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Are these song lyrics I wrote good or crappy?

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Are these lyrics I wrote good or crappy?
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  crappy
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_Built_to_Offend_666

PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 8:34 am


PAVED FOR ENSLAVEMENT

You concentrated on making sure I'd be forever hated
You cremated every dream I ever tasted
You annilated every thing I never wasted
I compilated all my hate and will endeavor your inner satan
My every good thought is gone
My inner peace is now wrong
There is no where that I belong
My every good thought is gone!

Why can't you just ******** off and die?!
I've always wanted to cut out your eyes!
You keep taking away from my life!
And giving me back only lies!
I wish I could severre your throat with a scythe!

Beating me senseless, mentally
Was your form of faceless depravity
Violence was your only freind
You kept narrowing down on my end
Focused on destroying me
Every weapon was employed on me
You kept taking and I kept giving
Now I guess the joke's on me
I should have seen what your wanting to be
Still taking away from me
But now I can finally see
Why I can never be free
Beating me down was your game
I have only myself to blame
Every moment I felt I had fame
You quickly replaced it with shame

Why can't you just ******** off and die?!
I've always wanted to cut out your eyes!
You keep taking away from my life!
And giving me back only lies!
You make me regret the fact I'm alive!

Why can't you just ******** off and die?!
I've always wanted to cut out your eyes!
You keep taking away from my life!
And giving me back only lies!
Constantly draining the blood from my hide!

I will never abide...
I don't want to survive...
I really wish I could fly...
Or at least have the courage to die...
Oh how I wish I had the courage to die!!!!

Why can't you just ******** off and die?!
I've always wanted to cut out your eyes!
You keep taking away from my life!
And giving me back only lies!
I want to cure myself of my sight!

Beating me down was your game
I have only myself to blame
Every moment I felt I had fame
You quickly replaced it with shame
PostPosted: Sun Nov 20, 2005 9:02 pm


I like it. All except for:

I will never abide...
I don't want to survive...
I really wish I could fly...
Or at least have the courage to die...
Oh how I wish I had the courage to die!!!!

Spooky Wasabi Princess

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The Flightless Dragon

PostPosted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 5:58 am


I compilated all my hate and will endeavor your inner satan
I would say change it to
I compilated all my hate and will endeavor your inner sin
or
every sin
or
I compilated all my hate and will endeavor through every sin

thats all i saw that i would change this is really good I really want to hear it with some music
PostPosted: Fri Nov 25, 2005 2:47 pm


thanks for the feedback, its appreciated. biggrin

_Built_to_Offend_666


OverlordMMM

PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 5:17 pm


...its not bad....however I judge things on overall quality.....so if you could mention how the person would sing it....the type of background music....and the dramatics I could judge it much better.....

Overlord's rating: 8/10
PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 6:14 pm


OverlordMMM
...its not bad....however I judge things on overall quality.....so if you could mention how the person would sing it....the type of background music....and the dramatics I could judge it much better.....

Overlord's rating: 8/10


the vibe of the music would be similar to Korn (almost identicle because my vocals sound almost identical to Jonathons). the verses would be sang slowly but have unsetteling[sp?] guitars in the background, then it would pick up for the chorus to a full-throttled yell. and verse 3 (the very small one; "I will never abide, i dont want to survive,...etc") would be sang in a whisper.

_Built_to_Offend_666


Ebony_Bludstein

PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:53 pm


I wouldn't mind Puttin' some Music to that....
PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 10:07 am


I love it heart domokun

Misty Moonsilver

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_Built_to_Offend_666

PostPosted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:54 pm


skullcrushergurl
I love it heart domokun


thanx for the compliment biggrin
PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2006 7:02 pm


_Built_to_Offend_666
OverlordMMM
...its not bad....however I judge things on overall quality.....so if you could mention how the person would sing it....the type of background music....and the dramatics I could judge it much better.....

Overlord's rating: 8/10


the vibe of the music would be similar to Korn (almost identicle because my vocals sound almost identical to Jonathons). the verses would be sang slowly but have unsetteling[sp?] guitars in the background, then it would pick up for the chorus to a full-throttled yell. and verse 3 (the very small one; "I will never abide, i dont want to survive,...etc") would be sang in a whisper.
i would buy your so buy your cd biggrin

grotesquekreeple


nayasumei

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PostPosted: Thu May 11, 2006 11:35 pm


I like it it =^---^= If you ever do make a cd please tell me, for id like to hear it =^---^=
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