(Note: this first part was taken from a site to help support the rant)Here goes...The Catalog (Twilight: Book One)
Number of Pages in the Book: 498
The First Hint of a Plot that Is Not Bella and Edward's Romance: page 328
When the Plot Actually Arrives: page 372
Boys that Totally Love Bella (Including Edward Cullen): 5
Approximate Amount of Time Bella and Edward are Romantically Involved Before Bella Is Begging Edward to Turn Her into a Vampire so They Can Be Together Forever: Like, two weeks. Maybe three. The timeline's a bit fuzzy.
References to Edward's Beauty: 165
Broken Down into the following categories -
Face: 24 (Favorite adjectives: glorious, heavenly, seraphic)
Voice: 20 (The voice of an archangel, donchaknow.)
Eyes: 17
Movement: 11
Smile: 10
Teeth: 8
Muscles: 7
Skin: 7 (Note: This only contains accounts of Edward's skin being beautiful. I didn't count references to it as "pale," "cold," or "white." If I had, this number would be about ten times larger.)
Iron Strength or Limbs: 5
Breath: 4
Scent: 4
Laughter: 3
Handwriting: 2
Chest: 2
Driving Skills: 1
The Number of Times
Bella Is Clumsy or Makes a Reference to Her Clumsiness: 26
Bella Sneers at Forks or Its Inhabitants: 22
Bella is "Dazzled" or Rendered Speechless by Edward's Beauty or Touch: 17
Edward Tells Bella to Stay Away from Him While Completely Contradicting Himself with His Behavior: 16
Bella is Utterly Desolate at Edward's Absence: 12
Edward and Bella Kiss: 8
Bella's Hormones Get the Better of Her and She Attacks Edward, Almost Causing Him to Eat Her: 2
Edward's Kiss Makes Bella Faint: 1
Edward's Kiss Makes Bella's Heart Literally Stop: 1
Bella Thinks She Isn't Good Enough for Edward: 6
Edward Is Referred to As Godlike: 5 (Note: This number might be off, as I didn't start counting until three or four mentions in.)
Edward Tells Bella She's Unnatural: 5
Edward Sparkles: 3
Bella is in Mortal Danger: 3
Edward Saves Bella from Mortal Danger: 3
Edward Stalks Bella, For Real: 2 (Note: One of these instances involves watching her sleep every night for, like, months.)
Bella says "Holy Crow!": 2
Bella and Edward Argue About Who Loves the Other Most: 1
Edward's Inability to Read Bella's Mind is Explained: 0
Yeah, it gives the message that 12 yr old girls should all have stalking, ***** bf's. Nice choice in books. AND THE REAL VERSION OF TWILIGHT
bella walks in to the lunchroom and sees edward. Buffy the vampire slayer leaps through the window and kills edward. Bella then goes insane and impales herself through the flag pole
THE END
HEY, Its better then the book.
Yet "twilight" encourages old ***** to stalk young girls, "new moon" encourages rape, and yet more stalking. It also encourages girls to commit suicide when their man runs off. i never read "eclipse" so i cannot say what it encourages that is rather perverted and disgusting, "breaking dawn" encourages early marriage and teenage pregnancy.
My theory of why people pretend they are supernatural is because they want a place in society where they can feel "special". People who drink blood need to see a counselor, and if they cant, I would recommend locking them in a padded cell.
Oh and TWILIGHT WAS REJECTED 14 TIMES BEFORE IT WAS PUBLISHED!
The first 14 agents were had brains, ya know, mon?. >.> Until the 15th one came by and ruined it! >:C
Ok, so I realized that everyone that loves the Twilight series loves the series because of the actors in it. Apparently due to my research if Edward was replaced with Brendon Fraser and if Jacob was replaced with Bruce Willis people would actually say "WTF is this s--t?". I even told one of my cousins what the plot of Twilight was and all she said was "Romance" and that's it. Sadly I really hate to disappoint her but, Romance is not a plot, it's a type of genre.
Ok moving on to the point, as I heard from Twilight is about a whiny girl who meets someone who wants to kill her when they first met then they suddenly become in love after a few minutes and then Edward stalks her and isolates her from her friends.
(I find it hard to believe people find this romantic... )
And Edward is supposedly the most "perfect" character in the series even though he is a sexist and abusive to her and then he leaves her and then Bella tries to commit suicide every time Edward is not with her.
(What the s**t is seriously wrong with this chick!?
If she committed suicide she wouldn't see him anymore!
This girl is the freaking definition for Retard!
