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Princess_Feylin Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 6:28 am
Introduction Link to approved character application here. Please don't post here unless you're staff. If you'd like to arrange an RP with Ara, you can contact me in the thread or via PM (or even via AIM, if you wish). I'm BJezerey.
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Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 6:29 am
Contents Introduction Contents Ara History Firelizards Associates Associations Journal
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Princess_Feylin Vice Captain
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Princess_Feylin Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 6:32 am
Ara Name: Ara Age: 16 Gender: female Sexual Orientation: hetero Craft: farmer Rank: apprentice equivalent/candidate
Character Tracks: "Sixteen Going On Seventeen" - The Sound of Music, Waiting For Life - Once on this Island
Appearance: Ara is basically average in form. She's of average height and proportionate weight, though she's not satisfied with her appearance. She wishes her breasts were larger and her cheekbones more pronounced. She also wishes her eyelashes were longer, but doesn't care enough to wear any sort of cosmetics, which would be perfectly silly since she spends most of her days sweating in the fields. She hates the fact that she tends to get acne around her hairline. Speaking of, Ara has light brown hair that she likes to call blonde but which is truly brown. She usually wears her hair in a braided crown around her head, but when it's loose it falls to about mid-back in waves that may or may not be from the braid. She says that her dark brown eyes are just to spite her, since everyone knows blondes are supposed to have light colored eyes. However, the dark eyes and brown hair go well with her skin, which has more or less a perpetual tan from her work in the fields, where she wears the most functional and comfortable clothing she can. While not at work Ara likes to dress nicely, but doesn't go overboard with it. She's not much more vain than any other teenage girl, after all. She just likes to look nice when she's not sweaty and dirty. The fact that her boyfriend prefers her in a dress may have something to do with that.
Personality: Despite the fact that Ara doesn't seek fame, it can hardly be said that she lacks ambition. She simply has different ambitions. It is her ambition to be the best worker in her crew, for instance. And she would like, someday, to convince Brisk not to hate her, though a large part of her remains convinced that will never, ever happen. And she has lots of dreams of adventure, but she's sensible enough to realize and accept that some people are destined for world renown and others, like herself, are destined to grow the food that sustains them while they're off being famous. Nevertheless, she can't help dreaming that someday a handsome bronzerider will sweep her off her feet, even though she has a boyfriend and he's not a dragonrider. It's just a harmless fantasy, right?
In her dealings with familiar folk, Ara is generally very accommodating, and will undertake any task that is asked of her, and will fret if she can't accomplish it. This is partly because she knows (or at least suspects) that she sometimes comes off as cold and she thinks that if she does things for people to make them like her they won't get the wrong idea about her. It also makes her fairly easy to take advantage of. She doesn't like to say No, and only does so in two instances: she won't let a boy push her too far and she won't knowingly hurt someone else. For anything else, you can take her initial No, no matter how firm it sounds, as an eventual Yes.
Ara is basically unaware of the fact that she's made herself into a pushover and can be very gullible, but she does know when people are being unkind or rude to her, and when she sense that is the case she becomes extra polite with them, in effect freezing them out. Because there are few strangers in Ghenza, it is difficult to say how she reacts to new people. Most of the time she is polite to a fault, taking such care to be courteous that she may come across as cold or disinterested to people who don't know her well. Whenever she's unsure of herself or the situation, her fallback is to become very polite and be on her best behavior.
There might be some who view Ara's extreme good manners as a form of haughtiness or arrogance, but in actuality she's a very grounded young lady who plans to one day marry and have children. Maybe not with her current boyfriend, but with someone, someday. Secretly, she's a romantic, as her fantasies probably demonstrate. She likes to play matchmaker in her head and imagine how people's lives would go if they got married and had children, even guessing what the children would look like. Her own future is the exception to this because she walks a fine line between accepting that she won't live a romantic ballad and desperately wanting to. She has a tendency to fall in love easily, which is something her boyfriend's not exactly comfortable with, just as he feels vaguely threatened by her grandiose romantic fantasies, which is part of why she keeps them to herself.
Other: + Ara is afraid of her mother's wher. This is because Brisk has never stopped projecting thoughts of hatred at her or being generally hostile. + Ara prefers bronze dragons simply because they are the least like her mother's green wher and they are fairly majestic looking. + Ara has left Ghenza to follow B'shir back to High Reaches.
