering at him the man whispered with a grin, "Your heart...still...too weak...not even worth it.." he chuckled, and in and instant, moved into the shadows of the dark living room and out the open window he intruded from.

Dimitri looked back at his mother, her eyes blank. Without a witch's heart, she would never be the same. She would never cast another spell to make the lights dance on the dining room wall, casting shadows shaped like characters in a play. She would never speak again, or sing to her young son on rainy nights when he couldn't sleep. She might as well be dead...

Too weak. The words stung. Too weak. That's what he was. Too weak to even save his mother. He crept to her body, held her hand, and wept.


Even now, many years later, Dimitri remembered those words. He'd make the majin that killed his mother eat those words. He'd make all majin see just how strong he could be. And with that final, mental vow, he charged full on, seeing nothing but the witch eater that stood before him, the gentle, cold face of his heart-stolen mother, and the electrified blood that would soon stain the earth.


▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂


Reality (currently unknown to Dimitri)I want to say that the above memory, like some old memories, is partially made-up. A scene that, through a child's eyes, has been twisted and warped into something far more tragic.
The reality is that the majin was actually Dimitri's father, whom he never knew. The father remained in the shadows, so to speak, all of Dimitri's life, hoping never to make himself known to the boy in the hopes that Dimitri wouldn't become a witch eater like he (if Dimitri inherited the majin trait?). He would come by from time to time, usually in the dead of night, to give them money, food, and trinkets, despite Dimitri's mother having a full-time job.
His father also did not come to kill his mother, he came to tell her goodbye. He was unable to acquire a witch's heart for a long time, and was afraid that he would not be able to outrun the Reapers. But his mother offered her witch's heart for the man she loved, giving him her strength.
While Dimitri heard "Don't do.......a son, my precious boy.....all I have......", what his mother said was, "Don't do this, we have a son, my precious boy. You and he are all I have. I won't let either of you die."
Dimitri thinks the majin said "Your heart...still...too weak...not even worth it..", but he really meant something like, "Your heart is still too young for this. And I am too weak of a man to stop myself from eating your mother's heart. Perhaps you'll learn to hate me. Perhaps you'll want to kill me. But I'm not even worth it."
But most of that conversation is lost in Dimitri's conflicted mind.


Currently Dimitri is 17 years old, and will be entering the Academy. He is hesitant to go, unwilling to leave his mother for long periods of time for class. Even without a witch's heart, she can take care of herself to an extent, but she never smiles like she used to. And some days she simply sits in an old chair in the corner of the room, staring into nothingness. She's a bitter reminder of the ones Dimitri hates the most, and it drives his anger farther and farther.

During the Academy, Dimitri lives in a small house with his mother. Although not the same house from his childhood. They rarely converse, though in this case, his mother simply writes down what she needs to say. And his hatred of the majin that seem to also populate this school are unknown to her.

He has been known to act out during class, usually given detention, or other forms of academic punishment. He carries out these punishments without a fight, however, he never apologizes for the way he acts. On some days, he feels angrier than usual. To relieve this sort of stress, he immerses himself in metalworking. Most of the time, he makes intricate accessories out of wire, as the task demands all of his attention. He wants to collect cutlery some day, but hasn't the money to do so. He only has one simple sword, one he made himself under the supervision of a Clarus Arbor smith. To him, it's his most prized possession, and he'll barely let anyone so much as even look at it.


View on MajinDimitri absolutely hates every majin. At school, he can't stand even looking at them, and if he didn't know any better, he'd be in fist-fights or magic-fights every day. During school, he does whatever he can to avoid known majin. He doesn't care if they've never taken a witch heart. To him, every majin is a threat. Every majin has the potential to become a monster, a killer. To him, it doesn't matter if the majin is a mother, or a child. Did the majin that ate his mother's witch heart care that she had a son?

