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((plays with fingures and pouts like a child.)) I wanted at least one comment good or bad... I'd settle for anything. I was actually a little proud of this.

[Edit] I didnt like the name much though... that needs work.

I know, the repitition bothered me as well... I'll try to edit that. Everytime I found a word I just didnt know how to make it "right".

Also it would help a loads if you'd tell me what grammar mistakes I made. I'd much appreciate some help with that, especially with punctuation.

'Kay, I think the easiest way to point out grammar is just to quote the poem and bold the things I've edited or have questions about (I ended up also making them read since the bolding didn't show up all that well). Hope you don't mind. sweatdrop



Hope this helps. ^^


I think that would be good, actually. I don't mind slant rhyme myself--I actually tend to like it better than usual rhyme (probably because of my hatred for rhyme in general xp ).

Heh, punctuation (and grammar in general) was hammered into my head every year in high school. The one good thing that place did for me (I'm not very fond of my school).

Meh. Technically that might be pushing the rules of a traditional sonnet, but sonnets have evolved since the 18th century, so I wouldn't worry about it. As long as you have the basic form. I once wrote a sonnet that didn't rhyme at all--I just had the fourteen lines, the volta, and iambic pentameter, and my professor still classified it as a sonnet.

Anyway, I think repetition is one of the harder poetic devices to pull off because the poet is constantly walking a line between making a point and shoving that point down the reader's throats, haha. Not that your repitition was that bad. I would have liked it better if it wasn't part of the rhyme scheme.

I think my issue with high school English classes is that they tend to be more literature based rather than writing based, and even then the lit gets dumbed down like they don't think the students can discuss it intelligently. And then even if they have you write a lot, they don't teach it well and they give a majority of points for completion. Or, at least, that's been my experience, both at my school and at the local public high school where I was a TA for a little while.

Anyway, sounds good. I'm interested in seeing how it turns out.

And, maybe? I think it really depends on the subject and what is being repeated and why. I've never really used repetition so it's hard for me to pinpoint what makes it work.

Yeah, that probably has something to do with it. I just wish they bothered to strengthen students' writing skills since writing is a big part of all our lives no matter what we go on to do.

Oh, no problem. I tend to put off all my editing, too. I'm a really lazy when it comes to revising my own work. Heh.

I agree. When it comes to anything artistic, schools in general tend to fall short. It does seem like sports get all the attention and funding and whatnot. It's kinda frustrating.

Yeah, also at my school I know that a few of the teachers goof off... Infact one day a teacher went off about a religious experiance she had and then basically bashed the Athiest and Agnostic religions. I was so pissed. I'm sitting there thinking, "Isn't this type of talk in school illigal?"


I find I cant do a thing with writing/drawing when I have no inspiration... Thus, I tend to take forever to finish the most simple of things. ^^,


I know. It's bogus how atheletic students who hardly pass get a free ride through collage and end up wasting what they were given, and students who are hardworking and talented are left paying. ((It especially pisses me off in cases where lowerclass children with so much potential are damned from the begining due to their "title".))