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 Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 3:40 pm
Welcome!
This is FKT's quest for Cavalier Terra. This quest is currently in the crit stage, as I don't feel it's ready to be stamped quite yet. Feel free to tear the concept to shreds (but feel free to let me know if I'm on the right track, too)!
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Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 3:42 pm
Zachary EstherZachary is already in play, and his journal can be found here. For your convenience, his profile as found in his journal is listed below: Fallen_kitsune_thief Standard Profile Name: Zachary Esther Nicknames: Zach (to some: he prefers Zachary) Age: 17 Birthday: September 15 Sign: Virgo Blood Type: B Fav. Food: Big, greasy cheeseburgers. Hated Food: Tofu. It is an insult to the world of meat. >[ School: Hillworth Grammar School Hobbies:Lacrosse - Zachary used to play midfielder, but he's been moved to defense due to a general lack of motivation during practice. He's not the biggest guy on defense, but he's not afraid to hold his ground like some of the others are, either. Writing - In his spare time, Zachary likes to write, either in a journal or in letters to his younger sister. It allows him to compose his thoughts and release his frustration in regards to his current situation at Hillworth. Watching (Bad) Movies - People will argue for hours about what makes for good cinema: Zachary, on the other hand, has educated himself on what makes it bad. From ketchup-for-blood horror films to practically anything Arnold Swarzenegger ever made (barring the Terminator series), Zachary will watch anything at least once, on the principle that there is such a thing as 'so bad that it's good'. Gemstone: Jasper Virtues: "Whatever you say, sir." - Obedient - Zachary has a healthy sense of authority, and knows when to listen to others. Even if he doesn't like the person giving orders, he'll respect the given hierarchy and follow orders, if for no other reason than to keep the peace. (This, however, is waived if Zachary feels the person to be entirely incompetent, though it rarely happens.) "I'm going to go ahead and be the bigger person here." - Mature - Zachary manages to elude some of the fights and other such shenanigans at Hillworth, mostly because he thinks his peers are acting beyond childish. His attitude is generally 'No one else is going to be responsible, so I might as well', though in many cases its easier for him to do the right thing, considering that peer pressure isn't something he falls to easily. Personally, he considers his maturity to be one of his best qualities, and his strongest asset to a team. "Do you need anything, Miss?" - Chivalric - Zachary has a soft spot for the ladies, and has a tendency to be protective of the fairer sex. This tends to go well for people like his sister, but has horribly backfired for him in the past. Flaws: "Does it look like I care?" - Apathetic - Zachary's never the one to show much interest, even in the things he honestly enjoys. There's not much that he gets excited about, and even less that he can throw his heart into (one key exception being his current campaign against the senshi, but it took the death of his sister at BP to get him motivated enough to act). He's never really put one-hundred percent into anything because he feels like there's not much worth putting one-hundred percent into, and that's left his academic record (and his standings in the lacrosse team) as something to be desired. "Huh? What was that?" - Socially Inept - You thought you couldn't read people? His former crush told him off in public twice before he finally broke down and wrote her a letter to express his feelings for her--and then she got him expelled for "sexual harrassment". One of Zachary's greatest challenges is that he fails to understand people or situations beyond their surface: it's nearly impossible to judge what lies beneath, or evaluate anything or anyone as more than what is shown. This makes him a horrible judge of character and somewhat easy to influence if brought a seemingly-logical argument. "You wanna say that to my FACE, ********? D8<" - WEAKNESS - Despite his maturity, there are just certain things that absolutely piss Zachary off, like rude people or persistant annoyances (think 'mosquito in the room' type annoyances). The worst thing you could do is call him out on his Meadowview expulsion or mention his sister. Should his buttons get pushed...well, you really don't want to know. Physical Description: - Hair: Medium brown in hue with a slight tinge of red in the right light, Zachary's hair is trimmed short, but other than that is somewhat messy, made up of soft curly ringlets that, were they longer, would probably resemble an afro. - Eyes: Amber brown, and usually covered by his oval-shaped glasses. The heavy lids of his eyes sometimes makes him appear older or tired. - Face: Long and serious, with hardly any arch to his eyebrows making him appear expressionless. His nose is straight, though slightly downturned, and his cheekbones are high and angular. - Body: Athletic and lean, Zachary stands at a healthy 5'10", not the tallest of Hillworth boys, but certainly not the shortest, either. - Fashion: When not in uniform, Zachary dresses as casual as can be done without being sloppy, usually meaning open collared shirts or polos with jeans with tennis shoes. His alternative outfit is a set of athletic shorts and a wifebeater, but he's normally only seen in this attire during practice, as he's quick to change into less-sweaty clothes. He's more fond of warm colors, and given a preference, his favorite color to wear on formal occasions is a dark burgundy.