Hell, I don't try to commit suicide if don't see my boyfriend,
why on Earth would I? I dont even have a boyfriend!)
Anyways, then she goes with Jacob and plays with his emotions then this Jacob character falls in love with her baby!?
(Oh my God... This is supposed to be Romance!?!? What has this world fallen into!?!? )
Because if thats "romance", then ***** must be popular. wanting to be a "vampire" is a sick desire.
Robert patterson isnt hot whatsoever. They couldve at least chose someone hotter. Plus, the story line is i mean, "okay" but the books were better. in the movie, its just like over dramatic.
If they had let Tylers Van squash her, then it would have been nice. Or if she had been impaled on one of the rocks in the water when she jumped off the cliff, that would have been nice also, because we would have been able to watch sparklepire "edward" suffer.
Ok, now for the whole thing with whether or not vampires do not sparkle, Yes vampires are fictional things. As a matter of fact pretty much everyone who writes about vampires has their own rendition about how powers work so I will admit that "Vampires don't sparkle" is not a viable argument.
Now on that note vampires "Shouldn't" sparkle. now I say shouldn't because.... well.... ok I'm going to have to summarize it down for you before I go into a rant for people who simply can't read more than 5 sentences.
Summery
Stephanie Myer's version of the vampire is simply poor and uninteresting character design. The lack of negative consequences and the sparkly gimmick is.... transparent
What made the classical version of the vampire interesting was because of the fact that the creature itself was thought to be a nearly invincible creature, a monster that prayed on people in the night. They were feared and hated, but to live as one was a fate worse than death. Living in a personal hell, you retained all of your humanity you had in life but you had to bear with the horrible hunger that could only be satisfied with human blood. You had to loose all that you once held close to in life and forever live on the fringe of society as a scavenger. It was interesting because something so horrifying and impossible to escape was also so tragic and sad, A reminder of our own lack of restraint and our own weaknesses, that no matter how strong and intelligent we are we are bound to our bodies. That's what made the vampire terrifying. The twilight vampire is a vampire for people who don't like vampires. It takes all the things that make vampires horrifying and replaces them with... glitter. It pretty much makes vampires into glittery things with superhuman strength. They're turned from the horrifying yet tortured creatures from before and turned to...... a teenaged girls wet dream. Pretty much it's taken out the Bite from vampires..... I guess the pun was intended but yah...
Number of Pages in the Book: 498
The First Hint of a Plot that Is Not Bella and Edward's Romance: page 328
When the Plot Actually Arrives: page 372
Boys that Totally Love Bella (Including Edward Cullen): 5
Approximate Amount of Time Bella and Edward are Romantically Involved Before Bella Is Begging Edward to Turn Her into a Vampire so They Can Be Together Forever: Like, two weeks. Maybe three. The timeline's a bit fuzzy.
References to Edward's Beauty: 165
Broken Down into the following categories -
Face: 24 (Favorite adjectives: glorious, heavenly, seraphic)
Voice: 20 (The voice of an archangel, donchaknow.)
Eyes: 17
Movement: 11
Smile: 10
Teeth: 8
Muscles: 7
Skin: 7 (Note: This only contains accounts of Edward's skin being beautiful. I didn't count references to it as "pale," "cold," or "white." If I had, this number would be about ten times larger.)
Iron Strength or Limbs: 5
Breath: 4
Scent: 4
Laughter: 3
Handwriting: 2
Chest: 2
Driving Skills: 1
The Number of Times
Bella Is Clumsy or Makes a Reference to Her Clumsiness: 26
Bella Sneers at Forks or Its Inhabitants: 22
Bella is "Dazzled" or Rendered Speechless by Edward's Beauty or Touch: 17
Edward Tells Bella to Stay Away from Him While Completely Contradicting Himself with His Behavior: 16
Bella is Utterly Desolate at Edward's Absence: 12
Edward and Bella Kiss: 8
Bella's Hormones Get the Better of Her and She Attacks Edward, Almost Causing Him to Eat Her: 2
Edward's Kiss Makes Bella Faint: 1
Edward's Kiss Makes Bella's Heart Literally Stop: 1
Bella Thinks She Isn't Good Enough for Edward: 6
Edward Is Referred to As Godlike: 5 (Note: This number might be off, as I didn't start counting until three or four mentions in.)
Edward Tells Bella She's Unnatural: 5
Edward Sparkles: 3
Bella is in Mortal Danger: 3
Edward Saves Bella from Mortal Danger: 3
Edward Stalks Bella, For Real: 2 (Note: One of these instances involves watching her sleep every night for, like, months.)
