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Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:01 pm
I've started a (story? novel?), and I was wondering if I could get everyone's opinion on it...
HERE'S a VERY short plot summary. The kind where you're five minutes from home, and you want to have the plot summarized by the time the car stops:
PLOT
There is a world parallel to ours where magic and creatures thereof exist. We can access it through mirrors. Those who make contact are able to use magic since their presence is merely a manifestation of their minds. They are quite solid but will fade into nothingness when contact with the mirror is lost or death occurs.
Girl in college has been dreaming of “imaginary” world she used to play in. While attempting to cover her mirror, she touches it and is briefly transported before the shock makes her recoil and lose contact. The next day, she uncovers the mirror and touches it again. Again, she is transported and sees a city where the buildings are different, but the natural landmarks are the same (the river is in the same place, etc.). She runs into some of her old friends/teachers who explain to her that the place she’s in now is different from our America. Although a geographic map of the world would be the same, the boundaries and countries are different. Here, the states are the highest level of organization; each one is pretty much its own country. The one they are in now is Targa, which roughly covers the same area as Minnesota. They tell her that not all the states are fond of the low-lying supernatural community, and this is one of them. Supes in the area have been disappearing, and they think that the state is to blame. They want her to help find them because several remembered her as being very promising before she stopped coming, so they have been calling her. Also wanted a manifestation because they only need to break contact with their mirrors if they’re caught in order to get away. A telepath has been contacting her in her sleep. She reluctantly agrees to help. Some retraining/relearning ensues. Finding the prisoners goes off without a hitch. A plan is formed to get them out. One of the group has sold them out and they walk into a trap. She gets out, but the others aren’t so lucky. Now a second rescue mission must be planned in order to get both groups out. She gets the others in and creates a diversion to cover their escape. As she and the second group are getting away, she gets shot in the right leg and disconnects, spending the next two days asleep, and another week resting. She then goes back to see how things went. The casualties on our side were mostly minor injuries and one death, and the state suffered enough losses to think twice about messing with supes.
Question: How should an injury to your mind translate when you're back in the real world? I'm still trying to figure out a satisfactory answer to that...
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Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:02 pm
AND THIS is the beginning that I've written:
I’d always been fascinated with mirrors. It was just a strange pull whenever I found a reflective surface in the vicinity. I would naturally gravitate toward it and stare at the reflection as if it were my favorite television program. As a kid, I’d imagined that it was a portal to another world, one where magic had flourished alongside technology, and all manner of imaginary beings were real. I used to spend hours there, imagining that I had actually crossed over into this parallel world, having adventures with vampires, werewolves, faeries and elves. I visited many of the same people whenever I ‘went,’ learning how to use magic. As I got older, I did less and less imagining as my homework load increased and I couldn’t stare pointlessly at mirrors anymore. By the time I was fifteen, my imaginings were non-existent, and the faces and names of my imaginary friends began to fade. By my seventeenth birthday, I would still stare at mirrors whenever I got the chance, but my fantasy world was just a wistful memory. *** “Chloe!” My head snapped up when my roommate shouted my name. Thrown together freshman year by the computer at the University of Minnesota, Abby Connor and I had bonded over a shared love of cult 80s movies and Brendan Urie. She was going into the U’s Carson School of Management (though I think she could have just skipped college altogether and been a model; tall, blonde and graceful, Abby was absolutely stunning) and worked part time in the café in the library basement. I, on the other hand, was a mechanical engineering major who spent too much time daydreaming. By her expression, I could tell that Abby had been trying to get my attention for several minutes. Although I wasn’t pretending to be somewhere else anymore, I still devoted a lot of my attention to the mirror if it caught my eye. I seemed to be doing more of that lately than usual, perhaps because my dreams had been filled with half-remembered faces and familiar voices for the last few weeks, and my thoughts had therefore been about seven years in the past. “Sorry, Abby,” I said, shaking my head to clear it, “I was daydreaming.” “You’re always daydreaming, Chlo.” Abby smiled indulgently. “I wanted to let you know that I’m going out with Nick tonight after work, so I might not be home until late or even tomorrow if I’m lucky.” She smiled and waggled her eyebrows suggestively. Abby and Nick Berg had been dating for nearly two years. They met in their freshman orientation session, and they still went out often. “Alright,” I replied, giggling at her expression. “You do know that it’s a school night, right?” “Yes, mom. Just because we’ve been roommates for the two years we’ve been here, it doesn’t mean that you’re in charge of me.” I was surprised at how quickly Abby’s mood had changed from playful to annoyed. “Sorry. I was just kidding. Force of habit from growing up with a sarcastic family.” I was backpedaling as fast as I could, and would have kept going if Abby hadn’t interrupted. “Gotcha! You should know that my family is just as joke-prone as yours by now.” Her brown eyes glowed with suppressed laughter, and I slapped a hand to my face with a groan as I realized that I had missed her intention, and it wasn’t the first time in the last two years. I was often amazed that I could completely miss when other people were joking, even though I did a lot of it myself. Maybe it goes with the sarcasm territory… “Ah, I see. Well, you two kids have fun, then.” By now, neither of us could contain it any longer and we both burst out laughing. As she turned to leave, Abby