Personality Dimitri is tender to his friends, protective of the ones he loves, and dangerously violent to his enemies. He absolutely loathes all majin, even if they haven't killed a witch. He thinks that they all are a threat to witches and must be exterminated. He doesn't want any of this magic-bearing friends to become another victim. He's basically like any other guy on a normal day, the only thing that would make him angry is the sight or mention of a majin. And to other humans, he is kind and friendly. It's easy to become friends with him if you share his ideals. Despite his past, his heart is capable of love. Both for friends and also for romance. He can have crushes, be shy around cute girls, etc. He's a grump, but he's still a teenage boy. He'd probably do old-fashioned things like opening doors, pulling out chairs, and sending love-letters to the girl in question.
He has a sense of humor, usually sarcastic, but can crack a good joke when the time is right. (usually in tense moments when he lashes out unwillingly) Despite his hatred for majin, Dimitri doesn't lack common sense. He won't tell another student he's going to kill their parents for being majin (even if he's thinking it). And while his dislike of majin is greatly apparent in the form of expression, he won't yell it down the halls or anything. He's been in enough detention rooms to know that that's not the best idea. Instead, he usually flees to the roof to stare at the sky, or a workshop to fiddle around with metal accessories.
Even though he is short-tempered and has anger management issues, those flaws are only made apparent when it comes to majin, or when other things bother him. (such as his friend is getting bullied, his grades dropped, etc.)
If he ever made friends with a majin (it'd have to be without him knowing), and later found out. He'd feel very conflicted. Depending on the degree of their friendship, he'd either turn against his friend or change his ways. But for a long time he'd be confused, violent, and depressed, unsure of what he should do. His mind would be telling him to kill the threat, but his heart would want to save his friend.


▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

AmbitionsLong-term: To become a reaper and destroy all majinn.
Short-term: To become a professional at cutlery forging (mainly longswords), enhancement/enchantment.
To duel many witchlings/witches, etc. in the hopes of getting much, much stronger.
To pass the Witch trial on the first go.
Dimitri actually wants to be less grumpy all the time.

Ability Concetration/ThemeWeapons, Weapons Enhancement, Enchanting
Likes Swords, improvement, metal jewelry, the feeling after completing a project, autumn rain
Dislikes Majin, thunder, his anger issues, seeing his mother the way she is.

Visual References
HairStyle, but add two short, thin braids just behind his right ear. #523f6a
EyesSad eyes, faint smile (#c3f4fb)
Skin#fbecd5
Accessories◘ Simple black: ear cuff, small plug, stud snake bites, small eyebrow hoop (over his left eye),

elufae
Crew

Adventuring Hunter


Nyqol

Pyromaniac

PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 5:34 pm


Oh wow, his story is so tragic! Must have been so traumatizing to have even seen such a thing.. Anyway, I just have a few questions regarding his bio~

1). How old was he when this occurred?
2). What kind of impact did it have on him? I understand that it was a very terrifying experience for him but what will he do? Does he... plan on avenging her? or? Or was this just kind if a brief flashback of his memories? I don't know. That's kind of what I got as I read it.
3). Can Dimitri do magic? I know Omie said that witchlings don't necessarily have to be able to do magic. xD

His bio is well written and his personality suits him well. And... I think this is the first... male witch quest? O_O

Anyway, I hoped that helped even a tiny bit. I can't wait to see him when he's done.
PostPosted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 7:50 pm


-I made the story a sort of flashback in the middle of some fight he's in.
-I couldn't think of a specific age but I know he's a young boy who's voice is -just- on the verge of deepening. (since i'm not a boy i'm not exactly familiar with when that is LOL)

-And I think the end of that section now implies the impact. He's already lost one person important to him, and while gaining revenge and ultimately looking for his mother's killer, he wants to eradicate every majinn he comes across and make sure noone else ever goes through what he's had to.

-And I think while Dimitri focuses on weapons, he specializes his magic for weapon enhancement (temporary power-ups / elemental imbuements?), and probably when he gets more powerful, he can do full-on weapon enchantments (permanent power-ups/imbuements)

-He could probably do basic spells that all witchlings learn, but he focused more on swordsmanship and weapon enhancements :>

elufae
Crew

Adventuring Hunter


Cheekiebirdiee

Mysterious Kitten

PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 1:12 am


Hello there, lets get started !