Bella says "Holy Crow!": 2
Bella and Edward Argue About Who Loves the Other Most: 1
Edward's Inability to Read Bella's Mind is Explained: 0
Yeah, it gives the message that 12 yr old girls should all have stalking, ***** bf's. Nice choice in books. AND THE REAL VERSION OF TWILIGHT
bella walks in to the lunchroom and sees edward. Buffy the vampire slayer leaps through the window and kills edward. Bella then goes insane and impales herself through the flag pole
THE END
HEY, Its better then the book.
Yet "twilight" encourages old ***** to stalk young girls, "new moon" encourages rape, and yet more stalking. It also encourages girls to commit suicide when their man runs off. i never read "eclipse" so i cannot say what it encourages that is rather perverted and disgusting, "breaking dawn" encourages early marriage and teenage pregnancy.
My theory of why people pretend they are supernatural is because they want a place in society where they can feel "special". People who drink blood need to see a counselor, and if they cant, I would recommend locking them in a padded cell.
Oh and TWILIGHT WAS REJECTED 14 TIMES BEFORE IT WAS PUBLISHED!
The first 14 agents were had brains, ya know, mon?. >.> Until the 15th one came by and ruined it! >:C
Ok, so I realized that everyone that loves the Twilight series loves the series because of the actors in it. Apparently due to my research if Edward was replaced with Brendon Fraser and if Jacob was replaced with Bruce Willis people would actually say "WTF is this s--t?". I even told one of my cousins what the plot of Twilight was and all she said was "Romance" and that's it. Sadly I really hate to disappoint her but, Romance is not a plot, it's a type of genre.
Ok moving on to the point, as I heard from Twilight is about a whiny girl who meets someone who wants to kill her when they first met then they suddenly become in love after a few minutes and then Edward stalks her and isolates her from her friends.
(I find it hard to believe people find this romantic... )
And Edward is supposedly the most "perfect" character in the series even though he is a sexist and abusive to her and then he leaves her and then Bella tries to commit suicide every time Edward is not with her.
(What the s**t is seriously wrong with this chick!?
If she committed suicide she wouldn't see him anymore!
This girl is the freaking definition for Retard!
Hell, I don't try to commit suicide if don't see my boyfriend,
why on Earth would I? I dont even have a boyfriend!)
Anyways, then she goes with Jacob and plays with his emotions then this Jacob character falls in love with her baby!?
(Oh my God... This is supposed to be Romance!?!? What has this world fallen into!?!? )
Because if thats "romance", then ***** must be popular. wanting to be a "vampire" is a sick desire.
Robert patterson isnt hot whatsoever. They couldve at least chose someone hotter. Plus, the story line is i mean, "okay" but the books were better. in the movie, its just like over dramatic.
If they had let Tylers Van squash her, then it would have been nice. Or if she had been impaled on one of the rocks in the water when she jumped off the cliff, that would have been nice also, because we would have been able to watch sparklepire "edward" suffer.
Ok, now for the whole thing with whether or not vampires do not sparkle, Yes vampires are fictional things. As a matter of fact pretty much everyone who writes about vampires has their own rendition about how powers work so I will admit that "Vampires don't sparkle" is not a viable argument.
Now on that note vampires "Shouldn't" sparkle. now I say shouldn't because.... well.... ok I'm going to have to summarize it down for you before I go into a rant for people who simply can't read more than 5 sentences.
Summery
Stephanie Myer's version of the vampire is simply poor and uninteresting character design. The lack of negative consequences and the sparkly gimmick is.... transparent
What made the classical version of the vampire interesting was because of the fact that the creature itself was thought to be a nearly invincible creature, a monster that prayed on people in the night. They were feared and hated, but to live as one was a fate worse than death. Living in a personal hell, you retained all of your humanity you had in life but you had to bear with the horrible hunger that could only be satisfied with human blood. You had to loose all that you once held close to in life and forever live on the fringe of society as a scavenger. It was interesting because something so horrifying and impossible to escape was also so tragic and sad, A reminder of our own lack of restraint and our own weaknesses, that no matter how strong and intelligent we are we are bound to our bodies. That's what made the vampire terrifying. The twilight vampire is a vampire for people who don't like vampires. It takes all the things that make vampires horrifying and replaces them with... glitter. It pretty much makes vampires into glittery things with superhuman strength. They're turned from the horrifying yet tortured creatures from before and turned to...... a teenaged girls wet dream. Pretty much it's taken out the Bite from vampires..... I guess the pun was intended but yah...