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Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 3:44 pm
Cavalier Terra
Cavalier Name: Cavalier Terra
Challenge: I will protect the balance of life. (This needs to be changed, considering that he's Cavalier of the Forest, not Cavalier of Life, soo...brainstorming ideas currently)
Uniform Color: Brown
Weapon: Standard rapier with leaves embellished into the hilt.
Weapon Name: Hrith - An old english word that means "woodland", but was once a word meaning "peace" or "sanctuary" (the definition has since been considered obsolete). Zachary would probably just call it 'my sword'.
Life, the Forest, and Zachary Esther: Why is this a Match?:
Once upon a time, Zachary was intended as a quest character to eventually upgrade to Sailor Betelgeuse, Senshi of the Hunt (fun fact: the name 'Zachary' means 'hunter'). However, as he's grown as a character, he's steered away from someone who would make a particularly good senshi, much less a willing one, and the concept of 'the reluctant senshi' is one that no longer quite fits. In fact, he currently holds a vendetta against the sailor-skirted warriors of justice, despite the fact that he's been saved by them several times, and ultimately, he would never become a productive member of senshi society with his stubborn impressions against them. This might seem to be a trait better suited for a Negaverse lieutenant, but that's where Zachary is different: he doesn't want the senshi harmed, he just wants them gone, which is a rather practical standpoint for a Cavalier (who, to my understanding, is a part of a Terran faction as opposed to a Lunar faction, and therefore might have the opinion that the Earth should stick to Earth-related matters). The fact that he plays lacrosse and has used his lacrosse stick as a weapon on multiple occasions doesn't give him much of an edge in the way of wielding a sword, but it at least gives him the coordination needed to be able to pick it up quickly.
To some degree, it's ironic that Zachary would be the Cavalier cooresponding to the sphere of 'Life', considering that the most defining moment in his life is currently the death of his younger sister during the Barren Pines arc. However, the fact that he's lived through this experience also gives him a profound sense of the value of life and what it means to take one. Furthermore, becoming a Cavalier would be a major conduit for Zachary to put his sister's death behind him and feel like, for the first time, he's actually doing something to change things for the better. Out of her memory, Zachary could take his duties as a Cavalier as one of the few things he puts himself into full-force, and therefore he would take great care in doing near-constant patrols for the forces of evil. However, one of his challenges as a Cavalier will be learning to take fatal force when it comes to enemies, and would be a major growing point in his story and in his fight against the Negaverse.
Zachary's connection to the forest is something more abstract but nevertheless present in his character. The initial conception of a forest is often something dangerous and unyielding, a death trap for those who enter without the right survival skills, and in many ways Zachary mirrors these traits in his inability to connect to people and his introverted nature. It's difficult for him to understand people, and in turn, it's difficult for people to understand him. However, another common depiction of the forest is that of its mysticism and wisdom, and while Zachary certainly isn't sagely at the age of 17, his maturity provides him with a somewhat stoic attitude that, with time, could grow to wisdom. Don't confuse wisdom with intelligence, though: while Zachary enjoys reading, he is neither the 'bookish' nor the 'intellectual' type, in the same way that book-smarts would never do you much good in the wilderness. TL;DR: The forest is misunderstood. Zachary is misunderstood. And let's face it, he'd rather live out alone in a log cabin than in the hustle and bustle of a giant city with tons of people.
As he stands now, Zachary isn't a perfect fit to be Cavalier Terra, but then again, no character should start out that way. Considering his loyalty and his ability to work in a team (despite his preference for being alone), he's got the makings of a good Cavalier eventually, he just needs a little growth (forest pun hurr) to get there.
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Posted: Wed May 19, 2010 3:45 pm
Extra posting, just in case. Go ahead and rip me to shreds. c:
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Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 12:32 pm
Hey Fallen! As thanks for volunteering to crit mine, I’m doing yours as well. <3 (Actually, I already had yours half-typed last night, so I’m just finishing it off, now.)
I know you already have him, but I got really excited to hear that Zachary is a middy! (And then switched to defense, but still.) My younger brother is a middy for his high school and hopefully going to join the team at the university we’ll both be going to. In context with your quest, though, you’re definitely right in that it would prepare him for the position of a Cavalier. Think of those strong arms, mmm! Er… Anyway!
Hmm… Ideas for his Challenge as Cavalier Terra. Maybe something along the lines of the proverb “Not seeing the forest for the trees”? It sounds really lame in my mind, but maybe you’ll be able to think up something more witty. Or even using other proverbs about forests. Um, such as “One who enters a forest does not listen to the breaking of the twigs in the brush.” Or “The forest has ears, the field has eyes.” “Some men go through a forest and see no firewood.” Obviously these are just ideas, nothing really fleshed out. (My humor tends to be more corny and I suck at serious things…)
I really like the name, Hrith, though. It’s a shame Zachary probably won’t call it that. It makes me imagine the sword having a very old soul, while being paired with Zachary, who seems to have a much younger soul. If that makes any sense.
