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 Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2010 11:10 pm
(This is a Senryu. Yay! Just random. I was really bored today and this is what came out.) You take my feelings
And twist them into something
morbid and untrue
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 11:03 am
I liked it. Short and simple. ^_^ Maybe you could play around with punctuation if you write another one of these.
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Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2010 2:28 pm
LunarHybrid I liked it. Short and simple. ^_^ Maybe you could play around with punctuation if you write another one of these. I shall try that. Sounds like it'd be interesting and weird. Thanks! heart
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Posted: Sat Aug 07, 2010 11:57 am
Hm, the concept itself is intriguing, but I'm not sure if a senryu is the best form to use due to its syllable restrictions. Reading this, I felt like there was a lot more that could and should be said, and I was left with a lot of unanswered questions--what are the feelings, how does the "you" being addressed twist them, why does he/she, why does it matter, etc.
I also think that using a different form would allow you to use imagery and other poetic devices, maybe throw in a few metaphors. As it is now, it's very abstract--you can strengthen it by taking out the vague ideas like "feelings" and using something more concrete to symbolize the feelings, something that the reader can picture in her mind. So that way, instead of just stating that you have feelings that some unknown person is twisting, the reader not only has an image to draw her into the poem, she also has to search for meaning. Basically, don't give it to us right up front--poems are so much more interesting if the subject is something that must be interpreted.
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Posted: Sun Aug 08, 2010 12:53 am
TheAntiBella Hm, the concept itself is intriguing, but I'm not sure if a senryu is the best form to use due to its syllable restrictions. Reading this, I felt like there was a lot more that could and should be said, and I was left with a lot of unanswered questions--what are the feelings, how does the "you" being addressed twist them, why does he/she, why does it matter, etc.
I also think that using a different form would allow you to use imagery and other poetic devices, maybe throw in a few metaphors. As it is now, it's very abstract--you can strengthen it by taking out the vague ideas like "feelings" and using something more concrete to symbolize the feelings, something that the reader can picture in her mind. So that way, instead of just stating that you have feelings that some unknown person is twisting, the reader not only has an image to draw her into the poem, she also has to search for meaning. Basically, don't give it to us right up front--poems are so much more interesting if the subject is something that must be interpreted. I'd like to say that the restrictions on the Senryus are what make it a poem. You can either be very vague or very upfront. In this case I simply was upfront. Since I Senryus are restricted in length they can't be detailed. I simply wanted to be upfront, if I had been wanting you to figure out the meaning, I would have simply made a free verse poem. yes you probably are left with many questions. But that is another point in me using the Senryu. I don't want to simply state who I'm reffering to. I want you to guess as a reader. It's what makes some people interested in the poem in the first place.
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Posted: Sun Aug 08, 2010 3:49 pm
within love I'd like to say that the restrictions on the Senryus are what make it a poem. You can either be very vague or very upfront. In this case I simply was upfront. Since I Senryus are restricted in length they can't be detailed. I simply wanted to be upfront, if I had been wanting you to figure out the meaning, I would have simply made a free verse poem. yes you probably are left with many questions. But that is another point in me using the Senryu. I don't want to simply state who I'm reffering to. I want you to guess as a reader. It's what makes some people interested in the poem in the first place.
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Posted: Sun Aug 08, 2010 11:27 pm
TheAntiBella within love I'd like to say that the restrictions on the Senryus are what make it a poem. You can either be very vague or very upfront. In this case I simply was upfront. Since I Senryus are restricted in length they can't be detailed. I simply wanted to be upfront, if I had been wanting you to figure out the meaning, I would have simply made a free verse poem. yes you probably are left with many questions. But that is another point in me using the Senryu. I don't want to simply state who I'm reffering to. I want you to guess as a reader. It's what makes some people interested in the poem in the first place. In all honesty, it doesn't matter what you feel works or doesn't. The writer is the one who says if it works for them. You can feel whatever about the poem, but how the writer feels about it is slightly more important. I use this form of poetry not to cover up a lacking of anything. I use it for fun and that's it. I use other forms to go into more depth or to make a point. With this it's just a simple way of stating something. I will take your critiques into account and try to expand my use of poetry forms.
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Posted: Mon Aug 09, 2010 12:56 pm
within love In all honesty, it doesn't matter what you feel works or doesn't. The writer is the one who says if it works for them. You can feel whatever about the poem, but how the writer feels about it is slightly more important. within love I use this form of poetry not to cover up a lacking of anything. I use it for fun and that's it. I use other forms to go into more depth or to make a point. With this it's just a simple way of stating something. within love I will take your critiques into account and try to expand my use of poetry forms.
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