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Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 6:35 am
History  Ara grew up terrorized by her mother's green wher, Brisk, who viewed her as competition for her attention and despised her even before she was born. Her father, a farmer, began taking her to work with him in the fields as soon as he was able to spare her Brisk's venom. Ara's mother, Bri, was initially content to let this be the arrangement, but she did not allow Brisk's antipathy for her daughter to prevent her from spending time with the girl. She saw to it that her daughter didn't grow up a heathen, making time to teach her about feminine things.
Ara's early life passed with her days spent at her father's side in the fields and her evenings spent playing at being a lady with her mother. When she was old enough to attend lessons with the harper, she learned dutifully, and while she displayed no special skill for any part of harpercraft she did acquire an appreciation for music. As an older person, singing helps her pass the time in the fields, and her voice doesn't exactly make others run for cover.
As soon as there was a clutch laid following her twelfth birthday she stood on the sands, but she didn't Impress. As far as Ara was concerned, that was that and she could get about the business of the family business. Ara has worked as a farmer in some capacity all her life, though not with any of the beasts, who she learned early on don't much like her. Oh, she'll still stand at an occasional hatching, but she's really come to love farmcraft. She likes being out in the sun all day, working with her hands and knowing that it is her work that helps feed everyone in Ghenza. It is an important, necessary job, even if it doesn't win one glory or require particularly skilled labor.
When she was fourteen Ara got her first real crush, but nothing much came of it besides some furtive hand-holding, a few awkward kisses, and a truly embarrassing talk with her mother about the facts of life, a subject on which she had previously been ignorant, despite her work as a farmer. She spent her time in the fields, after all, and there wasn't a whole lot of obvious sexing going on between the plants. However, armed with this new knowledge of the possibilities, Ara decided it would be all right if she had more beaux, providing she didn't go too far. When she was sixteen she had her first serious boyfriend, as it were, and she is currently still with him. They're coming up on their two month anniversary.
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Princess_Feylin Vice Captain
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Princess_Feylin Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 6:39 am
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Posted: Fri Feb 26, 2010 4:08 pm
Today while working in the fields I spoke to one of the outsiders for the first time since they came to Ghenza. He was one of their dragonriders, a bronzerider. I knew they'd assigned those who had no craft besides dragonriding to work in the fields, and I'd seen them at a distance, but I never spoke to any of them. I didn't want to be rude or insult any of them, having heard that they're a proud and prickly lot, and so I kept to myself. But I was on a crew with this bronzerider and I was working next to him, planting seeds, when I noticed that he wasn't doing the job right. I didn't think it was on purpose, so I made myself speak up to correct him.
"Excuse me," I said softly. He glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, but didn't say anything and I didn't say anything and so he went back to work, dropping the seeds carelessly in the furrow that had been made earlier. I tried again, saying, "Excuse me, but you're planting those seeds upside down."
When I said that he stopped what he was doing and looked at me. His facial expression didn't change as he looked down at the seeds he'd been planting and then back up at me, which was very odd I thought. There was a lot about this particular outsider that was odd, really, and set him apart from the other outsiders as well as we Ghenzans. His skin, for instance, is darker than theirs, and I think the sun here's made it darker. He's almost brown.
It wasn't until he spoke that I realized he was surprised and chagrined to learn that he'd been in error. His voice was expressive where his face was not as he replied, "I am? I'm sorry. Will the ones I've already planted still grow all right?"
His voice was so at odds with his lack of expression that I was taken aback and forgot to answer for several moments before I remembered my manners. "Yes. They'll grow a little more slowly at first, but once they break through the soil they'll grow at the same rate as the rest."
He nodded and I thought the conversation was over, but then he asked me, "Will you show me how they're supposed to be planted?"
I almost laughed at how humble he sounded. I thought the outsiders were supposed to be haughty and arrogant, particularly those who rode metallic dragons, but here he was, asking me how to plant a seed correctly.
"Like this," I said, and then I took the seed from his hand and reversed its position before placing it back in his fingers. I smiled at him, but he didn't smile back at me and I wondered if I'd maybe offended him, and that was why his face hadn't changed throughout our exchange.
