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[Q]Niflhel of Saturn|Azzo Crowely(mark?) Goto Page: 1 2 [>] [»|]

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 17, 2011 7:46 pm


Azzo Here

Knight Alias: Niflhel Page of Saturn

Challenge: Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil...
(Cert portion: I walk through the valley of death.)
Old Testament Psalm 23:4

Uniform:
User ImageColors:
Main – A Shade of the Darker Purples. Perhaps close to #60178e

Secondary -- A Shade of Red wine. Like this #870102


Top -- The outfit would preferably consist of something akin to what this guy -> http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v445/LPsgaianpets/00944.jpg , is wearing The classic gothic flair for the outfit with added ruffles along the sleeves and for the caveat ( Seen: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v445/LPsgaianpets/Azzo References/violet_elegance_by_leox90-d2xvc2u.jpg , here
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v445/LPsgaianpets/Azzo References/OmegaMaleNoir2_05.png here,
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v445/LPsgaianpets/Azzo References/mask_of_venice_by_jiuge.jpg and here)
Perhaps also, the puffy shoulder bits as seen here -> http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v445/LPsgaianpets/Azzo References/mask_of_venice_by_jiuge.jpg as well? If you see fit/if it could fit of course.
Bottoms -- Pants please, maybe slightly puffing over the boot tops but not a have to have
Gloves -- fingerless if any
Belt -- belt please so he can hang his weapon there. =3
Shoes -- “Army” boots, with buckles, perhaps slightly plat-formed, these should be going over the pants leg. Maybe sort of like these here -> http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v445/LPsgaianpets/Azzo References/Clash-430-BPU.jpg You don’t have to do the chain unless you want to do one with maybe a ‘Saturn’ charm.
Shoulders -- see the ‘shirt’ description not interested in epaulettes
Accessories -- Some sort of Hat perhaps with a feather, something awesome.
Weapon – 'puppet strings'

Page - Starts out as simple thin chains, that Nifhel could chain whip someone with.

(General Chain reference without clasp & information)
User Image
User Image Perhaps with the chain Saturn's symbol could be attached to one end so Azzo had something to hold. Reminiscence of a Marionette cross, User Image (only they're not crossed unless Azzo actually crosses them).

The chains are only about as thick as an actual thickness of a necklace (like the one you see over <---- there. probably a medium thickness), maybe slightly thicker (not by much if it is), made of Stainless Steal since they're one of the stronger metals and if treated properly it's stronger than Titanium. Also these chains are somewhere around 5 feet in length to 6 feet, but not an inch more. He couldn't throw the chains from the ground and expect to be able to actually grab someone from a roof.

**The chains can only grab on to limbs like arms and legs. The mid-drift is too large and a neck is something too hard for Azzo to aim for (exceptions to the neck might be youma).


User Image
Also.... the Necklace is not this ----> thick that's not going to grab anyone and hold them. Well... unless you're a car on a rollback then it might.... but humans.... eh not so much.

Squire - Niflhel uses his thin chains to rope/lasso his target (be it youma, nega or the occasional senshi), however the chains magically bind to the one they come in contact with. If the target is out of range (more than 10 feet) the chains won't bond; however, if caught it slows movement of the target/they can only move as far as the chains will let them unless they're dragging Niflhel with it. This takes concentration for Niflhel to hold it once he loses the concentration or he tires out the chains drop (unfortunately this depends on the battle at most he could hold someone is a max of 30 seconds at this stage).

Knight - Thin chain with shackles, these can magically bind/redirect the target, however they won't latch if the target is out of range (more than 10 feet). This takes a lot of Niflhel's concentration for the shackles not to break, if he loses concentration they release the target. Also if the shackles are held too long (around 1 minute) or Niflhel gets tired they are easy to break free of. This attack slows/hinders most movement, Niflhel could also try to move/throw someone. However, this actually depends on how he's progressed since being a knight. It could be possible for Nifhel to move/displace/throw others around, this depends heavily on their current power stage as well as a few other factors (since Azzo isn't a weight lifter he might find throwing a big foot youma weighing 300 lbs a bit hard... this works best with anyone under Nifhel's current level). Throwing people/youma the chains unlatched as soon as they're thrown most of the time letting go when the mass is in mid-air.
PostPosted: Thu Mar 17, 2011 7:58 pm


Side notes: (More for my benefit and as a reminder than anything)

- Niflhel: could be coined as 'a guard dog' of Saturn (the planet)

-More info on Niflhel: Niflhel and Niflheim are often considered the same place among Norse Myth, just depending on the time and region as to which name is used.
Niflheim - contains information on the legend
Niflhel - Has interesting pictures near the bottom along with a ton of information. My favorite of the pictures happens to be this one, with the amount of detail and labeling that went into it.


