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Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:26 pm
She hadn't meant to kiss him, it just kinda happened. 'But you didnt pull away did you?' said the annoying voice in the back of her head. Oh what was wrong with her? She kissed the most popular guy in school last night, and she was regretting it. 'Your afraid what will happen if Lila finds out' this time the voice trying to comfort her. 'She wouldnt be very happy if she found out that your were making out with her guy when he was supposed to be at a party with her. "Hey, Jaylin wait up!" Geminis, her best friend since kindergarten, called after her. It only took one look at her face for Geminis to figure out what was going through her head. "Oh no, no no no. I know how much you like Brent but now Lila's gonna find out and ..." She didn't need to finish. She already knew. There goes the rest of your time here at E. Miles High. She shuddered thinking about all the horror it would to live through it for the next two years. "So, how was it?" she asked, a sly smile sperading across her face. "It was exactly like I dreamed it would be." I whispered. We both ran off laughing to our next class. When class was over Geminis and Jaylin stayed behind to help he teacher erase the board like they always did. A sight that no one ever thought they would ever see was awaiting them in the hallway. Lila and Brent were having a fight, suprise number one, number two is that they were fighting in public. More specifically the school hallway, where all of the popularity came from. "Youv'e never really cared about me!" Brent shouted. "Of course I do!" Lila shouted back. "No, you only wanted me because of the influence my family has in the big bucks businesses." "So what if I did? Do you actually think that freaky little geek Jaylin ever really wanted you and not the money that's in it for her?!" My heart skipped a beat. They were arguing over me. "Uh yeah! I actually do." "Then your an idiot Brent Hingtons!Were through!" And with that she stormed down the hallway. Brent sat down on a bench while the rest of the students filed out to the cafeteria for lunch, whispering about the event that had just taken place. Geminis nugded me and I walked over to where Brent was sitting. I cleared my throat. "Oh hey." He said calmly. "Hi, sorry about you and Lila." "Nah, don't be. I was only going out with her because my dad thought it would look good on magazine covers." He stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder,"To tell the truth, Im kinda into this other girl I know." "Who?" I asked, trying to keep longingness out of my voice. "You." He replied looking right into my eyes. He reached out and took my hand. He kissed it and smiled. I blushed but still smiled all the same. Then hand in hand we walked to the cafeteria. Ya, Lila would try and make my time at E. Miles miserable. But with Brent with me, all of that didnt really seem to matter.
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Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2009 1:22 pm
Yes I think you should continue it. A prequel might be fun, might it might be funner to drop bits and pieces about that night later on as the characters remember them. The only thing I can say is that you're first paragraph or two need a little bit of proofreading and change in sentence structure. You should still start a new paragraph even if the character is only thinking instead of talking. Just helps to keep it all flowing well! Very interested in reading more.
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fallenangel_Asha Vice Captain
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