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 Posted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 6:33 pm
((I know, this isn't an adventure story, but it's more of an action writing prompt and I couldn't think of anywhere else to put it. ))
So, can you write a fight scene? Any type of fight; bare-knuckle, sparring matches, boxing, cat-fights, speech and debate finals. . .
If you want feedback, say so, and it'll be given.
Personally, I think the hardest thing is getting all the detail you want in without overdoing it. What say you?
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Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 3:05 pm
I normally am peaty good at it.
One thing you can do is sorta 'compress' it like:
'The two warriors clashed together is a fury clashing mettle and flying sparks'
and only specify the important moves. like:
Stacey lunged his blade at the bandit but he duck to the left, rolled behind him and came down with a devastating blow of his axe!'
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 3:06 pm
I can write about fight scenes a little bit, but I wouldn't say I'm amazing at it.
Like, for instance, here's something I just came up with just now:
"Ridley thrust his sword at Ryder's chest, but Ryder stumbled back from the fatal blow, missing it by inches. Ridley grunted in anger, then swiped his blade threw the air. Ryder awkwardly swung her saber at the sword, gasping in fear. The two weapons clashed in the air, sending sparks all around them.
Ryder's legs shook. Ridley took her moment of insecurity as the moment to attack, and sent his blade flying threw the air. It slashed open her arm right below the shoulder. Ryder cried out in pain and jumped back. She dropped her sabre to clutch her injured arm and fell to her knees.
Gasping and sobbing, Ryder looked up to see Ridley coming closer, ready to deal the final blow."
I'm not sure if it was very good... I tried to explain what was going on in good detail, but it kinda came out too slow.
I don't know... what do you think of it?
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 5:17 pm
This isn't so much of a combat scene, but another kind of fight. It is a brotherhood hatred taken to the extreme. It is a fight of emotions, will the anger and sorrow take over or will Raiden pull his head above the sea of feeling?
There is also the fight between right and wrong. Should he let the man who tore the woman he loved away from him, or should he let his brother live?
There are so many different fights than those of bloodshed (although there are fatal blows in this one, just remember that.
Feed back is welcomed.
Raiden looked at his brother, who was panting after taking his beating. "You're girlfriend has left you, I see. Didn't take her long, after she thought you were dead. Too bad, she was a good looking girl."
"She was nothing to me," Raiden lied through his teeth. He loved her, and his brother was right. She was just using him. He reached for his Desert Eagle, but it wasn't there. "Damn her," he whispered under his breath."
"That's right," Dallas commented. "She stripped you of anything she could get that might prove worth while."
All he was left with was his sword, something that had belonged to the man Rhona was so attached to; the man Raiden had killed. Perhaps it pained her too greatly to want back. Either way, he felt her pain. He now knew what it felt like to have someone you love for deeply be gone forever. He now understood why she wanted to kill him. He wanted to kill Dallas; He was the sole reason she is gone.
He took his sword and thrust it at his blood brother; there wasn't a man he hated more in the post-appocalyptic world.
Dallas retaliated; dodging and pulling out his pistol. "Too bad, I never play fair. You should know this; You grew up with me." He shot at his brother, who pulled the sword vertical. Sparks flew as the bullet ricochetted across the room.
"You should know that I am always one step ahead. You can't kill me, Dally. I'm already dead."
Fear flooded his brother's eyes. He saw the corpse; no, he shot the b*****d himself.
"You loved her, and she killed you. There's no way you're dead." Dallas was conflicting with his logic; Rhona is dead. She has been dead for the last three hundred years. Yet, she is bound to this Earth in her body until she gets that stone that was stolen from her. Could Raiden have done the same? "What do you have to protect? She's gone, there's no way it could be her. You're alive, you just won't face it."
"I have my men," he answered, thinking of Baron, Michael, and Talon who were waiting for him. "I brought them into this, I'm going to get them out."
"They have left you too," Dallas sneered, "could they be with her?" he asked. He laughed ruthlessly. "They'll never know you're alive." He fired a shot at his brother's heart.
Raiden screamed in pain. Blood seeped through his black shirt. The blood ran cold, if only Dallas would feel it. Raiden glared at his brother. "You don't understand, do you?" he asked in a rasp. "You're right, it is her I need to protect. Unlike you, I can carry out my promises. I promised to help her. I'm going to."
Raiden approached Dallas as though there was nothing wrong with him. "You, on the other hand, aren't going to be here to bang your secretary again." He raised his sword on his brother, "Anything you want me to tell her before you die?" He waited. "No, I didn't think so. She's not important to you." He swung the weapon and watched the blood flow from his brother, the boy who had led them on so many adventures in the peak of their childhood. "You shouldn't have followed Dad. He wasn't that great of a man."
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Undesired Desire Vice Captain
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Undesired Desire Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 5:19 pm
Warrior_of_Bloodclan I normally am peaty good at it. One thing you can do is sorta 'compress' it like: 'The two warriors clashed together is a fury clashing mettle and flying sparks' and only specify the important moves. like: Stacey lunged his blade at the bandit but he duck to the left, rolled behind him and came down with a devastating blow of his axe!' This is so true. If you read mine, you would realize it's just the surface of the conflict that takes CHAPTERS to unfold. Over those chapters is a man's entire life. >< No way to compress it. Even for a short segment, mine is the longest here so far.