Azzo appearances- tweaking his hair to be grown out a little bit longer at the sides, back is still spiky, the dog ears a bit more 'uniform' having been slightly trimmed up. (Perhaps more like the Gaia item.)


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Lithiasaur

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 4:46 pm


I think it might be a little easier to understand his intended weapon with a breakdown for each stage? Even if you don't intend to keep things the same, or if things change with RP, it makes things a bit clearer. Like, as a Page, would his item be those cuffed strings? Because they hold no magic, and it's a little difficult to imagine as an... actual item for the first stage. Does that make sense? I guess, too me, it just seems a little weird, unless you could explain it a bit more?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2011 12:11 pm


Hopefully I got this all fixed up. =D

Sorry for taking a bit. I had to work out in my head how the whole thing worked. XD;

Any more questions/comments feel free to fire away. =D


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shibrogane

Stellar Lightbringer

PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2011 1:15 pm


Hey, you should probably link to what exactly Nibiru is. )= All I can find is a theoretical planet and a Babylonian astronomical term?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2011 6:22 pm


That should be the right link that you found.... I already asked mouse about it.

*edit* Updated with a link.

*edit two* I could double check though...

*edit three* Name fix.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2011 1:51 pm


Did a little tweaking and information gathering. Provided hex & color 'chart' for uniform colors.
PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 2:17 pm


For his weapon, I think you should probably detail how thick/long these chains are and probably what they are made out of. I'm not sure if you are describing an 18" necklace or a 3-foot trailer chain.

At squire stage, try to define what the range of his attack is. Can he tug someone down from the roof of a building? Or is it more like... they are five feet away and facing him? Also, I'd add the duration onto this. How long would someone remain chained to him once lasso'd?

For knight, it sounds a lot like the squire attack so I would try to add in a bit more to point out the differences. Is this more of a leash where he can lasso someone and then forcibly whip them across a battlefield? I'd also explain the limitations on it: duration, strength, offensive properties, etc. Thereotically, could he use it to throw an ally to safety AND toss a Nega into peril? Or is it only offensive?

Hope this helps!

Akina Tokuwa



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PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:32 pm


((Anything important I'll add to the actual post))

ROFL Trailer Chain. I'm sorry that image was funny.

They're pretty thin for chains, like I said, though for more clarification it's probably about as thin as an actual necklace for sure. I wanted something a little bit stronger than strings though for actual humans. I'd think they would be made technically out of a stainless Steel Since there's a few that are stronger than Titanium.

For length.... I'd say maybe 5~6 feet. It's nothing that can reach a top of a building that's for sure.

The duration was... Ah crap I forgot to add in that he has to have concentration and/or energy for this because the longer he holds them the more wore down he gets. (IE. if he got punched by someone else that would more than likely drag his attention and concentration from the strings and the person held would be able to get away.) I think the draining thing might be a little dependent on the battle unfortunately. If there's a whole huge brawl like the Christmas party or Elysion he wouldn't be able to hold them as long as say a battle between him and two others or something, (and if he was alone in a battle well he'd be pretty sol as a squire trying to use this to hold someone because he technically can't use it and fight too.)

For your question on throwing an ally to safety and Nega/foe into peril.... If he did that though the chains would let go as soon as the person was thrown/moved. At least at the second stage they wouldn't go That far when he tried to move them, kickboxing is more agility/speed than strength training for him so he wouldn't be strong enough to actually move them further than a foot or so unless he actually dragged them (can anyone say road rash?) Third stage we'd have to see how he progresses. So I'd probably expect this would be a very case by case bases when it comes to throwing around friends/allies. Azzo wouldn't want to hurt someone worse than would've been if they were left where they originally stood.

(I hope this makes sense.)
PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:45 pm


So in a nutshell, he slows/stops them by binding them? And he has to be within range of the enemy? Does he have to aim for a certain spot to really slow them, like a leg?

