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Angel-Kami-Sama


Cunning Lunatic

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 8:16 pm


Name: Angel Kotoshi

Current seat: Unseated of Squad 5

Former seats:

4th seat of Squad 2
5th seat of Squad 2

Aliases/Nicknames: The Angel of Death

Physical description: Angel Kotoshi
Angel is tall and well built, but he is not super muscular. He is instead skinny and the only muscles that ever show for him are his abs and 6-pack he obtained through years of training. His original hair color was a very dark red, but he dyed it black and white before he died and wished to keep it that way ever since he came to the Seireitei. His eye color is a light golden hue that dims in dark places, but it seems to glow when light is shined in to his eyes. His body is well tanned and takes on a very light brown. He wears the standard Soul Reaper uniform, but he likes to wear a dark brown scarf around his neck to cover most of his face(its a habit he gained from the Rukongai). He is about 6'2 and weighs about 163 lbs, but as stated earlier his muscles show more than his fat. His reiatsu is a very dark red, but tends to look black(to Angel it looked black, but after some experimentation with it he found the real color).

Zanpakuto: Name: Kuro Gekko (Black Moonlight)
Normal form: Standard katana. Has a silver chain linked to the hilt with a crescent moon at the end of the chain.
Shikai forms:ACHIEVED "Hide in the Darkness Kuro Gekkou"
When changed the sword bends and changes until it takes on the form of a scythe. When the sword goes in to its Shikai state the blade grows until it reaches about 2-3 feet. The blade then changes in to a metal pole as the scythe blade juts out of the pole in an arch. The blade reaches out close to another feet. The blade is red with a black tint around the edge of it. When changed the entire thing weighs about 50-60 lbs. Not much strength is needed, but it is recommended to use this weapon to its full power in Shikai.

Shikai powers:

Shadousutōkā (Shadow Stalker)- By putting reiatsu in to the blade of the scythe and swinging it around the reiatsu begins to form a sort of an after image. By using the reiatsu in the blade to bend the light around the user it makes a second body identical to the user appear attacking before the original body will attack. The body is in no case solid and acts as a sort of decoy before the primary attack.

Shi no Ōgama (Blade of Death)- By putting reiatsu in to the blade of the scythe the blade is coated over and makes the reiatsu sharp and deadly. The reiatsu that coats the blade extends past the blade adding another foot making the reach longer, but this move can only be activated four times in a time of 3 minutes each activation(3 posts after activation) with its current power.

Kage no yoroi(Armor of Shadows)-By focusing on reiatsu the user can coat their body over with a layer of solid "shadows". The armor can survive weak-to-mild attacks, but the stronger the attack the armor will fall apart more easily.

Shadō bakudan(Shadow Bomb)-The user gathers their reiatsu in to their palms. The gathering of the reiatsu makes it look like the shadows around them are forming the bomb itself hence the name. When fully charged the user put together their palms and throws the ball of energy at their opponent. As the name implies when it makes contact with anything the ball will explode.

Bankai:NOT YET ACHIEVED
Release phrase: "Let the moon fall from the sky and become my protector. Fall Shi gādian Kuro Gekkō." (Death Guardian Black Moonlight).

Bankai Outfit


Shi gādian Kuro Gekkō: Shadows from around the area converge and consume the user and form a cocoon. When the reiatsu has stabilized and is finished taking form the shadows drip down the user's body like water and returns to their normal forms and locations. The armor looks like the armor used by knights of the Dark Ages, but instead of the normal silver or rusted silver the armor is pitch black through and through. No helmet comes with the armor though. The wings on the back are also pitch black, but they are not real wings. Reiatsu is regulated through the metal stumps on his shoulder blades before being pushed out in to the air. To give them physical form shadows are taken from around the area and act like a shell to cover the reiatsu. At this point flying capabilities can be used, but if the wings are damaged enough the shadows that coat the reiatsu will disperse and the wings will be unable to form for a certain amount of time(depends on user's current damage). The weapon takes on the same length and weight of the Shikai. Dark blue symbols run along the pale white scythe blade. The pole that holds the blade stays the same length and color which is just a midnight black color.

Bankai powers:

Eien no sōgi(Eternal Funeral)-The user pumps his reiatsu in to the shadows in the area and makes them become solid. The user then makes the shadows take the shape of a dome. This move is meant to keep others out and let those inside fight which implies the outside of the dome is stronger to attacks than the inside. The dome covers an area roughly half a mile long. The inside makes the light inside dim to almost complete darkness. Visibility is possible, but poor.

Jinsei teikā(Life Taker)-A stronger version of Shi no Ōgama. The reiatsu is sharpened even more making it deadlier. The length is another foot long, but due to the power that is required for this move the blade is about half the size it should be making it about 1 foot long. This move can only be used once for about 1 minute(2 posts after activation). Further training will add more time and length for the move.

