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 Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 5:45 pm
First of all, I'm a guy. Recently, I've developed something of a crush on a girl I met at school. I asked her out once, but she already had a boyfriend. We still became friends, though, and she gave me her email address. However, I was able to find her xanga, without her knowing. Now, I found out that she broke up with her boyfriend, and now she's looking for a date for a dance later this month. I felt really guilty about what I did, though, and I've stopped reading her xanga. I'm not sure what to do now. Am I a stalker? Should I tell her what I did? And if I don't, should I try to bring up the dance in a conversation? (she mentioned it to someone once, when I was talking to her but didn't say anything about looking for a date, or anything to directly me about it at all)
Update: Well, that went badly. Recently she sent me an email politely asking me to stop pursuing her. She was really nice about it, she even thanked me for the candy I gave her for Valentine's day. She said she didn't mind running into me every once in a while, but that I was making her uncomfortable by talking to her too much. That was a week ago, and I haven't talked to her since then. I'm not really sure what to do, I still want to be friends with her at the very least. By the way, she said I was being stalker-ish
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 6:04 pm
heh no your not a stalker or anything. Look you should just go up to her... or email her, either one, and tell her that you heard that she and her bf had broken up and that you are really sorry to hear that. And to make her feel better about the situation ask her to the dance as just friends. Go have a good time and let it go from there. If she wants ya'll to be more than friends she'll let you know in her own way. But just make sure that you make it clear to her that you are there for her, no matter what. And about the Xanga thing... if you are the type of person who feels deep guilt about reading some one's personal >>even though it was on the interweb<< then easly tell her. But if not then don't mention it unless she asks about it. No real harm should come from reading an >>online<< journal. If she didn't want people she knows to find out she would not have posted anything to personal.
I don't know what the people are like where you live but over here it's not big of a deal, so I would say go for it. She's free, just don't rush up to her, thats alittle freaky. Although some girls find it attractive when a guy knows and goes for what he wants, with out being pushy or a jerk. My advice would to be just to ask her to the dance. If you don't know you may never will.
BUT If you don't feel comfy with this then I suggest you follow your gut.
It's totally up to you.
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 6:56 pm
Ghost_W heh no your not a stalker or anything. Look you should just go up to her... or email her, either one, and tell her that you heard that she and her bf had broken up and that you are really sorry to hear that. And to make her feel better about the situation ask her to the dance as just friends. Go have a good time and let it go from there. If she wants ya'll to be more than friends she'll let you know in her own way. But just make sure that you make it clear to her that you are there for her, no matter what. And about the Xanga thing... if you are the type of person who feels deep guilt about reading some one's personal >>even though it was on the interweb<< then easly tell her. But if not then don't mention it unless she asks about it. No real harm should come from reading an >>online<< journal. If she didn't want people she knows to find out she would not have posted anything to personal.
I don't know what the people are like where you live but over here it's not big of a deal, so I would say go for it. She's free, just don't rush up to her, thats alittle freaky. Although some girls find it attractive when a guy knows and goes for what he wants, with out being pushy or a jerk. My advice would to be just to ask her to the dance. If you don't know you may never will.
BUT If you don't feel comfy with this then I suggest you follow your gut.
It's totally up to you. Thank you, I feel much better now. Well, I'd rather avoid telling her about reading her xanga if possible. It still seems a little creepy to me, but then if I had a xanga, I wouldn't mind who read it. From reading her xanga I found out the party is invite-only, so I was thinking of dropping some hints or something. I don't know any of her friends, so theirs know way of me "knowing" that she broke up with him.
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 7:00 pm
no, I don't think you're a stalker.
I think you should just go talk to her and ask her to the dance. Tell her you were thinking of going and want to know if she wants to go. It's not really right to not tell her that you read her xanga, but then she might get upset that you did, so for now don't mention it. Later if there's a time that's good then you should tell her that you read her xanga though.
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2006 8:24 pm
Dude, you're no stalker.
People have Xangas so other people can read them, she wouldn't have made it findable if she didn't want you to read it.
Now go, go and ask her out!
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Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 7:53 pm
xLaurelX Dude, you're no stalker.
People have Xangas so other people can read them, she wouldn't have made it findable if she didn't want you to read it.
Now go, go and ask her out! Well, I've calmed down a bit. I wasn't able to find her today, so I'll try on Monday or Wednesday. I hope she doesn't have a date by then. I'm still not sure how I'm going to go about this, though. A friend of mine knows some of her friends, so he said he'll find out what he can.
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Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2006 8:15 pm
I wouldn't consider you a stalker, and I don't think you have to tell her about her xanga. She put it online, thus she probably understands that it will be read. As far as the dance, well, just do what Laurel said: Ask her out!
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Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 6:53 am
No... You're not a stalker...
Being a stalker is taking very minimal information about a private person halfway across a country and spending hours doing research to narrow down their address to two possible streets when they specifically don't want you to know where they live...
...
...
Even that's a little iffy...
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Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2006 11:08 am
Xangas are there for people to read. That's why people make them.
You could always mention you've seen her xanga and ask her how she is feeling. And ask her to the dance.
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 5:53 pm
EnRohbi
No... You're not a stalker...
Being a stalker is taking very minimal information about a private person halfway across a country and spending hours doing research to narrow down their address to two possible streets when they specifically don't want you to know where they live...
...
...
Even that's a little iffy...
sounds like you've had experience xd
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Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2006 9:05 pm
Mreow, you are no stalker, trust me. I had to go down that rode for a friend of mine, but again, a tale for some other day.
Mreow, you have her e-mail address, right? E-mail her asking her to the dance!
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Posted: Mon Jan 16, 2006 5:53 pm
KageShujin Mreow, you are no stalker, trust me. I had to go down that rode for a friend of mine, but again, a tale for some other day. Mreow, you have her e-mail address, right? E-mail her asking her to the dance! I want to ask her in person. Emailing might seem weird. But now I can't find her. If I can't find her by Wednesday, I'll email her
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Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 4:24 pm
I think you should start a conversation with her. Ask how she and her boyfriend are doing. If she tells you they're done and doesn't seem hesitant, just wait a week and ask her out then. If she seems uncomfortable talking to you about the matter, that is a sign on her part that she's worried about you asking her out again. Clearly, in that case you should not go for it.
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Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 7:02 pm
Quantact I think you should start a conversation with her. Ask how she and her boyfriend are doing. If she tells you they're done and doesn't seem hesitant, just wait a week and ask her out then. If she seems uncomfortable talking to you about the matter, that is a sign on her part that she's worried about you asking her out again. Clearly, in that case you should not go for it. Well, from the way her xanga was written, I'd say she's ready for another relationship. I mean, she actually said she was looking for a date to the dance.
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Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 7:15 pm
SyphaBelnades Quantact I think you should start a conversation with her. Ask how she and her boyfriend are doing. If she tells you they're done and doesn't seem hesitant, just wait a week and ask her out then. If she seems uncomfortable talking to you about the matter, that is a sign on her part that she's worried about you asking her out again. Clearly, in that case you should not go for it. Well, from the way her xanga was written, I'd say she's ready for another relationship. I mean, she actually said she was looking for a date to the dance. Then WTF are you waiting for? Ask her to go dance with you. Chances are she'll say OK. You can do it!
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