somehow managed to call “Yes, ma’am!” back to me between giggles, and then I was alone once more. Deciding to take advantage of the solitude for once, rather than attempt to resurrect my childhood by staring into a mirror, I pulled my calculus book from my bag and turned on my computer so I could check the assignment we had been given in class today. Twenty problems on improper integrals. Goody. Luckily, it was early yet, only about four-thirty, and I didn’t have anything else due for a few days, so after this, I would have the whole night to veg out. Or so I thought. Despite my efforts to the contrary, my head kept trying to turn to the mirror. I even went so far as to move it across the room, but as the sky grew dark, it seemed more and more like it was watching me, calling to me. Finally, around seven, I had been staring at the twelfth problem for fifteen minutes without processing what I was supposed to do, and the hairs on the back of my neck were prickling as though someone was staring at me. That’s it. I’m going to cover the stupid thing. I got up and pulled the comforter down off my bed and approached the mirror as if it were a rattlesnake. As I moved to put the blanket over the glass, my hand brushed the smooth surface, and I was suddenly staring at a man with pale blue eyes and long black hair instead of the white walls of my dorm room. He smiled as though he had expected me to be there, and that smile startled me so badly that I jumped back into one of the posts my bed was lofted on, the comforter over half my face, staring in shock at my bloodless face in the mirror, which looked all the more pale thanks to my dark hair. The man had had fangs. A million thoughts started to fly through my head at once, most of which were wondering whether I was insane or merely hallucinating. About ten of them were thinking that the guy was hot. Aside from the fangs. Five said that he looked very familiar, and one of those five suggested that maybe, just maybe, he was real. But that was one thought out of a million, and I was busy listening to the other nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine.
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Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 5:07 pm
Noise it sounds like a good plot. I have a personal aversion to mirrors and magic due to past experience, but that is just my weird life.
the other story part looks good so far eek maybe a kind of more catchy opening sentence though.
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Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:22 pm
Alrighty. I'll work on that. Thankies ^^
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Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 11:45 pm
I don't like critiquing early work too much because it can lead to a destructive cycle of re-editing , rather than just getting the first draft done (I have done that so many times, it's not funny and ruined many a decent idea).
But, you did ask:
First: The plot sounds fairly good. The idea of walking through mirrors into ones mind has been done - both brilliantly and terribly - before, as has the supernatural community. Buuut, I like your idea. I think, if you had somethng else behind it - making the piece an analogy of ones creativity or using the literary theorist, Lacan's, Mirror Theories - which would make the piece stand out over similar themes. I can post links, if you need them.
I'm not saying this doesn't sound good, I would definitely read it, but if you want to seperate yourself from the apck, I would definitely pull in some Lacanian theory. His "I" theory would also work well as a backdrop to your story.
As to the start - it's good, concise, excellent choice of adjctives - and they are not over-used which is also good. Dialogue needs a little polish but don't worry about that now, finish the first draft, get a really good feel for the characters, then go back a tweak the dialogue a little. I would suggest incorporating the start, from "I'd" to "memory" to somewhere later in the first chapter. Maybe when she touches the mirror the first time and is transported. Start snappy with the "Cloe!" line. Catch the reader's attention. With the market as it is today, you really need to capture the reader in the first few lines and hold them, or they will put it aside for the "shiney-awesome-sparklies!" of trash fiction and TV.
I really do like the sound of your piece. You have given it a fairly unique twist, it seems you have things well planned out and a clear idea where it is headed and a good start on the characterisation. Don't worry too much about getting it critiqued now. Just write whatever comes to you.
As to the question about wounds, I would suggest, when she returns, she has a phantom pain in her leg etc. that takes her time to forget about. Like when someone has a limb amputated and they swear they can still feel it?
*takes off her editor's cap*
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:43 am
Ok, thanks. I'll rework that, maybe sometime...tomorrow?
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:56 am
NoiseInTheShadows Ok, thanks. I'll rework that, maybe sometime...tomorrow? Lol, look, what I suggest is not worrying too much right now about critique and overly changing your plot. Sit and write the story you want to write. Don't stop and go back, just go right through the first draft, start to finish. Then look at the story and pick it apart - what works, what doesn't work, what's been done before, what's unqiue, what's a unique twist on an already done concept etc. Basically, it's no point getting a really thorough critique without having a complete story. I have to tell clients this all the time. I can't really give a proper response on a piece if I can't physically read the whole thing. ...Er...I think that makes sense.
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 12:59 am
lol, I constantly change things when I write, no matter how far along I am. I may have even gone back and changed that intro soonish anyway. The tomorrow was mainly me talking to myself...Is it weird when you start to do that online? xD
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:16 am
NoiseInTheShadows lol, I constantly change things when I write, no matter how far along I am. I may have even gone back and changed that intro soonish anyway. The tomorrow was mainly me talking to myself...Is it weird when you start to do that online? xD If it is, we're both insane then xd
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Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2009 11:04 am
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