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 Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:14 pm
 Lumos lazily swung back down to the ground, landing with a muted thud in the damp grass--he was back in Lunarie territory. He had been a member for awhile, but seeing everyone else being busy had made him decide to stay out of their way and keep a low profile. He didn't mind being out of the center of attention, and so he'd mostly just quietly helped with things Hala asked him to.
He'd done a quick scan of the tribe's territory for any signs of an issue--nothing had showed up, and it meant tonight he could relax. The Modiphim shook water droplets out of his wings and sat on the small hill he often used to take off and land because it was clear of the trees. Members of the tribe were mingling below him, but Lumos decided not to trouble them. He had met them all, but it wasn't in his nature to jump into conversations until he knew someone particularly well.
Content for now, Lumos looked up at the moonlit sky and let his mind wander off. ((Ohohoho Ari, you have to come to him. xpp -brick'd-))
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:43 pm
 There was nothing in the tribe that needed his attention at the moment, and so Ari had headed off to one of the slightly more isolated parts of the tribe lands. It had been a while since his birthday party, at which old members had returned to the lands, and a new one had come to join, and longer still since Kazuki had passed, but even so, sometimes he just felt the need to get away from everyone, and brood in peace for a little bit.
He was glad his tribe was happy, don't get him wrong--things would be so much worse if they weren't--but sometimes, like now, the happy was just a bit too much for him to take.
He mounted a hill, and was surprised to see the newest member, Lumos, at the top. He thought about leaving, going somewhere else to be alone, but...but he still had duties as an elder, didn't he? He hardly knew Lumos, and he really should do something about that. His mood wasn't so dark that he couldn't stand the company of the 'phim, after all.
"Hello, Lumos." The 'phim seemed to be lost in thought, so Ari waited for a response from him before he would continue.
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:56 pm
Lumos looked back down at Ari as he heard his voice. So that's who'se footsteps it had been--he had decided not to bother whoever it was unless they approached him.
"Hello, Ari," he greeted the other male, offering a small smile but no other signs of respect. This would have bene outrageous to a normal tribe member, but to Lumos, it was second nature--after all, he could pray to the Higher Beings the same way the Elder at his side could. He might not be leading a tribe like Ari, but Lumos wasn't going to bow his head just because of that.
The Modiphim could tell Ari had been looking for solitude, but he decided not to let that happen. Silence was good for a time, but it also let you get caught in cycles of thought that weren't conducive to being relaxed and mentally sound. He straightened himself to sit at his full height--exactly on par with Ari-- and looked down at the tribe.
"A lively group, aren't they?" If nothing else, the vague question would get Ari speaking.
((I shouldn't make tags when I'm hungry, the brainmeats don't make good replies XD))
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 7:51 pm
While he found the lack of deference a bit odd, it wasn't something that Ari exactly felt the need to complain about--some days he felt he was elder first, and a person second, and so he could never really fully relate to his members.
"Very much so," Ari replied with a smile somewhere between wry and genuine. "It's good to see activity come back to the tribe again." Normally one would say 'life' instead of 'activity', but life coming back to things just put him in mind of how Kazuki wouldn't be. Coming back to life, that was.
And now he was all mopey again.
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 9:07 pm
"I would imagine so. I've heard too much recently about tribes that fell apart." Lumos turned his head to look at the Elder next to him. "It is good to see signs that Lunarie will not fall with them."
Ari was moping, but Lumos wasn't exactly sure how to bring him out of that. He hadn't lost a mate ever, so that was hard to relate to. Rather than try to make some sort of joke that could ultimately backfire and make things worse, Lumos settled on appraising the other male next to him.
He had never acted on it before, but Lumos had always known in the back of his mind his future mate would never be female. And now, confronted with this Elder...he couldn't but look him over. What was so different about him?
...Lumos tore his eyes away and looked back up at the moon just before it'd become obvious he'd been checking out Ari--he had just lsot amate, he wasn't supposed to be eye candy for heaven's sake.
Still. Lumos made a mental note to look from safer distances another time.
"You know, it's nights like these when I think the Modeities must be in our favor," he said conversationally, not really trying to cite the specific will of any particular Higher Being. "I know they mostly stay out of our business, but even so--the weather is clear, the forests are filled with food and not enemies, and nearly all of your tribe is content." Lumos leveled his gaze to look back at the treeline in front of them. "One could say it's a night for fresh starts."
