INTRODUCTION TO MY BOOK. suggestions please.

[Angels_Cry0310]

My book is called Carnation. I have my intro and a little of the first chapter completed.

This is suppose to be a book for teens and is suppose to be sad.

Please tell me the TRUTH, I am not hurt by suggestion or comments.




Coming from a broken home, I never knew what it was like to have my parents together because they split when I was nine. Too young to understand, I didn't ask questions, I didn't know we wouldn't come back. I use to hope that I could make a difference, you know, bring them back together and it floats in the back of my mind from time to time. I know it'll never happen. Now that I'm 14, I'm learning to cope with my problems.
My name is Maddie Ann Hendricks. Life is tough and I know I'm not the only one going through this stuff. Every time I get upset, my mom says it's just my hormones. I know what it is, it's that no one listens, which makes it seem that they don't care. They don't know that because they don't listen to me long enough to realize how I truly feel.  

[BB Rue Ryuzaki]

Yeah, I like it. It does sound like it will have some sad, maybe even heartbreaking things. It sounds well worth the read.  

[Rylipop]

It's good, but nine seems like a rather old age to not know what's going on. It seems like you should make the character's parents split when she's a bit younger, unless nine is a key age.  

[Mademoiselle Violette]

My parents split when I was five and I think the age that would psychologically fit would be 4-7, 4 because most kids don't have many memories from then and can't interpret things and 7 because that is where they start developing bigger ideas, persay.

But other than the age thing, I would sure like to read it as I can relate to the character. You chose a great subject for such a large audience. wink  

[spycoo16]

Click

on

this

I think this is a very goodi ntro. But to be honest I thinks it starts off a little too clicke emo. Like how most stories are like "Broken home, abusive guardian, etc." I think you should change it and say soemthing like "Now that I'm 14, I'm learning to cope with my problems.
My name is Maddie Ann Hendricks. Life is tough and I know I'm not the only one going through this stuff. Every time I get upset, my mom says it's just my hormones. I know what it is, it's that no one listens, which makes it seem that they don't care. They don't know that because they don't listen to me long enough to realize how I truly feel. Coming from a broken home, I never knew what it was like to have my parents together because they split when I was nine. Too young to understand, I didn't ask questions, I didn't know we wouldn't come back. I use to hope that I could make a difference, you know, bring them back together and it floats in the back of my mind from time to time. I know it'll never happen. "

Basically I just switched your two parts. In my opinion its starts off in a more unique way. But its all up to you!

You

know you want

to

 

[The Mysterious Gunslinger]

...

That's like a rush of angsty information in two paragraphs. That's great that Maddie came from a broken home, but why should I care? Should I really listen to an angsty teenager that decides to cram her past and angst into two paragraphs?

It's boring, way to angsty and makes me dislike the character because quite frankly, all she seems to do is complain and I hate people who just pour out their angst-- WHY should I feel sorry for her, is what she should be trying to convince me of.

Yes, it's obvious she tries to convince me she's a good kid and doesn't want this to happen but it's in such a dull, emotionless tone, how should I know she just isn't playing greedy? She's acting stereotypical as well, the character seems to be going in a cold direction of life that'll separate her from life and her family.

 

[kedamono777]

The Mysterious Gunslinger

...

That's like a rush of angsty information in two paragraphs. That's great that Maddie came from a broken home, but why should I care? Should I really listen to an angsty teenager that decides to cram her past and angst into two paragraphs?

It's boring, way to angsty and makes me dislike the character because quite frankly, all she seems to do is complain and I hate people who just pour out their angst-- WHY should I feel sorry for her, is what she should be trying to convince me of.

Yes, it's obvious she tries to convince me she's a good kid and doesn't want this to happen but it's in such a dull, emotionless tone, how should I know she just isn't playing greedy? She's acting stereotypical as well, the character seems to be going in a cold direction of life that'll separate her from life and her family.

i for one do love the idea for the stroy.
i am emo so i knoe things are hard and all it it seems great and should not be shut down.
although i do kinda agree with u that it is trying to convince u of somthing.
but it is a story and i think it should be the way it is.
it is very streo typical. i for one dont complain about my problems and i dont need any sympathy from no one and i dont care who judges me.
but this seem all mind based so yes i would think thses things in my mind so yah go for it it seems very well done to me. i mean i am a 15 year old boy so i see were it is comin for a 14 year old girl. smile  

[UC Poika]

TCWB

My book is called Carnation. I have my intro and a little of the first chapter completed.

This is suppose to be a book for teens and is suppose to be sad.

Please tell me the TRUTH, I am not hurt by suggestion or comments.




Coming from a broken home, I never knew what it was like to have my parents together because they split when I was nine. Too young to understand, I didn't ask questions, I didn't know we wouldn't come back. I use to hope that I could make a difference, you know, bring them back together and it floats in the back of my mind from time to time. I know it'll never happen. Now that I'm 14, I'm learning to cope with my problems.
My name is Maddie Ann Hendricks. Life is tough and I know I'm not the only one going through this stuff. Every time I get upset, my mom says it's just my hormones. I know what it is, it's that no one listens, which makes it seem that they don't care. They don't know that because they don't listen to me long enough to realize how I truly feel.

That's why I started writing--not because I was from a broken home. It might have been if I had--but to get people to listen to me. Write. You've got our attention. What better reason is their to write than to be heard?