"Thank you," he said, and once again I was reassured by his tone that he wasn't insulted. "I didn't realize I was stunting their growth."
"Don't worry," I told him. "The people working behind you covering the seeds will put them right before covering them."
And then he said, and I think he was genuinely distressed, "Then I've made more work for them. I truly didn't mean to." He sounded more sheepish as he went on to say, "I'm not used to this sort of work I'm afraid. Thank you for setting me straight. My name's B'shir. I ride bronze Sakneth. I'm sorry, but I don't know your name."
I knew who he was, of course. Ghenza gossips had been at work since before the outsiders even arrived. I also knew that Sakneth was one of the proudest of the outsiders' dragons, and extremely unhappy here. I'd expected his rider to be as proud as the dragon. I wanted to be polite, though, so I didn't tell him any of that. I just put my hand out for him to shake and introduced myself.
He shook my hand like he was just anybody. Both our hands were kind of grubby from the work, but otherwise his hands felt much like Kender's, all hard and strong, and very warm. He had some calluses that I assumed must have come from his work as a dragonrider. I was probably grinning like an idiot while I told him it was an honor to meet him, and then I just felt like an idiot. An honor? What a stupid thing to have said, but he just answered that it was an honor to meet me, too.
I'm so glad the rumors were wrong. People had been saying that B'shir of bronze Sakneth didn't really talk to anyone, and mostly kept to himself and his dragon. I thought, and I think everyone else did, too, that he was holding himself aloof on purpose, but now I wonder if maybe he's just not that good at meeting new people. Next time I should ask if he'd like to spend a free period with me and Kender. If he met more people, maybe he'd find it easier to talk to us.
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Princess_Feylin Vice Captain
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Princess_Feylin Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 7:02 pm
I surprised Kender with lunch today. On my way I ran into Isandra, the harper. Literally, I'm afraid. I was lost in my thoughts. She questioned me closely about my relationship with Kender, but I think in the end she decided Kender and I were too dull to hold her interest. Personally, I disagree, but I didn't say so to her. I believe I find her intimidating. She seems so driven and focused. It's a little off-putting. Or maybe I'm just being odd again. Kender always teases me for my little flights of fancy. Anyway. Lunch with Kender.
I showed up just as he was about to go back to work, but when his master saw me he let Kender extend his lunch recess and Kender and I wandered a way away so that we could have some privacy as we ate. I made most of the food I brought, though not all of it. Some of it I pilfered from the family's larder. It's not as though any of it will go missed, except possibly the wine. I didn't know if the wine would be any good or appropriate for the food I packed, but it was all right, I think, in the end. Kender didn't complain, anyway.
We sat on a little hill and I set up our picnic. He complimented me on my skirt, even though it was one he'd seen before. I'm hoping to get a new one soon, but at the moment I haven't got enough saved, and my father says I don't need any more fancy clothes anyway, considering how much time I spend working in the dirt. I should get more work clothes, he says. He really doesn't understand what it's like to be a woman and have to impress a man. I sometimes wonder how mother ever caught his attention.
After we'd eaten I was a little tipsy from the wine - I may have had too much - and I think he was a little giddy, too. I convinced him to dance with me, and we skipped in circles until we were both thoroughly dizzy. Then we fell back on the grass and laughed. He laughed. I giggled. I would say he giggled, but that's not a very manly thing to do, and I don't think Kender would like it if I said so, even if it was only here. I don't know why he worries so much about that. No one could deny that he's manly. All those muscles. I love it when he holds me tight and I can feel his muscles through his shirt.
Speaking of, that's what he did. I rolled into Kender's arms and he rolled a little so that I was lying on top of him. For a few minutes I just listened to his heartbeat, but then I plucked a piece of grass and used it to tickle Kender under his chin until he shifted so that I was trapped underneath him. I squealed and struggled, but we were both just playing. I knew he wasn't going to try anything, and he knew I wasn't really trying to escape. At least I wasn't until he blew into my ear, and then I was squirming in earnest, though also in vain. Kender outweighs me by several stone.