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 9:18 pm
It didn't matter how obvious Lumos' looking was--Ari's eyes were on his tribe while the 'phim was silent for a while. They didn't even need him to be watching them right now, but it was still habit--to keep thinking of the tribe in moments like this.
"Not all interfere as little as the Moon Fox." While Ari had never personally met any 'deities besides now two meetings with the Moon Fox, he still had heard of other foxes who had met other 'deities.
He realized it sounded like he was being contrary, and then added: "it still is a nice night. Good to know the tribe is doing well, too." Some of the disbandings did bother Ari, though--his son-in-law had lost his tribe, for example.
"Fresh starts, huh," Ari quietly echoed to himself.
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 9:32 pm
"It's true, some are more involved," Lumos siad with an easy shrug. He had a twin brother, and was used to people not immediately agreeing with every word he said. But that wasn't really the point of the conversation, so he didn't eleaborate on what other Modeities may be doing or may not be doing.
"Fresh starts," Lumos repeated, still looking at the trees--it was safer than giving in to his feelings and staring at Ari all over again. Even he couldn't be oblivious forever.
Still, his eyes slid over to look at Ari when he spoke again. "A tribe does well so long as its Elder does well, Ari," he told the other. It wasn't a condescending tone, but it also wasn't a sympathetic, gentle tone either--neither would make Ari listen, and Lumos needed him to. "And an Elder cannot do well living in a cycle of distracting himself by always watching over his tribe instead of taking care of his own needs from time to time, and then falling into grief whenever he cannot keep himself distracted." Lumos wasn't suggesting Ari not grieve--but the time for this heavy sense of hopelessness that Ari seemed to be trying constantly push away had long since passed.
"Your mate is safe with the Moon Fox, my friend. I did not know him, of course, but I cannot think that if he loved you, he would wish to see you deterioating so. You deserve the chance to find happiness."
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 9:46 pm
He was glad that Lumos wasn't taking what he had said the wrong way--between some certain foxes he had met, he had learned to be careful with his words, less they be misconstrued.
"I am happy," Ari lied automatically, and then as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he realized how easily Lumos could call him on it, and so he amended: "I'm not exactly unhappy. Not anymore."
That wasn't true either, but he didn't want to talk about his feelings with Lumos. It felt...inappropriate, somehow, to have a relationship that wasn't based on him being the elder, and the other a member of his tribe.
He was slowly starting to realize that he had never had an equal in the tribe. Not even Kazuki, who had been his co-elder, yes, but yet always seemed to defer to Ari in both in their leadership roles, and in their relationship as mates.
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 9:58 pm
Lumos had never known much about unequal relationships. He'd always known Elders were revered by their tribemates--but he too could speak to the Higher Beings, and he'd always felt being able to contact them put him on the same plane as the tribes' leaders.
So when Ari hedged about talking over his feelings, Lumos didn't drop his point.
"But you are not happy, are you?" Lumos studied him again, although this time it wasn't because he was checking him out. "You're not, even though you try hard to hide it from the foxes down there." He nodded down to the gathered tribe members.
It clicked eventually, what "not exactly unhappy" must mean. "You're lonely, aren't you?" He would push Ari about his emotions because--because dammit, he was the newest member and even he could see how things were wearing down the male at his side.
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 10:15 pm
"Lonely? Why would I be? We're not a small tribe, after all."
Maybe Lumos was on to something--Ari wasn't even protesting about the unhappiness anymore, he knew how obvious it was--but it was still hard for Ari to admit to it. To being lonely, when there were so many foxes around him that he cared for, and he knew they cared for him, too.
But even with his closest friend in the tribe, Thea, there was still distance between them, because of his position. He was surrounded by foxes, and still lonely.
And still unwilling to admit that.
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 10:28 pm
Lumos smiled wryly at that. "I imagine one could be surrounded by all the foxes in the world and still feel lonely, Ari. The number of foxes in your life doesn't always equal the number of truly close relationships in your life."
The Modiphim felt a touch of sadness for the Elder as he looked down at the tribe. He had plenty of foxes in his life, it was true, but his position seemed to keep him from real friendships with them. Whether it was that way for all Elders or not, Lumos once again felt grateful for the relative freedom he lived in.