Mūngādian(Moon Guardian)-Also a stronger version of Eien no sōgi. The reiatsu in the shadows are hardened until they are as solid as can be. The more reiatsu that is used the tougher the armor will become.(lasts a normal amount of 4-6 posts. If enough damage is given the time shortened.)

Tachi sagari sutā(Falling Star)-Reiatsu is focused in to the very tip of the blade of the scythe. The user than must swing down at his/her opponent. When contact is made the reiatsu inside the blade seeps in to the metal itself(which is why contact is needed.) and then becomes heavier and heavier until the reiatsu is forced out of the blade.

Shi no tsume(Death's Claw)- This is the ultimate attack of Kuro Gekkou. It is the strongest form of Shi no Ōgama and Jinsei teikā. This move is a last ditch effort for it requires a very large amount of reiatsu to not only activate, but to also keep its shape. The scythe expands and becomes transparent almost with a rainbow hue on the surface. The scythe's deadliness is at its max in this form, but due to lack of training the scythe only grows half the size it should be and the power is cut in half. Further training will unlock full power.(Can only be used once each battle). After usage the Banaki must revert to its unsealed form for it to charge up enough to be used again.



Spiritual description: Kuro is a spirit of darkness although he doesnt look the part. He takes the form of a man in white robes. His face is hidden by his hood and the only visible features for him are his hands. He never shows what he looks like(which annoys Angel to no bounds). He is a wise spirit that can analyze any situation and make it good for him. Because of this case he likes to argue with Angel just so he can win the argument. With others he is kind and listens to what the individual has to say, but he will stand up for himself if threatened by anything. When he moves he walks with a limp on his right leg. Angel never figured out why and Kuro doesnt intend to tell him. Although they fight against each other they have respect for each other and can work together when needed.

Spiritual Image: Kuro Gekkou

Special accessories: A brown scarf that he keeps around his neck to hide the lower half of his face.

Skills: Strategist and good swordsman. Angel loved to play games like chess, Go, and Shogi. It helped him think of the opponents next move and made him a good strategist. His style with the sword is to try and use the opponents own strength against them and then attack. Over time and practice he has learned to be a good hand-to-hand specialist and has made his senses better. After even more training with his Shikai he has learned to control shadows and darkness within 3 meters of himself. After a couple more years of training he has mastered darkness so now he can go even farther away from himself and control shadows up to 6 meters away. With the training he has gained with his Shikai he can control up to 4 shadows, but only for about 2-3 minutes before he has to rest his power for a bit. If he controls less he can control the shadows for a longer time. IT just depends on how many he controls.

Abilities: Angel is smart and able to come up with not only attack plans, but defensive as well. He learned to do this through years of not only training, but real life battles as well. He has learned to be not only fast with his sword, but also fast with his hand-to-hand combat. He is stronger, however, with his sword. He will only fight hand-to-hand if he has to. After years of training in Squad 2 he has learned to keep himself silent and hidden in the shadows he has learned to control.

Personality: Once apon a time he used to be kind and gentle to everyone. After losing his brother he became cold, silent, and even ruthless to whoever made him mad. When he came to the Seireitei he was still cold to people, but after a while he began to become friendly again. After losing even more of his friends and loved ones he once again became cold and withdrawn from the world. After joining the 13 Court Guards he stayed cold, but others seemed to warm up to him for some reason which was strange to him. After graduating he slowly began to become friendly and warm to others again. When he was assigned to Squad 2 he still held his cold personality, but he was friendly to those who he saw fit to deserve it. After he went through alot while in Squad 2 he no longer was cold to anyone and always tried to make friends with anyone. Although he does this he still shows anger to those that deserve it, but he is a kind and friendly guy to be around. He will always try to save others even if it risks his own life.

Biography/History: Angel was a normal kid. He played sports and was always with his father when he had the chance. He adored his father because he was a master swordsman. His mother and older sister worked at a hospital near there house. he loved being with his friends and messing around with them. When his Older brother was killed in a car accident Angel became cold to everyone. He didn't hang out with his friends anymore and he never talked to his family. He just turned 18 when he was killed in a drive by. a bullet hit his heart and he was bleeding badly. He tried to make it to the hospital but he died before he reached it.

He came to the Soul Society with anger and hate tarnishing himself. When he came to the Soul Society he was put in Rukongai 43 District. For a while he lived with himself and got everything he ate, drank, or needed by himself. About 2 years before he joined the Soul Reaper Academy he met a group of kids who he couldnt help but join. Soon he began to soften up and talked more, hung out with more people, and even found another girlfriend. 4 months before joining he came back to their hideout with a basket of food, but he was stunned to find everyone dead. Everything he worked for was taken away from him. Once again he shut off from the world and not soon after he joined the Academy.