Things progressed naturally from teasing to kissing. Kender's pretty good at kissing, but he has this unfortunate habit of always trying for more. I'll let him have more when I'm ready, and not before. Still, I did let him get farther than he had before. Farther than I've ever let anyone get, really. When his master called for him from a discreet distance Kender had his hand under my blouse. I admit, I was secretly relieved. I wasn't sure what it would lead to, or where I should say stop.
The afternoon was pleasant, anyway, but now I have a lot of questions that I need to consider, and some of them are pretty serious. I wonder if Kender's the one? As horrible as this sounds, I'm not sure he is. When I close my eyes at night and allow myself to imagine my future husband for a few moments, it's not Kender that I imagine. Actually, I don't really know who I'm imagining. He's always a dark figure, and I can never make out his face. I know it's silly for me to think that he'd be a bronzerider, especially since I know all the bronzeriders in Ghenza, but that's the childhood dream.
I'm rambling. I should just go to bed.
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Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:05 pm
I don't really know how it happened, but today after work I ended up going swimming with B'shir and Sakneth. When I say I don't know how it happened, I'm not being wholly truthful I suppose. I didn't invite myself along or anything, which would have been very pushy and rude of me. B'shir invited me. We'd been working in the fields and he noticed that my back was getting stiff, I guess, and said something about swimming being a good cure for that. One thing led to another and he invited me to go swimming with him and his dragon after our shift ended.
I accepted in part because I didn't want to make him feel awkward by refusing, even though going swimming together when you're a boy and a girl can get people talking and saying all the wrong sorts of things. Also I accepted because I really did want to spend time with him. I like B'shir. We've talked a few times while we were working and during our meal breaks, when I don't go to visit Kender, and he's very nice and polite, even if his face is completely unexpressive, which definitely takes some getting used to.
B'shir offered to teach me to swim, since he's apparently good at it and I'm definitely not. But that came later. After work we met by Sakneth, who seemed subdued. I admit, I was glad of it, because after hearing how unhappy the small bronze is here, I wouldn't want to make him even unhappier by horning in on his time with his rider. I don't see how B'shir can be content here and Sakneth dislike it so much, but B'shir tells me that's how it is. I thought dragons and their riders were always in agreement on everything. Apparently not, and it seems B'shir and Sakneth are less often in agreement than most, which is strange to think.
B'shir offered to let me ride to the river on Sakneth, and I kind of expected that we'd fly, but all we did was ride there as if Sakneth was a very large bronze runnerbeast. I don't doubt the poor dragon was in a full snit by the time we got there, but he behaved very well for the duration of the ride, and while he didn't speak to me like a Ghenzan dragon might have, B'shir tells me that's more normal for dragons at High Reaches. I wonder, but I suppose I must take his word for it, for how would I know?
Riding on a dragon, by the way, even when he's just walking, has got to be the most exhiliarating thing ever come up with. I have never been taller, and even though I'm pretty sure a few people stared at me, up there like that without even any harnesses and holding on to B'shir's waist so I wouldn't fall, I don't think I looked silly. Maybe I should give Impression another try and see if I have any luck at the next hatching. It might not be so bad to be a dragonrider.
Look at me with my delusions of grandeur. Kender would tease me so mercilessly. Actually, I think if Kender knew about this whole thing he'd be angry. I get the feeling he doesn't much like the people from High Reaches. He still calls them outsiders and gets this look on his face when I talk about the ones I've spoken to which is really quite unpleasant. Not to mention, I don't think he'd approve of me going swimming with another boy. Particularly not one as good-looking as B'shir is.
And, Faranth, B'shir is good-looking. I admit, I definitely enjoyed the view when he stripped to his undershorts to get into the water. I didn't see him sneaking looks at me like that, but maybe he's just better at it than I am. Or maybe he's not interested. I know he can't like men, since he rides a bronze, but that doesn't mean he can't be uninterested in women, I think. And - I'm a little ashamed to admit this - I did give him plenty of opportunity to see me in next-to nothing, since I stripped to my underthings, and those turned sheer in the water.
Swimming was fun. B'shir let me hang onto his arm to find my footing and he and Sakneth took turns tugging me around in the river while I kicked my legs behind me like an idiot. I don't think I will ever learn to swim, but I had a great deal of fun. I think B'shir did, too. He seemed to be enjoying himself, though he didn't smile so I only had his voice to go by, really. He sounded like he was enjoying himself.
