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 Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 4:35 pm
I've gotten pretty damn far with this character, and I'm LOVING him <3
The psycho necromancer theme is complete and total love to me, so I really wanna make him work. I'll take whatever critique you have to offer, if only to make his eventual arrival into this awesome shop all the easier x'3;; <3
Any are open to critique <3
Other Quests ::
[ x ] Sailor Hecate / Kailey Koreco
[ x ] Cavalier Mortalitas / Caven Chevalier
[ x ] School Kid Only
[ x ] Guardian Cat
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 5:53 pm
DISCLAIMER :: HE'S A NARCISSIST WHO CAN ACT LIKE A PRINCE CHARMING WHEN HE WANTS s**t. AND HE LIKES ART/SWORDS. HE CARES NOT FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT HIS SISTER AND IS NOT OPPOSED TO BEING CALLED A SADIST AND OR PSYCHO. HE RATHER LIKES THE COLOR OF BLOOD IN FACT. YE HAVE BEEN WARNED :<;;;
Name :: Kei Koreco
.....Formal ~ Keioshi Daemien Koreco - Personal use only, has no standing on the shop/cert
Nicknames :: Technically, Kei, though he's long since gotten used to using it as his usual identification instead of the longer, much more formal name.
Age :: 16
Birthday :: April 24th
Sign :: Taurus
Blood Type :: AB
Fav. Food :: Sweets, candies.
Hated Food :: Any seafood.
School :: Medowview
Hobbies ::
Art ~ Painting, drawing, charcoal - he's a lover of the fine arts, especially traditional mediums. He has various computer programs to utilize in the high school, but he often remarks traditional is more relaxing than modern methods. Helps that he started with a box of crayons and one of his mom's charcoal pencils way back when. Smudging for shading and details is so much fun.
Jewel-crafting ~ Another form of art, he loves making various accessories - especially jewelry for he and his sister to wear. Except for their necklaces, Kei is the one responsible for all the random bits of precious metals and gems on their bodies. It was a hobby he started when he was young, back before the days of foster care when he and his sister remained quite comfortably in the care and love of their parents. Sure it was mainly beads back then, but their father was more than willing to cut strips of metals, solder what needed to be melded together, and other potentially unsafe tasks for the little boy - so long as Kei did all the filing, cleaning, polishing, etc. As he grew, his dad allowed him to cut his own materials, solder (with adult supervision, of course) and quickly learned the little tricks of his beginning trade.
After the death of his parents, Kei had to put his metal and gem workings on hold, no longer having his mother and father to pay for new supplies. Instead, he turned to saving up whatever change he could find, lunch money should someone give him some for once, allowance even if such a miracle occurred, to buy cheap metals and gems to continue his hobby. Beads were used now and then still, bracelets of various patterns and sizes being cheap to make and easy to sell to any small craft fairs in the towns and cities they might live in at the time to then buy better quality silver strips and actual stones for anything he might make for his sister or himself. It was always a slow going, but he was more than fine with hiding away the work he did from the greedy people around him, be it under floorboards or at schools - anything to hide his hard earned cash and precious works. Now days though, the twins' new foster mother, "Aunt Jana," is more than supportive of his arts, and when she can afford it, buys him small materials.
Gemstone :: Diamond
Virtues ::
Devil's in the Details ~ -Or something like that XP;;;
~
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Work 'Em to the Bone ~ For all his plots and planning, Kei really is a hard worker. Give him an assignment of any variety and he'll be damned if he doesn't put his all and more into it, if only to try and come out the closest to top dog he can to gain more favor out of it all. His pride is clearly evident here, or at least in how he prides himself in a well done job. The biggest example would be the mediocre paying job at The Shufflepuck Cafe - he knows he needs the money, and doing well there would look much better on an application for a better paying job than slacking off.
Flaws ::
Self-serving ~ Whatever Kei dies, he does for Kei and Kei alone. His only exception to date is his sister, but even that is double-edged. So he'll be polite as can be, a dream guy, the perfect boy to take home to mom and dad and show off at a fancy party. Inside? He's mocking you like no tomorrow. Your hair that he just said looked way better than that of the actress' you knocked off? Yeah. Really, he thinks it looks like s**t and smells freaking weird due to all the spray. "Did the ozone layer just get thinner above us?" will most likely be one of his nasty little thoughts, though from his mouth you'll hear nothing but praises and demand he be the one to give a very generous tip to the hairdresser. So why would he go to all that trouble? Your dad being good friends with the manager of a rather exclusive retail establishment might have something to do with it. Better job opportunity, here comes Kei~
If he finds a value in someone, he will make sure he is able to smoothly integrate himself into their life, become good friends, do favors whenever asked, offer up anything he can to help any possible situation - all so he can ensure he gets whatever it is he classed as valuable from the other. Be it money, a job, better connections, potentially useful allies, trinkets for his sister - you name it, if he wants it, Kei will do whatever it takes to get it.
Cynical ~ The world is complete. And total. Worthless. Useless. Pathetic. s**t. And there ain't nothing that's ever gonna change his mind about this. Save sister. She's in his world, and therefore classed as "god" along with him. But that's besides the point here.
Foster families are nothing more than money hungry pigs who treat the kids like cash cows. Teachers are egoistical bastards and bitches (hi pot? it's kettle) who will only accept their views of the world an no other. Police officers are corrupt, enforcing the laws to help themselves and nobody else. Politicians? Don't even get him started. Other kids? They just grow up to be as disgusting as their pathetic parents.
To him, the people of this planet are only good to help him make his and his twin's lives all the better. Anyone who doesn't fit this qualification is dispensable in the name of the greater good. As of yet, this does not mean murdering them, but he makes it quite clear to the person when they have been "cut" from his life.
Two-Faced ~ He's a narcissist. He's a sadist. He's a psycho. He's Prince Charming on the surface only, a protective guardian to his sister only. Kei has long since lost his faith in the world around him, and because of this, he feels no grief if someone near him gets hurt - hell, inwardly, he might probably be smiling and laughing. Not that you'd ever see that on his face, oh no. Never! No. On the outside, he must be the most pleasant young man he can be, win the hearts of as many people as he can. Prove you're stronger than him? Oh, he'll be nice to ya for sure. Will he mean it? He will never like you, but he can appreciate your strength and what you bring to the table. And that's really about it. Will he feel an attachment to you? Nope. Will he stop himself from attacking you if he realizes doing so will gain him more power? My friend, once he realizes his strength is greater than yours and the benefits of killing you outweigh the cons, you might as well kiss your a** good-bye.
And I can promise you. He will enjoy every bloody second of it 100%. "Blood... Kae's bangs are blood red.... mmmm.... blood red ~<3"
Delusional ~ At first glance, you really wouldn't think he's such a messed up guy. Sure he's gone through a lot of s**t in his short life - dead parents, effed up foster families, one let down and betrayal right after another... even if someone was aware of his personal agenda when dealing with others, they would have to dig just a tiny bit deeper to see just how far down this twisted rabbit hole goes.
Understandably, Kei is very close with his twin. But there is such a thing as too close. See that last line in the fault above? Yeah. Notice the weird connection he makes? Consider that exhibit A. To him, the world is split up into two sections: Himself and his sister. Everything else
This can be considered kind of sweet, in a "big brother protecting his sister against the world" sort of way.... if Kei didn't take everything just a tad too far.
You see, he shares a very strong bond with his sister. It's that psychic twin thing, y'know? If she's hurt, so is he! If he is hurt, so is she. He loves her so, so much. He'd throw everything away to protect her, to keep that bond between them strong and thriving and... and... and -
Yeah. It's all in his head.
If she feels pain, he feels pain - not physically like the supposed twin connection goes, but to visualize her in pain, physical or mental, he has long since made himself believe he will also feel that pain, to the point that he can now make himself physically ill due to all the "pain" he feels if she's been injured a great deal and he sees her (and registers that it's his sister). As such, his loving, protective nature is, although genuine, very much a personal guard to protect himself from harm. This began when they were very young, back before either sibling understood their was a difference in genders. They looked exactly alike, save eye and hair color, and other physical traits - but they didn't matter to the twins. They saw their other half when they looked at one another, but Kei... he took it a step further from the beginning. If she was hurt, he should be too then, right? They're two half of a whole after all - that is what the old stories say about twins, after all! But Kailey didn't feel his pain - oh, she's just stronger than he is, and doesn't show it. That's all. He didn't question this logic, accepting it without pausing to consider the link might be all in his head. And why would anyone else, what with that stereotype about twins out there? Only Kae frowned upon it, always shaking her head and saying he was silly. Again - oh, she's just trying to protect him from the truth. That's all.
Now that they're older, he still holds this warped idea that their bond enables them to share pain and various other emotions. If she hates someone, so must he - if he hates someone, surely she does as well. He know she loves her combat, and for a time, he supported it. There was just something about watching his beloved sister kick some poor cocky b*****d's a** that just... made him so happy! Oh to see her fists splattered their blood...~ Of course... to see her come home, broken and bruised... does not make for a so happy Kei any more. It doesn't matter what he might want - if someone hurts her, he'll throw all his goals aside to help her, protect her, kill the one who injured her... you get the idea.
A very particular twist can be noted though in this. Should Kei believe what Kae is doing will lead to her death, even if he must hurt her, he will do it to "protect" her. Or at least, what he believes is protecting. He hasn't done it yet, but Kei's delusions about what extents he must go to to protect her very much includes tying her up in a room somewhere, locked away and basically being his hostage. It's only for her safety though! And then she'll come out of her silly thoughts and realize what he's doing is the right thing! And she'll be back at his side, and the world will be a happy place again.
...did I mention he likes the sight of blood? Hasn't done it... but he has no issues with cold blooded murder. It's just what he has to do to ensure her -and his- protection is all.
Physical Description ::
Hair ~ Pitch black and straight with a faint curl at the ends - save, that is, for his bangs, which are instead a cyan due to him first bleaching them then dying them the bright blue. The colored hair possesses more of a wave to it than the rest of his hair, though it's not clear if this is natural or if he does it himself - the style of his bangs are the reverse of his sister's (strip on our right, large part on our left). Once upon a time he kept his hair as long as his sister's, but has since opted to cut it to his shoulders, alternating between keeping it down or putting it up in a tight pony.
Eyes ~ Bright red. Almost seems to glow in certain lights.
Face ~ Heart-shaped, I would think. Wider forehead, pointed chin - a stronger jawline than his sister, but not by much. Eyes have a slight angle to them due to Asian heritage, but not excessive due to European and Middle Eastern genetic markers as well.
Body ~ Five-foot-eleven, he towers over his twin, with his athletic frame holding more muscle mass than hers as well. While she is slim and flexible, he is toned and strong. Not to say he's a muscle head, but rather it's very clear he's got a lot of definition... Flaunts the same naturally tan skin as his sister.
Fashion ~ Casual, but Kei isn't a fan of baggy clothing. His jeans tend to be tighter than most guys', his shirts formfitting more often than not. He will, however, take on a lot of belts, straps, and chains; something attributed to his sister's "rave" style, twisting casual with punk. Combat boots are common, and so is a lot of gold jewelry. Rings, earrings, necklaces - he's just as bad as his sister! Two gold hoops at the tops of his ears, a simple pair of sapphire and amethyst studs below them, and at last a diamond stud at the bottom. On his left ear however, the diamond stud has a small gold chain connecting to a blue heart - the missing partner to his sister's earring. Like with the earring, he also mirrors her in having a necklace he is never seen without. A long gold chain wraps around his neck various times, an onyx tear-drop hanging from it as a pendant.
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Posted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 6:00 pm
Negaverse :: Lt. Coffinite
Challenge :: Note: cert is in bold.
"Do you feel it? That chill? That thrill? I can't wait... I can't wait to see it. Oh to see your blood splatter on the tombstone... The beauty's in the silence of the dead~"
Uniform ::
Main ~ Gray
Secondary ~ Black
Other colors are fine as long as they're minor accents only.
OH GOD HE'S A GOTH~ Chains. Zippers. Belts. Skulls. Crosses. You name it, he's got it. Bones and such ftw yo~
Concept art
Top ~ Vest, skull (clasps? buttons?) and silver chains connecting them in the front. No sleeves, but (straps?) connect to cuffs by more skulls on the cuffs, and studs of some variety on the vest. Cuffs maybe have half a zipper on the bottom of them, as if they were part of long sleeves that can unzip to form the cuffs alone.
Bottoms ~ Pants, nice amount of wrinkles but still rather tight fitting. Multiple belts and straps wound around them.
Gloves ~ Maybe? Debating on style and pattern, perhaps with skull and cross bones on them? Or not? I donno xwx;;;
Belt ~ I think just two, one crossing from his left hip down to his right thigh, a larger one going over it horizontally. The horizontal one has a belt buckle... but I'm not sure what it has on it yet >>;;
Shoes ~ BOOTS. Big things, laced up with straps over the top, and cuffs of some variety over the ankles - is there a design on them? Don't ask me.
Shoulders ~ epaulettes?
Accessories ~ His earrings of some type to reflect those he wears as a civilian, along with charms hanging from the last chains on his vest. I'm debating if I want him to have a top hat or not x'D He also wears a choker with chains keeping his lock pendant suspended. The lock has no keyhole in it, unlike how it usually does while he's a civilian.
Element ~ Necromancy (undead/illusions)
Alright, so after this... I've got two possibilities for his attacks/weapons. I NEED INPUT. I WANT to keep the Necromancer feel to him, but instead of the heavily magical Option 2, I've now come up with a much more weapon based Option 1. OPINIONS AND DEVELOPMENT NEEDED. 8|;;;;
Option 1:
Weapon ~ Dark Fairy Tales book -> Gothic, bone dagger -> Necromancer's dagger.
Attacks ~
First stage, he hits people with his book. Or bores them to death with one of the meh stories. Or freaks them out with one of the homfgscary!ones.
A dagger. It stabs people. More dangerous than a book, but not necessarily deadly. Doesn't mean he won't try to make it so though.
A nicely powered up dagger. Current, WIP concept is that each time he slashes someone (as in, makes actual, physical contact with blade against victim), he either collects some of their energy or whatever amount of blood that would have been drawn by his blade cutting them normally. Down the center of the dagger is a thin line, and (magically) each time he collects energy or blood, once the "meter" is filled, he stabs the now energy/blood filled dagger into the ground, and from it can summon a single random zombie to fight with him. It's pretty weak - a regular Senshi shouldn't have too much of a trouble beating it, it would just be another potential target to help Coffinite distract his target so he can try to finish them off.
No NPCs, no characters killed in shop, or anything like that shall be raised. It's a random dead person. And no, there is no infectious virus that will bring Leon to save you and the city.
Option 2, the original concept:
Weapon ~ Dark Fairy Tales book -> Gothic sketchbook -> Necronomicon
Attacks ~
First stage, he hits people with his book. Or bores them to death with one of the meh stories. Or freaks them out with one of the homfgscary!ones.
Second stage, he starts going into some of his necro powers. Sketching skellies and zombies, he creates illusions of raising the dead that he draws in the book. Rather time consuming, due to needing to draw the image right there and then for the attack the work. The illusions can't hurt anyone... but they sure can freak people out and distract people. Once someone realizes they're illusions - attacks go through them, they walk through objects, etc. - he's pretty open to harm.
Third stage, he can actually summon the dead. The dead he summons are weak as hell, and any smart civilian can even take out a few zombies without too much difficulty. The problem lies in how many he can summon at a time, however he can't summon another batch until the first one is whipped out. The exact number he can summon... I'm not sure of at the moment x'D;; - there WILL be a limit, I just need to figure out what it will be.
All of this needs to be condenced, I realize, but for now it's going to be spaced out as I figure out what's good, what's not... and how much in depth info people actually want on this.
He does have some definite limits though to this - unless given specific staff approval, he cannot summon characters from the shop. This includes:
BP students that have been killed
Any Senshi or Negaverse that have been killed in the shop.
Shop NPCs that are/might be considered dead due to info given in any plots. So yeah, no raising people from past lives/the Silver Millennium.
If the staff says he can raise someone that falls under one of these categorizes for a specific plot, then that's that for that one instance. He can't just run around though normally bringing back zomfg super powers from the past. His reanimation powers deal only with the "recently" dead of non-shop-NPC variety. So maybe he can raise some mindless corpses that look like they're vikings, or regular sea-sailors if he's by the ocean or something. Stick him in the city's main cemetery and he'll be in necromancer heaven.
So what does he do if he's not near a cemetery or area of mass potential graves? That would need to be discussed before starting an Rp with him when he's at this stage: Should the battle slowly move to where he could raise some dudes to fight? Maybe he just happens to be in an area with Native American styled unmarked graves? All of this would need to be figured out before the Rp begins.
Now while there will be a limit for how many he can summon at once (dice roll? Definite set number for each time? Still being worked on), in order for him to summon more, all from the first batch must first be destroyed. Say he summoned ten. If nine are destroyed and one is attacking a squirrel rather than the Senshi, he CANNOT summon another batch until that last one is dead... again. I'm thinking he can only summon two batches per battle - MAYBE three if he can summon only a few in a batch.
Now for zombie info~
They're pretty mindless. The only thing they know is to attack those that aren't Coffinite. Why don't they attack him? The magic he used to summon them gives off a little aura signature that registers in their mush-brains that he's not num-nums. This means they very well might attack other Negas if said Negas aren't careful. Civilians, Senshi, cats - anything except their master is open to being attacked.
They're weak. Give a civilian a gun or a baseball bat and they can take out the zombies pretty easily. Think of it like the kinds you see in Resident Evil... just... minus the crazy virus and super human strength. The corpses are only as strong as their living selves were - if he raises a body builder (something that would be first okayed with other Rpers if this was to happen for whatever random reason) then yeah, that single zombie might pose a problem for someone if they're not careful. But these bodies are also decaying, so even the super-strong-when-living will have a definite decreased strength in their dead forms. They shuffle around, aren't faster than a normal human, so they can be outrun if someone is on the more in shape side.
Their bite isn't like super fatal - no virus, no fangs of doom. Hell, most of them probably more gum their opponents rather than actually bite.
Why are they a problem? They mob people. Once one has a lock on a target, it lets out a creepy, classic moan/call that summons the rest of its raised buddies to focus on one target and go at it. Now, if that one target manages to elude them, the zombies can change targets to something else that's closer/easier to get to. Say a Senshi ran past a civilian while trying to get away from the zombies - the zombies would switch focus to the civilian due to the civilian being closer to them than the Senshi. That being said - they are more likely to attack large groups of people rather than a single entity if they have a "choice." Perhaps they smell more blood? Register a larger heat signature? Something tells them there's more to nom on where the group is versus the loner, so they'll go to where they get more "food."
I'm still working out the kinks in his final attack, so if something seems weird, please say so! I love the necromancer concept for him, so I really wanna make it work >w<
Notes ::
Coffinite named after geologist Reuben Clare Coffin. The mineral is radioactive at 0.02gm.
The Necronomicon is a fictional book created by H. P. Lovecraft. While there's nothing to suggest it could be used to summon the dead, I will be stealing the name for Coffinite's eventual weapon.
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 9:23 pm
Figured I could use this post for more than just plots <3O P ! N ! O N SOf the... Negaverse ~
Their leader is strong. Their members are... pretty strong? He's pretty neutral when it comes to other Negas. Towards Charonite he would surely show the utmost respect, bowing and keeping up majority of his Prince Charming persona while around him. No need to risk pissing off the boss with his nasty personality - Coffinite might be a b*****d, but he's no ******** idiot. He can tell damn well Charonite could kick his a**.
And Beryl? ********. Roll out the ultimate charm and red carpets. He won't invoke the wrath of the entire Negaverse if he can help it. He'd already be relatively polite to Nealite, due to her... being more powerful than him, and all that jazz. The corrupted senshi? He'd be curious about them, but I'm unsure if he would consider them something he'd go out of his way for to be nice.
As for everyone else... might see more of a cold, jackass of a guy, but it's not in his drilled-into-him-nature to completely let down his fake and kind persona. As he grows in ranks though... underlings are going to need to watch themselves if Coffinite hears about their failures.
Of the... Senshi ~
Frilly little boys and girls that are nothing more than annoying pains in his a**. -to be finished- Plot ideas~ C ! V ! L ! A N Very limited time here. Main events are as follows:
Kailey (most likely not yet acquired, so NPC only) got into more fights. The injuries she sustains, though she swears are nothing compared to what she gave them, are getting worse. He knows he can't stop her from fighting... but why won't she let him fight for her?
Meetings with others who would support his dark views of the world by being assholes, jerks, greedy, etc... it would be awesome, more fuel to the growing fire of how he wants to make them pay for what (according to him) they did to him and his sister.
O HAI NEGA DUDE~! Yeah. One thing leads to another, and Kei decides he wants power. And lots of it. Hello Coffinite~ >3 N 3 G A V 3 R S 3 Due to not knowing when Hecate will be coming along, along with other players in this plot, I'm going to wait to split things up for this <3
First fight against a Senshi. Win or lose, he'll set it in his mind that their only value is their starseeds. Which he must take. Easy lesson there.
Friends and foes in the Negaranks, I honestly think it'd be interesting to see how others respond to him. As of yet, he's yet to consider his new position puts his sister at great risk.
Eventually, he IS going to register that Kae has a starseed. Starseeds must be taken. Oh s**t. Enter a lot of separation from his twin and anxieties here for him.
When Kae becomes Hecate, I intend it to be when she and Lilith are out having a picnic, or shopping, or whatever - or Kae's friend, if following her plot in her thread. Yeah. Coffinite's gonna be attacking the area, not realizing sis is near. Enter Sailor Metis, and when Kae tries to enter the fight due to thinking Lilith and friend are hurt, she gets... thrown aside, and Coffinite doesn't realize the new senshi to join the battle moments later is totally his twin sister who totally proceeds to kick his a**.
Even if he is a higher rank, something would happen that would cause Coffinite to lose to Hecate. It's kind of needed to form a huge hatred for her since it's via a simple barrier and, most importantly, taekwando that reminds him of his sister and insanely pisses him off 8'D;;
WAY WAY WAY WAY WAAAAAAAAY down the road, Coffinite will learn, due to others in the Negaverse (characters owned by Paynes Gray should all work out, and this all dealing with a VERY big plot we're working on, should all be okayed by the staff when we start getting towards that point) that Hecate = Kailey. By then, he's so driven to defeat Hecate to protect his sister (since more power he's got = more he can protect her, not to mention a definite twisted rivalry sense going on), that he finally decides to face her with the idea that, once he defeats his sister in battle, he could surely corrupt her to stand by his side serving Beryl. Enter a huge battle between the Necromancer and the guardian of Gateways~ As for what will happen, who'd be involved... that is beyond up in the air at this point.
That's just something I really eventually wanna do, though gods know it's gonna be ages before they get to this point @.@;;;
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Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:01 pm
I love the theme of the necromancer, it is always a very cool look and I think you've given it some solid thought.
My only real bone to pick (pun not intended) is his weaknesses. Sure his sister is a logical weakness, but I think he needs something else... something more personal. If his sister is not in the picture, then what is his Achilles heel? Self serving and cynical are not traits that he actually displays outwardly because he is so well camoflagued, so really, if his sister isn't standing right next to him yelling for help, what is his weak point?
I dunno, just my thought, that I think he needs one. Others might disagree.
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Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 4:38 pm
I really love the necromancer theme, haha, so here's hoping all works out well for him x'D <3
Hm... I'll keep that in mind =o
I'd like just a lil' more feedback on that before I change anything, since I'd like to keep his sister as his main weak point. But if more feel it's not enough, I'll look into adding another =o
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 6:07 am
I don't see anything bad, and this is a great quest-and since some people always get their sibling customs at the same time and stuff, I like how hoy have it so Coffinite comes first!
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 7:15 am
Okay, most of my complaints here are along the same lines as his sister. He is seriously overpowered in terms of how old he is verses his personality and powers. So, here we go. His Name. Keioshi itself isn't a real name - I looked it up, it's not on any of the etymology sites. If you have something defend this with, go ahead, but the closest I could find is Kiyoshi. His sister has the same sort of problem going on, but hers isn't so explicitly screwed up Japanese, whereas his is. Because of shop rules, unless you custom him, I don't think his name is going to fly. I don't know if he and his sister were named with the intention of sounding like nobility or not, but right now the pretentious spelling of Daemien is making me think more trailer trash parents trying to make their child "unique" than actual noble or even middle class birth. But in terms of this being a character you've had a very long time, I don't know how willing you are to change the spelling of his name or not... just thought I might point it out. the 'ae' feels extraneous.
His hobbies are much less over the top than his sister's in terms of "does a sixteen year old have time for this," but the "art" one made me raise an eyebrow in terms of skill and in terms of computer programs. I was under the impression that these were kids who've been in and out of foster programs with very few personal possessions. Furthermore, Photoshop is expensive and working in digital mediums is totally different from traditional mediums. Maybe just pick one and stick to it, like he likes drawing and sketching, period? I'd also like to know if he has any formal training in Kumdo and how he picked it up - just waving a stick around in made up formations just not translate to an actual martial art.
In terms of flaws and virtues, while the disclaimer at the top was helpful, it would really work better if you found a way to list it as a flaw. Try "Two-faced" on for size and try to convey what you said at the top, in the flaws section. 'mmkay? Otherwise, not a whole lot to say here... he's your character and you've had him a really long time, so he's pretty solid.
I really like that the twin connection is all in his head and doesn't really exist. Thank you thank you thank you for not giving them an actual psychic bond because it is one less thing for me to b***h about. HOWEVER (there is always a however clause), they are in very dangerous territory in terms of being Half-Identical Twins, minus the hair and eye color (more on that in a minute). As an actual twin in real life, I would like to let you know, sincerely, from all of us fraternal twins at there, that twinning Does Not Work Like This. Fraternal twins can look very similar - but the part where they are "mirror image twins" is making me go eh??? I think this is probably an issue left over from their original context where it was more significant than it is here. However, transposed into a universe where they are normal human beings, it reeks of OMG SPECIAL and might even cross the line into the kingdom of Sue. (Disclaimer: Mirror-Image Twinning is a real phenomenon, but it only occurs in identical twins and it doesn't work quite how you're invoking it. More info here.
In terms of appearance, even though this is Destiny City and Anything Goes in terms of hair and eye color, I feel like the fact that these two are related makes things a bit trickier. If their eyes are naturally different colors, that I can swallow, but the moment their eyes and hair become natural inverses of each other is the moment it becomes a little bit too "special twins with special features wonder twin powers activate!" I think the biggest problem is that they seem like they should have more things special about them than they actually do. Rather than taking them up to that level, which is, by all accounts, a bad idea, try taking them down from this level. At the moment they are hanging out in the realm of "too much coincidence between fraternal twins." However, if Kei is actively pretending that they have a psychic twin bond (again, I love that it's all in his head!), maybe make more of the similarities the result of deliberate action. Instead of naturally being mirror images in terms of hair and eyes, maybe only the eyes are naturally different colors and they dye and style their hair for effect? A lot of the ridiculously special aspects of a character's appearance can be made less ridiculous if those things only exist through special, deliberate action of the character.
I don't critique on uniform design - that's a matter of personal taste and Natsu/Shaz's artistic liberty.
Right now your final weapon strikes me as either too much on the magical side or, barring that, too overpowered. I like the idea of whacking people with a huge book a lot, especially since first stage Nega weapons are supposed to be sort of lame, but the necromicon final is a bit too strong right now. Put a cap on how many zombie-things he can summon per battle, how strong said zombie-things are, and how much control he has over them, and check with Rosemilk on whether or not he's allowed to actually do any of that.
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 11:29 am
I find rather love your crits, for the 99.99999~% most part anyways x 3x~
Makes me stop and think about original version vs. this one, so yay.
His full name is totally made up, not gonna lie XD;;
His original name is Kei, but to make it more formal to go along with Kae's more formal name, I made up "Keioshi." Koreco is actually made up, only recently I found it it's a real name, which at the time... I had no freaking clue about o____O;;;;; Same goes with Kiyoshi - I had no idea that was a name until after I made up "Keioshi," I just threw together what sounded good to me at the time XP;;;;
...although, currently, Kei IS going to be acquired by a RL slot, since me and Paynes are paying for one another to get characters (her Senshi of Wishes, my Coffinite) for Christmas gifts (or delayed Christmas gifts, whatever x'D)
Kaelina and Keioshi, name wise, won't be used on the certs. It's only minor info fact that those names are on the forms, which I delete whenever I enter them in for something. It's their formal names on their certificates, but no one ever uses them in favor of the less formal, easier names.
And that spelling of Daemien came up when I had no clue how to spell it (back before the days of "OH, just jump on the internet and FIND OUT~!"), but over the years has just stuck with Kei @o@;;;;;;
...so yeah, the use of "trailer trash" is rather offensive since I feel that's a cheap shot at me for first making these characters when I was back in the fifth grade when internet/proper research meant nothing to me ._____.;;;;
Another didn't think of the foster care system thing, so I'll be nixing that to just traditional art x'D;;; I'll say he's tried digital in school, but has a much higher preference for traditional <3
He does have formal training in Kumdo, but like his sister, it's via finding new teachers again and again, or just learning at home via books/videos/internet/etc.
Haha... I'll add that in later, thanks x'D;; <3
I know a few twins in real life, thus my no use of an actual psychic bond <3 It just never made sense to me, plus... helps give Kei even more of a psycho edge vs his sister which I love 8'3;;; <3
As for their appearances... I'm aware that twins don't work like that o__O;; I don't remember putting in "mirror image twins," though that could just be from copying his old profile from a completely different setting, in which "mirror image twins" came about due to their reversed coloring - just a title given to them for... well, cult purposes XP;;;; [/ whole other subject entirely that's insanely out of context here ]
Eye color wise, they take after their mom and dad (former had blue, later had reddish-brown that shifted to full red in Kei), and mother had red hair, dad had the black, while his father (twins' grandfather) had blue. Both Kae and Kei got the mosaicism, resulting in the two-toned hair.
However, if all those genetics still sound way out of it for this setting, I do kind of like the idea that he might bleach his bangs (which would then be black, not carrying his sister's mosaicism or red color) and dye them the bright blue. It's a first time for this character to be like that... but I suppose if it works better with this universe, I'll do it xwx;;;
The zombie things are insanely weak 8'D;;; Seriously, one good shot to the head and they're poof x'D;;; Like I said in the description, even a civilian can kill them off easily enough - there's no virus that they carry, and even if they bite you, it really takes them mobbing you to cause real damage (collective weight, strength in numbers, etc.). They can restrain/freak people out/distract, but damage happens only if someone gets themselves mobbed by a large group of them... which I can really only see happening if they're already distracted or injured by other sources... or if they're not paying attention and soloing him up close and personal. Thus the problem being in how many he can summon at a time... which is why I'm not sure how much of a cap to give him.
Yes he needs a cap, especially since he has to wait till every zombie is taken out before he can summon more again - and on that, I need to figure out a cap of summons per battle - but due to their weakness... not sure.
I planned on sending Rose (or would it be the Mule? I'm so unclear on that x.x;; ) a checking PM once I get his final attack more squared away, since yeah... right now it'd be bad x'D;;;
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 1:19 pm
Where does he get the money to do his jewel crafting? That s**t isn't cheap, I know because I've done it a few times.
I don't know if his sister counts as a personality flaw... > _ >;; Delusional might be better, to describe the opinion that he shares a mental connection with her??
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Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 3:07 pm
Quote: Eye color wise, they take after their mom and dad (former had blue, later had reddish-brown that shifted to full red in Kei), and mother had red hair, dad had the black, while his father (twins' grandfather) had blue. Both Kae and Kei got the mosaicism, resulting in the two-toned hair. However, if all those genetics still sound way out of it for this setting, I do kind of like the idea that he might bleach his bangs (which would then be black, not carrying his sister's mosaicism or red color) and dye them the bright blue. It's a first time for this character to be like that... but I suppose if it works better with this universe, I'll do it xwx;;; Any time you invoke twin characters, things get a bit more complicated because there is such an ingrained trope in pop culture that Twins are Special. Like I said earlier, Kailey and Kei give the impression of having ought to have more things about them that are special than they actually do, and it's confusing and it's a weird place to be in. Personally, I think that the genetics of it are a bit weird, even if this is Sailor Mooniverse and Usagi and Mamoru can somehow have a child with pink hair. Mostly because instead of seeing this character as being an individual, it is virtually impossible to consider him without considering his sister as well. In terms of characterization and interesting character choices, if you are open to him dying his hair, I think it would be an interesting choice to make, and would contribute to his sort of maniacal characterization. Because this is an alternate universe and they have no cult significance here, I think you should challenge yourself to see what you can do with these characters when they're freed from the constraints of the roles they fit in their home story. I'm not saying you absolutely have to do it, I'm just suggesting you try it and see where it takes you, because it might be a fun trip to take.
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 8:12 am
I had a random question someone pointed out, that I hadn't even noticed before. Quote: Two gold hoops at the tops of his ears, a simple pair of sapphire and amethyst studs below them, and at last a diamond stud at the bottom If they've spent all this time being bounced around, aside from the fact it would be PSYCHOTICALLY difficult and next to impossible to spend the kind of time to learn some of the things they originally knew in other settings, how would they afford something like the more expensive gems? Sapphires and Diamonds don't tend to come cheap, even the small ones, and if their fosters have been the jackass types you imply, or at least that Kei especially seems to be convinced they are, I don't see them purchasing diamonds for their cash cows. Unless there's some back story here, perhaps a CZ instead? Most casual observers are highly unlikely to know the difference anyway, and you can get a decent pair of CZ's at K-mart even. Otherwise a bit more explanation on how someone who's been bounced around so much and treated as a cash cow could get his hands on such expensive stones, since I imagine if he tried stealing them, there'd be a LOT of fuss, and a good chance of getting caught and not being able to keep them.
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Posted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 10:08 am
The earrings he and his sister wear they've had since before they were in foster care >>;;
They've been in the system since they were six, when their parents died (causes I'm debating about for this setting, originally it's murder but I'm not sure if I wanna keep that for their ItNotM verions -they might even just be in jail rather than dead due to false accusations, IDK YET XP), before that was when Kei started learning how to make jewelry and when they got their main pieces I describe in their profiles.
I never added any of that info in since, honestly, I figured no one would give a s**t and I'd just put all that into a background post in their journals once I got them -shrugs-
As for how he got the resources to make things - for a while, he just stuck to cheap fake gems, cheap metals, anything he could afford after saving lunch money or steal small bits from art classes so he could keep practicing. And take jewelry classes, since I know a few even middle schools around here are starting to teach kids the small, easy, no-risk-of-burning-yourself stuff x'D;;;
Now though, the twins might be living with an "Aunt Jana" - a younger woman with no kids, isn't married, but makes a pretty good foster mom, even if the twins aren't convinced she's honestly doing it because she wants to help them. She'd pay for him to take Kumdo classes, Kae's Taekwando, and is more than fine with supporting his jewelry and other artsy hobbies when she can afford it.
I'm still working out the kinks here and there of their current living conditions and figuring out why it is they're actually gonna STAY in Destiny City rather than be thrown off to another foster x'P;;; Since... yeah, didn't see it as necessary for their profiles since, it doesn't affect their personalities at all or anything else on the forms.
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Posted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 12:56 am
It's still a good idea to spell everything out, like I did in my accepted profile for Vrbaite. If they have a strange/weird hobby like jewelry crafting, you need to be all "yo this is why they do it and this is how they support it" or else it comes across as a throwaway hobby. :O
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Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 11:54 am
Edited the info on his hobbies and his final attack <3
Still working on his flaws, so any critiques on the above is preferred since... yeah, his flaws are still not finished yet after getting that first batch of crits xwx;;; <3
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