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the resistant (titlesubect to change) Should i continue it?

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Nujunuju1

PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 1:59 pm


Just a Prologue to the real story.

天の滝都市
日本
水曜日7月21日
年2113

(Heavens Waterfall City, Japan, Wednesday July 21, year 2113)






The sun was setting on the day as Hogosha waited for his little brother to return from the park. His parents had gone for the day and had left him in charge. He was happy to accept the responsibility since, as of late, he had not been home and he had missed his little brother terribly. So there he was waiting on the sidewalk just in front of his house, waiting for his younger brother to come running up the street.

Kesshi walked slowly up the side walk, slightly tired form his play at the park. His eyes were set on the ground, but his heart was on home. He couldn’t wait to get back to that cool air conditioned house, back to that nice comfy new couch. His mind was full of thoughts and wants when he heard a familiar voice calling to him.

“Hey!” It called loudly before Kesshi looked up to see it was his brother. “Come on slowpoke!” Hogosha yelled with a smile. This, in turn, made Kesshi’s eyes light up and a smile spread wide across his face.

“Hogosha!” Kesshi yelled as he ran full sprint towards his brothers welcoming arms. “You’re Home. You’re finally home!”

Hogosha laughed as he caught Kesshi around the waist and swung him up quickly onto his shoulders. Kesshi smiled and laugh, letting his arms rest on Hogosha’s head. “Now we can play trucks and robots and, and , and cop and robber!” Kesshi started to ramble with excitement.

Hogosha smiled and shook his head. “yeah, yeah, but first we need to go inside and get us something to eat…” He said as he began to turn. “I don’t know about you but I’m…” His words trailed off as he realized his brother wasn’t paying attention anymore. Kesshi’s eyes were locked on a bright, flickering light that was trailing through the evening sky.

“What’s that ?” Kesshi asked curiously.

“I- I don’t know…” Hogosha answered, now fixed on the same light. “It looks like a shooting star, but it’s getting very close to the city.” He said, a bit uneasy.

“A shooting star?! I wonder if mom and dad can see it!” He said smiling brightly. “I’m gonna make a wish!” Kesshi said as he closed his eyes. “I wish My brother never had to go away again…. I wish our family was whole, forever…” He thought, as hard as he could.

Hogosha watched the light continuously, watching as it Left the sky and entered the heart of the city.

There was a flash, No sound. No sound at all.

It was as if every ounce of sound was stricken from the world and concentrated into an immense, powerful, bright light. Hogosha stood and watched in horror as his city was destroyed in silence and then there was stillness. The kind you only see in movies or read about in fairytales, but this was real. This catastrophe was real.

Then, It came. The after shock, the sound, all the screams and cries in one giant wave. Hogosha wretched Kesshi down from his shoulders and threw him to the ground, covering him with his body.

“Hogosha what’s going on?!” Kesshi asked as his eyes flew open.

“Close your eyes Kesshi!” Hogosha Ordered franticly, Kesshi obeyed. Hogosha’s voice suddenly became soft and soothing. As if in all the horror that was erupting around them, Hogosha was the one thing that was untouchable. “No matter what, Kesshi, Do not open your eyes. No matter what…” Kesshi nodded frantically, clenching his eyes closed.

Debris and metal Rumbled down the street around them, crashing and smashing, impaling cars. Through all this Kesshi kept his eyes closed.

“Hugach!”

The sound was heard from above Kesshi and suddenly sun and furious wind was felt. “Kesshi!” He suddenly heard his brother yell from, what seemed to be, a distance. His eyes shot open and stared as he watched his brother’s body carried away, a large shard of debris lodged in his back.

“Hogosha! Hogosha!!!” He yelled frantically. He wished he could run after him but the debris was still coming, He needed to find shelter. This he found in the form of his brothers car. Under the chassis he cried to himself. “Hogosha…..” He felt this was the end, but for him… it was only the beginning.
PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 6:36 pm


I like it, way to make us want more. One question though, how old are they?

Naeshira


Nujunuju1

PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:55 pm


sorry I suppose I SHOULD have put that Keeshi is 7 and Hogoshi is 18
PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 7:29 pm


Suspenceful and interesting. I say you should continue it. Then again, it is always a shame to have a young author give up mid story just because they think it's no good.

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