I was sorry when the sun started setting and he announced that we should probably be heading back, but I was looking forward to another ride on Sakneth. That latter thing didn't happen. B'shir sent his dragon to go hunt and I think promised to visit him after he'd had dinner, and so it was just the two of us walking back together. I kept expecting him to try to put his arm around me or touch me or something, since being damp had made my skin break out in goosebumps, but he didn't. He just talked to me as if we were only two friends. Which is what we are.
He walked me home and while he didn't come up to my door he did wait to make sure I got in safely. I wonder where he learned to do that, since I don't think growing up in a Weyr like he's said High Reaches is would be conducive to thinking about a person getting safely back to where they live. They live in weyrs, which are somehow different from Weyrs, though I'm not sure how. It's a little confusing, even though B'shir's very patient in explaining it.
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Princess_Feylin Vice Captain
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Princess_Feylin Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 10:56 am
Other things happened today, but here's the most important thing, really.
B'shir dropped by after dinner to see me, which was a surprise because he basically never does that. He said he felt that he owed it to me to come tell me in person that he and the others from High Reaches would be leaving Ghenza within the sevenday. Since we were friends, he said, he would rather not simply leave without bidding me a proper goodbye. Apparently he would be spending the next few days getting everything in order and helping to organize with whom the partially-trained weyrlings would ride.
The news hit me pretty hard, to be honest. It's still hitting me hard, actually. I've known from the start that B'shir wouldn't choose to stay in Ghenza, that High Reaches Weyr is his home, with all his family and history, but I guess I thought I'd have a longer time with him. I'm embarrassed by it now, but at the time I didn't think it was an inappropriate action to burst into tears, which is what I did, I'm afraid. B'shir was really great, he just hugged me and let me cry myself out. I think it's one of the only times he's ever initiated physical contact between us - and believe me, I remember all the other times clearly, so I'm not exaggerating.
After I'd calmed down B'shir promised he'd keep in touch if I wanted to. He has a firelizard, apparently, that I've never met named Shibra. She was a gift from a friend of his, and approximately the same age as Sakneth. Anyway, he offered to use her to carry messages back and forth between us, which was really great of him. I didn't think firelizards could actually be useful like that. I told him that was really great, but it wouldn't be the same. I'm not sure what I was hoping he'd say, since I know he can't very well be coming to visit me, though it'd be easier for him with Sakneth than it would be for most people.
Well, I guess B'shir seeming so calm about it, even eager to leave Ghenza, sort of made me panic a little and I kind of threw myself at him. I mean, really threw myself at him, like with the arms flung around his neck and everything. First, let me say that he may not look hugely tall, but he's tall enough that I pretty much had to be pressed right along him to manage the arms around his neck. I don't really know how I managed not to kiss him, since in that moment I desperately wanted to, but I didn't, and I guess that's a good thing since he's leaving. I'd hate myself if I ended up being one of those girls who manipulates men like that.
In any event, I definitely surprised him and I don't think he knew how to react at all. I mean, I could feel his hands on my waist, but I'm pretty sure he was only trying to make sure I didn't overbalance or something. I guess I should be glad of that, since I was balanced pretty precariously on the tips of my toes. At least I didn't start crying again. I might've, you know. Most guys in his position would have gotten the idea that they were supposed to kiss me, and I think he had some idea of that, going by how he suddenly blushed and got stiff - not like that! - but he didn't do anything.
Instead - oh, Faranth it was awful - he stepped back, away from me, and said, "Don't worry. We're friends. I won't just vanish from your life completely." Did he have to say it like that? I have no idea how to interpret that. He wants to be in my life, which is good, but all he's offering is to write letters, and that's not enough for me. And yet maybe it is a good thing he's going, because I think I've fallen in love with him, and if he leaves I can try to forget that and be a good girlfriend to Kender.
He didn't stay long after that. He said something about needing to do some serious damage to his dragon. I'm not really sure what he meant by that, but I get the feeling that Sakneth had been talking to him at the same time I was. I shudder to think what that hateful bronze had to say about me and what I was doing. No doubt he told B'shir I was trying to seduce him or something. Maybe I was a little, but I bet Sakneth put a really awful spin on it. I still don't quite understand why he hates me so much. B'shir says it's because I'm from Ghenza and I'm someone he, B'shir, likes, which is counter to Sakneth's desires, which is reason enough for Sakneth, but that can't be it.