As he went through the Academy his grades were nothing special, his skills were average, and he didnt show any leadership skills. He was able to pass and was soon put in to Squad 2 where he met many different people not only from his squad, but from others as well. He went through alot with Squad 2. The Invasion of the Soul Society, the betrayal of a captain, and constantly losing his friends to time or battle. Although he wished he could shut the world out again he vowed to himself he would never become that person again.

Powers:

Senda (閃打, Flash Strike) Senda is the technique of using the same principle and technique of Shunpo, but instead of using in the feet this technique is used in the arms. This technique requires the user to coat their arms in their own reiatsu. Focus is needed because if any holes are in the layer when the technique is used burns or lacerations can occur. After the first step the user then lets the reiatsu roll off the arm letting the arm strike out in a burst of speed.



Bakudō:

1. Sai .
4. Hainawa
8. Seki
9. Geki
9.Hōrin .
21.Sekienton
26. Kyakko
30. Shitotsusansen

Hadō:

1. Shō
4. Byakurai
11. Tsuzuri Raiden
12. Fushibi
31. Shakkahō
32.Ōkasen
33. Sōkatsui
PostPosted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 5:05 pm


First off I'd like to compliment your zanpakuto.


Ok, I'm gonna say this is not a terrible profile by any means, In fact I only have real issue with the lack of detail in your appearance, all your descriptions, and personality. And some detail for your zanpakuto.

For your bankai I'd like to see a few more attacks seeing as it feels a bit underpowered for a bankai.

Also I'd like for you to remove the reiastu leech because that is sort of a god mod move.

The background is decent, however I would revise it a bit more clarity in your phrasing.

I'd suggest either elaborating on or removing the split personality as well.

(Sorry if this is kinda shitty, this is my first profile review.)

Zaine93

7,050 Points
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Angel-Kami-Sama


Cunning Lunatic

5,275 Points
  • Money Never Sleeps 200
  • Marathon 300
  • Tycoon 200
PostPosted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 5:23 pm


Zaine93
First off I'd like to compliment your zanpakuto.


Ok, I'm gonna say this is not a terrible profile by any means, In fact I only have real issue with the lack of detail in your appearance, all your descriptions, and personality. And some detail for your zanpakuto.

For your bankai I'd like to see a few more attacks seeing as it feels a bit underpowered for a bankai.

Also I'd like for you to remove the reiastu leech because that is sort of a god mod move.

The background is decent, however I would revise it a bit more clarity in your phrasing.

I'd suggest either elaborating on or removing the split personality as well.

(Sorry if this is kinda shitty, this is my first profile review.)


No worries. Edited, but im a little confused on whats wrong with the background. Could you elaborate please? Also I kinda stopped on the description because I added the pic, but if you want I can add more
PostPosted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 5:31 pm


Thanks for removing that ability.

And as for the bio, it just has some flow issues, and you should put more description into what he did upon entering the soul society, some stuff from his time in the academy, and maybe a lead up to his current position.

Also I'd like to see a full description of your bankai, using pictures for reference is great, but it's even better to have words to back it up. (Same goes with your own physical appearance.)


Personality still needs more work as well lol. It's too barren in my own opinion.

Tachi Sagari suta is a bit confusing, could you explain it to me in idiot terms (For I am feeling very braindead tonight lol)

For your special accessories I think you meant sash rather than slash.

Zaine93

7,050 Points
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Zaine93

7,050 Points
  • Elocutionist 200
  • First step to fame 200
  • Forum Sophomore 300
PostPosted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 5:52 pm


Imma give this a Tenative seal of approval.

However if another mod sees some areas in need of fixing then I suggest following their instructions. : D


Approved!
PostPosted: Mon Jan 09, 2012 12:19 am


I will make this as short and blunt, but polite, as possible. At the current time this profile is not up to 'Captain Standards' for possible applicants.

To bring the profile up to 'Captain Standards' you would need to go back over it and add further detail, make a grammar and spelling check, and either resize your picture or put it into a URL to conserve space.

First off your physical description needs to be expanded upon. Captains generally have at least two well formed paragraphs (or more) that describe their entire appearance. This covers everything from their eyes and hair, to scars and tattoos. It also needs to describe clothing and -since most people don't put reiatsu into a separate category- the nature of the characters reiatsu as well. Everything about how your character is presented should be contained in this section as while people say 'a picture is worth a thousand words', it doesn't hold true here.

You should also expand on your shikai. How long is it, how much does it weigh, things like that all matter. Please explain it in more detail. The actual attacks seem fine. They could also be expanded more, but I'm not going to make you do that. I will say that fluffing them up a bit, making them look pretty and explaining how they work in more detail will get you more points though.

You need to go back and explain your bankai a lot more. Completely flesh it out. What does the armor look like, what about the wings? How do they work? For the rest of the bankai, just reread what I said about your shikai.

The description of your zanpukatou spirit is optional but I would still like to see it beefed up a bit.

Skills: How and why does he control shadows and darkness? To what extent? Also you may want to go back through and reword this a bit as it is a bit choppy. Try to make it flow a bit better.

Abilities: Again, I want to see more info. Describe things in detail. Things you also want to do would be to restructure your sentences and look them over for grammar mistakes.

Give us more of an idea about your personality. Your personality should be like your physical description. It also needs to be gone over for grammar mistakes.

Powers: Provide evidence for training for Silent Incantation. Without proof I'm afraid you may not be able to keep it. Also, we don't need to know what each kidou does, nor the incantation for each (especially if you're just copying it...). Instead just put the level of the spell -the number- and the name of the spell. This will keep your profile nice and neat.

Again this secondary review is only for the Captain Application. Were you not applying for a captain position your profile would have been fine. smile

KyrosDevil XIII


KyrosDevil XIII

PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 7:05 pm


Yeah, I'd say it's good enough to be a captain's profile now. Just remember to keep tweaking it. If you need an example to look at you can view the crews (I would suggest WickedTruth's, Fighting_Fenir's, or ZephyrBlade's)
PostPosted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 5:21 am


Well then, time to pull you back into the editing pool! Not that that was funny at all. (Sorry!)

Anyway, I've been granted permission as your interviewer to look over your profile and coach you on improving it. This will help you in the long run to improve your claim to a seat, and to save future judges a great deal of strain. Kyros did an impeccable job with the combat-intensive points of your profile, however I've noticed some subsections of your profile which need elaboration and revision. After speaking with him on the subject, he's agreed they need improvement. He's also given me further permission to conduct this tertiary review.

Now, on to the matter at hand.

My first focal point is the personality. A personality is a driving force for a character; they define one's actions and well-written personalities can often provide all the support one needs to roleplay effectively for great lengths of time with nominal issues finding inspiration. Provided you're kind to it, your personality will be kind to you.
That said, so far your personality is little more than a glorified timeline. It states that your character has flip-flopped back and forth between "cold" and friendly with casual reference to his personal history. You don't go on to more accurately define either term or outline any unique features of your character. That's a problem. Most captains include anecdotes regarding their character's "favorites" and "least favorites," and any major ideal or moral code they follow. Even the most boring or non-descript characters have their own quirks.
That is why I would like at least another paragraph(5-7 sentences) outlining Angel's preferences and habits/quirks. Somewhere in the first paragraph I'd like an explanation of the terms "cold" and "friendly" (as they apply to him) and somewhere try to include more information on his moral compass.
If you're having trouble filling this section out, some good questions to keep in mind are: "What makes this character worth writing as?" "How is it different from an NPC?" "What would make it so others will want to write with me?" Another thing to keep in mind; a great deal of writers include elements of their own personality, including habits. They can be anything from a favorite catchphrase to a gesture.

And, second, your Biography could use some reorganization and expansion. Not a lot of people like reading large blocks of text, especially when they are in a hurry and searching for something. That is why captains and other similarly-ranked characters separate each excerpt of their Bio. This is also why separation is used commonly in posts throughout the guild. In order to polish your Bio up, you'll need to get into the habit of sectioning off each plot point, including those made prior to your character's graduation.
At the same time, I want you to re-read it and rewrite each section to consist of a minimum of 5 sentences. Furthermore, explain fully the actions your character took during each time period.
The above are minimal requests, but you should nourish any desire to exceed these outlines. A Bio is one of the few places you can actually write without relying on another to finish the exchange. That means what you write is solely under your power. You don't have to limit yourself to protect someone else's rights. And if you happened to get into roleplaying because you love writing, this is the ideal moment to get that fix.

Finally, the spirit of your character's zanpakutou has been abused. Technically the description is a two-liner, but it is still tantamount to RP suicide. Unless striving for dramatic affect, these sorts of posts are frowned on, so why are you committing the same crime in your profile?
You have provided a very vague physical description and a picture. This tells me nothing about the spirit. I want to know seemingly meaningless details such as if he has a paunch or a limp. I wanna know how he gets on with Angel. I wanna know what he likes and how he feels about certain topics.
Zanpakutou are the backbone of a character. They're often the hidden or secondary base feelings and instincts that you don't see. Zanpakutou are also the place to go for symbolism. Everything your character secretly feels or struggles with can be personified here. Treat zanpakutou like they are just as important as their wielders because they are.

This is gonna seem crazy but I write my characters a lot meaner than I actually am. I want to help you, not sit here bashing you over the head with your own mistakes. I mean, I took the time to write all of this! If you need someone to bounce ideas off of, or you want to ask specific questions, I'm right here and perfectly willing to help you as much as you need.

Just quote me if you have a question or if you get done and need me to check it again. I'm not sitting here rabidly refreshing the page.

Alannaa

Dapper Genius

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