Welcome to Gaia! ::

*~Purple Moonlight Haze~*

Back to Guilds

 

Tags: Purple, Moonlight, Chat, Hangout, Moon 

Reply ~~*Writers Sanctuary*~~
Just a story I'm working on. COMMENT PLEASE

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Did you like it?
  Yeah
  No
  pollwhore
View Results

Happy Hunting Anon

2,750 Points
  • Autobiographer 200
  • Statustician 100
  • Member 100
PostPosted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 11:44 am


This is just the beginning I'm still working on it well writing it actually this is as far as my head would let me go cause I keep a trying different ways on how I can make it better, but don't know how to place them in.






Escaping the Horizon


First chapter,


Paris 1857.
The stars were dark tonight. Their brilliant light drowned out by the city’s light. The moon doe, stood proud in her radiant, knowing no matter how bright the city got, she would still rule over it.

It was past midnight when a lone creature walked the drunken street, his face grim, eyes cast down. His lips parted in a sadden sigh that was carried out in the cold night breeze, unaware of the danger that was lurking behind him…till it was too late.

He was tackled to the floor, his pale face connecting painfully with the hard alley floor. He bit back a cry that threatened to leave his shocked throat. A smile passed his lips.

He was flipped over to face his attacker. And there it was, the cold, shimmering blade of the dagger being pressed against his throat. “OK kid, scream and I’ll kill you.” The man had dark hair and eyes, typical in this part of the world. He smelled of alcohol and drugs.

He felt the man’s hand in his pocket and then in the other. There was an angry grunt and the weight on his stomach shifted as he glared down at him. “Where the hell is your money!” he screamed.

He only smirked, one pale, thin hand reached up to brush back white bangs. “I have no need for such things.” His voice was soft as his lips and tongue formed out each word with perfect ease.

The man stood, taking the teenager up with him. He didn’t like beating up people, but did he spent all night stalking this kid only to get nothing? Hell no!

Forcing him up to the wall, he extended his arm. Knuckles ready for the punch. He through his punch down with blinding forces; only, to be caught with the minimum of ease by the young man’s grip.

The man screamed in shock as his fist began to burn. A red light glowed from the lad’s palm. His shock turned to fear as bat like wings burst from the young man’s back. The lads eyes glowing red with absolute discus.

"You have no idea what you got yourself into!" The young lad grasped him by the arm, his wings flapped once and before he knew his feet left the ground. Dangling in the air like a ragged doll, the man screamed for help as the demon laughed out saying
“Who’s screaming now? Will you do it again? I don’t think so” The man’s eyes grew big in fear.

“No, please… Don’t kill me, please.” The breeze filled the man’s face as he fell. Shocked he said nothing. His words pinched by the fear of his life flashing before him, Inches from the ground. Damien the lad grasps the man by the neck placing him back on his feet, without a struggle he bites into the man’s wrist, disgusted with the dirt of the thief; spits out the blood, not letting it slip down his pale throat. Damien just stands their just staring at the man, one of his eyebrow’s lift as he tell him “you discuss me, so coward that you tremble when it comes to killing people, you should have just struck the knife in my back and taken whatever I had in my pockets.”
Damien grinning watches the man gasp his last gulp of air proud of what he’s turn out to be, for you see he was not always the demon he is now.
He was once a mortal like you and I, it all began one day at his school play ground, he was fooling around with a wooden block, while a little boy by the name of Thomas came up to him and started to talk. “Hi my names Thomas, but you can call me Tommy. What’s your name?” little Tommy extended his hand as a polite gesture, Damien looked up at him and took him by the hand and shook and said
“My names Damien, but you can call me… Damien I guess.” The two boys laughed out. “Hmm, let me think, I guess I’ll call you Damien then…” little Tommy shrugged his shoulders as he replied.
“Do you want to play?” Asked Damien
-“Yeah, what are you playing?”
-“Well this is my ship, so I guess boats then.” Said Damien while extending his wooden block, Tommy looked around and found a piece of a branch of an old willow tree they were under.
“This is my ship, mines faster than yours.”
-“Well mines a pirate ship I’ll just sink yours and take all your loot.”
The boys continued playing and quickly became friends. After a couple of days
PostPosted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 11:47 am


Reserved

Happy Hunting Anon

2,750 Points
  • Autobiographer 200
  • Statustician 100
  • Member 100

Happy Hunting Anon

2,750 Points
  • Autobiographer 200
  • Statustician 100
  • Member 100
PostPosted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 11:55 am


~Reserved~
PostPosted: Wed Nov 12, 2008 1:08 pm


Oh I like it so far! It's easy to read with a good number of descriptions but also dailog! ^_^
Plus, the way you set it up made it easy to read. 3nodding

Moonlight_HuangHou
Captain


Shondell6
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Sat Nov 15, 2008 8:10 pm


pretty good biggrin

the only problems are that there are a few grammer mistakes (not that i'm a grammer-freak, but in a story, you should probably fix them)

also, im just curious, in the lines 'His words pinched by the fear of his life flashing before him, Inches from the ground. Damien the lad grasps the man by the neck placing him back on his feet, without a struggle he bites into the man’s wrist, disgusted with the dirt of the thief; spits out the blood, not letting it slip down his pale throat.' you go from past tense to present, is there a reason for that, or did you just not realize you did it?

and last, you didn't finish it! lol you left it at a fragment, probably a mistake?
Reply
~~*Writers Sanctuary*~~

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum