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 Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 2:38 am
Have you ever watched your family tear apart right in front of your eyes?
That happened to me tonight.
I watched my family literally disintegrate at the seems. My sister *who is drunk* has stormed into the room my brother was sleeping in, and just started taking a whole bunch o' crap about how she paid the rent, even though my brother had repeatedly said he paid more than she paid for 3 months for 3 years *compared to her 3 months* And to top that off, when my brother ushered her out of the room, she litterally grabbed the door and tried to force her way in. My mom got so sick of it that she took a job that pays less than minimum wage, in a place that requires her to be half way up the state, just to get away from her.
And I couldn't say anything,case...well...I couldn't. As their arguing became more and more intense, my heart beat faster, my face flushed, my breathing became harder, and I could feel my left arm go numb. It was the same as when my sister talked down to me when I gave her the smart mouth.
Has anyone else had that feeling?
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 2:49 am
It sounds like you were having an anxiety attack. I have had similiar feelings when expected to speak in front of large groups. If the feeling lasts too long, you should probably see a doctor about it. Many people need special medication as not to completely lose themselves to it. It may also have been caused from the situation. You were obviously upset that there isn't much you can do about your situation.
As for your family issues. I am sorry you have to witness and go through such an ordeal. It is difficult to watch your family hurt eachother. I hope all straightens up for you soon. Keep your head up.
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 3:29 am
Yi Min It sounds like you were having an anxiety attack. I have had similiar feelings when expected to speak in front of large groups. If the feeling lasts too long, you should probably see a doctor about it. Many people need special medication as not to completely lose themselves to it. It may also have been caused from the situation. You were obviously upset that there isn't much you can do about your situation.
As for your family issues. I am sorry you have to witness and go through such an ordeal. It is difficult to watch your family hurt eachother. I hope all straightens up for you soon. Keep your head up. I most likely was. Is there any way to cure that? And I always do. Moments later, my sister even called me out to the parking lot, and I could smell the booze on her breath when she said I had to back her up, no matter what. I don't know how I can back up someone I don't even like...
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 8:35 am
All situations like this the best cure is just to breathe. Relax, stay calm. You know any smokers? You ever notice how we smokers say that smoking calms us down? That's only half true, the nicotine does relax your brain a bit, but it's mostly just the deep breaths we are taking that calm us down. I'm not gonna advocate smoking, but at least give the breathing a try.
As for your problem I wish I could help more. You really only have two options. Fight or flee. Just like the monkeys, you dig? You can either openly talk to your family about the issues they have and the affects said issues are having on you, or you can flee (not to be taken as a sign of cowardice) to a safe zone in the house i.e. your room, the attic, just someplace that is yours and that you can get away for a bit.
Other than that, champ, just stick it out. Realize that other people, even people you love, have issues that are not yours. You can't always live the perfect life, but I promise you on a long enough time line fate always has a way of evening itself out to a nice contented zero.
Best of luck.
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 10:15 am
*hug*
Yeah, my family was like that all the time, especially with dad overseas. That's why I moved out.
My dad was the only reason I stayed there so long. I love my dad- he literally held the family together. Then he left, and everything fell apart.
I get anxiety attacks like that all the time. When I get one, I do the breathing exercises that a friend of mine taught me. (I can pm it to you if you like) He's a psychiatry major. I've only had one sinceI left, and that was about a month ago.
Note: I"ve also stopped having migranes since I moved out. It's weird how much your environment affects you.
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 11:25 am
I know you're not a fan of confrontation, but things get this out of control, you seem to have no choice in the matter. Somebody's gonna get hurt, and you've got to make sure that it's not you.
I'm not saying you should hurt them intentionally, but you've got to talk to them separately and tell them what you think about them. When your sister asks for back up, ask the simple question: "Why should I back you up, when all you do is belittle me and the rest of this house? Coming here drunk and starting fights that make no sense, etc." The truth, some don't see it, and as family, it's your responsibility to show it to them. this will take some courage and a shitload of balls, not to mention it will hurt. But somebody's gotta do it, and if your mom isn't stepping up to the plate, you will have to do it for her.
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 11:45 pm
This reminds me of my old days in senior year of High School, when my sister became a "problem" in the eyes of my mom because she wouldn't do what my mom said.
My mom threatened to leave my father if he didn't put her on medication to make her "act better" and forced us to go to family counciling. She also started to force us to go into Uber-Christian mode, even though I am not really a religious person. I endured it until I turned 18, and then declined to go to church and do other stuff, like read bibles and crap like that, as though it was going to make us all more controllable by my mother. FEH!
I then started living with my grandmother full time, using the excuse that the Junior College was closer to her house (which was true).
