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This is my DAR essay I have to do because Im in AIG. Its supposed to be from a Native Americans point of view and how the TRanscontinental raliroad affected they're way of life.


My name is Magnea. Although at this present time I am very old, I was young when the building of The Transcontinental Railroad took place. To some the Transcontinental Railroad is one of America’s greatest feats. But to others, such as me and my people, it was everything but something to be happy about. For I am an Arapaho Indian. A member of one of the many tribes that’s way of life was taken away from us by the White Mans desire to show they’re power by building a way to transport good and people across the continent. I tell you this story, my story, in hopes that you and others will finally understand what my people had to go through and how our lives were changed, because of the Transcontinental Railroad.
The Transcontinental Railroad had started as nothing more than a dream. A dream that for years had stayed at that, until the day it became reality. The day the government sent a man named Howard Stanbury to survey a route for tracks in the Black Hills and south of Salt Lake City. Following this congress gave $150,000 into finding routes in the other areas where the tracks would be laid.
After all of the routes had been found two companies were hired to build the tracks. They were the Union Pacific Railroad Co., and the Central Pacific Railroad Co. It was at this time that my people’s trouble began. Both of the companies were hiring hunters to kill the buffalo to feed their workers. The buffalo was our main source of not only food, but almost everything else we had as well. It was where our clothes, our tools, and our shelter came from.

Acoording to my teacher DAR stands fir Daughters of the American Revolution. And tomorrow will be fine. I have to get off the compter in a minute anyway. Apparently 4 hours is too much time on the computer. Ya right, my record is like 8 xd

My name is Magnea. Although at this present time I am very old, I was young when the building of The Transcontinental Railroad took place (during the building of the TCR). To some the Transcontinental Railroad is one of America’s greatest feats. But to others, such as me and my people (everyone forgets this rule: my people and I), it was everything but something to be happy about (might be in your best interest to reword. You could simply put: it was anything but great). For I am an Arapaho Indian. (These 2 sentences should probably be combined with a coma. Leading from your last sentence it may sound better: I am an Arapaho Indian, and the ways of my people and so many others was…)A member of one of the many tribes that’s way of life was taken away from us by the White Mans (you need an apostrophe to show ownership of the desire: Man’s) desire to show they’re (they’re = they are, you want their) power by building a way to transport good (goods, needs be plural) and people across the continent. I tell you this story, my story, in hopes that you and others will finally understand what my people had to go (went) through and how our lives were changed, (coma is unnecessary) because of the Transcontinental Railroad.
The Transcontinental Railroad had (had is unnecessary here) started as nothing more than a dream. A dream that for years had stayed at that, until the day it became reality. (This entire sentence tells us nothing – all dreams remain dreams until they become reality. It would be best to delete it.) The day (It would be better to say: One day OR to look up the actual date and use it instead) the government sent a man named Howard Stanbury to survey a route for tracks in the Black Hills and south of Salt Lake City. Following this (Soon after may create better sentence flow) congress gave (appointed/allotted – gave insinuates that they handed it to a company, the work was probably carried out by many different govt men) $150,000 into finding routes in the other areas where the tracks would be laid (the other areas part is cluttering, you could simply say: into finding more routes where track could be lain).
After all of the routes had been found (decided upon is better, there was a lot of debate at times) two companies were hired to build the tracks.(these sentences could be combined with a coma: build the tracks, the UPRC and CPRC. You may also want to type out the word Company since this is a formal essay) They were the Union Pacific Railroad Co., (coma is unnecessary here, only 2 items in your list) and the Central Pacific Railroad Co. It was at this time (during this time would probably be better – these events didn’t happen overnight) that my people’s trouble began. (It started when both companies began hiring… - may produce better flow)Both of the companies were hiring hunters to kill the buffalo to feed their workers. The buffalo was our main source of not only food (not only could be moved to after the was: buffalo was not only our main source of food – then you could list the other items), but almost everything else we had as well. It was where our clothes, our tools, and our shelter came from.

Freaking finally! evil Stupid Gaia! evil
PS: don't mind all the red, I wrote out a lot in the way of explanation and hightlighted the sentence too - the essay was really good, I didn't make all that many suggestions!

No prob...barring any unforseen occurances...I shall be here!!!