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Nothing went as hoped. Not only had he failed Impression, he somehow sparked the ire of a vicious green. He frowned and scratched at the sand itching inside his robe. Shards. He couldn't say he was alone in his misery - many candidates failed Impression today, thanks to the infertility that plagued the old weyrs - and Benden weyr itself was squirming with displeasure at its new crimson rider. Winderick still hadn't made up his mind about her.

Suddenly Squall dove out of the sky and started flying circles around his siblings, Dew and Tide. Winderick wasn't sure whether he popped out of Between or had just been lurking in the hall this entire time. Fended off by Gale and her two flits, Squall let out a squeak and retreated to the top of Winderick's head.

"Ow," Winderick said with an uncomfortable smile. At least he would never be totally alone. He just wished Gale could stay. She was still his first, and only, real friend at the weyr.

Winderick threw off his robe and dropped it in a heap on top of his bunk. He didn't mind that Gale was right there with him in his britches. By this time his humor had totally vanished again. His expression was vacant, but ponderous. He plopped on the edge of the bunk and looked up at Gale. A few other boys were watching, startled by the sight of a woman in their barracks, but Winderick didn't seem to notice the strange looks he was getting. Squall hopped into his lap and rubbed up against him, crooning for attention as Winderick cradled him and let out a sigh. A bruise was forming on the right side of his chest where the green hit him. Seeing it made him cringe. "I can't believe she hit me..."

"It's not bad," Winderick said dismissively. He had scars on his arms from burning himself at the forge that hurt a lot more when he received them.

Squall seemed to sense the turmoil going through the weyr. Winderick could feel his small mind well with questioning. It was not a verbal questioning, of course, simply the feeling of not knowing and wanting to know coated with a thin layer of unease. Squall fidgeted with his wings, bright eyes a light blue. Something had happened, something had changed; even this little flit knew it.

Winderick added, "I'm not scared of her. She just startled me is all." It was like his uncle said when he got that huge burn on his right arm: Well, now you've learned something. Once he figured out why she attacked him he wouldn't underestimate a hatchling again. He glanced up at Gale and back at Squall. He spoke in a quiet voice he hoped would draw her closer, because there was something he wanted to tell her. "I think I know why I failed Impression..."

"Maybe. But..." He wasn't sure how to say this. "The truth is, I've always been a little bit... apprehensive about Impressing. While I was on the sands, I wanted to Impress. But I was afraid."

It was a hard thing to admit being afraid of something he wanted so badly.

"It's not that." If the threat of being mauled bothered him he would have gone back to the hold by now. He took a deep breath and looked at Gale more directly. "Remember when I asked you about Impression the first time? You said that there was a candidate at Benden who bullied everyone, but after he Impressed he became nice. The dragon changed him."

"I mean the dragon changed him," he replied bluntly, frustrated that Gale didn't understand. "I'm worried that if I Impress, my dragon will make me into a different person, and not only that, I'll become totally dependent on him. You saw what happened out there. That girl risked her life to hatch that dud. And then there's what happened to that other crimson rider at Trine. A rider can't live without his dragon."

Impression meant sacrifice. It meant surrendering his heart and mind to another being. His deepest thoughts on the subject were too complex to express in words. Winderick didn't think of himself as a philosopher. He spent a lot of time wondering about this only because the consequences of Impression meant so much to him.

He tried to open himself up to the hatchlings on the sands, but every time he tried to focus he got the sensation of lying his head face down on an anvil, neck exposed, while a stranger with a big axe stood behind him. Being literally attacked was frightening, but the fear only lasted for a couple of seconds. Exposing his mind, his very self to invasion, was much more terrifying. His new partner would not have killed him, would have died to protect him, but he couldn't help but fear that part of him would die in a sense. How could two minds become one without sacrificing something of themselves?

"But I like being on my own. Being my own man is the best thing in the world. Ow!" All of a sudden he jerked his hand away from Squall and shook it. He wasn't bleeding, but Squall's needle-like teeth gave him quite a pinch. He glared at the little flit. Squall looked up, tilting his head as if this was some kind of new game.

Winderick put his hand on the bed away from Squall's nappy mouth. At first Squall tried to crawl toward it, but Winderick put his hand on Squall's shoulder to stop him. This flit was turning out to be a real hand-full. "Anyway, it doesn't matter now," he added with faint annoyance.

"Are you really going to harper hall? There might be another clutch before you age out." Of course unless something changed the next clutch would probably be smaller than the last, making Gale's odds even slimmer. It didn't really matter to him whether she Impressed or not. He just didn't feel ready for her to go. Gale was still the only real friend he had.

Squall playfully cocked his head at his bronze brother.