Either way, I bet by tomorrow Sakneth will have made me out to be a manipulative b***h. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. That wasn't how I wanted things to end between B'shir and me. Promises that he would come visit me once in a while, even if it was a very long while, yes. Maybe a sweet kiss goodbye where I can tell that behind his impassive face he was really in love with me all along and just unable to express it, like in a story.
This is real life, though, and not a story. In real life, bronzes fly golds and bronzeriders don't fall in love with farmers. I should do like Kender says, and be happy with who and where I am, and what I have. I'm seventeen, and plenty old enough to see things the way they really are.
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Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 11:00 am
Faranth, today has been such a wretched, horrible day. I can't believe how far wrong things have gone, and I know it's all my fault. It all started...Oh, I don't even know when it started really. Did it start this morning when Kender and I broke up, or did it this afternoon when Kender confronted B'shir about it? I think it probably started earlier, and I should have seen it coming. Kender did. I'm not really making any sense, am I?
Remember what I wrote last night about B'shir? About how I think I may be in love with him? It's still just as true now as it was then. More so, maybe. This morning I woke up feeling so guilty about last night that I went directly over to Kender's so I could see him before he went to work. I thought just seeing him, reminding myself of how good he is and how much I like him, would snap me out of it. And if not that, then surely his kisses and...other things.
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Princess_Feylin Vice Captain
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Princess_Feylin Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:40 pm
I can't stay here in Ghenza I've decided. I know I was just saying a few days ago that I need to grow up and learn to be happy with what I have and where I am, but that was before everything with Kender. I really, really can't stand to be here right now. With an eye to the future, I don't really think I have much of a future here at this point. I mean, I can be a farmer like my father, and until B'shir and the others from High Reaches came I would have been content with that, but now I really can't be. I just want to get away from it all.
I know just what I'll do, too. It's deceitful and pushy and, really, nothing like me, but I think it might work. I mean to ask B'shir to take me back to his Weyr with him. Not in any sort of romantic capacity - I couldn't force myself on him like that, since I'm still not sure how he feels about me. Even after everything that happened yesterday it's not clear, really. I haven't had a chance to talk to him about anything. I was too embarrassed.
I can go apologize to him, though, and ask if I can come back to High Reaches with him. He'll understand, I'm sure, about wanting to get away from this horrible mess. I'm sure he'll be glad to be free of it, too, though I hope he won't hold it against me. It's my fault, but...oh, I hope he doesn't hold it against me, and that he'll understand. I'll make it quite clear I don't expect anything of him, and I just want a ride. Or maybe I should ask one of the other riders. I don't really know them, but I could ask. Maybe he's spoken of me to them?
Oh, I shouldn't have started to write. It's just made me question everything and worry. It'll be all right. It has to be. I'll find a way to get to High Reaches and everything will work out. I'm just going to keep telling myself that, because it's a pleasant fantasy, and better than thinking about the alternative. I can't believe I'm doing this. I hope my parents understand. I can't tell them because they'd forbid it of course, but just the same, I wish I could tell them so they don't worry. Maybe once I'm there I'll send them a message. That would be all right, wouldn't it?
Faranth, I hope I'm not making the worst mistake of my life. I'm not. I know I'm not. I just need to slow down and sit and think about this rationally. Hastiness is not what's needed right now, and if I show up and ask B'shir to take me looking and acting like this, there's no way he'll agree. He'll think I'm absolutely crazy. Come to think of it, he might think I'm crazy even if I talk to him about it rationally. Perhaps I would be better off planning something out.
Or maybe I should just ask someone else. There's that quiet boy who Impressed the shy bronze. I think I remember hearing that he would be returning to High Reaches Weyr. Perhaps I'll ask him if he'd mind riding back with B'shir and letting me take his place with whatever other rider he'd be going back with. That way B'shir wouldn't even have to know I was going with them. It's a little sneaky and underhanded, but I think it's a better idea overall. What was that boy's name? P'nat?
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