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I feel like I start a lot of threads off with "So..."

Today has been a horrible day.
And I need to vent or something. You don't need to read it.

So I was up pretty much all night again last night, after I had already done it the night before that. I tried to go to sleep early... TRIED. But instead I started crying out of no where, got on the computer to try and calm down.

It helped, I was going to try sleeping again but, I spilt my juice I completely forgot about, ruined some of my drawings, my sketchbook, and who knows what else. Cried more. Took a shower, cried more.

I eventually got to sleep maybe around 6 am? woke up in the afternoon but didn't want to get up cuz my dad was home. My dad asked me if it was normal for my tablet to disconnect at all, I said no and thought nothing of what he said.

Eventually I dragged myself out of bed and I went to play Zelda. My mom came home and she went to use her computer. She said her keyboard wasn't working.

He started talking about spilling beer on the desk, and I said, "Is that why you asked me earlier about my tablet?"
and then he started to explaining how the light wasn't on and was thinking maybe it was just normal.

But anyway, I'm pretty sure I've never cried in front of my dad, at least, not since I was a little kid. And I haven't cried in front of my mom since Kriss died.
She went over to me and hugged me and kept saying to my dad "You made her cry" and then kept asking me what was wrong, besides the tablet. Cuz, seriously, who would cry about a broken thing?
I didn't tell her though, I don't even know what's wrong myself.

So my dad kept laughing and saying "Whaaat? I'll buy you a new one" "I'll buy you a better one" blahblahblah. And of course as he's saying that I only feel worse cuz that means he's going to whip out his credit card, which my mom hates when he uses. Eventually I just continued playing Zelda and my mom left me alone.

Later on my mom asked me what more was bothering me, so I just mentioned the spill on my art. I didn't want to tell her about the other few times I cried and all that.. so she looked at my sketchbook and stuff and helped me clean up the mess. My dad bought me a medium sized Intuos4 tablet that will be in the mail in a couple of days.

In the end I just feel like a burden.

Nah
She can't help. I just need, as you said, some routine in my life.
But first I need to fix my schedule and everything, but in order to do that I need to... not think about Kriss or Minnie. and that's harder than I thought it would be.

Sometimes you just have days like that.
It's good to have a cry day every now and then. It's normal.

That's how I feel about it.
Although, crying senselessly makes me feel more helpless most of the time.
But you gotta get the emotions out somehow.

It's taken me awhile, but I recognize helpless as one of my less desirable character traits. Coping with that by trying to balance it out with other things though.

Yes. Waking up earlier will make it easier to fall asleep easier.

It's understandable, dwelling on those feelings, trying to see it from their perspective. What were they going through? And why couldn't they talk about it? Those are probably the questions I know I dwell on.

Even when I read about someone I didn't know at all in the obituaries, that always reinforces my belief to be open to talk to anyone about how they're feeling whenever wherever. And I always wonder what made them feel so alone...

Anyway.

I think that it's understandable. I also think that it will take time, sometimes indefinite amounts of it, to be able to better deal with this kind of loss, and better deal with how much you didn't understand about a decision or etc.
And everyone learns coping a different way.

Maybe you need to explore some coping outlets, as well?

I'm bi-polar so I'm used to crying and not knowing why.
It would even happen at work. Talk about embarrassing.