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Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 9:12 pm
Ebil Overlord, It wasn't too slow. I liked it.
Undesired Desire, I noticed a spelling mistake, stollen - stolen. There was also a tense change in there that didn't fit. "He is the sole reason she is gone."
Besides that, I really like it.
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 9:18 am
Alright, this looks like fun. May as well give it a shot, and I'll ignore the fact that I've never actually written a fight scene before. This is for a story idea (of sorts) that I've had for a while. It's basically a clan facing a monster/demon sort of enemy from both inside their palisade, and outside on the battlefield.
Maddé raced up the steps to the walls, frantically straightening her chainmail and fiddling with her scabbard. It had been too close, far too close, with the children outside the walls and Traskers all around them. It was a mere twist of Fate that they had recieved intelligence when they did, or all of those children and the Lady Gray would have been killed. She would not have her people die. She was clan shieldmaiden. It was her job to protect them in her grandfather's absence. And protect them she would.
"Lady Kirk?" Maddé turned to face dark, opaque eyes and strong steady features. "What do you wish of us?" Urzic was the one who taught her battlefield tactics, her finest teacher, a man she trusted with everything. How could this have happened? How was it that she now commanded him? Her fierce green eyes hardened, her soft voice grew sharp with authority.
"Archers on the walls, complete perimeter. Five lines of twenty each. I want it raining arrows for as long as a Trasker walks out there. The Clan warriors remain with me, My gift will shield them from the archer's hail, and we'll go down and fight them from there." Urzic opened his mouth, no doubt to protest. Maddé held up her hand, stopping it before it began.
"I know that shieldmaidens should not directly enter combat, but this is an uncertain time, and the clan patriarch is nowhere to be found. Someone must lead these men, and I am the only one eligible." Urzic opened his mouth, likely to offer some form of arguement, but closed it again and sighed, nodding. "Go down to the courtyard," He told her. "They'll follow you out from there."
*************************************
Block. Parry. Strike. The soft give of ashen flesh around her blade, the un-earthly shriek of a Trasker's death knell. The stench of war choked her, but she ignored it, just as she ignored the screams of the dead and dying around her. These were her teachers, her friends, her family. They had trained the very best, were the very best, and did not need her coddling. As they would tell her later, her shielding them from their friend's arrows was the best she could do for them, the most the would allow of her. It was their job to protect her, they said, not the other way around.
It didn't seem that way on the field.
Her blue tunic was torn and sliced, her bright red hair sticky with sweat and blood, the black of Traskers and the red of her own people. She moved through the field, hacking away mercilessly, even as arrows and combatants flew around her. A Trasker appeared in front of her, poised to gore her with too long fingers and too long nails. She slew him clean, and moved on. There was no time for feelings or mercy. Not with these daemons. She saw Sol across the field, her closest confidant, and the man her parents were getting ready to marry her to. It didn't matter to them, they would have married anyway, but marraiges were arranged, so they played by the rules. He was the best warrior they had, and was probably the one resposible for half of the enemy lying slain on the field. A Trasker came in from behind, poised to strike. Before she knew it, Maddé was across the field, and the enemy's head fell to the ground with a heavy thud.
Suddenly, the hail ceased. A cheer went up across the wall, answered by a cheer from the clansmen on the ground. Maddé smiled tiredly, leaning against Sol as healers began to see to the dead and the wounded. Sol wound a strong arm around her, placing one hand one her waist, running his fingers through his short black hair with the other. He whispered softly in her ear and she laughed near hysterically. She had forgotten their conversation that morning.
"Enough exitement for you, my lady?"
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 1:05 pm
LadyLeFay: That was really good, especially for someone who's never written a fight scene!
Naeshira: Well, thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
Undesired: I enjoyed yours, but as you stated it seemed like just a tiny bit of an entire story, and I think if I read the entire story this scene would be even more meaningful.
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Undesired Desire Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 2:35 pm
Naeshira Ebil Overlord, It wasn't too slow. I liked it. Undesired Desire, I noticed a spelling mistake, stollen - stolen. There was also a tense change in there that didn't fit. "He is the sole reason she is gone." Besides that, I really like it. Oops, thank you, I'll fix that. The story spans ten chapters so far, which averages around twenty pages each. It's too expansive to post here, and it is so detailed a summary would be meaningless to it. ><
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Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 5:01 pm
LadyLeFay, I loved the story. You described what happened without describing what exactly happened. For example: "Before she knew it, Maddé was across the field, and the enemy's head fell to the ground with a heavy thud." I liked it.
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Posted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 4:08 pm
Fighting scenes are quiet difficult to write. In my stories i have gun-kata-fighting (you know swordfighting and longe-range combat) I think longe-range is easier because it's just hit or no-hit and sword is quiet difficult because of the different moves so you normally have to write only a short version...I solved this problem because most of my charas are non-human so it's just not important how they fight. But now I started a new story with humans and fist fighting...it's going to be hard for me sweatdrop
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