I also really like how you’ve connected his experience with his sister’s death into how he would act as a Cavalier. In a way it kind reminds me of the book Silent Spring. I only remember small details about it since I last read it in middle school, but with the whole environmental thing and how we’re killing it because we don’t fully understand it. I think he is also a good match as Cavalier Terra because he has so much potential that needs to be unlocked, as a forest has the ability to grow in time.
I think you have a really good start and I would love to hear more about how he would change as a Cavalier. I know you put that he would need to learn how to take fatal force, but can you see his character changing any further? He might not! It’s just something to think about. How would he feel about his fellow Cavaliers? I didn’t see much about his loyalty, except for a bit at the end, so could he end up turning on people if they do push his buttons too far? I’m also curious about his past (though I’m sure reading up on his journal more should answer those questions). I think he has the makings of a Cavalier Terra, I just think there needs to be a little more of a push? Maybe even adding an extra flaw and virtue that will help him be shaped into his role.
This will be a little off topic if you haven’t seen it, but in the series Toward the Terra it’s actually about humanity, rather than the earth, itself. Is there the possibility of other definitions of “forest”? Maybe in different settings? Or does it have to always deal with trees, plants and animal life? Just something to think about, but you’re welcome to ignore it if you’ve already thought all this through. Best of luck!!
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Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 4:07 pm
Okie dokie! I will crit this to the best of my ability and will try to be as thorough as possible. Most of my crits are stream-of-consciousness or a series of questions that pop into my mind as I'm reading, so I hope that proves useful. smile Because I haven't read his diary, some of these points may be moot, but still, it might help clarify or improve his profile! Also, this crit was written as I read the profile from top to bottom. Hobbies -
Lacrosse - I love that he's a lacrosse player. You don't see that very often and I always thought it was a very interesting sport to watch. It's like net-stick-ball plus running like a crazed person with their pants full of fire ants. You said he used to play midfielder, but now he's on defense because he's not motivated. Why isn't he motivated? And if he's not into the game anymore, is it really still a hobby or more of a chore? The way it's described, I wouldn't necessarily call it a hobby since he doesn't seem very interested in it based on the description.
Writing - Love that he writes. He seems like that kind of person, but you mention his frustration about his situation. What's his situation? What does he write about in his letters to his younger sister?
Watching (Bad) Movies - LOVE IT. I too am a fan of the Awesomely Bad Cinema. I don't have any crits on this. It's AWESOME.
I would move his gemstone up into the area of foods, blood type, blah blah purely based on aesthetics. It looks odd being where it is. XD Virtues -
Obedient - Why does he have a healthy sense of authority? Was it a family member or an experience that lead him to follow the rules, so to speak? I'm interested in knowing that!
Mature - So he doesn't fall into the boyhood shenanigans. That's always a good thing! But when you say, "No one else is going to be responsible, so I might as well." it makes me think that he's not necessarily mature, but has a sense of obligation? If that makes any sense? Maybe reword this a little to say more that he thinks and acts like an adult and carries those responsibilities. I dunno, I hope that made some semblance of sense. xd
Likes DA LADIEZ - Love this. Chivalry is sexy, IMO. However, I would love to see this expanded! Why does he love the ladies so? Did it have to do with something involving his sister? It's awesome that he's all about the fairer sex, I just want to know more about it! Why, man? Why?
Flaws -
Apathetic - Why is he so apathetic? I know I ask 'well why?' a lot, but that's the first question that popped into my head. His sister died? His younger one that he loves to write to? sad I'll have to go read about that... If he's a cavalier and he's in a campaign against the senshi, is he a parallel cavalier? I'm new to the shop, so I may not understand this. Since his grades are slipping, is his position in the school and/or the lacrosse team in danger in any way?
Socially Inept - I like the description. Was he just kinda born this way? Or did something happen to him that made it hard for him to read and understand people? He obviously understands what immaturity is and may kinda understand what ladies like (well, except for that one crush! XD). I think "inept" might be too strong a word. He doesn't seem like Uber Social Failure Numero Uno to me, but maybe more awkward?
Weakness - He's got a weak spot! surprised But I do wanna know what might happen if a button gets pushed. How far can someone go before he blows his top? And are the expulsion and his sister the only things that are on the list of "DO NOT ASK"? Obviously he doesn't like super annoying people, but to what extreme does someone have to go to piss this dude off?
Physical description doesn't need critting. XD TO THE CAVALIER PART WHOOT I don't know why, but, "Prepare to be mulched!" keeps popping into my head as his challenge. emo Ah, so now I kinda understand why he wants the Senshi gone, but not killed. It makes sense that you would want him as a Cavalier because of this. Since his sister died in the Barren Pines event, and he's now got more of an appreciation for life, would this cause him to be less apathetic, or more selective in his apathy? Also, how would his traits and virtues play into him being a Cavalier? Would he change when he's all... Cava'd? XD As far as personality goes, I mean. I have no questions on everything else so... I hope my blabbering helps you in some fashion! *bow*
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