His is more of a "let me slow this guy up so you can hit him" sort of attack?

Sorry your attack description isn't confusing, I'm just making sure I understand fully the extent of his attack.

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2011 9:31 pm


Ehh pretty much the chains only attack to arms/legs of those he's trying to get, as those are probably the 'easier' to target limbs and normal puppet limbs (asides from the head).

You've got the nutshell of it, though he could probably literally stop them (via tripping them) if he needed to, assuming they don't drag him all way down the street. (He could probably stop anyone at his level or below, anyone above well he's SoL and along for the ride. In a way these chains limit movement as to how far the chains can actually go, unless they are strong enough to pull him around they're not going to get very far.)

Eh I can't find it but think of all those times you've seen Pluto (Mickey's dog not salior pluto) in the dog house or Spike from Tom and Jerry... and they're chained up. They can't really go all that far unless they drag the house with them.


*edit* HAHA FOUND THIS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMQ1_n73dXQ&feature=related

-points- Like that.
PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:46 am


As it is written now, his Squire and Knight attacks sound the same. I would suggest going back and clearly pointing out what is different about his Knight attack. He can throw people in his Squire form AND his Knight form with the chains. So I just read them as different ways of describing the same thing, if that makes sense.

Quote:
Thin chain with shackles, these can magically bind/redirect the target, however they won't latch if the target is out of range. This takes a lot of Niflhel's concentration for the shackles not to break, if he looses concentration they release the target. Also if the shackles are held too long or Niflhel gets tired they are easy to break free of.


In the first sentence, please define what "out of range" is in terms of feet, generalized distance (the length of a swimming pool, for example), etc. What would be "too long" for this attack? Add in some language about the duration. Perhaps he can usually keep someone bound for one minute all together -- or he can do it for 30 seconds twice, or for 15 seconds four times, or even just the full minute. I would just be a little more black-and-white about the duration, essentially.

You describe some of this in your response posts to previous criticism, but all that information needs to be included in the form that is your first post for this to be stamped. I also recommend moving the description of the chains from the bottom up to where you identify them as his page weapon just for the sake of clarity!

Resubmit when ready. =D

Akina Tokuwa



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PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2011 3:42 pm


All fixed I think/hope.
PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 11:32 pm


Quote:
Throwing people/youma the chains stay attached for a max of 15 minutes, (though this depends on willpower and who it is, the chains could let go in mid-air and throw a foe or give Azzo enough time to slightly break an ally's fall.)


This part is confusing for me. Originally, you had said that when he throws someone with the chains, they unlatch from the person. Here, you say that they are capable of staying attached for 15 minutes, which is waaaaay too long. My assumption would be that he is able to lasso/hold a person, and that, within that same time frame, he could also throw/pull whoever he is attached to if he chooses -- but it would not last any longer than total energy ability. Fifteen minutes is longer than the entirety of most battles!

So, at Knight, he has about one minute of time to play with, whether that involves just holding onto an enemy or actually attempting to throw them. I'd delete all that stuff about 15 minutes.

I actually think you could make his chains have a longer range -- maybe ten feet? 5-6 feet is not very long at all when it comes to battles between superheroes.

Akina Tokuwa



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PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 12:14 pm


Akina Tokuwa
Quote:
Throwing people/youma the chains stay attached for a max of 15 minutes, (though this depends on willpower and who it is, the chains could let go in mid-air and throw a foe or give Azzo enough time to slightly break an ally's fall.)


This part is confusing for me. Originally, you had said that when he throws someone with the chains, they unlatch from the person. Here, you say that they are capable of staying attached for 15 minutes, which is waaaaay too long. My assumption would be that he is able to lasso/hold a person, and that, within that same time frame, he could also throw/pull whoever he is attached to if he chooses -- but it would not last any longer than total energy ability. Fifteen minutes is longer than the entirety of most battles!

So, at Knight, he has about one minute of time to play with, whether that involves just holding onto an enemy or actually attempting to throw them. I'd delete all that stuff about 15 minutes.

I actually think you could make his chains have a longer range -- maybe ten feet? 5-6 feet is not very long at all when it comes to battles between superheroes.


BLAH that was suppose to be seconds. My mind, it doesn't type what I want it to. ;;

Ahh I wasn't sure on the footage I'll fix it.

*edit*

Fixed
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