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k...so, with Grace being really easy to babysit and my mom allowing me to take some time + Jake living close, I've gotten a considerably larger amount of time baby-free.

There was my bro's bday party...which wasnt much of a party but i still spent a night away from Grace.
Then, last night I got drunk with my family at a reunion-type thing cause my great aunt was staying with Grace while she slept.
Now, this week or next week i said I'd leave Grace at Jake's for a night to drink with my other teen mom friend cause her parents are gone AND this weekend I'm going to my hometown for 2 NIGHTS to drink with a few of my oldschool friends (including Nikkii =D )

I like having the time away...but I feel guilty for leaving her this long...and I really don't even LIKE drinking this much. It's just that it's my last couple weeks before school, and it seems as though these are my only opportunities to spend time with friends and work off some steam.

I'm going to still go cause i have no other chance to...but I just felt like ranting about how i wish it could be more spread out and that way i don't have to feel like such a neglectful mother.

lol thanks, Torri. The thing is, I haven't felt like a teenager since I got pregnant...so it's strange to act somewhat like one.

I don't think I could possibly leave her for days on end. I'm going to miss her enough as it is this weekend. Truth is that I wish I could bring her but I don't feel comfortable bringing her to friends houses overnight anymore, especially if there's going to be drinking.

Meh, I guess Jake will benefit from his time with her too. He's seeming more and more like daddy-material every time I go there. Still wish he'd get back into school or find himself a job, gahh

RANT!? =O okay, so I'm talkative like a teenager.

And Torri, I'm sure you've got nothing to feel guilty about whenever you leave him, cause every picture I see with the both of you in it you look so happy with him =D
I'm very happy for you.

This is all true. Which is the only thing that's allowing me to keep these plans lol, except Nikkii asked me to go to a rave right before school and try mushrooms for the first time and I was like...okayy, I am still a mom so I don't think I'd feel right about that lol. Plus I mentioned it to Jake and he reassured me that it wouldn't be a good choice.

I miss being pregnant so much! (Not the last 3 weeks or the first 10 weeks but you get my drift, 27 weeks of it was pure joy)
Someday I'd like to be a surrogate but I don't think I could donate an egg, it'd have to be the couple's baby or doner sperm&egg.
I have a feeling that Grace will be like 10 before I get pregnant again though...which makes me sad but hey; if I wouldn't have gotten pregnant at 16 right?

Agreed. I knew a couple when Jake was living in ptbo and she was 16 when she had jasmine, but they used to smoke up every day in the same room with no windows open or anything, plus they smoked cigarettes and had parties constantly. By the time Jasmine was 9 months old, she already had asthma AND one time they had a party, someone DROPPED HER ON HER HEAD on PAVEMENT and they didn't even take her to the hospital til the next morning. They totally could've woke up to a dead baby cause I saw her a few weeks after and the stitches were still in from surgery from the top of her forhead to behind her ear, she looked like Chucky. CAS still didn't take her away =/. And now Jasmine has a baby brother, wooohooooo rolleyes system fail ftw!

that was my random story.

I duno if it would be the pain thing that I couldn't tolerate but i know that it'd be harder for me to give a baby up regardless of what parenting style the couple would use if I donated my own egg cause I would feel like the baby were mine in some way. I think if I carried a baby that was not biologically mine it would be easier for me to let the parents raise it with whatever values they have.

I need an IUD. Random, but I need one so bad. Too bad gynocologists are ridiculously hard to get a hold of, should've just gotten one at my 6 week check up after having Grace but at that point I had convinced myself that I wanted to abstain...cause that lasted long.

I know...and it's not like CAS wasn't notified of everything...actually, the couple got someone out after me because they thought that I called CAS on them, the only thing that stopped them from kicking my a** was cause Jake insisted that I didn't do it and I had JUST gotten pregnant. Did I mention that the father was kind of a hardcore drug dealer? Ya...scary business.

But I completely agree, if you know that you can't even TRY to provide the child with the healthiest and happiest upbringing that you can, then why bother keeping the child? Or at least if you didn't have the strength to give your first child up for adoption why have another one when you can't handle the responsibility with the first?
I like being a mom and I give Grace everything that I can but it still requires help from my family and last year it required help from the government through social assistance. Which is why I'm super careful that I don't get pregnant again cause I want to make sure I'm entirely independant taking care of Grace and myself before throwing another life into the mix.

Agreed, as harsh as that may seem. It's kind of sad when the kids will be less ******** up having their parents arrested & taken away than they will be if they're raised in an environment where selling/doing drugs constantly and getting people after someone for money/revenge/etc not to mention other habits and violent tendancies that may develop along the way is a legit way to live.

Well...I'll tell ya, I won't be getting any more party time anymore. It's full time mommy and student role from now on (against my will).
And that's good that your sis is meeting people and having a good time but I still wanna punch anyone that refered to her as "retard's sister" even AFTER that ridiculous incident with what's-her-face and her slutty accomplices.
Nikki has actually changed a lot since March surprisingly, she explained the full aspect of the situation, she has a job now, is attending school, doesnt do hard drugs anymore and barely does pot or shrooms, just quite a bit of drinking.