Majin - your putting an extra 'n' on the word <3

Thud..thud...gasp! he heard, the sounds muffled, but clearly not his own footsteps. Not his own breath sucking in. They came from downstairs. And his fears started to grow.


That is slightly confusing to read. o x o .. I get that he is meaning those were not his sounds and knowing that frightened him more but the wording is a bit strange for me... maybe a suggestion for re-wording that could be :

Thud..thud..gasp! He head the muffled sounds, knowing they were not his own. No, they were coming from downstairs..his fear was starting to grow.

basically you need to at least capitalize the 'he' and a few of the ',' s are not needed. <3


Dimitri shook visibly, feeling like his legs could give out right out from under him.

Suggestion for this. .. .

take out an' out' and add underneath <3

So either its ;

Dimitri shook visibly, feeling like his legs could give out right from underneath him.
or
Dimitri shook visibly, feeling like his legs could give right from underneath him.

:3 I would suggest re-reading the story and making sure it flows well in your head, but its a brilliant story and I really am looking forward to seeing him in action. Also watch out for ','s that are unnecessary <3

A few questions I have are below.

Who did he live with after his mothers death? How is their relationship? Do they know about his desire to kill all majin? Where is he originally from, does he live in the same town, same house ? How old is he currently?

Above you say that ' he wants to eradicate every majinn he comes across and make sure noone else ever goes through what he's had to. ' Does he know that not all Majin take hearts and that some are genuinely good beings? Does he not think that, majin can be children or even mothers to other people so in a sense he'd be doing exactly what was done to him to some innocent Majin by killing them ? Or is his anger and grudge to deep for him to notice those things? What would happen if someone pointed this out to him? Would he possibly calm down on his 'got to destroy all majin' kick or would he ignore them and refuse to believe these things?

Does his short temper perhaps limit the friends he does make, since not a lot of people like to hang around with people with short tempers? I'd assume that if he made friends with a Majin that didn't know they were a Majin and he didn't as well but they later found out he would still want to kill them? Or how would he deal with that since he is 'protective' of his friends? Has his short temper ever gotten him into trouble like in school or in life in general?

Romantic, does that mean he is flirty ? Or just sweet to the point that he will do little things like the jokes and such just to put people he cares for in a good mood? Is he ever to romantic to the point that he might be viewed as trying to hard or obnoxious?

He really seems like a passionate person with holding his grudge and then developing it into a strong hate for all Majin. Are there other things he is passionate about, studies or anything like that ? What exactly is he doing now to get stronger to fulfill his vow of defeating the Majin? How does he get along in the academy with knowing that Majin are all about? Does he kind of tend to hide why he gets so upset when someone mentions Majin or does he openly express his hate for them? Since that seems like something that could get him into a lot of trouble if the right Majin heard him ..

What are a few things he likes to do, hobby wise just to get a better feel of him? Does he make the weapons he enchants ? What are his favorite weapons ? Does he prefer them to be made of a certain material ?

Maybe list a few short term goals!

Alright ! I think that is it, overall I really liked reading about him, I hope to see him about and hoped this crit has helped you !


PostPosted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 11:10 am


Thank you for the critique :>
/will update this later today

Also going to change the story ever so slightly after finding this in the encyclopedia:
Quote:
Witch Heart: Inside every human beats a heart of mana, commonly referred to as a Witch Heart. Without it, a witch loses their ability to use magic, and to speak, and many become shadows of their former selves. The heart can only be returned by a Witch Eater, since it is their unique magic that can secure it and remove it. To consume a Witch heart would give a Witch Eater the power that witch once possessed.

So that Dimitri's mother isn't actually dead.
But kind of a vegetable.
And a bitter reminder as he still lives with her to care for her.

elufae
Crew

Adventuring Hunter

Reply
★ Character Quests

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum