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 Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 3:32 pm
I'm writing a story, I still don't know if it's good enough here's a sample of the beggining if u like it post 3nodding if u think it's good but needs changes post confused and if u hate it post. burning_eyes
sample:
"The child ran, trapped in the basement, she breathed heavily. Against a wall yanked up by ghostly hands, as they clutched around her neck. Her eyes rolled back, closing shut. Skin frozen, blood to an end, and when the ghostly man dropped her with a short thump he walked away.
wahmbulance RULES IF U REPLY wahmbulance :
1: NO GODMODING talk2hand
2: NO FREAKING DOWNERS ALRIGHT? talk2hand
3: POST EMOTES IN EVERY POST PLEASE (not required) talk2hand
THANKS TO ANYONE WHO POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 4:52 pm
Hun you are your worst critic. You just have to get past your own insecurities and write as you want to. We can't appreciate it unless it is all you. You have to love it before we can.
However, I do think you should continue. It's good so far. heart
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Undesired Desire Vice Captain
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fallenangel_Asha Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 6:59 pm
It's definately an attention grabber, and that's great! I definately think you should continue it...it sounds like it would be wonderful in my scary story contest.
You definately need some proofing, the sentences don't flow like they probably should. You could fix this very easily by throwing in some more detail/descriptives, moving around some of your words may help as well.
EX: Against a wall yanked up by ghostly hands, as they clutched around her neck.
This sentence could be improved by starting out with the ghostly hands:
The hands of the ghost clutched around her neck, etc...
You have an attention grabber, which is great. Now you just have to continue your story and get your sentences and information flowing as easily as possible!
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