"They're not your equals, and so you can't really have close relationships with them, can you? Everyone knows their place too well for that. Well, most of them. That one vixen...Thea is her name, isn't it? Seems close to you." But it didn't take a genius to figure out Ari and Thea would never be mates.
"But even Elders deserve more than just that, indeed, want more than just that, and so there's the issue for you." The issue could have been either only having one true friend, or being without a mate and an equal, but Lumos wasn't entirely sure which it was--he couldn't read Ari completely through, and so he'd let him decide on his own which problem it was.
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 10:54 pm
And there he was, doing it again...Lumos seemed to know plenty about Ari, while the elder hardly knew anything about the 'phim.
It was all true--that despite it all, Ari was still lonely, that Thea was his only friend in the tribe (but he found himself getting irrationally happy at Lumos' assessment that Thea wasn't deferring to Ari as much as the elder thought)...that he had been without a mate for longer than anyone in the tribe seemed to realize.
It was common knowledge that, even before the mission, Kazuki came and went sporadically, but all seemed to assume that Ari got to see Kazuki more often than they did. What they didn't realize was it was the other way around--that the tribe members got to see Kazuki more often than Ari got to see his own mate.
And even if he missed the old days, when Kazuki was actually around, when they actually had a relationship, so what? The only male with whom Ari got along with well enough to maybe start something (Nato) was definitely just a friend, and definitely not into males, anyway.
But now there was another male here, and for the first time in the few months since Lumos had appeared, Ari found himself assessing the 'phim, and realizing he didn't exactly come up short.
And a moment after that Ari decided he was being ridiculous. He hardly knew Lumos, for all that Lumos seemed to know all about him, and furthermore, with his luck, Lumos was into vixens, not males.
Pointedly pretending that he had not just spent a minute eying Lumos up, Ari tried to quickly change the subject: "nice night, isn't it." Which was decidedly lame (doubly so when one considered that it had already been covered), but Ari never was one for coming up with great things at a moment's notice.
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 11:06 pm
Belatedly, Lumos realized he'd been running his mouth again. "Sorry, I sometimes forget not everyone is my brother and his friends." He offered a friendly and tiny bit rueful smile, since he had just done a mental analysis of the Elder. He could read foxes well but that didn't mean he...
His thoughts stopped short when he realized Ari was looking him over. What?
No, Ari was just watching him. Foxes drooled after Helios, not him, so why would Ari act differently?
Except then Ari acted all flustered and made a horrendously weak subject change. The 'phim couldn't help but headtilts at the other's change in demeanor. He'd mostly been quiet, but now he was trying to change subjects...?
Lumos--who might secretly have been nearly as lonely as Ari--pushed down his thoughts about the other male for a moment to answer. "Yes, it is. Although I believe I said so already." He was just gently ribbing the other, not trying to make the situation even more awkward.
...He couldn't help it. He looked at Ari again.
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 11:21 pm
"So you did," Ari admitted, and he wondered if he was yet blushing brightly enough for Lumos to see between his eying of the 'phim, and now the stupid subject change.
But other than pointing out they had already been over this, Lumos wasn't exactly trying to stop Ari, or bring the conversation back to its previous track, so Ari gratefully continued with it, the comfortable, the mundane, the conversation that wasn't too soul-searching, didn't hit too close to home for comfort.
"We'll have good weather for a while, it looks like," and part of Ari couldn't believe that he was reduced to talking about the weather--but the rest of him liked this a bit better than the fact that Lumos seemed to be able to see right straight into him, "It will be good for gathering supplies. Summer is ending, and we need to start thinking about getting ready for winter soon."
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Posted: Mon Jul 19, 2010 11:31 pm
Lumos decided he'd pushed Ari enough for night, and the Modiphim settled down in the grass, easily folding his wings on his back to keep from driving Ari away. For some reason, he liked being this close to him.
"Yes, I've heard the past winter was particuarly rough."
Why did the word rough sound so awkward now?
Lovely, now Lumos had no idea what to talk about either. He was done pushing Ari, he'd killed the weather topic...why were they both suddenly awkward messes?
Right, because they were both looking each other over without admitting it. Lumos mentally rolled his eyes at himself, then realized something--Ari had no way of knowing he too preferred males. Not sure why this bothered him, Lumos tried to somehow get the point out there anyway.
"Thea seems nice enough, hm? If only either of us were into vixens." He chuckled some, and was secretly relieved he'd managed to hide his orientation in small talk.
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