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 Posted: Fri Dec 10, 2010 3:19 pm
If you've read it, or you're going to read it, or you're thinking about reading it, go ahead and say what you think about it here. I have no problems with comments or critiques. Just a few things to realize about what I've written:
I write without planning ahead. That's just how I work, I can't write if I have a plan. So if the plotline seems a little haywire... It is. That's, again, just how I work. It'll come together in the end, I promise.
Another thing; I started writing the piece in the wrong grammatical tense. I started in a first person, present tense narration. About halfway through the second chapter I realized that past tense was infinitely better for the feel I was trying to portray, so I switched. Or at least, attempted to. Microsoft Word disagreed with my sentiments, and so it's find/replace function refused to work when I aimed to switch everything to past tense. If you find any grammatical tense errors, please don't say anything about it; I already know, and I'm working on it as much as I can.
And the last thing; I don't really have a lot of time to work on this. So I've been writing it for almost a year now, and I only have 7 chapters. If it's SO good that you must have more (which I somehow doubt it will be), please be patient. I'll upload the chapters as fast as I can.
Otherwise, go ahead and say what you want about it here. Discuss, critique, comment, rate, whatever!
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Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 8:24 pm
I snooped around your profile trying to figure out how old you are, as I don't want to be super harsh if you're just a high school kid, but I couldn't find an age. So, I apologize if I sound overly critical. First of all, I want to say I think it's great that you're writing, especially in the amounts that you are. That alone shows me that you're serious about getting better. So, keep it up! However, I'm really concerned about how generic your work is. Now, we all know that in genre fiction it's difficult to come up with a good story and complex characters without seeming like you're ripping off Asimov, Heinlein, or whoever your particular god of the genre might be, but that doesn't mean you can't infuse some new ideas into the genre yourself. I really would recommend you take the Mary Sue test. Please answer all questions honestly. It's a great tool, especially for beginning authors in genre-works. I'm going to be honest and say I could only get through the first few paragraphs. You definitely need a better hook. If you're going to decide to stick with the "armageddon teen savior" bit, you can't openly declare this to your readers. You need to have a little more respect for their intelligence. I would definitely try a non-linear approach with the storytelling, alternating between the events that led up to the disaster and what events followed after. Also, the writing is overly simplified. Use fewer declarative sentences. Try and get inside the character's head. What makes him tick? And more importantly, why do we, the readers, care a whit? Keep writing. Never stop writing. But, please, find a few people you can use as a sounding board. If you have a writing teacher, or a more experienced peer, have that person read your work and edit it. If you have an idea, tell this person about it and listen to his feedback. Sometimes writers can get carried away and forget the audience for which they write, so please try to keep that in mind. Good luck.
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Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:00 pm
Yeah, I'm 16 and a junior in high school. lol Don't worry about being over-critical, as long as it's constructive- I can take it. I know I'm not an amazing author; that's why I ask for comments.
And... I know about the hook part. I noticed the same thing. See, I started writing this a while back, maybe halfway through my freshman year. And I had been saving it to a flash drive, only backing it up on my computer every time I finished a chapter. Well, I had saved chapter two, then forgot to back it up. Went to school the next day, spent all day writing chapters three through six... Then lost my flash drive. So I had to start back from chapter two, and lost pretty much all my momentum.
So I actually stopped writing this for almost all of my sophmore year. Which, as it turns out, is sort of a good thing; as you've pointed out, my freshman year I wasn't even half as developed as a writer. I've come a long way in 2 years, I think. Not enough to be perfect, but good enough to entertain. Now that you've pointed it out, I think I'll go back through the early chapters and edit them... A LOT.
Another thing that I might've failed to mention is that none of this has been edited, even once. Even by me. The only editing I've done is on the grammatical tenses of some verbs, when I changed it to past tense.
Thanks for the input, though! I'll be sure to take that test! lol
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Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 11:05 am
I haven't yet taken the time to sit down and read it, because of all of the schoolwork, but I can say that it bodes very well for both your seriousness, maturity, and devotion that you take criticism so well.
Age does matter a lot with these things. I am many times the story teller than I was when I was 16, so keep that in mind, as well. Sometimes you have to let a story grow with you and sometimes you will have fundamentally outgrown a story.
Starting with an outline is almost always a good idea, though. It doesn't have to be a written, organized one, but it should at least be a mental, sequential one. If you don't like that, then role-playing helps. I suggest using D & D or a similar model. Free form may look appealing, but if you're going to involve other people (which role-playing necessitates) then you need something to ensure that they are all on the exact same page when it comes to power and abilities. Just make sure that all of your players are alright with you using their characters, if you want to publish... And you just might want to get that in writing.
Good luck, and don't give up.
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Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 5:17 pm
I actually have an outline for this story; a rare occurrence, at least for me. It's not formal, or written... It's more of a sloshing puddle of thoughts that I find would be great in the book. I have a general idea of where I want the story to go, and lots of ideas for stops along the way... The stops aren't really in any particular order in my mind, though. And I get how that could be a problem, with the book being all over the place with plot- but the way I see it is, that's kind of the whole idea. I mean, the characters don't really have a purpose. Sure, they have to save the world... But they don't even know where to start. They're searching, and in searching, wandering. So I figure if the plot wanders a little while I'm writing, it's not a huge deal. It kind've adds to the general effect. And if I read it over and decide I don't like it, I can just edit over it. Or, something like that.
Thanks, by the way. If you get a chance to read it, I'd appreciate it- I found it entertaining, but of course that's a slightly biased opinion.
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