But for that year where my mom and sister were basically at each others throats, I was the one who was expected to hold the whole family together. My dad and mom would scream at each other like children, and I'd have to go up to them and calmly separate them, mediate their arguements and comfort my little brother and my sister when she was going through hell.
When my mom left the house for a weekend because she was so mad that my dad wasn't doing what she said, I had to console my weeping father and give him a calm lecture about how mom was and how she wouldn't really leave him and that she's just angry so please don't kill yourself, etc.
I also took over most of the adult roles in the house, making meals, cleaning, taking kids where they needed to go (I had finally bought myself a car), etc.
I also parented a whole lot, making sure that homework was done, fears and anxieties about school were listened to, and that I could be a "safe place" for my family members to ask for advice.
Even my mother looked to me like a child to a mentor for a lot, and while I could not command her to stop her foolish behavior, it was me who convinced her that sending my sister to a private asylum would not be a good idea, and that anime was not the reason for my sister's rebelliousness.
It was a bad, bad time.
But, from that, I've learned to deal with complete idiots and shitheads, so i suppose that's a great lesson to learn, since there are so many of them in this world. Going hand to hand with someone who scares the s**t out of you is one of the scariest things I can imagine. But I am able to do it, stand up and look authority in the face, slide around it, and mold it in my direction.
*Hugs Koi*
I wish that I could take it away from you....the pain.....just make it go away....
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 11:58 pm
Oni-Angel This reminds me of my old days in senior year of High School, when my sister became a "problem" in the eyes of my mom because she wouldn't do what my mom said. My mom threatened to leave my father if he didn't put her on medication to make her "act better" and forced us to go to family counciling. She also started to force us to go into Uber-Christian mode, even though I am not really a religious person. I endured it until I turned 18, and then declined to go to church and do other stuff, like read bibles and crap like that, as though it was going to make us all more controllable by my mother. FEH! I then started living with my grandmother full time, using the excuse that the Junior College was closer to her house (which was true). But for that year where my mom and sister were basically at each others throats, I was the one who was expected to hold the whole family together. My dad and mom would scream at each other like children, and I'd have to go up to them and calmly separate them, mediate their arguements and comfort my little brother and my sister when she was going through hell. When my mom left the house for a weekend because she was so mad that my dad wasn't doing what she said, I had to console my weeping father and give him a calm lecture about how mom was and how she wouldn't really leave him and that she's just angry so please don't kill yourself, etc. I also took over most of the adult roles in the house, making meals, cleaning, taking kids where they needed to go (I had finally bought myself a car), etc. I also parented a whole lot, making sure that homework was done, fears and anxieties about school were listened to, and that I could be a "safe place" for my family members to ask for advice. Even my mother looked to me like a child to a mentor for a lot, and while I could not command her to stop her foolish behavior, it was me who convinced her that sending my sister to a private asylum would not be a good idea, and that anime was not the reason for my sister's rebelliousness. It was a bad, bad time. But, from that, I've learned to deal with complete idiots and shitheads, so i suppose that's a great lesson to learn, since there are so many of them in this world. Going hand to hand with someone who scares the s**t out of you is one of the scariest things I can imagine. But I am able to do it, stand up and look authority in the face, slide around it, and mold it in my direction. *Hugs Koi* I wish that I could take it away from you....the pain.....just make it go away.... Someday, but until then... You know, I had a chance to get away from it. To go with my mom to Fontana to be with her while cleans the house. A whole week without her. I know I would've had peace; I know I would've had a new place to explore; and I know I would've been in a place with games, food, and a generally quiet atmosphere... But I turned it down Why, you ask? Oni-Angel I've learned to deal with complete idiots and shitheads, so i suppose that's a great lesson to learn, since there are so many of them in this world. Going hand to hand with someone who scares the s**t out of you is one of the scariest things I can imagine. But I am able to do it, stand up and look authority in the face, slide around it, and mold it in my direction. That's why. Yes, I'm a writer, and yes, I love to act, to draw, to generally express myself creatively, but that world is also full of fools, and I must learn to deal with them. I cannot run from them forever, and I know it. And yes, that would be nice, Random...
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Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 1:28 am
My family and me are really close, so I feel bad for you. We kinda have to be close, seeing as we've moved accross the ocean to a foreign country not one, but THREE times, we're pretty much all we have. *Huggles* Even when the world seems dark and choking, there will be a torch. When you find it, the way back home won't be so dark. (that's just my twisted shrink side trying to help.) But it really will get better, trust me!
And you know--panic attacks like that are pretty serious. think calming thoughts and breathe deeply. i've been in front of crowds for a while now, and believe me, there's a lot of power in just FEELING in control. Good uck!
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